


What Child Is This

by alwaysgus



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-10-13
Updated: 2012-12-08
Packaged: 2017-10-24 13:51:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 41
Words: 102,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/264172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwaysgus/pseuds/alwaysgus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor and River find themselves thrown together at Christmas and must make one of the hardest decisions either could imagine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The Doctor sat in the oversized chair in his bed chamber, more slumping than sitting actually. His shirt had come untucked from one side, and his bowtie hung loosely under his collar. He had stepped out of his shoes after walking through the door, and his gaze was fixed upon the sole of one of them, rolling his bottom lip in waves between two fingers. His thinking was deep and tunneled.

He couldn't find her.

He stood and shrugged out of his braces, careful not to trip over the shoes as he walked to the armoire. The Doctor unsnapped the braces and hung them over the hook, along with the bowtie. He discarded his clothing into a growing pile and opened a cedar drawer, pushing a sigh through his lips when he realized he had no clean pajamas. So, he did what the Doctor usually did – he compromised. He reached deep into the bottom of the large chest and removed a blanket. The TARDIS had been cooler than usual, and he knew that he would need the extra weight of the blanket if he slept in only his Y-fronts.

The Doctor wearily crossed the room and flipped on the light switch in the adjoining bathroom. He watched the water puddle and swirl down the drain as he waited for it to warm. Letting it collect in his hands, he splashed his face a couple of times before rubbing it dry with a nearby scarlet hand towel. He stared at the monotonous motions of the toothbrush along his teeth and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand after spitting. Having finished his nightly routine, he left the darkened bathroom and walked over to his dresser.

It wasn't very often that he drank, but his mind needed clearing and perhaps a brandy could put him at ease. The crystal decanter clanked loudly against the glass in the quiet room. He replaced the stopper and took his drink over to the bed, sitting on the edge. The Doctor studied the dark liquid in his hand. He swirled it around and watched the legs of the liquor slide down the inside of the glass. Tipping the glass back up to his mouth, he let the heavy sweet alcohol pool around his tongue before swallowing hard.

The Doctor looked up and saw himself in the mirror over the dresser. His hair was unkempt and a slight shadow was growing along his jawline. Tired and weary eyes stared back at his nearly nude form as he sat despondently on the bed. He looked old. He was old…but now he looked the part. There were lines on his face that hadn't been there before. His hair had grown long enough to fall across his eyes. Failure and loneliness had caused him to frown perpetually over the last several months, and the wear of the burden was evident throughout his body, from the slump of his shoulders to the creases in his forehead. He exhaled a heavy breath and drank down the last of the brandy.

He once again walked into the dark bathroom and turned on the faucet, rinsing out the glass. The tile floor was cold, even under his socked feet, and a shiver ran up his spine. Shaking it off, he walked towards the dresser once again to return the glass next to the decanter.

Tomorrow was the day. He had exhausted his resources and his intuition. He had followed every lead and come up short of the answer every time. The Doctor had let them down, and tomorrow he would have to tell them.

In only hours he had no choice but to admit to his best friends that he had let their daughter slip through the cracks of time, unable to find her. He would have to walk through their door empty handed. And he didn't know if he would have the courage to raise his eyes to hers, knowing how greatly he had failed them. Someone else who had wrapped her arms around his hearts and loved him and then would let go, disappointed and broken. And though they all knew she had survived and had found her way back to them, he couldn't tell them how…or, more importantly, when.

And it was all because of him. While he was strutting and throwing his power around, they had stolen Melody right out from under him. Perhaps if he had been looking at the details instead of waving his arms in boastful triumph and exchanging quips with his enemy, he may have seen it coming. If only…

Within a few feet from the dresser, the anger and frustration exploded within him. He inhaled deeply and made a quick step to the side, flinging out his arm and throwing the glass at the mirror with as much force as he could muster, a loud swear driving it forward. The mirror and the glass both shattered on impact and gleaming shards fell all around the furniture and across the dark wood floor.

The tension holding his shoulders and neck hostage gripped him tighter, and there was a pounding at his temples with every beat of his hearts. He turned away from the broken mess and back to the bed, crawling between the linens and pulling them under his chin.

Yes, the TARDIS was much colder than it was normally, almost as if his despair had seeped into the air and chilled it.

Tomorrow was the day he lost his companions and his friends. Tomorrow was just another day in a long line of days in which he turned and walked away from heartbreak that he hadn't prevented. Another day of running. Away.

His breathing had slowed down and his consciousness began to fade into sleep. But not before a tear spilled from his eye and slid across the bridge of his nose before falling onto the pillow. By the time the TARDIS landed, he was nestled in the only comfort he had – sleep.

* * *

"But why must I sleep in here, Mimi?" The child whined, arms in the air as she pulled his pajama top over his head. "It's scary, and I'll be lonely."

"Gus, step into these, please," she asked politely, though she was reaching the end of her patience. The day had been unnecessarily long, and the end was waving to her from just ahead. "The upstairs room smells too heavily of paint, remember? You will wake up with a dreadful headache and feel icky all day tomorrow. You don't really want that, do you?" She gave his behind a gentle pat, motioning him to climb into the small bed.

"I suppose not," the little boy said with a pout. "Can we get the tree tomorrow? You promised!"

"If you get into bed and go to sleep, I will do my best to get the tree tomorrow," she said, trying to cut a deal with the five year-old.

"Just one night, right?"

"Just one night," she answered with a warm smile as she tucked the covers around his little frame. Sweeping the dark hair from his forehead, she kissed him goodnight and turned to leave the room.

"Mimi, can you tell me a story, please?" His voice quivered with fright, and she couldn't help but feel guilty for leaving him alone in the unfamiliar room. "Just until I fall asleep…and I'm real tired, so it don't even have to be very long…please…"

"One story…"

"Yes, ma'am. I promise, just one story…about the magic doctor."

She walked back towards the bed, and Gus inched over to make room. Sitting down and leaning against the headboard, she ran her fingers through his hair as she began her story. "Once upon a time or sometime far in the future, there is a mysterious man in a magical flying box…"

"That's my favorite part, Mimi," he said with a yawn and stretched his little arm over her lap, letting the sound of her voice and the tale she spun pull him into waiting dreams.

* * *

After she had checked that all the doors were locked and had cleared the floors from the scattered toys and games, River dragged herself up the stairs to her bedroom. Just as she reached the top, her foot slid out from under her as it came down on a wooden train, sending it flying to the floor below. She stood very still and waited for the sound of little footprints running down the hall.

Nothing. She had been spared…for once.

She flipped on the lamp on the table outside her bedroom, and a soft glow filled the corridor, just in case those little feet decided to pay a visit in the middle of the night. River let out an exhausted sigh as the door latched shut behind her. Pulling off her sweater and jeans, she shivered as the cool winter air hit her bare skin. She rubbed her arms to generate some heat and stumbled into the bathroom.

She tugged on the faucet and waited for the water to warm up, gathering her hair into a high ponytail. After dampening her face and rubbing it clean with cleanser, River rinsed her skin and dried it gently with a crimson hand towel. Her heavy eyelids and pounding headache begged that she skip brushing her teeth, and she gave in easily, flipping off the light and walking across her bedroom slowly. She dropped her bra into a nearby chair and pulled a nightshirt over her head, pleading with her body to work long enough to get her to the bed.

Having been obliged, River sat down and sunk into the mattress, swinging her legs up and under the covers. Releasing her hair from the band, she buried her head into the pillow and inhaled deeply. She had made it through another day. Perhaps, the longest day since she had left.

A random thunderstorm had rolled in just after she had finished painting two of the third floor bedrooms, and she hadn't been able to keep the windows open to thin the paint fumes, so the children had to be shuffled to makeshift bedrooms. A pipe had burst in the bathroom downstairs, soaking the carpet and ruining a load of clean laundry that had fallen onto the floor when she had been taken by surprise at the water seeping from under the door. Janie had tripped over a tree root while playing in the yard and had burst into the kitchen with a rapidly blackening eye and a cut on her chin. These were the before-lunchtime events, and the day just got progressively worse.

And all of this River handled alone. She was always listening for footsteps and arguments. Around every corner was a "Mimi!" or a "he/she started it!" Errands to run, homework to check, meals to cook, bathtime…playtime…chores…a neverending cycle of domestication. All the while, a sonic blaster and a hand-held time manipulator locked safely away in a firebox in the back of her closet.

She was married to the greatest man she had ever known, and she was living her life alone. Sometimes, unbearably alone. Of course, this had been her choice. This is where she had disappeared to and where she waited for what she knew was coming. She had an obligation to herself, and she intended to see it through…even if it weighed heavier on her heart every day that began without him. But she couldn't tell him. This life was her responsibility, not his.

And like most every night before it, River eventually drifted off to sleep on a pillow made damp by tears, not hearing the familiar sound of screeching brakes outside in the dark of night.

* * *

The floor was cold underneath her small feet, but she crept quietly towards the window despite her tingling toes. She had been lying in her bed, unable to sleep, when she heard the strange noise outside.

Her warm breath fogged the window, and she peaked over the frosted glass.

There, behind the fence that separated the front yard from the road, sat a large bright blue box.

She hurried back over to her bed and pulled the covers over her head as fear bubbled in her belly. She knew the story, and there was never a happy ending…


	2. Chapter 2

The Doctor sat on the steps leading up to the TARDIS console, elbows propped on his knees with hands clasped in front of him. He had been staring at the door for what seemed like hours. But time for him was relative. An hour, a decade…who was counting, really?

Amy. Amy was counting. She knew exactly how much time had passed.

He finished tying his shoes and made his way to the door. The Doctor was not a praying man, so he surprised himself by taking a quiet moment of reflection before opening the door. What he was reflecting on or to whom wasn't entirely clear…and it didn't provide him any comfort whatsoever. He was obviously on his own – as it should be, he supposed. He inhaled slowly and deeply, pulling open the door and stepping out.

The morning light was offensive to eyes that had become too accustomed to the mood lighting of the TARDIS. The Doctor squinted and waited for the sparkling behind his lids to pass, blinking several times and shaking his head. "Blimey…"

As he scanned the horizon, he realized that this was not the Leadworth landscape he remembered. The trees were different, and the air smelled less…well, just less. There wasn't much smell to it at all, at least not an English smell. Which led him to wonder exactly what constituted an English smell. And if where he was didn't smell English, where did it smell like? What kind of place smelled like nothing and...

"Are you lost, Mister?"

…and it also didn't sound English…at least not British English.

He looked down without moving his head to follow the noise. Sitting in the middle of a dirt road and directly in front of the TARDIS was a little boy with dark brown hair and wide curious eyes. His jeans had patches over the knees, and he wore a tiny little blazer over a plaid-striped shirt, a scarf wrapped around his neck to protect him from the cold wind. He sat with his legs folded akimbo and his shoulders slouched, looking as if he'd been sitting there for ages, waiting for someone to emerge.

"Hi."

"Well, hello," the Doctor replied, managing to smile and frown at the same time. Smiling in reflection of the small boy's enthusiasm, and frowning because he was once again precisely somewhere of which he had no idea.

"You were in that box," he said as he fiddled with the lace of his shoe, staring up at the Doctor with scrunched eyes and crinkled nose.

"Yes…yes, I was." The Doctor turned and knocked once on the side of the TARDIS.

"Is someone else in there?"

"No, I don't think so," the Doctor said, adding with an amused whisper, "though I can never really be quite sure."

"Well then, why did you knock?"

"I don't know, exactly. Perhaps a nervous habit of some sort."

"Why are you nervous?"

"I don't really know that either."

"What's 'nervous' mean?"

The Doctor shoved his hands in his jacket pocket and rocked back and forth from heel to toe. "Nervous is how you feel when…" He thought of how to put it terms of how a child could understand. "It's like how you feel when you've done something naughty at school and you don't want your mum to find out."

"Did you do something bad?" The boy had started drawing in the dirt with a small stick, occasionally looking up at him for his answers.

"Not exactly…at least, not yet...I think...though I didn't do anything spectacular, either," he explained.

"What's spectacular?"

"It means great...no, better than great…super, even."

"Say it again."

"Spec-tack-you-lure." He sounded it out as he thought the boy would best understand it. "What's your name?"

"Gus. I'm five. What were you doing in that box?"

"Nothing, really. Just having a sit down, I suppose."

"It's bigger on the inside, I reckon. I've never seen a big blue box like that before," the little boy said, curiously looking around the Doctor at the TARDIS.

"I wouldn't suspect that you had, Gus. Big name for such a little boy," the Doctor answered, unable to keep his smile from traveling from ear to ear. He quite liked the inquisitive child.

"Are you the doctor?" he asked as if it were a question like any other.

The Doctor's eyes widened and his eyebrows turned inward a bit. "Doctor who?"

"I don't know. I'm just a little kid," he reasoned. "But Mimi doesn't seem to know his name either. She just says 'The Doctor', but it still sounds really important. You probably aren't him since you don't know his name either. I'm not sure you even know your own name."

"Is Mimi your mum?" He had no idea where he was, when he was or who this child was, but the tiny person had possession of some rather big knowledge.

"No. My mama died when I was real tiny baby. Mimi takes care of me now. She tells the best stories, and her hair always smells nice. Her cornbread isn't very good, though. But don't tell her I said that, ok?"

"You have my word." The Doctor held out his hand to the little boy for a deal-sealing handshake, and the little hand slid confidently into his. "So, where is Mimi? Do you live nearby" The Doctor stupidly realized that the boy seemed to be nowhere at all, much like he frequently found himself.

"Of course I do, silly. I'm just a little boy. I'm not allowed to go anywhere by myself. I live right there." Gus pointed in a direction behind the TARDIS.

The Doctor side-stepped his box and looked behind him. Back off the road and on a slight hill was a large powder blue house with a gleaming white wrap-around porch and intricate lattice work. Rugs were hung over the porch railing, and several rocking chairs were randomly scattered. The front yard displayed several signs that children lived inside, and the back yard disappeared over the hill. There was a girl watching them from a swing hanging from the porch ceiling.

"Is that your sister?" The Doctor asked.

"Sometimes. That's Janie," Gus replied, matter-of-factly.

"Sometimes? What does that mean, exactly?"

"I don't know. That's just what she says."

"Who says? Janie?" The Doctor's confusion swam around in his head, looking for sense to be made. He found himself disappointed – amused – but disappointed. The sense had gone missing.

"No, Mimi says it."

The Doctor sighed and shook the information around in his head. "Let's say we go find your Mimi, shall we?" He began walking slowly towards the house.

Gus stood and brushed the dirt from his seat, running to catch up to the long legs of his new friend. He reached up and took the Doctor by the hand. The gesture sat warmly in his hearts, and he smiled down at the little boy who returned the kindness.

The Doctor opened the gate, and Gus ran through it towards the house, then turned and ran back in his direction. He stopped in front of the Doctor and motioned for him to lean nearer.

"I still think you're the doctor, but I won't tell anybody. You might wanna move your box, though," he advised in a hushed voice.

The Doctor chuckled and whispered into the boy's ear. "What box?"

Gus peered around the Doctor's legs and saw that the bright blue box was nowhere to be found. His eyes grew large, and his mouth fell open. He looked up at the Doctor, finally at a loss for words. The Doctor winked and stepped around him, leaving the young boy in wide-eyed wonder.

The little girl studied him as he hopped up the steps. She had bright blonde hair that fell in waves over her shoulders, and she looked at him through skeptical eyes. He had never been able to tell the age of children, but she was older than Gus by a few years, he guessed. She was holding a book open in her lap and appeared to be annoyed at the disturbance he was causing.

"Hello. You must be Janie," he said in his most child-friendly voice.

"No. Your box is gone."

"You saw that, huh?" He scratched his head and flipped through the rationalizations in his memory bank, looking for one that was kid-appropriate.

"Yeah. Smart move. Mr. Peterson would have run it over with his truck. He's really too old to drive." She went back to reading her book, as if she could no longer be bothered with him. "He's a menace, really."

"Right…well, it was a pleasure meeting you," he replied, trying to conceal the hesitation from his voice. Obviously, Gus was in sole possession of the family charm.

He turned his attention to the front door and raised a fist to knock. However, the door opened in anticipation, and a familiar face was revealed, though the welcoming and seductive tone of her voice in no way matched the fury in her eyes.

"Hello, Sweetie."


	3. Chapter 3

"River…"

"What in the hell are you doing here?" Her voice was laden with nails and fire.

"I sincerely hope it isn't your intention to intimidate me with silver tinsel in your hair," the Doctor replied smugly, trying to hide his surprise to see her and his fear that she might be armed.

"Mimi, you swore," came a little voice from the porch. "Hey, you got down the decorations!"

"Gus, go play," River instructed a bit harshly.

"But you just called me to come in a few minutes ago."

River spoke around the Doctor to the little boy. "Well, you didn't, did you? And now I've changed my mind. Go run out some of that curiosity." Turning back to the Doctor, she repeated her question again.

"I could ask you the same thing, Dr. Song. However, first…" He leaned in and asked in a low voice, so as not to appear an imbecile to the tiny people, "…where and when is  _here_ , exactly?"

"A man and his marbles have been sadly parted." The words were not spoken nearly as under the young girl's breath as needed to go unheard.

"It really is a valid question in context," he said in defense of himself…to a child.

"Janie, go play with your brother," River held eye contact with the Doctor.

"He's not my brother."

The Doctor turned his head to look at the girl. "I thought you said your name isn't Janie."

"It's not." The child returned to her book. "And I was here first. Carry on."

The Doctor studied her for a moment before looking back towards River. "She makes me nervous, that one."

"Like you done something naughty at school?"

"Gus, I thought I told you…"

"Well, that's what he said it meant," the child whined quietly from underneath the porch steps.

"Sometimes it can mean something a bit more frightening…" He voice trailed off as the nameless girl cut her eyes at him.

"She is pretty scary," Gus said from his hiding place.

"Gus!" the girl yelled, dropping her book to the floor.

"Mimi!"

"Janie…"

"Doctor!" The Doctor exclaimed joyfully. "I quite like this game...No? I thought we were having a roll call." He smiled at the glaring River Song.

"I knew you were the doctor," Gus replied, poking his head around a step to wink clumsily at his new friend.

River inhaled a deep breath and blew the air out slowly, mouthing  _Thank you_  in a way that was anything but gracious. The Doctor returned her sarcasm with eyebrows raised in confusion.  _What?_  he mouthed back.

"Hey, what's all the noise about?" Another young voice from inside the house called out. A ginger girl appeared behind River from seemingly nowhere.

"Hello!" The Doctor peeked over River's shoulder and smiled at the girl. "Are you Janie?"

"No, I'm Samantha. That's Janie," she answered, pointing to the snarly blonde girl in the rocking chair.

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" She screamed, jumping from the chair and bounding down the steps, adding as she ran across the yard, "I hate you all!"

The Doctor looked River directly in the eye and grinned wickedly. "No doubt about it…that one definitely belongs to you."

"Jani…Jane!" River yelled over his shoulder, but the little girl ran around the house and into the backyard. "…and no, she doesn't."

"I'll go find her. You know she's in the corn." Samantha pushed her way through the front door and past the Doctor and River, turning her attention back to the Doctor as she rounded the porch. "Are you the plumber? 'Cause you're dressed a bit lame to be the plumber."

Gus crawled out of his hole to join in the commotion. "No, he's the doctor."

Samantha stopped and looked him over carefully. "Which doctor? Doctor who?"

"Nobody knows!" Gus proclaimed, throwing his arms in the air and then counted out his points on his little fingers. "He doesn't know who is, where he is or what day it is. And he lost his box!"

The girl gave him a last once-over and added as she walked out of sight, "I'll never be sick enough to need him, Mimi…"

The Doctor held his hand out to Gus, who quickly high-fived him. "You are very clever, Gus."

"I'm real smart. Mimi says I get it honest," he replied, smiling proudly.

The Doctor slowly turned his gaze to River and searched out her averted eyes. "Is that so…?"

River could feel his eyes on her. Chills ran along her spine and the tiny hairs on her neck stood on end. She avoided his stare by looking around him at Gus. "How about you go round everyone up for lunch, yeah?"

"Can he stay? Please, Mimi, please?" The small boy grabbed the Doctor's hand and hopped from one foot to the other, pleading with his most precious whine. "I promise I'll be good for the rest of the day…please?"

"Yes…please?" The Doctor echoed Gus' fervent pleas. "I traveled quite far to get here, you know."

River's head snapped in his direction. "Oh, shut up."

"Mimi, that's not very nice," Gus scolded as she hurried him through the door and into the house. "He probably has some feelings."

"Oh, he'll have some feelings, alright…" River mumbled to herself before addressing the boy again. "Mr…Smith…and I will be just a moment."

Gus skulked off as instructed, murmuring "You never called him Mr. Smith before…I know he's the doctor...Mimi, you lied…that's not very nice…"

The Doctor was grinning when she turned around to face him. "Rule number one…Mimi lies…"

"Thank you very much, by the way. You just made my life so much more difficult," she complained.

"How, exactly? Appears to me that difficult is around nearly every corner, River," he answered.

"You can't just go up to random children and introduce yourself as the Doctor! First, kids hate doctors, it's a terrible oversight on your part..."

"Not me…"

"…and second, you just put a face to that little boy's superhero." The winds of rage deflated from River's body, and her face saddened. "And I'll have to clean it up when you leave."

He reached up and pulled the tinsel from her hair. "I'm a superhero, yeah? Are my powers found in my bowtie of coolness?" He grinned an impossibly boyish smile. The kind of smile that made it almost painful to remain cross with him…almost.

"Doctor, why have you followed me here?" River sighed and looked down at his feet, suppressing a chuckle when she noticed his ridiculously short trousers.

"I didn't, River…well, not exactly. I was looking for-"

Gus ran at them, interrupting the Doctor's explanation. "Mimi! I tried to tell her that lunch was ready and to come down and eat, but Mel-"

"That's okay, Gus!" River's voice went up an octave or two as she cut him off mid-sentence. "We will make her a plate. Go ahead to the table."

"But yesterday you said…"

"Nevermind what I said yesterday. Just for today, everything I said yesterday is rubbish! Now, go wash your hands and have a seat."

"-Melody…" The Doctor finished his sentence under his breath as River saw to the young boy. The Doctor suddenly knew, generally speaking, both when and where he was. Maybe not exactly, but the math was adding up quickly.

"You were saying?"

River snapped him out of his disturbing realization. "I, uh, don't actually remember…" He watched her face, losing his train of thought when he saw the worry and exhaustion in her eyes. "But I would…umm…love some lunch. If it's no trouble, of course…"

River spun on her heels and held the door open with obvious reluctance. "What's one more…"

"Splendid!" He brushed past her, grabbing her hand and stopping. Still facing away from her, he softly admitted, "I've missed you, River."

She gently squeezed his hand. "You better hurry, Doctor. Before the seats fill up. I'll be there in a minute."

He dropped her hand and headed in the direction of the noise of dishes and children.

River took a deep breath and headed up the stairs to the children's bedrooms. She walked to the end of the hall and knocked timidly on the last door. There was no answer, but she knew that there was a child on the other side.

"Knock, knock?" she said as she slowly opened the door and poked in her head. "Can I come in?"

"Yes."

She had earned the girl's trust, but River still felt as if everything was a test between herself and the child. "It's lunchtime. Aren't you hungry?" River stood inside the doorway, leaning against the frame.

"No, ma'am. I had a big breakfast. I know I'm supposed to come down anyway, but can you excuse me just for today? I'm not feeling all that well," the girl replied, her voice almost a whisper.

River nodded, knowing that the girl's ailment was not one of a physical nature. "Sure…of course." She turned to leave and was stopped by the child's small voice.

"Ma'am? Who was that man in the yard?"

"Just an old friend of mine," she answered truthfully, though the in-between was fraught with untruths. "No one to be concerned with, really. He'll be gone soon enough."

"Okay."

"Why don't you take a little nap, Melody? Maybe you'll feel better, yeah?" River suggested before she gently closed the door behind her and walked down the hall.

Within a matter of moments, her quaint little life had been turned topsy-turvy, and she suspected that the arrival of the Doctor marked the beginning of the unraveling.


	4. Chapter 4

River stepped down the last stair and heard something that she had never heard at mealtime before – silence. She could always count on at least two arguments or four conversations at the table at any given meal. As she neared the kitchen, she heard only a single voice…the one she usually heard only in dreams. She peered around the doorframe and saw the profiles of seven small faces - their rapt attention turned towards the Doctor…who had an aluminum mixing bowl atop his head.

"…and then it was all like, 'You will be assimilated…'"

"What does amisimlated mean?"

"A-sim-i-lay-ted. It means…uh…"

"You don't know, do you? What day is it?" Janie asked, her voice dripping with smugness and venom.

"Of course I know…what amisimla…assimilated means. Stay tuned about the day," he explained from under his makeshift hat, pointing randomly at the children. "It means…like when you have a banana and you eat it…the banana has been assimilated."

"So, it was going to eat you like a banana?"

"Was it going to peel you first or just gobble you up whole?"

"I don't like bananas. What about an apple? Can you assimilate an apple?"

"Apples are rubbish." He answered the only question he could honestly, because he was old enough to know that children could generally sort through the bullshit to get to the truth straight away.

"Did it eat you?"

"Well, of course not, dummy. He's here telling us the story."

"But you have lotsa lives though, don't you Mr. Doctor?" Gus' voice was filled with uncertain certainty. "Did you grow a new face when it asilated you?" The voices hushed at this new information.

The Doctor peeked out from under the bowl and studied the little boy's face. "Who are you?"

"I'm just Gus," he answered simply.

All eyes followed the strange man as he walked over to Gus and knelt down, bringing him eye-to-eye with the little boy wonder. "Well, Just Gus, I think that it may be a bit more complicated than all that…"

River took that opportunity to burst into the kitchen, drawing all attention to herself and away from the Doctor and his new protégé. "Alright then! Are we all finished? You know the drill."

A chorus of moans erupted from around the table as the children rose to tidy up. The Doctor removed the bowl and smiled apologetically to the headmistress of frowning. He clapped his hands loudly and spun swiftly on one heel, pointing at the nearest child. "Tell you what! You lot give me all of your dishes, and I will do your clean up today…"

There were shouts of freedom and before he could finish his sentence, they had piled his arms with dishes and cleared from the room. With the exception of Gus, who carried his plate over to the sink and washed and dried it himself. River leaned against the counter and watched as the little boy walked over to the Doctor and wrapped his arms around his leg, hugging him tightly.

Before the Doctor could respond awkwardly, Gus stepped back and craned his neck to look up at him. "Thank you for the story, Mr. Doctor. But Mimi tells it better. You should ask her how it really happened." He smiled brightly and meandered out of the kitchen.

The Doctor turned his gaze to River, eyebrows raised. "How it really happened? You weren't even there!"

She pushed herself off the counter and walked over to the sink. "And if you tell him, you will have another face. Count on it."

"Well, that's exactly how it happened. There isn't another way to tell it," he mumbled as he joined her and dumped the dishes into the pooling water. "Don't you have one of those automatic washers of dishes?"

"Yes, I do. And you excused them all from their kitchen chores. So, that makes you the washer of dishes today," she explained haughtily. "Here, let me help you…" She unbuttoned and rolled his shirtsleeves up to his elbow and grinned as she propped herself on the far counter.

"I thought you were helping?"

"I did."

"Bossy girls are not…"

"What's that? Bossy girls are hot?"

"Precisely, dear. You just rest...there. Do the nothing thing while I do the helping thing." He put on his most sincere scowl and began swirling the dishrag over the plates.

River stood there watching him try his hand at a simple domestication and found herself both amused and saddened. It wasn't in her nature to want to settle into a family routine, and her current situation was still mission-driven. However, she couldn't deny the warm fuzzies that swelled in her belly as he did a horrid job of the minor task before him. She bit down a smile as a plate slipped through his hands and splashed water and suds into his face. A murmured string of child-like swears escaped his lips, and he picked up the dish to start again. Unable to restrain her grin, she raised a glass of soda to her lips and giggled quietly to herself.

"So, Dr. Song…" His eyebrows turned inward as he scrubbed a hatefully dirty plate. "Never pegged you as the nurturing mother type. You're more…shoot now, nevermind the questions…."

"And you are washing dishes. What is this world coming to?" She replied with arms crossed as she continued to examine the man covered in soap and suds.

The Doctor dropped both hands heavily into the water, creating an even more laughable situation for himself. "Are you really not going to help me?"

She exaggerated a sigh and placed her glass on the counter. Pushing her sleeves up, she joined him at the sink. "Move over, you useless man. Maybe if the dishes were in danger of extinction, you'd be more willing to tackle the job and prove your superiority. Scoot…you rinse."

He gladly gave up his spot and ignored the sarcasm in order to get out of the chore. "Really, River…what are you doing here?" Rule number one…

"Where are you?"

"I have absolutely no idea," he muttered.

"In relation to our timestream. Where are you?" She repeated, unable to keep the irritation from her tone.

"Well, I know who you are," he quietly answered. "Where are you?"

"The Byzantium was five years ago for me."

"Demon's Run was three months ago for us."

"How are Amy and Rory?" she asked immediately, thankful to be able to drop the pretense.

The Doctor didn't answer straight away. The lump rose in his throat again. The hustle and bustle of a house full of children had managed to take his mind off the daunting task that awaited him in Leadworth. "I, uh, haven't seen them since the day. Since I left them to look for you…baby you…Melody."

"Oh, I see."

"Do you really, River?" He searched out her face for an answer to why the TARDIS had brought him to her.

"Have you found baby me?" She tried to keep her voice light and unconcerned.

"No. I haven't. And I won't, will I?"

"Spoilers, Sweetie."

"River, where are we?" Perhaps he could put the pieces together without her having to say the words.

"The scanner denying you access again?" She knew that the more information she gave up, the closer he would be to making the connections. And she would have no choice but to explain herself to the man who preached but didn't always live a non-interfering life.

"I didn't check the bloody scanner. River…" He reached out for her hand and intertwined their fingers, stroking the heel of her hand with his thumb. "…where and when are we?"

She blinked back threatening tears and dropped her chin to her chest. "About 45 minutes outside of Philadelphia. December…1969."

He let the information run through his brain but was unable to reconcile what he knew with what he had been told. "I need more, River."

The bubbles in the dishwater exploded one by one as she poked them with a finger. She hadn't expected to have to justify herself so quickly…or at all, actually. His appearance had not been factored into the risks she had weighed before making her decision. She was the seeker…he waited to be found.

"River, I know Melody is upstairs. The other kids were talking about her," he said softly. When she didn't answer again, he insisted, "You've got to make me understand what the hell you think you're doing."

Being told that she had to do something was the exact opposite way of encouraging River to do anything. She snatched her hand from his and forcefully pulled the stopper from the sink, watching the water swirl down the drain. She looked up at him with a fire in her eyes, a look to which he often found himself subjected.

"I don't owe you any explanation, Doctor. And I don't need the lecture. I promise you…every miserable event occurs exactly like it is supposed to. Your timey wimey self-righteous bullshit is not necessary," she spat in defiance. River held his eye contact momentarily before walking away from the confrontation.

"One more thing…"

The curious maliciousness in his voice startled her, and she stopped just outside the kitchen door, back to him as she heard his footsteps approach, and waited for him to continue.

"He said that you had been taking care of him since his mum died…sometime soon after he was born, I assume."

Inhale…

"Where is his dad?"

Exhale…

River walked away and left him standing in the kitchen, a plate and towel in hand.


	5. Chapter 5

The Doctor finished up the few dishes she had left in the sink. He figured that it was the appropriate gesture considering he had offered to complete the chore in the first place…not to mention that she might look on him favorably and spare him a regeneration or two.

Nothing ever seemed to come across just as he intended. Though he did ask the last question exactly as he intended – which was the problem. Not only was time wibbly wobbly, but so was communication with River. It was most unfortunate that she had so much more practice and was far more advanced in the art of flirtation and button-pushing. However, he may have skipped a few levels in the last five minutes. Which wasn't necessarily a good thing. He imagined River sitting in a dark room, fuming and preparing the perfect verbal and emotional attack. He suspected the physical required very little planning.

Perhaps he should leave well enough alone and summon the TARDIS.

"Perhaps" was a word on which he often reflected and wished he had followed. Even a Time Lord was subject to hindsight.

This would most definitely not be one of those times. Because he had no intention of going anywhere until the question was answered.

The Doctor dried his hands as he looked out the window. The children had separated themselves into groups and were engaged in various activities throughout the house; however, Gus sat underneath a tree playing quietly by himself. Within only a couple of hours, a fondness for the little boy had settled in nicely amongst the quirks of his personality, and he had to admit he was thrown a bit off-center by the boy.

Resisting the urge to seek out River and interrupt whatever sinister plans she had in the making, the Doctor instead opened the front door and stepped out onto the porch. A brisk wind blew through his jacket and made a bigger mess of his lazy hair. His body shook with the chill of the cold and the knowledge that the boy always appeared to be alone in this "family" of many. Even sadder still was the smile that always teased at his face, as if he knew something special to which none other was privileged, and no one was ever around him to share in that secret.

"Hello, tiny person," he said as he danced down the porch steps.

Gus looked up and smiled. "Hi, really tall doctor person."

"Now, Gus. What makes you so sure that I am this doctor?"

"Well, you did tell that Cyberman story at lunch," he reasoned, going back to the drawings in his lap.

"Yes. That did happen, didn't it?" The Doctor sat down and crossed his legs under each other, watching Gus maneuver a colored pencil around a stencil. "But you were quite sure before, weren't you?"

"I guess so. We don't have very many people around here who wear those bows anymore. Except for girls. They like them in their hair. I think it looks stupid, but girls are kinda dumb like that."

The Doctor fiddled with his bowtie. "But on me it looks really cool, yeah?"

"And then there was the TARDIS. You can't show up in your spaceship and try to say you're not the Doctor. That's almost as dumb as girls," Gus explained.

"I see your point. You know my ship's name, do you?"

"Of course I do. I didn't want to let the others know I knew…what color do you think I should use next?" He held up his drawing for the Doctor's inspection.

"Umm…red. Yes, definitely blue. Here," he answered, handing the boy a green pencil.

"I thought you'd be a little smarter."

"Well, I couldn't decide. Green was a last minute change of direction," he said in his defense.

"You don't know where you are either," he said as he worked the gears in and around each other. "Or what day it is."

"I know we're somewhere near Philadelphia. And it's almost Christmas."

Gus was concentrating on his intricate drawing and had only to look up once during their conversation. "I heard you and Mimi fighting. She told you where you are."

"You heard that, huh?"

"Yeah. I have really good ears. Somebody told me one time that when one thing doesn't work right, other stuff works better. Mimi swears an awful lot with you around," he paused and raised his eyes to meet the Doctor's, giving him a look that caused him to feel shameful. "Swearing's not very nice."

"No, I suppose it isn't. Sorry."

"It's okay. I guess it's not really your fault." He returned to his activity, and the space between them fell silent.

The Doctor studied Gus as he focused on his task. He didn't know much about the size of children, but the little boy seemed terribly small. The Doctor would almost describe him as frail, though that didn't seem like the appropriate word to use for someone with such a big personality. He had long nimble fingers, and his dexterity was amazingly well-developed for such a small boy. On closer inspection, there were slightly dark circles under his eyes which accented the pallor of his skin. His hair was tucked behind ears that protruded just enough to be noticeable but not enough to be laughable, and there was a dimple between his eyebrows that was caused by his intense engrossment with his project. The Doctor was brought out of his scrutiny by the sound of the child's voice.

"Done. What do you think?" He held the picture up for the Doctor's opinion. It was an elaborate sketch of curves and geometric shapes drawn around each other in various colors and textures.

"Very smart…very cool indeed." The awe in the Doctor's voice was sincere, even though the boy had used stencils to create the drawing. "Hey, what are those toothy contraptions?"

"It's Spirograph. Amos gave it to me a few weeks ago. It's neat, huh?" He was proud that he had impressed the Doctor, a smile beaming across his face.

"Quite magnificent. Do you know what those curves are called?" The little boy shook his head and waited patiently for the answer. "Hypotrochoids and epitrochoids."

Gus' face fell from excited to troubled, knowing that there was no way he would ever be able to repeat what he'd just heard. The Doctor chuckled softly and reassured him. "Yes, it is a mouthful, isn't it? But I just bet that if we practiced it a little bit and if I wrote it down…can you read, Gus?"

"A little bit. I can read Billy and Blaze books."

 _Who is this kid?_  he thought to himself. "Okay…if I wrote it down like it sounds, then you'll have it in no time, don't you think?"

"Probably so." His face lit up at the solving of the problem and clouded over once again. "But how long will you be here?"

The Doctor had not considered this before he had promised to help, getting caught up in the tiniest of opportunities to teach someone who had no ulterior motive other than to learn. "Well, I suppose at least until you can say the words without help. That seems reasonable, yes?"

"Yes, sir!"

The Doctor realized he had made yet another promise off the cuff that would play rather unpleasantly in his next conversation with River. But surely she would understand his need to follow through on his commitment. And it was educational. He was a superhero of knowing cool things. When it came right down to it, she herself had created this persona for him. He was only trying to live up to the hype.

"Would you like to draw one?" He held out his little hands filled with paper, gears and pencils towards the Doctor.

"Absolutely…can I have the blue pencil first? I like blue." Gus traded the red for the blue and started another drawing of his own.

"Gus, why is that only you seem to know stories about me?"

"Mimi only tells me the Doctor stories. I guess cause I'm a boy, and the stupid girls only want to talk about hair and dreamy Amos," he explained with a lilting in his voice when the subject of his almost-sisters and their obsessions came up.

The Doctor laughed at his brilliant insight. "Amos gave you this art set?"

"Yep."

"Is he someone that works here?"

"Sometimes."

"Must be a nice man. To give you a present. Nice people give presents…that's what makes them nice…" He knew he was rambling and felt guilty for prodding a child for grownup information, but he had a process-of-elimination to get under way.

"Yep. I guess that's why Mimi likes him."

The tip of the pencil broke under the stress caused by the hateful words. "Mimi likes him? Well, of course she does. He's a nice man, yeah? He gave you a gift…and there is apparently hottiness…"

"And because he's her boyfriend."

Snap. "Oh, sorry. It seems I may have broken your blue pencil in half," he apologized as the synapses in his brain fired rapidly and caused his breathing to quicken and become shallower. "Boyfriend?"

"Well, that's what the girls say anyway. I'm just a kid, remember," he continued working on his sketch and talking as if it were any other day with any other strange man drawing under a tree in his front yard. "What do I know?"

The Doctor's hearts began to slow down when he realized that Gus' information was based on the innocent fantasies of several little girls.

The little boy leaned in closely to whisper, "But I have seen them kissing a couple of times. But you can't tell anybody! Especially the girls. They'll go straight to Mimi."

Snap. "There went your yellow, as well. I'm very sorry. Guess I'll be making a trip to the shops tomorrow, yeah?" he squeaked. "Aren't you just a tiny little collection of secrets? I'll keep it just between us…"

The Doctor needed to go into his TARDIS and throw something. Or do his angry dance. Something to relieve the tension that was building inside him. Of course, he certainly had no claim on her, but a common Earth man? Wait. Yes, he did. He definitely had a claim on her…he just wasn't sure what the claim entailed, exactly. But there was a claim to be had. And she was extending it to some random something named Amos.

Stupid name. Amos.

"Gus! Time to take your medicine!" came the shout from an upstairs window.

He stood up on his tiny legs and brushed the dirt from his pants. "I'll be right back."

"Are you sick? Should you be out here in the chill?" The Doctor added keeping the child out in the cold under the reasons for anticipated arguments with River.

"No, I'm fine. I just have a sick heart," he said matter-of-factly and walked towards the house. The Doctor felt a bit nauseated. Is that how the universe evened out the score? Give the child more sense than most fully matured forms and counteract that gift with sickness?

River, Melody, a boyfriend and a likeable child with a serious illness…a child with a bit too much cool.

The Doctor reached up and squeezed off the headache threatening at his temples.

He was beginning to be nostalgic for his usual Christmas nonsense and chaos.


	6. Chapter 6

The Doctor sat under the tree for quite some time after Gus went inside and mentally rifled through his obligations and justifications. He owed it to Amy and Rory to stay put wherever he was; they may have to wait a bit longer, but he could possibly find out what he needed to know about baby Melody from adolescent Melody. He had a responsibility to Melody and River to make sure their timestreams were not irrevocably damaged. It was unclear if the paradox had already created ripple effects. Just those two obligations were reason enough to stay in Somewhere Near Philadelphia in December 1969. Those were the Time Lordy problems that needed solving. Perhaps this was his assigned Christmas fiasco. Maybe he was exactly where he was supposed to be…chances were excellent that Britain was spared this Christmas and America was the center of the end-of-the-world. It was his duty to stay and thwart the evil plans of evil things being despicably evil. He owed it to himself as a Time Lord to uphold the Time Laws. Blah-blah-biddy-blah...

However, the Doctor had spent most of his life protecting, saving and living amongst the complicated creatures at the top of the Earth's food chain. To say that he wasn't in some ways human himself would be a gross denial. Saving baby Melody and protecting her timestream were simply justifications for figuring out the bigger puzzle of River, Amos, Gus and a handful of giggly and hormonal girls, and how they all fit together in this little universe River had somehow created. He had made a promise to Gus, and he intended on seeing it through. If he was truly honest with himself, which he wouldn't be and break his own rule, he would admit that he could care less right now about his formal obligations. True, his best friends were waiting on some news, but the news he could bring would be better than the news he had, considering he currently had no news.

But the driving force could be summed up in one word.

Amos.

Who in the hell was this Amos? What had occurred between the night of the moon landing and after the Byzantium that would lead her to go looking for something somewhere that was else? They were still on good terms at Demon's Run, rocky though it may have been in the beginning. She was seemingly content when he left her cell after the landing, considering the awkward circumstances of his leaving and what it meant for their whatever-they-had. All smiles at the wedding of her parents. All business at the Byzan…hmmm...

…when was River ever all business? He thought carefully back to their angel mission. A bit of flirtation, but their interactions had consisted mostly of shop talk. There was that business with the clerics, but that had been sorted out…hadn't it? The secret had been revealed. River was some sort of murderous vixen. Was that the extent of the hushed knowledge? She had apparently fulfilled her duty to the clerics since she had been Somewhere Near Philadelphia for five years. Hadn't she said five years? Did she say she had been here for that long? Or maybe it was that Gus had five years…

The pounding between his eyes got worse.

Amos.

What had Gus called him? Dreamy Amos? Well, that could mean any number of things, really. Once he dreamed of killer pumpkins with snappy claws that were just tall enough to cause men some serious discomfort. And then there was the time he dreamed that turtles were falling from the sky and killing people by blunt force trauma. Hmmm…and just last night he had dreamed that River was wearing a small….

Chances were that "dreamy" did not mean killer pumpkins or dive-bombing reptiles.

The Doctor rose hastily to his feet and walked towards the narrow country road. He snapped his fingers and listened for the TARDIS brakes. He needed clothes, money for colored pencils and information. He waited for several minutes and was asked by a few travelers if he needed a ride to town. Of course, they never said what town, so he still didn't know where he was. He politely declined and sent them on their way with an awkward wave.

"Oh, come on!" He yelled to no one – specifically, to no one in the treetops. "I'm staying! I just need things. Lots of things. Things that I keep in you! I snapped these fingers!" He held them up to the sky and snapped them again. Just in case the one snap wasn't loud enough, he held up the other hand and broadcast the signal in stereo. "Now. Come. Here."

He shoved his hands in his pockets and feigned patience. Just before he began to do his angry dance right there in the street to the tune of manic snapping, he heard his ship squealing near. He took a deep breath and shook the residual frustration with her from his body. He stood still and waited for the materialization to finalize, his hair had flopped over his eyes from his shaking about and masked his irritation.

Because the TARDIS had fantastic mood sensors, he put on his most sincere fraudulent smile and gently opened the doors. Though by the time he reached the console, he was as surly as he had ever been. He paced around the console in a semi-circle, passing the scanner with each patrol. He would randomly stop and begin to ask a question and then continue pacing. Pausing in front of the scanner, he turned a few meaningless dials and threw a lever or two. He was fidget piloting…except the TARDIS paid no mind to any of his manipulations. The ship went unhovered and unthrottled. It was a mutiny. He banged a fist against the typey thing.

"Okay, okay, okay. I apologize," he said in defeat. "I have some stuff. Unpleasant stuff. Now, you dropped me here, so you've got to give me something if I am to stay to do whatever you think needs doing…"

The scanner flashed and waited for a command.

"Right." More pacing. "Where are we?"

DELAWARE.

"Delaware? What in the hell is Delaware?"

FIRST STATE OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

"So…forty-five minutes outside of Philadelphia…"

GIVE OR TAKE. DEPENDS ON WHO IS DRIVING.

The Doctor did a double take at the scanner. "Really? You're choosing now to be cheeky?"

No response.

"Okay…" He clapped his hands and rubbed them together impatiently. "So, I'm in the middle of nowhere in a place we'll call Forty-Five Minutes From Somewhere. Why?"

No response.

"Look, you brought me here. Just give me a little something. River? Melody? Gus? Amos? Janie?"

YES.

"Yes? Yes to whom?"

SEE PREVIOUS.

"Previous? You previously did not answer!" he snapped in frustration.

YES.

The Doctor punched erratically at the air and kicked out a leg simultaneously for several seconds, yelling in a monotone manner that sounded much like angry singing. "I. Am. The. Doctor. You. Are. The. TARDIS. You. Must. Answer. My. Questions." He slouched forward, made tiresome by his tantrum.

YOU MUST BE DELETED.

"Seriously? Who are you today?"

CHEEKY BASTARD. NEXT QUESTION.

"Truer words…" he mumbled as he considered what information was vital to discovering why the TARDIS had seen fit to dump him in a place that didn't even register in the mental files of a 900 year-old Time Lord. Or as he was known to some…superhero. Okay, just one.

The Doctor took a deep breath. "Okay...Amos."

ANDY.

"What? Have you been infiltrated by some dodgy Earth virus?"

SYSTEMS FUNCTIONING PROPERLY.

"Seems to me you have a serious case of arsehole."

NEXT QUESTION.

"You haven't answered my last question! Who is this Amos chap?"

ACCEPTABLE.

"Acceptable," he read out loud. Not a who, but a what...Acceptable. Not dangerous, but not preferable. That was how the Doctor's internal translation matrix understood it. "I can handle acceptable. What about River? And Amos, I mean. River and Amos…"

RULE NUMBER ONE

"Well…that's terribly upsetting." He stopped walking and leaned against the railing in front of the scanner, scratching a non-existent itch on his scalp. "About what?"

YES.

"Ah…back to cheeky bastard. Right then, no more time to play today, friend."

The Doctor hurried to his bed chamber and began packing for his stay. He tiptoed around the shards of glass that still littered the floor around his dresser, evidence of his near unraveling just hours before. That would be dealt with at a later time. After stuffing a suitcase with several variations of the winning tweed jacket, bowtie and brace combination, he paused and considered his situation. He had no idea how long he would be wherever he was...because DELAWARE was still nowhere.

And then there was an Amos.

He removed all of the costumes but one and raced to back to the console.

"What is dreamy in 1969?"

AMOS.

"Dammit! Clothes! I need clothes!" Several popular styles of dress flashed on the screen, and the Doctor took visual notes. "Oh, absolutely not. Those are my choices? A Beatle or a hippie? I do not understand why you so dislike me..."

No response.

He raced down to the end of a rarely-wandered corridor and went into the wardrobe closet. Packing his case with a few pieces that he recognized to be appropriate for almost any era, he returned to the control room. "I need money."

GET A JOB.

The Doctor was nearly at the end of his rope with his oldest companion. He decided to take the humble approach and put clever on the shelf for a moment. "I need to get the little boy some pencils," he said quietly.

He heard the familiar clicking of the currency dispensing machine. "That's quite few pencils."

NOT JUST A BOY.

CHRISTMAS.

The Doctor smiled and wrapped his arms as much around the console as they would go. "I don't hug you enough."

I AM HUGGED ENOUGH.

GO AWAY NOW.

He stuck out his tongue towards the scanner before hopping down the steps to the door. The door opened for him, and he walked through it with a brighter attitude. He was nowhere notable in a rather ordinary era and about to spend an unknown amount of time with a woman who frequently found him displeasing in a house full of children…girl children…and Gus. Then there was Amos. What could possibly go wrong?

That little bit of humanity had plagued him with an unfortunate run of stupid. Ignoring that flashing light thing that advised him to beg entrance back into the TARDIS, he pocketed his cash, picked up his suitcase and made his way back to the noisy house on the hill.

* * *

River had watched him kick about in the road, waiting and snapping. She assumed his behavior was TARDIS-related but knew that it couldn't be as simple as him leaving quietly. There was muffled cursing from the bathroom down the hall as Amos tinkered with the plumbing. She had called him yesterday about the busted pipe and had forgotten to put him off until she could rid herself of the Doctor.

The Doctor and the TARDIS had disappeared just before Amos' truck had rolled into the driveway. Amos was also under the assumption that he would be taking her and the kids to get a Christmas tree…because River hadn't untold him. In fact, River hadn't told or untold quite a bit and hadn't done much to juggle the situation, either. She was trying to get her lies in order, but everything needed a lie. The only truth she could tell was about Melody, and it seemed to be the reason he was there. So, maybe if she waited for him on the porch and explained how Melody came to be with her, reassuring him that there would be no interruption in her timestream…maybe if she handled that bit of business, he would get back in the TARDIS and run off to his whatever and whomever was waiting.

Maybe…

And she had held onto that hope until she saw him emerge from the TARDIS with a suitcase and subsequently watched the ship vanish from view.

"Oh, dammit!" More swearing from inside the house. "Hals! I need a large bowl!"

River stuck her head in the door and yelled, "Could someone get Amos a big bowl, please?" She saw Gus run across the kitchen and laughed as he quickly disappeared carrying a bowl nearly as big around as he was tall. It was a simple life she had made for herself, filled with amusing calamities and annoyances…with only a few heartaches thrown in for balance.

She heard the familiar sound of little footsteps behind her as she leaned against the inside of the front door. "Amos is swearing something awful in there. He needs to do some extra praying at church on Sunday, I think. Good thing there is two Jesuses waiting around right now."

River grabbed the boy in a tight hug and swung him around to face her. "Two? One isn't enough?"

"There's the regular Jesus and the baby Jesus. And Amos needs both of them working on that potty mouth," he proclaimed in his best little-boy-preacher tone.

River rubbed his hair into a mess and released him from her playful embrace. She exhaled a worrisome and nervous sigh as she saw the Doctor open the front gate. If she hadn't been so anxious, she would have been furious.

Gus heard the creaking of the gate and spun around, hoping that his new friend had returned. Not disappointed, he ran down the steps and past the Doctor, sliding to a stop and turning around to jump on his back. The lanky man jostled the boy until he settled into a comfy piggy-back ride, and the two chatted as he walked up the driveway. Gus' tiny hands were hooked around the Doctor's neck, and the Doctor supported him with an arm nestled under the boy's rear. There was nothing awkward whatsoever about the gesture…which was, in itself, awkward.

"Hey, Mimi! The Doctor needs a place to sleep for a couple of days!" Gus called from the yard.

River blinked back tears as her two heartaches strolled towards the house, both smiling from floppy ear-to-floppy ear.

* * *

From a bedroom window upstairs, Melody also watched the scene unfold. Saw the man leave his box with a suitcase and walk towards their home.

Just when she thought she was safe, trouble had found her again. And no matter what stories Ma'am told the little boy, this man was not a superhero. She wasn't telling all the stories.

Melody ran across the room and retrieved her bag from the closet, filling it as full as she could with clothes. Then, remembering her last escape, she tossed a few pieces back into the drawer to leave room for food. She tied the bag and hid it underneath her bed.

The scared little girl sat in the rocking chair and pulled her knees up to her chin, tears leaving tracks along her cheeks.

Ma'am had lied. Nowhere was safe.


	7. Chapter 7

He gave her an apologetic raising of his eyebrows and a crooked smile. "I have been evicted, so it seems."

"Is that so? Again?" River's smile was brilliantly misleading. Perhaps Gus saw a welcoming gesture, but the Doctor knew that some serious nastiness was just around the bend.

"Oh, absolutely. She said 'Go away now', shut the doors behind me and off she flew, noisy brakes and all," he explained without shame and with a grin on his face.

River raised an eyebrow of her own. "Really? Since when does she talk back?"

"Oh, River, so many adventures to share, so little time…although I am on no schedule to speak of…we can catch up on all the little secrets…"

"Secrets, Doctor?" The smile was still plastered across her face, yet the tone of her voice struggled to keep up the façade.

"Secrets? Did I say secrets? So sorry…I meant to say adventures." The pair exchanged knowing looks. "My mistake."

Gus watched them volley their retorts back and forth, much like watching a game of tennis. He took advantage of a break in the repartee and raised his arm above his head, waving his hand enthusiastically. So much so, in fact, that he knocked the Doctor about the head repeatedly in an effort to get attention. River may have let it continue for a bit longer than necessary, just to cause the man some discomfort.

"Yes! Tiny person in the air! Have you a question for your audience?" The Doctor announced loudly, staring into River's eyes as he spoke.

Gus cleared his throat and began, "I have two questions, actually…"

 _Actually?_ The Doctor mouthed to River. She returned his question with a  _Hell if I know_ look.

"First…who is River?"

The confused expression that danced across the Doctor's face was worth having to kick off her deluge of lying a bit early. "It's a nickname. Only the Doctor gets to call me that. Next question."

"Second, why do you call your ship 'she'?" Gus had begun swinging his legs and made random contact with the Doctor's hip, causing him to flinch with each kick. Yet he allowed Gus to continue with his little boy energy.

"Well, it's proper that traveling vessels are…"

The Doctor's voice droned in exposition as River turned her back to them, looking inside the house for one of the kids. He saw her motion to someone with her head and whisper something to the child whose attention she got. The girl walked away, and River returned her focus back to Gus and the Doctor.

"…but if I do that, won't it be harder to hear…" came a voice from the hall.

"Just do it!" River exclaimed, cutting off the girl's sentence.

"Ugh! Fine!" was the response, followed by a loud door slam. "Done!"

"Trouble in mother stuff?" The Doctor inquired, trying to peek over River's shoulder into the house.

"Nothing, really. Just some bathroom privacy issues," she said without missing a beat.

"So, is TARDIS her name?" Gus asked, ignoring the sub-conversation between the two adults.

"Well, TARDIS is more what she is…not who she is, I guess."

"Does she have one? A name?"

River smiled wickedly. "Yes, Doctor. Is there something in particular that you call her? Tell the sweet little boy."

The Doctor swallowed hard and glared at River. "Umm…sometimes I might call her…uh…" He scanned his surroundings for something to use in place of "sexy" and then grinned smugly. "…Sweetie…"

"That's very nice name. Isn't it a nice name, Mimi?"

"Yes, it is. I quite like Sweetie, to tell you truth," she answered with pursed lips.

"You should always tell the truth. God says lying is a sin. Isn't that right, Doctor?"

The game of glances cast between himself and River had taken on a life of its own. They had managed to have a conversation of facial expressions underneath Gus. The Doctor had somehow been able to keep up with the boy while also studying the face of the beautifully exasperating woman in front of him. He watched her pull her bottom lip between her teeth and felt the stirring in his belly that had led him back to the stormcage so many months ago. Remembering that he had a child clinging to him made the thoughts running through his head seem shamefully inappropriate.

"Right, Doctor?"

"What?" His mouth felt as if it were filled with cotton.

"Ain't I right that lying in a sin? That's what God says," Gus explained, leaving very little room for argument.

River cocked an eyebrow and waited for his response.

"I believe I've heard that somewhere before," he answered vaguely.

"Well, I'm telling you it is. You just shouldn't lie. And that's the truth."

"So, what does that make you, Doctor?" River asked with a mischievous smile.

The Doctor closed his head and took a deep breath, pushing down the thoughts and feelings that were beginning to bubble inside. He reached around and held onto Gus before twirling him around on the porch. "A superhero!" The child laughed and held on for dear life.

River chuckled to see them both having so much fun. Fun was something they both deserved…something they all deserved. She was brought out of her contentment by faint noises from the bathroom inside. She needed to start juggling…and soon.

"Okay, you two. I have an idea…Hey!"

The spinning stopped at the slight raising of her voice. They both looked up at her as if they had been caught shaving the cat. "Yes, ma'am?"

"Gus, how about you take the Doctor upstairs and show him your drawings? I have a few things to take care of before we go on a little adventure of our own."

"I already showed him. We drew one together with my Spirograph," he said.

"No, your  _other_  pictures…" She drew out the word to build the intrigue.

"Oh!" Gus' eyes widened and he crinkled his nose. "He's too cool for little kid drawings, Mimi. He fights aliens, you know."

"Are you kidding? Kid drawings are my absolute favorite drawings. In fact, I collect them, and I bet yours will be worth millions one day. I should know. I collect them…that makes me an expert." The Doctor winked at River. "Want me to have a look?"

"Yes, please!" He kicked his legs out in delight and clipped the Doctor's hip once more.

"And then when we get done, I'll show you a really cool bruise!" The Doctor promised as he climbed the stairs, still carrying the boy on his back.

"Yay!" Gus yelled excitedly and began telling him about all his scars. "…and then I fell off the porch and got this one…sorry…I didn't mean to poke you in the eye…"

River let out the breath she had been holding and tried to shake the tension from her body as she walked down the hall towards the bathroom. She opened the door and slipped through, collapsing against it as it closed.

"What in the hell is going on, River? If you haven't noticed, the length of my legs and the width of this room do not play well together. I have a cramp now. You wanna rub it out?" Amos complained and teased from under the sink.

"He's here."

"Who's here? Peterson? Already?"

"No…" The reality of the situation set in hard and fast now that she was in the room with Amos, and she began to feel a bit faint.

Amos looked raised his head to look at her and saw her pale and terrified face staring back at him. "He? You mean, Him? He's here?"

"Yes."

"In Delaware City?"

"Upstairs…" she admitted quietly.

"Upstairs!" He rose quickly and banged his head on the P-trap pipe leading down from the sink. Rubbing his forehead, he ducked around and sat upright. "Is Melody upstairs?"

She gave him that why-in-the-hell-are-you-asking-me-a-stupid-question look.

"Of course, she's upstairs," he mumbled to himself. "Why didn't you stop him from going up there?"

"It was my bloody idea. I had to find a reason to get him to go somewhere that didn't include me...or you...or me and you." She could feel sweat begin to form at her hairline.

"And none of the other rooms would appeal to him? The yard, maybe?" During the pauses when he wasn't speaking, his mouth fell open in shock.

"We were already in the yard! I panicked!" River pushed off the door and paced the tiny bathroom in circles. Panic was something that she rarely experienced, and she was ill-equipped to function in the midst of it. She sat down on the edge of the bathtub and bent over, elbows on knees and head in hands. "Besides, he already knows she's here."

"Oh, Christ. This just goes from worse to shitballs," he replied in true Amos fashion, rubbing his forehead in bewilderment.

River chuckled and felt some of the dread drain from her shoulders. "Gus would have hit his knees and talked to Jesus for a good five minutes if he had heard that."

A laugh shook through Amos as the visual played out in his mind. "He told me earlier that he was going to pray extra hard for me on Sunday."

"He has it reasoned out and planned already. What happened? How did we raise a tiny preacher?" River asked, never any less confounded at the thought.

"We?"

"Yes,  _we_. He was the same way when you had him…" she pointed out.

"On another planet…" Amos added. "Where is he, by the way?"

Silence.

"River…"

She chewed on the inside of her lip and slowly raised her eyes to his, reluctantly pointing upwards.

Amos leapt to his feet and grandly mimicked her gesture. "The roof? Heaven? Cause surely you don't mean upstairs with the Doctor!"

"Keep your voice down!" She warned and then thought on his words. River stared at the floor and asked quietly, "And could you please not say things like that?"

"Like what?" His tone was still a bit loud until he realized how he had misspoken. Walking slowly across the floor, he sat down next to River and kissed the top of her head, encircling her waist with his arm. "Damn. Sorry, Hals."

River grinned and rested her head on his shoulder. "You called me Hals."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"Is it smart to leave the two of them alone for that long?"

"They've already found a kindred spirit in each other. The damage is already done. Telling those stories may not have been one of my shining moments, in hindsight…" she concluded with a sigh.

"Well, regardless, we have progressed from shitballs to clusterfuck," he stated accurately and eloquently. "What now? Tell him the truth about Melody and send him on his way? Not that much to it, I guess. I mean, it's you. He'll bend the rules for you, River. You know that."

"Could it really be that simple?"

"Nothing is ever simple between the two of you. Never has been, Song. But he trusts you," Amos reassured. "More than that, he loves you."

"Not yet…" she mumbled sadly.

"Take it from me," he whispered as he buried his face in her hair. "He's had more than enough time to love you."

She slid a hand down his thigh and squeezed his knee. "There's one more thing…"

"There always is…"

"The TARDIS left him here." She held a breath.

"What do you mean 'left him here'? For the day? Running some errands while we babysit? That kind of left him?"

River lifted her head from his shoulder and dabbed at the corners of her eyes with a nearby washcloth. "It's rather indefinite…usually…"

"Of course, it is. And I suppose he's staying here?" Amos asked through clenched teeth.

"Amos, it's Christmas…"

"Isn't that when he's usually saving London from obliteration or infestation?"

She scrunched one eye and smiled in the face of disaster. "Lucky us?"

"Well…goddammit…"

"That will be four Hail Mary's and no dessert after supper, Mr. Humphries," she razzed, standing and holding out her hand to him. River pulled him to his feet and wrapped her arms around his waist, leaning in to a comforting hug.

Amos embraced her protectively and spoke into the mass of curls that tickled his face. "River Song, you are the most amazingly strong woman I have ever met. I just hope he understands that when the proverbial shit hits the fan."

River pulled back from him and asked, "What comes after clusterfuck?"

He pursed his lips and breathed out a high-pitched whistle before simulating an explosion. They both laughed, and Amos placed a charmingly sincere kiss at the corner of her mouth. "We'll figure it out later. I should escape before the husband catches us," he said with a wink.

"What about the tree? Gus will be disappointed if we don't have that tree up in time for the Grinch tonight," River pleaded.

"I'll leave the truck with you and come back for it tomorrow. Spend some time with him, River. Let him be normal for a change," Amos suggested with a squeeze of her hand.

"Hey, you made him weird when you had him…"

"Honey, I meant the Doctor."

"Oh."

Amos poked her in the side and walked backwards towards the door, adding "…and there's no chance for Gus to be unweird…"

"You ass…"

"Our Father who art in Heaven…" Amos stumbled when she rushed him, jabbing him in the side playfully.

He opened the door in mid-giggle and was quieted by River's sudden throat clearing. Amos looked up and bit back a nervous smile.

"Well…hello there. You must be Andy…"

"River said you were clever. Close enough. We finally meet, Doctor."


	8. Chapter 8

"I love a good laugh. Can it be shared with the rest of the class?" The Doctor asked with a plastered smile.

"No joke to tell, friend. I'm just a tad ticklish. You know, here and there," Amos replied smugly.

"Not helping…" River muttered from behind the large man. Amos blocked the doorway, and she was unable to find an opening through which to crawl in order to act as a buffer between the two men. She didn't want to touch him with the Doctor watching their every move, even if just to move him over. She didn't want to face the disapproving glare of the Doctor either…at least, not without having devised her story.

"Yes, well, it takes a big man to admit his weaknesses. I applaud you for your…bigness," the Doctor replied as he gave the man a once-over. Standing a few inches taller than the Doctor, Amos was not lacking for muscles. Though not a vein-popping, scary-monster strongman, Amos obviously knew his way around a gym. He was the kind of man that convinced other men to start a workout regimen. The Doctor had never been one to envy brawn over brains. However, knowing that River found it attractive, he suddenly felt lesser than. And there really was no way to fake bigger in a bowtie and braces.

In fact, he felt the need to make himself even smaller in order for his trousers to reach his ankles. Something about the man made even his wardrobe choices appear lazy.

"Oh, I have no problem 'fessing up to a weakness," Amos said proudly, leaning in to whisper uncomfortably close to the Doctor's head. "The ladies dig a sensitive man."

 _The ladies dig a sensitive man?_  River rolled her eyes. She had little choice but to run interference before the fumes of exuding testosterone made her sick. "Alright, boys. Now that we've establ…"

"So, what does a large man like you do, Andy? Rent yourself out as playground equipment?"

"Big guys do whatever we want. It's why we're big." Amos' voice was getting a bit louder with each ribbing, and he had taken his hands out of his jeans pockets and crossed his arms.

The Doctor was annoyed that the man had not corrected him about the name. Amos wasn't nearly as bothered by his presence as the Doctor preferred…not nearly as bothered as the Doctor. "Does it hurt your skin for the muscles to protrude grotesquely like that?" he asked, pointing to Amos' arms and smiling.

"Don't you know how it feels when skin is stretched over – Dammit, River!" One side of Amos' body collapsed as River kicked him behind a knee. He twisted around and met the dangerous stare of an angered woman. Amos pointed around himself to the pleased man in the hall as if to whine  _but he started it!_

River didn't fault Amos for being dragged into the Doctor's games. They had all fallen victim to his trickery and boyish nonsense, even the Doctor had been known to upstage himself. However, now was definitely not the time, nor was a tiny bathroom the place. Amos understood this just from the look in her eyes as it softened from killer to friend. He inhaled a deep breath through clenched teeth and mouthed,  _You owe me…_

"River, I'll see myself out," he said before turning back to face the gangly man and holding out a hand to offer a truce. "Doctor, it was pleasure."

The Doctor returned his friendly gesture and kept a straight face as Amos gripped his hand a bit tighter than was socially acceptable. "Until we meet again, sir."

A nerve in Amos' top lip quivered as the Doctor smiled through the tortured handshake. He felt like a boy in the schoolyard fighting for the pretty girl in pigtails, and he was ashamed that he had stooped to such infantile behavior. As he walked down the steps of the back porch, the realization of the situation fell on him like a toppling structure.

He had lost her.

He rolled his shoulders to distribute the weight of the stress, and then looked around for witnesses before leaving.

* * *

River pushed past the Doctor and stormed down the hall. The satisfaction he felt quickly turned to anxiety as he braced for the onslaught. The silence that filled the house was terrifying. It was almost as if the children had been alerted and had taken cover.

He took small and quiet steps down the corridor, peeking into rooms as he passed them, stepping over the sweater that she had discarded somewhere along the way. A clicking noise followed him in his search as he nervously flicked a switch on the sonic back and forth. He knew that she must be downstairs since he had not felt the house shake with the stomping of her feet up the stairs. After searching the kitchen, a small den, and a pantry, he found her standing in front of a bay window in the sitting room.

The Doctor studied her body language before approaching her. River's arms were crossed and her shoulders back which meant she was trying not to lose her temper. One leg supported her weight while she dug the toes of the other foot into the carpet – a tell-tale sign of nervousness. Though she stood with her back to him, he was willing to bet that she was also chewing on the nail of a pinkie finger. Even from behind – especially from behind – River was the most gorgeous creature he had ever seen. He could almost forget that she was most likely planning his funeral.

"If you don't stop playing with that light switch, I am going to cut off your hand and slap you with it."

The Doctor looked around him. There was no one who fit the horrifying description - that he could tell. Surely that isn't something with which she would threaten one of the children.

"Doctor!"

He jumped slightly at the yell of his name. "Yes! It's me…standing here…by myself…just standing."

"I'm really not kidding," she warned as she turned quickly to face him, brandishing a pair of dangerously large scissors.

"Oh! Me? You mean me?" He was genuinely surprised. "You said light switch. I thought…"

"On the sonic, Doctor. Stop flicking it. You're making me insane."

He removed the screwdriver from his pocket and examined it. "It's a light switch?"

"Yes…for your bedroom…" she said, her voice dripping with annoyance.

"Really? How do you know that? I thought it was just for fun flicking." The Doctor looked at River with confusion and was met with eyes that questioned his apparent foolishness and naivete. "Ah…"

River turned her back to him once again and studied the world outside the window. Her shoulders had relaxed, and her stance wasn't as tense. The Doctor watched as she slid a hand into each back pocket of her jeans. "There's a storm coming. I can smell it."

The Doctor took a few steps until he was within inches of her. She was wearing just a tank, and he could see gooseflesh on her neck and arms. "Aren't you cold? You seem to have lost your jumper."

There was a quiet laugh. "I got hot rather suddenly. Though It is a bit chilly in front of the window, I suppose." Her voice was softer. It was a sound that he always found soothing, however rare she used it.

His gut reaction and the thing he wanted most in that moment was to touch her. He weighed his need against the risk of being thrown through the window. He felt that his body was up for the challenge. Chances were that he would explode otherwise, and it would be easier to heal from a dislocated hip than it would from the loss of limbs.

"River…" But maybe it was best to give notice. Those scissors were somewhere nearby.

"Hmm?"

"I…uh…"

River could see him fidget with his bowtie in the reflection on the mirror. His forehead was creased, and he rocked slightly in place. She bit on a lip to keep the smile at bay.

He had the words. In his mind, he could see them fighting from the back of his throat to be heard. He formed his tongue around them but couldn't seem to add the sound. His breathing was shallow and came only from the very top of his lungs. Whereas the inside of his mouth had the texture of a hot desert, his hands were cold and clammy. It occurred to him that he would most likely die from anticipation before combustion or trauma. The Doctor watched his hands reach out as if they didn't belong to him…as if someone else was in control of his motor functions.

In the glass, River saw him lift his hands and hover momentarily for days over her shoulders. She could feel rapid heartbeats in her neck, and there was a burning in the pit of her belly that sent sparks dancing under her ribcage. River stopped breathing to try and calm her racing heart.

It was so light that he wondered if he was actually touching her. Then he heard the slightest intake of breath, and he knew that the only impending harm would be emotional. The Doctor ran the backs of his fingers slowly from her bare shoulders down her arms to the hands still in her pockets. He gently pulled her hands free and intertwined their fingers, wrapping their arms around her.

River watched him watch his own movements as he traced down the length of her arms. Her breaths came short and fast while the chill of her skin kept the fire underneath from consuming her. When he embraced her with their arms, she fought against the weakness threatening to buckle them both. She leaned against him and rested her head along his jaw. Her mind still reeled with anger, frustration, anxiety and fear, but she spent her entire life waiting for these tenuous intimate moments with him. Nothing ever existed between them but fire when they touched.

He molded himself into her when she leaned back. It had been months since the stormcage, and he didn't realize how desperately his body had missed and would respond to hers. The sweet smell of her hair clouded his senses and made him doubt that he would be able back away…ever. He released one of her hands and swept the hair back from her neck. His hand came to rest atop hers as it slid down the side of his leg. Before his better judgment could stop him, he placed a modest kiss on her shoulder. When she sighed heavily instead of snatching away as he feared, he kissed her again, closer to her neck and with more urgency. A barely audible moan escaped her, and he held her tighter, their hands now splayed between her ribs. The fingers under her hand scratched lightly across her shirt. River raised her arm slowly, her fingernails scraping through his hair. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on deeper breaths, hoping that the faint feeling would pass.

River's eyes were closed, so she hadn't seen him lean in for the kiss. And when she felt the feathered sensation on her skin, her already shallowed breathing became nearly non-existent, exhaling what little air she had as a sigh. She instinctively rolled her head to the side, and he took advantage of the access to her neck. The kiss sent shock waves throughout her body as his tongue licked briefly at the skin. River fought fiercely against the visceral need to turn into him and press everything she had into everything he was. She felt him scratch at the fabric under her breasts and snaked her arm up to bury her fingers in his hair, needing to feel some part of him in her hand. Having been released from her grasp, he reached under her shirt and teased at the skin above her jeans, drawing small circles from side to side.

"Doctor…you've got to…we have to…damn…"

He scraped his teeth along her neck and left a moist trail up to her ear. She tugged at a handful of hair, and he smiled to know that she as tortured as was he. His hand left her side and slid into the front pocket of her jeans. Her grip tightened, and the pain to his scalp was delicious.

"Mimi!" A tiny voice filled with need erupted from upstairs, followed by footsteps. "Mimi!"

River spun quickly away from the Doctor and walked towards the stairs, running her hands through her hair and checking her clothes. She had no doubt that her face was flushed, but surely no more than so than it would be cooking over the hot stove. She blew out a heavy breath and rounded the corner, almost running over the small boy.

"Mimi! I – "

"Gus, honey, stop shouting. I'm right here," she said, sounding a bit breathless.

"Sorry…when are we going to get the tree where's the doctor can he come with us?" The questions all ran together as Gus hopped on one foot. "Where's your sweater?"

"What about now? How's now work for you?" She needed to leave the house as quick as she could.

Gus stood still and feigned a deep thought, checking his invisible appointment book. "Umm…I think I could do it now."

River wiped a trickle of sweat that tickled at her hairline and smiled at the boy with all of her teeth. "Well, go round up everybody and tell them to dress warmly, ok. The sun's going down in a bit."

He pounded his little legs up a few stairs and ran back down. "Mimi, can the Doctor come too?"

"Of course. The more, the merrier," she replied, same grin pasted on her face. She felt like a clown.

"This is the best thing that has ever happened to me," he exclaimed as he wrapped his arms around her.

"You mean since last year when we went to get the tree?" She hugged him back quickly and motioned for him to go upstairs.

He hurried up the stairs, shouting as he went, "Since ever!"

River listened for returning footsteps and, hearing none, turned and walked slowly back into the sitting room.

"You almost broke my hand when you ran off," he said with a nervous chuckle.

She approached him timidly and smiled. "Serves you proper for having it in my pocket."

"River…"

She reached up and gingerly straightened his bowtie. "Look, Doctor. There's so much that we need to talk about, and now's just not the time, yeah? " She looked up at him with wide eyes.

He nodded and tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Please tell me that you have something other than…that…in your suitcase," she said, waving her arms to indicate his clothing.

"Why? This…" He mimicked her waving. "…is magnificent."

She laughed and turned to leave the room. "You're going on your first Christmas tree hunt. You need something…else."

The Doctor watched her hips sway as she crossed the room and felt the thoughts jostle in his mind as he shook his head. She twirled around and strolled back towards him with an outstretched finger.

"And I'm still furious with you. Don't let the touchy-feely lead you to think that I'm not going to tear your head off later."

He waited for the wink. There was no wink. "But –"

"But nothing. Now, go change your damn clothes and get in the truck," she demanded, leaving the room.

"Really, River? Must you swear?" he said, picking up his suitcase and walking towards the bathroom.


	9. Chapter 9

River walked up and down the halls, checking rooms for procrastinators. There were only two girls in bedrooms. Gus must have put the fear of God into the rest of them to get it together, though even the surliest of teenage girls would struggle to hide her excitement about Christmas. Well, except for one. Janie could depress a puppy if given the challenge.

After having walked down a few stairs, River turned around and made her way back to a bedroom, knocked and cracked the door open a bit. "Melody?"

"Yes,ma'am?

"Gus said you were staying behind. Are you sure you don't feel like coming with us? It promises to be loads of fun," River said quietly, hoping to get her involved with the other children and knowing it wouldn't happen.

"I think I'll just stay here, if that's ok."

River opened the door further and stepped just inside the doorframe. "You've been up here all day, Melody. Does it have anything to do with my friend?"

The little girl sat in a rocker with no visible means of entertainment around her, as if she were being punished. She looked down at the floor as she talked. "No, ma'am. I just haven't felt well today, that's all. It gets a bit rowdy here sometimes."

"You are right about that," River replied with a chuckle. "Well, Mrs. O'Malley will be downstairs if you need anything."

"Okay."

"If you feel better when we get home, I'd love for you to help us with the decorating," River suggested as she turned to leave.

"Yes, ma'am."

River closed the door behind her and took a deep breath. She was consistently torn between doing more and knowing that she couldn't do more. And like many of the unpleasant aspects of her life, she put it out of her mind until she had no choice but to deal with it.

There was fast stomping up the stairs. "Mimi! Hurry up!"

River appeared at the top stair with a hand on her hip. "Mimi hurry up what?"

"Mimi, hurry up, please!" Gus repeated excitedly. "Everybody's already in the truck. Just come on before they start getting out all willy nilly!"

"Just calm down. Go on back to the truck and let me give directions to Mrs. O'Malley. Then we're good to go," River explained. Stomp, stomp, stomp. Slam. River grinned as she descended the stairs.

Mrs. O'Malley was relaxing in the sitting room with a book. "He's quite the firecracker, isn't he?"

River slid her arms into her jacket, smiling. "That, he is. A little too smart for his own good, I think."

"It's a shame for such a bright little boy to be an orphan," the elderly lady said with a shake of her head.

"Yes, it is," River reluctantly agreed. "Now, Janie and Melody are upstairs. Don't be surprised if you neither see nor hear anything from them. Melody's not well and…well, you know Janie."

Mrs. O'Malley gave River another isn't that a shame looks and said, "She still upset about leaving?"

River pulled her hair from underneath the jacket and searched her pocket for the truck keys. "Well, they all are, but Janie most especially. Okay. We'll be back shortly. Thank you so much for holding it all together while we're gone. I owe you another one." River walked over and gave her an appreciative hug.

"Oh, I don't mind it, dear. By the way, your friend is very nice. Odd, but nice."

"He gets that a lot. Thanks again!" River opened the front door and stepped out before realizing Amos had parked the truck in the back. She decided to walk around the house instead of going through it and risk getting held up with the friendly yet talkative babysitter again. She rummaged through her bag for a hair clip and heard the excited ramblings of the kids before she even saw the truck. Turning the corner, she looked up and stumbled to a stop.

There he stood, arms propped over the bed of the pickup and engaged in conversation, seemingly with every child. He had changed into a pair of dark jeans that were actually long enough to pull over hiking boots and a black long-sleeved tee. The shirt had risen with the position of his arms and a bit of skin peeked out from atop the denim. He had one leg bent forward and resting on the rim of the wheel, which made his hip cock to the side slightly. She couldn't remember ever seeing him look so relaxed…or normal…or like walking sex. It was no wonder the girls were fighting for his attention.

River willed her rubbery legs to move her forward. "Alright, everyone ready to go?"

The Doctor turned around and held his arms out to give her a good look. "Aye? Look, no bowtie. Though I do feel somewhat naked without it…"

"I don't know that I've ever seen you without a bowtie and braces," she replied, trying and succeeding to look unaffected and not at all impressed. She passed by him and checked that she had all the kids and that they were seated securely.

"Well…" The Doctor lifted his shirt a bit and the bed of the truck erupted in giggles.

River turned around and saw that he had a pair of braces fastened to his jeans underneath his shirt. She dropped her head and shook it, adding her own giggle to the song. With that one gesture, he returned to being the awkwardly gangly man with whom she was most comfortable.

River returned her attention to her cargo and saw that Gus was trying to make himself invisible in the pile of girls. "No, sir. Up front…you know the rules."

"But Mimi – "

"Don't 'but Mimi' me, please," she warned sternly. "Move it along…we need to go."

"I'll watch him carefully, Mimi," Katie reassured, wrapping an arm around the little boy's shoulders.

"Me, too. Besides, we aren't going far, right?" Alice draped her arm over the other side of Gus.

River stared at the girls, taken aback by their protectiveness, and a moment of sadness passed among them all. She, however, refused to let their troubles ruin the festive outing. "Okay…just this once!" She spoke directly to Gus, wagging a finger at him to get the point across.

"Yes, ma'am!" He saluted, and the Doctor collapsed into a fit of laughter. "Come on, Miss Ma'am. Let's move out!"

River couldn't help but smile and mumbled under her breath as she walked by the Doctor, "Charming little bastard, isn't he?"

"River!" The Doctor exclaimed disapprovingly, opening the passenger side door and hopping onto the seat.

She slid under the steering wheel and raised an eyebrow at him. "Well, am I wrong?"

"Well…I suppose you are correct in your overall…assessment…but isn't there a better word to use than…" he leaned over and whispered, "…bastard."

She thought on it for a second and answered simply with a smug grin, "No, actually. I'd say it's about right."

"Oh."

"Buckle up, Doctor. I drive this truck much like you do the TARDIS," she cautioned as she turned over the ignition and jumped it into gear.

"Oh, dear." He swallowed hard and wrapped his hand around the crude safety belt as the truck hopped down the driveway and skidded onto the road. "Did the little girl say we haven't far to go?"

The only response he got was the sound of grinding gears.

They had been riding quite some time in comfortable silence. The Doctor took in the landscape as a civilian after River got the hang of shifting the gears. He looked back and saw that Alice and Katie were true to their word. Both were nearly sitting atop Gus to keep him from bouncing out. And he was having the time of his life.

"It's tremendous that they all get on so well, yeah?" He said as he returned a wave to the ecstatic boy.

"Oh, it's circumstantial. Don't let them fool you," she said skeptically, eyes on the road and hand wrapped around the gearshift in a death grip.

He turned his attention from the kids to River. "How do you mean?"

"Well, it's Christmastime, for one. They all love each other during the holidays. I like to think it's because that's when they have a greater need for a sense of family," she explained. "But I'm sure it has more to do with the Naughty and Nice list."

"Ah, I see…" He glanced back at them and caught them as they were all laughing together. "It looks quite genuine to the untrained eye."

River inhaled deeply and sighed, her eyes seemed to be focused beyond the scope of the road ahead of them. "The state is shutting us down a week after Christmas."

"What?"

"They are moving kids out of group homes and into foster homes," she scowled. "The anti-institution movement proclaims that it's best to get the kids out of the crowded cities and into country environments. So, the kids are enjoying their last days together."

The Doctor looked to the left and right of the road where cornfields chased the pavement as far as the eye could see. "More in the country than this? Are your kids being moved to a different country altogether?"

River smiled at the indignation in his voice, remembering her initial reaction. "We are a technicality, really. They had almost forgotten about us until a couple of months ago. Most group homes were closed years ago. Remember Graystark Hall?"

An explosion of explanation ignited inside the Doctor's head, though he was far from knowing the full extent of the situation. Pieces were falling into place bit by bit, except those things that were eating at him. "So, you will return to…wherever trouble is waiting?"

She saw the realizations play across his face but ignored it, well-enough versed in Doctor to know that it would find its way back around later. "I actually own the house. Perhaps a better way of explaining it is to say that the state is pulling their kids from care. I will still have a couple of privately placed kids to stay behind."

The conversation was interrupted by a knock on the window. River looked in her rearview mirror and the Doctor turned around to see one of the girls blow an open-mouth fish face on the glass before losing the trick to a fit of laughter. The two adults joined in the fun and laughed along.

River maneuvered the truck into an unpaved driveway, and they jumped in and out of ruts as they entered a wooded area. Aware that this was exactly what happened before people starting dropping off one-by-one in horror flicks, the Doctor looked at River for reassurance.

"What?"

"Is this how you plan on killing me? I think I'd rather you do that dismembering and slapping thing you mentioned earlier…" He thought he saw a flinch across her face before she smiled, but it could have been the leaping-frogging the truck was doing through the forest. "The bloke in the braces always get it first, you know."

"Good thing yours are hidden underneath your shirt," she winked.

"You like this shirt. I can tell," he said, rather full of himself. "And the trousers."

"I'm still mad at you."

"I can handle it. He's not the only charming bastard in the truck."

"Is it really necessary to whisper it every time you say it?" She cut her eyes to him. "How old are you?"

The Doctor put on his most effective pompous expression. "Gus said that God frowns upon swearing, and I believe him."

"Gus says God does and commands quite a few things."

He smiled and tried to slide his fingers underneath braces that weren't there. "Yeah, that did not slip by me. He said that you take them to church every Sunday?"

He didn't know what to do with his hands. There wasn't an abundance of pockets to shove them in, no bowtie to straighten. His sonic was in his jacket at the house. There was no point to emphatically make. He was a man without an outlet to fidget.

"It started out as a means to an end. The locals pay a bit more attention to you if you don't profess some religious loyalty, and I certainly don't need to call more attention to us than is necessary. So, I chose one from the directory and sauntered through the door one Sunday morning. The kids made some friends…I found some babysitters and grandmothers who love to bake. It works out, I suppose."

The Doctor rubbed his hands together in childish glee. "Yes! Mrs. O'Malley promised to bring us a chocolate pie soon. I had no idea you could make a whole pie from chocolate…how long is soon?"

River's heart swelled at his use of us. "Knowing Mrs. O'Malley, she's probably working on it now. I saw a large bag beside the chair before we left." She giggled at his obvious delight.

"And Gus? What's his story? He talks more about God than any mates," he said curiously.

"I really don't know. It's a mystery to us. We've asked him repeatedly why God is so important to him and his only answer is 'Because God says so.' That's the generic answer. There's more to it, but we can't get at it," River explained, dumbfounded.

"We've?"

"What?"

"You keep saying we've, as in we have. Who is we?"

"Just generally speaking," she answered weakly before changing the subject quickly. "Look! Here we are, Doctor. Your first Christmas tree farm."

The forest had opened up and revealed rows and rows of perfectly shaped Christmas trees. They seemed to go on forever. He turned his nose up a bit. "I thought we were going into the woods and look diligently for just the right specimen? I had it planned out…up here." He tapped on his skull, still studying the rows and rows.

"Sweetie, this is 1969, not 1869. And believe me, these kids will make you look diligently. It's even harder to choose when they all look perfect." She whipped the truck into a parking area and silenced the engine, a signal to their young passengers to leap out excitedly.

River exited the cab and lifted Gus over the side. As soon as his feet hit the ground, he ran over to the Doctor and grabbed him by the hand. "You can be my buddy."

The Doctor looked to River for an explanation. "Everybody gets a buddy, so no one's lost alone."

"We won't get lost," the Doctor said proudly.

"You'll be the first to get lost," she acknowledged, drawing from experience. "But don't worry, Gus knows his way out." The smile on her face was intoxicating and infuriating at the same time, making absolutely no sense to the Doctor.

"Won't it be difficult to find the one perfect tree if we're all looking at different trees?" he reasoned.

"We have a system. Just go with it," she said, leaving the group and walking in the opposite direction.

"Where are you going?" he called nervously.

"To the hot chocolate. I'm just the judge and wallet of this operation. Carry on," she exclaimed with a wave of her hand.

He looked down at his tiny partner. "Well, looks like it's just you and me."

Gus took a couple of steps and pulled on his arm. "Don't worry, Doctor. You're safe with me," he promised as they disappeared into the rows and rows.


	10. Chapter 10

"What about this one? Look, it was grown especially for strung popcorn." The Doctor stood next to a disturbingly giant fir. Truthfully, they had all started to look alike within just the first few rows. "Maybe even some shiny things too."

"Nah."

"But you didn't even look at it. How do you think that made the tree feel?"

"Oh, the tree is fine. I know exactly what I want, Doctor," Gus said as he marched past. He was a little boy on a mission.

The Doctor crossed his arms over his chest and pulled up the rear. "Well, don't you have to talk it over with the girls before deciding?"

"They pick out the tree that goes in front of the big window, and I get to choose the other tree." Without even bothering to look at the dozens of trees he passed, Gus walked briskly across the rows.

"Where does your tree go?"

"In the living room. Where we do the living," he explained.

"What's the other tree for?" The Doctor so enjoyed the child's company that he could listen to him talk about bubbles and kitties. He was certain that Gus would have some brilliant opinion even on the fluff.

"It goes in front of that big window in the front. It's for everybody else."

"What do you mean 'everybody else'? The girls?" The Doctor had stopped trying to keep up with him and instead just watched him weave in and out of the trees.

"The people outside. It makes them feel better about kids without parents. If there's a really pretty twinkly tree in the window, then the kids must be pretty happy. But that's not always how it works, Doctor. Sometimes a kid still cries looking at the lights, even if there is an angel on top."

The Doctor felt his heartbeats trip over each other, and his breath got lost somewhere between his chest and his lips. There were no words that could…or should…spread good cheer over his truth. So, he shoved his hands in his pockets and fell further behind, studying the earth beneath his feet and listening to the child's crackling footsteps.

"So, we put all the fancy pancy decorations on the big tree in front of the window. And when all the people with presents come over, we have parties around the company tree. And we smile and laugh, so they'll keep feeling good about what they are doing for the orphans," he said, his voice fading in and out with the deep breaths he took. "But my tree is the boss. We make all the decorations…well, except for the lights of course. Even Mimi can't make lights."

"Mimi helps make the warm and fuzzy hangy-down trinkets?" Nothing about the visual invading his brain made any sense. River with glitter and crayons? Unlikely.

"Oh sure. Last year, she cut out this really, really, really, really long chain of gingerbread men, and we wrapped it around the tree. It was groovy - can't you keep up with my little kid legs?" Gus stopped suddenly with only his legs visible from behind the tree. And if legs could look annoyed, his certainly did.

The Doctor smiled widely and put a bit of hurry in his steps. "March on, tiny soldier. I'm right on your heels."

"Try not to fall behind, okay? I think we're getting close."

"Close to what? More trees?" It came out almost as a whine.

When the Doctor finally caught up to Gus, the boy took him by the hand. "I'll walk with you, so you'll know how fast to go."

The Doctor couldn't be put out for being amused. He gave the little hand a squeeze and increased his pace to satisfy the boy. After a few more minutes of walking, the landscape changed and the air smelled different. The trees were not as crowded, and the pine odor not so overwhelming.

Gus let go of his hand and hurried off, exclaiming, "Here they are!"

The Doctor didn't find anything about the trees to be amazingly spectacular. He almost expected them to have decorated themselves to have caused such excitement in the child. These were trees he had seen in the yards of hundreds of people over his hundreds of years. "Gus, what is so special about these trees?"

"They're new!" He popped out from under one, wearing a smile full of marvel.

"What do you mean 'new'? People have been hiding from their neighbors with these trees for years." The Doctor chuckled to himself as he saw little feet run from tree to tree, sizing up their potential for greatness.

"Not for here. Mr. Robards said these trees are brand new. He's never had them before."

"Oh, I see." The Doctor was startled when Gus crawled out from under the tree he was examining.

"Well, of course they aren't a new kind of tree, silly. These trees come from England," he clarified.

"Is that so?"

"Yep. See, this one man named Lee-something discovered this weird tree in his yard a long, long time ago. And what made it special was that it a baby tree."

"A baby tree? Real babies grow on this tree?" The Doctor smiled at the little boy who in turn rolled his eyes.

"Of course not. Aren't you supposed to be real smart? Are you tired?"

The Doctor just stared at him, a curious and worried look across his miniature face. "I don't necessarily adore trees, you know. Why don't you explain it to me?"

"Okay. There was one kind of tree next to another kind of tree, and some kinda way those two trees had a baby tree. A whole new kind of tree…one that nobody had ever seen before." He pointed to the tree beside them. "Like that."

"Gus, I like the way you explain things," the Doctor said with a definitive nod.

"Well, I kinda had help with it. That's the way Mimi told me it happened." He walked over to a tree nearby and strolled around it.

"Mimi knows about trees, too?"

"Umm…no. Amos told me all about the tree. But Mimi's really smart too. I didn't really understand it until she told it to me like she did the real baby story." Gus reached inside the tree and shook it gently. "Hey, the needles don't fall off!"

"Now you have no choice but to tell me about the really real baby story," the Doctor persuaded to move quickly past the mention of Amos.

"Doctor, you should know about babies. You're too tall not to know the baby story," Gus reasoned.

"I don't know it how you know it," he answered with a smile.

"Well, Mimi says that a baby comes from a lady and a man who really love each other. And when they make a baby, it's a whole new person that no one has ever seen before. And sometimes even a whole new kind of person…just like this tree." Gus backed up a few feet and scrutinized the cypress carefully. "But I don't really think those trees loved each other. It was probably just an accident…if I tell you a secret, will you promise not to tell Mimi or anybody?"

The Doctor swept a hand over his chest. "Cross my heart…" adding a –s under his breath and kneeling down to the boy's level.

"I think I was an accident," he whispered into the cold air.

The Doctor blinked rapidly a few times and reached up to straighten his missing bowtie, scratching his head instead. "What makes you say that?"

"I don't think Mimi told me the whole story about babies. Cause if a man and a lady really loved each other, wouldn't they both want to see their new baby grow up together? And I only ever had a mommy," he murmured, adding sadly, "and she died before she even got to learn about the new person she made."

In that moment, the Doctor was convinced that he had grown those long arms in order to reach out and hug that very child one day. "Would it be alright if I gave you a hug?"

Gus smiled and nodded. "Sure. I like hugs. Hugs are like smiles you can wrap around other people." He held out his little boy arms and encircled the Doctor's neck, laying his head on his shoulder.

The Doctor had expected hugging the boy to be awkward. He wasn't exactly Mary Poppins, and he'd only known the child a few hours. But as soon as he embraced him, he could feel his hearts swell. Almost as if this tiny person was the cure for the last Time Lord's perpetual loneliness.

"Do you feel better now?"

The Doctor almost laughed at how sincerely Gus had asked the question, recognizing that the Doctor was the one who needed comforting. He nodded and released the boy from his hug, but not before catching him off-guard with a proper tickle.

Gus shrieked with uncontrollable laughter and protested as he wiggled. He eventually maneuvered away from the Doctor and steadied himself just outside of the man's reach, prepared to make a run for it if necessary.

The Doctor held up both hands in surrender. "Truce?"

"Truce…" Gus agreed, still unsure as to whether to trust the wacky man.

Looking up at the tree that Gus had intently examined, the Doctor asked the big question. "So, is this the one?"

"I think so," he replied as he struggled to catch his breath from the tickling tomfoolery. Gus checked the ground before sitting down and crossing his legs.

"So, now what? Are there tree cutting fairies that will find us out here?" The Doctor joked.

"Yes. We call her Mimi. She'll come in the big truck in a few minutes."

The sun was sliding slowly below the horizon, and the Doctor knew that it would be dark soon. "How will she know where to find us?"

"She'll just look 'til she does," Gus answered with certainty.

"We should have brought a saw. Cutting down trees is what makes us men," the Doctor professed, puffing out his chest.

"I'm too little to carry it, and you probably would have tripped and cut off a hand or something," he replied, drawing in the dirt with his finger.

"I'll have you know that I am a grown-up person who can carry a saw without causing a nasty scene," he announced in his defense.

Gus looked up at him in complete disbelief. "Mimi showed me how you dance. Giving you the saw would have been a bad idea."

"Hey, my giraffe is legend!" The Doctor raised his arms over his head and moved them back and forth in his signature dance.

Gus simply shook his head and repeated, "She'll be here in a minute."

The wind having been stolen from his sails, the Doctor slumped forward and watched Gus doodle in the dirt. The conversation between himself and River in the truck came to his mind, and he struggled with whether or not to broach the subject with Gus.

"Hey, really awesome kid?"

"What's awesome mean?"

"Umm…it's like cool."

"Like the weather?"

"No." The Doctor searched his brain bank for the appropriate word and remembered a word Gus had used earlier. "Groovy."

"Oh…awesome. I could probably use that in a sentence…" the boy supposed, still doodling.

"Might I ask you a personal question?" the Doctor began carefully.

"Do I know the person?"

"What?"

"You asked if you could ask me a person question."

"No, a personal question…" The Doctor truly had to put some work into these conversations.

"I guess so. I don't know what that means, but I'll answer it if I can." He had yet to look up and acknowledge the confusion as being bothersome.

The Doctor smiled and tried to find the question that would be most likely to get answered. "Gus…why is God so special to you?"

"He should be special to everybody."

The Doctor realized that it was entirely possible that he had met his match. "Perhaps…but I'm curious as to why he's special to you."

Gus stopped dragging his finger through the dirt and stared momentarily at the ground before meeting the Doctor's eyes. "Just between us? You won't say anything to Mimi or Amos?"

Ahh, the we explained. The Doctor forced down the rising bile at the sound of the other man's name yet again and promised to keep another of Gus' secrets.

The sound of an imaginary clicking clock in the Doctor's head ticked off the seconds of silence that passed before Gus spoke. "A girl named Mary used to live here before she got adopted, and she had this really nice grandma that would come visit sometimes and bring us cookies and chocolate. She was really old and couldn't walk too good, but she would play games with us when she felt like it. But then she died and Mary was really sad. We were all sad 'cause we all called her Granny too."

The child paused and his eyebrows turned inward in deep thought. "What's that word when someone dies and people get together to say nice things about them?"

The Doctor cleared his throat and forced the word from his mouth. "Wake?"

"Nuh uh."

"Funeral?"

"Yeah, funeral. Amos took Mary to the funeral, and I went with her to hold her hand 'cause she was my friend and I didn't want her to have to be sad by herself. Well, the preacher…that's the man who was doing all the talking about how nice Granny was…" he paused to explain in case the Doctor was not familiar with the Godly things, "well, he said that we shouldn't be sad or cry, because Granny was in a better place with other people who loved her because she had loved Jesus. I don't think it helped Mary feel better, because she still missed her Granny something awful."

"But it helped you feel better about your mum…when she left…" The Doctor couldn't bring himself to say the word died to this little boy who had no mother – he could barely say any words at all.

The faint sound of a large vehicle bounced off the surrounding trees, and they both craned their necks to search it out as it slowly climbed the hill towards them. Gus stood and waved his arms to get their attention, continuing to talk as he watched the truck get closer. "It makes me feel better about when I die…that if my mama loved Jesus like I do, then I'll get to meet her. If I didn't love God, when they put me in the ground, I'll just have to stay there. And that's the saddest part of all…I'm not really scared because my heart has been real sick since I was a baby, but I don't want to be by myself for always. Nobody likes being alone, right?"

Without waiting for the devastated man to answer, Gus sprinted towards the parked vehicle and excitedly began telling River about his tree and his plans to decorate it. River laughed as he rambled all his thoughts together and borrowed from the next breath to finish his current one. "Hey, hey, hey…slow down a bit. Where's the Doctor? I told you to watch him carefully."

Gus pointed ahead in the road. "Oh, he's right…he was sitting right there when you got here, Mimi. I promise I didn't lose him…oh, he's still there."

River stood in the bed of the truck and saw him reluctantly stand from his kneeling position. "Hey! I got the saw! You feel lucky today?" she yelled playfully and then watched the Doctor turn his back to them and hold up a hand, disappearing into the rows of perfectly groomed Christmas trees.

Because sometimes a person needed to be by himself.


	11. Chapter 11

"You were rather quiet on the ride home," River said as she lined mugs on a wicker serving tray. Hearing no response, she looked over her shoulder and saw him fidgeting with a refrigerator magnet that they had picked up on one of their excursions. "Much like you are now…Doctor?"

"When were you at Easter Island? And I must say that I am disturbed that there is a shop hocking these trinkets," he responded, still rolling the magnet in his hands.

River stirred the boiler filled with hot chocolate and smiled over the sweet-smelling fumes. He had made a similar statement before purchasing the magnet for her, giving in to the pressure to commemorate a holiday with cheap souvenirs. "Oh, I went on there on holiday ages ago. Could you hand me the marshmallows from the pantry, please?"

"Something about the Moai speaks to me. They look familiar."

River rolled her eyes and replied sarcastically, "I can't imagine why they would."

He continued to study the magnet and reached blindly into the pantry, feeling around for the bag of marshmallows and knocking over cans and boxes in his search. Finding the bag and disregarding the mess he had made, he passed it to River and returned the magnet to its home. "Something smells like it would make my tongue fantastically happy," he said, distractingly close and looking over her shoulder. "The hot chocolate smells good, too."

She laughed and elbowed him away from her. "I still hate you a bit."

"You keep saying that, but the proof escapes me, Dr. Song." He snaked an arm around her waist and nuzzled his face in the hair hiding her neck.

She leaned against the length of him and teased him with a wiggle. "And you keep trying to evade a scolding with a touch here and a squeeze there." She brought a heel down on the toe of one of his boots and stood, eliciting a yelp and a release. "You need to find a new song, Sweetie."

He playfully kneed her in the rear and backed away. "Perhaps I should find a new Song. The one I have treats me dreadfully poor. I don't think she knows how special I am."

"She knows how special you think you are," she replied with a grin and a wink over her shoulder. "Though I suppose I should forgive that earlier nonsense with Amos in light of how wonderful you are with the children. Boys will be boys, as they say."

"Yeah…well…I don't like him. Amos…what kind of name is Amos?" he grumbled, rifling through her cupboards.

"Biblical."

"Hmpf. Well, I don't think he has biblical intentions – or maybe he does. I suppose it depends on the context of 'biblical' ," he rambled, both verbally and physically as he opened and closed drawer after drawer.

"Whatever clue you're looking for, you won't find it in the kitchen," River said amusingly.

The Doctor stuck his tongue out and did a little-you-think-you're-so-smart-but-you're-wrong dance behind her back, adding, "I wasn't looking for anything. It's just general noseyness."

"Stupid dance."

He sat at the table and watched her at the stove. This domesticated life worked for her, it seemed. Though he couldn't imagine what pleasure she got from it – very un-River like as it was. There was corn growing in the backyard, for God's sake.

God…

"River, when did Mary leave?" he asked apprehensively.

"Mary? You mean, Marianne?"

"Possibly. When did she leave?"

"She didn't. Marianne's the one who buckled you back together when your brace snapped and nearly decapitated you."

He could hear the smile in her voice, and he struggled to match it. Maybe he'd had gotten the name wrong. He was five – how accurate could his memory be, really? "So, there's never been a Mary…"

"Nope," she turned around to face him. "What's this about?"

"Inventory," he mumbled as he rubbed his forehead and stared down at his feet.

"Inventory of what?"

"Facts."

"We have a tree to christen. I'll deal with your craziness tomorrow." She ladled the warm treat into the mugs and held the tray out to him. "Take these into the living room, sit them on the coffee table and move away quickly."

He rose and did as he was told, only to be grabbed from behind before he could get out of the door. "Couldn't stand to see me leave, yeah?"

"Hardly…listen. I'm going to try and convince Melody to come down and help. Don't stare at her or wave your sonic around her or ask her questions…"

"Can I look at her? Is eye contact allowed? Don't blink!"

"In fact, don't speak to her at all."

"What if she speaks to me? I may be a bit socially awkward, but I'm not rude," he informed her.

"She won't speak to you. She's scared of you. Amy shot at her, remember?" River reminded him.

"How can you talk about her in the third person? Don't you find that a bit disconcerting?"

River gently shoved him in the direction in the living room. "Just try not to be so…you."

He turned and walked slowly down the hall, concentrating on not tripping with the tray full of hot beverages. "Well, who should I try to be? Amos?" he mumbled snarkily.

"I heard that!"

The Doctor rounded the corner into the living room and felt like a zebra noticed by a pride of hungry lions as the children watched his every step. "Stay back! Or I'll run with the tray and you'll never see it again!" He teased in all seriousness. "I'm going to sit these down here and back away slowly…"

As River climbed the stairs, she heard the pounding of the herd and a single cry for help. She went calmly about her business.

* * *

River stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her body and her hair. She had taken advantage of the available babysitter and stood under the hot cascade of water for longer than she was usually allowed. She felt a bit guilty about not warning him of a prolonged absence, but the feeling passed almost as soon as it presented.

She sat down on her bed and toweled the excess water from her hair. Staring back at her from her nightstand was a framed picture given to her by Amos of the three of them: Amos, Gus and herself. They had gone on a family vacation of sorts, just the three of them, and it had been a welcomed break from the solitary life she had been accustomed to leading. She could almost feel the heartbreak of saying goodbye even now. Amos had been more than a friend to her over the years…more than a confidant….more than a lover. And as much as she did love Amos, he simply was not Him.

Amos was around as much as she and Gus needed him to be, and her life with him was never hard. But when River laid her head on a pillow at night, she didn't shed tears for Amos. She didn't drape her arm over another pillow and pretend it was Amos. And she didn't trace a finger over her lips wishing instead that it was Amos' lips on hers. River had had those things with Amos, and she appreciated and cherished them for what they were…but it had always been and would always be about Him. And no matter how many family pictures or vacations they took, Amos knew that as well.

River dropped the damp towels into a basket and dressed in her pajamas. She knew that by the time the tree was decorated, the show was over and the kids were corralled into their bedrooms, she would be the walking dead. It had been one of those days.

And then there was the Doctor.

Flipping off her bedroom light and paddling down the hall, she knocked lightly on Melody's door.

"Come in…"

River opened the door slowly and walked inside, amazed to find the child still sitting in the rocker where River had left her hours earlier. "Are you feeling better?"

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you."

"Is it okay if I have a seat here?" River motioned towards the bed, and Melody nodded. "The kids are having hot chocolate and decorating the tree. We'd love it if you'd come down and help…"

"Okay." She stood and walked around the bed in the direction of the door.

"But I need to tell you that my friend is still here. He's very nice, and there's no reason at all to be afraid of him, okay? And you don't have to talk to him, if you don't want to," River reassured her as she rose from the bed and stood in the doorway, surprised that her skills in the art of convincing had not been called upon.

Melody nodded and joined her, taking her by the hand and following her down the hall. The little girl had never reached out to her in the five months she'd had her, and River could feel the nervous shaking in the child's body. River gave her hand a squeeze as they approached the stairs and let go as Melody descending ahead of her.

River inhaled and slowly exhaled a deep breath and sent a prayer to Gus' God that this was not a decision she would look back on in regret.


	12. Chapter 12

Gus ran across the living room and took Melody's hand just as she rounded the corner from the stairs. "We're almost finished, but we saved some ornaments for you to put on the tree!" he explained excitedly.

Melody allowed herself to be led across the room by the small child, though her eyes had somewhat of a help-me urgency to them. Amanda, the oldest of the children, smiled as Melody approached the group and made room for her at the tree, while Samantha gave her a small bucket of ornaments and explained their decorating methods-of-madness.

Leaning against the doorjamb, River watched her impossibly moody and oftentimes isolating girls embrace Melody and welcome her warmly into the festivities. Most of the girls had been with River for years. Because the home was privately owned and operated without relying on state funding, River determined who walked in, and she had the power to have troublemakers removed without hassle. So, her home was relatively peaceful, and the kids enjoyed the freedoms of the country, as well as the comfort and security of a stable home. Ensuring that the children could walk through the doors of a safe environment every day was the most crucial responsibility that River had undertaken.

And her motivation to make it happen was hanging ornaments on a Christmas tree with the closest thing to a family that she had ever known. River had no choice but to allow Melody's future play out as she knew it must, but she saw no reason why she couldn't have a safe holiday before her life started over. With the knowledge she innately had as the child of the TARDIS, River had taken the necessary precautions to make sure that there would be no time-altering paradoxes from which to save humanity, and she knew that the Doctor had the mystery already worked out. Though why he thought it could be contained and concealed in a kitchen drawer was beyond River's ability to reason.

The man himself had yet to acknowledge Melody and sat on a nearby couch surrounded by a heaping mess of decorating chaos. In fact, his refusal to pay the girl any attention whatsoever seemed to have piqued the child's curiosity, as River noticed her studying the Doctor more than once. When Katie teased him about the mess he was making and the scolding he was sure to get, Melody laughed along and nodded in agreement. The Doctor stuck out his tongue and continued working diligently on his own project.

River joined her makeshift family, collapsing on the couch next to the Doctor. Without looking up, he shooed her over, complaining that she was impeding the free flow of creativity by sitting so near.

"What does that even mean?"

"It means you smell quite yummy, and it's distracting. I am already defying the laws of my attention span, as it is…" he answered, still concentrating on his cutting.

"Oh, well in that case…" River dug her knees into the couch and stretched her body across his lap, reaching for the scissors on the other end. "I'll just get these myself. I'd hate to interrupt your creativity flow."

The Doctor clenched his teeth as she drug her body over his, the aromas of freshly washed hair and lady soap torturing his reflexes. As she reached for the scissors, her top rose and revealed a bit of flesh at the waistband of her pajama bottoms, not to mention a peek of black lace knickers.

"Oops…sorry…"

He could hear the teasing sarcasm in her voice as her arm slipped out from under her and the weight of her upper body fell over his groin. She braced herself with a hand placed strategically between his legs and lifted off of him. "If you don't move, it's about to get rather embarrassing for the grown-ups in the room," he mumbled under his breath.

River was sure to graze his face with her hair before returning to an upright position. "Is there a problem, Sweetie? I didn't want to distract you from all that hard work you're putting into the snowflakes and ask you to fetch them for me."

"A million thanks," the Doctor replied sharply.

"Oh, I forgot to get some coffee filters." She began to lean over again when he tossed a handful in her direction from the pile that had been near the scissors she picked up.

"Here. Merry Christmas."

River chuckled and folded her legs under her, cutting out snowflakes that they would tape on the windows facing the road.

"Mimi! Look at the tree!" Gus exclaimed proudly.

"It's pretty fantastic, Bossman. We should pay you for all of your hard work," she teased.

"Cash only. No credit," he said smiling. "But I will accept cookies."

The Doctor giggled as he continued his focused cutting. River nodded with a straight face and replied seriously, "Sir, you drive a hard bargain, but I feel your request is fair. Cookies all around when you've finished the job."

"Ladies, I got you some cookies!" He yelled, his little voice booming with importance.

The kids laughed and cheered as they put the finishing touches on the tree. Janie removed the angel topper from the mantle and handed it to Melody. "Would you like to add the angel?" River saw a wink pass between Janie and the Doctor.

Everyone knew that the angel was the most important part, and they kept a small piece of paper under the angel's skirt to keep track of whose turn it was to place her. River was channeling all of her emotional willpower as Janie gave up the honor to Melody.

Amanda took a long look up at the top of the tree and asked the question that they were all wondering. "How are we going to get the angel up there without A…"

Luckily, she had been looking at River and saw the woman shake her head quickly in warning. Her voice faded off and the room fell silent until River spoke up. "I'll go get the ladder from the utility room. Problem solved, easy peasy."

Before River could stand from her awkward position on the couch, Melody walked over and tapped the Doctor on the knee. "Excuse me?"

Without missing a beat, the Doctor raised his eyes to meet the girl's. "Do you need some assistance?"

"You're probably tall enough to help me reach it," Melody said in a voice that was nearly a whisper.

"I think you're probably right, tiny lady person. Hop up here," he answered, tapping on the coffee table.

All eyes looked at River for permission. She smiled and gave consent; she would have allowed the child to do just about anything within reason in that moment. "Just be careful, please."

The Doctor sat on the coffee table and motioned for Melody to sit on his shoulders. After she was situated, he rose and walked over to the tree. Melody slid the angel onto the protruding tip and plugged it into the strands of lights. Gus crawled under the tree and carefully inserted the bottom strand into the outlet, the only time he was allowed such a grown-up task. The room exploded with hurray's and applause as the tree and little topper quietly burst to life.

The Doctor turned around to face River with Melody basking in the praise of her peers. "I believe I recall the promise of biscuits."

The children looked up at him with expressions of confusion. Realizing his mistake, he added, "Cookies." A chorus of yesses pleaded with River to make good on the deal.

She smiled and hushed with down with a wave of her hand. "We have ten minutes before the show starts. Everyone pitch in to clean up and you should be settled in with milk and cookies just in time." River rose from the couch and walked towards the kitchen, then turned and pointed to the Doctor. "That means you, too," she said with a wink.

The Doctor clicked his heels and saluted the commander. "Ma'am, yes Ma'am!" he shouted in his best American accent, and the girls fell into flirtatious giggles.

By the time River returned with a plate of cookies and a carton of milk, the Doctor was tying off the bag of trash. "Well, whadya know! There's the floor! Gus, turn on television and the rest of you get your bean bags from the closet." The kids scattered to one of two closets on the far wall.

After switching on the set, Gus ran up to Melody and pulled on her sweater, offering, "You can use my chair, and I'll sit on the couch with Mimi." He reached into the closet and pulled out the remaining floppy chair. "Look, its blue, just like your hair ribbons."

"Thank you, Gus," she said softly.

"We saved a place for you here, Melody!" Alice shouted from little community of girls camped in front of the television.

Melody took her bag and dropped in the middle of the pile of giggling girls and joined in the fun. They would occasionally peek over their shoulders and look at the Doctor before breaking out in more fits of laughter.

"What? Have I a bogey on my face?" he asked, checking his face and head for anomalies.

River plopped onto the couch beside him and leaned in to whisper, "Sweetie, I think it's an epidemic of the girly crush."

"On me?" he asked in complete shock.

"It's a miracle the effect a pair of jeans can have on teenagers, isn't it?"

The Doctor took advantage of the momentarily distracted female population and brushed his thumb across River's lips. "Just the teenagers?"

"Oh, absolutely," she answered around the breath that had caught in her throat. "Your charms have no effect on me, sir."

"Mimi, should I dim the lights?"

A chorus of "Yes!" drowned out a lonely "No!" and Gus turned off the overhead lighting just as the opening credits rolled on How the Grinch Stole Christmas. He ran across the room and jumped onto the couch, stepping over River and nestling himself between the arm of the sofa and the arm of the Doctor.

After having watched a few minutes, the Doctor lowered his head to whisper in River's ear. "Those are the ugliest furry insects I've ever seen."

"They aren't insects. They're Whos."

"What's a Who?"

"Those are Whos."

"Is there a Doctor Who?"

"Shut up and watch it. You might learn something," she instructed as she leaned into him. The Doctor raised his arm around River, and she settled comfortably against him.

When the credits began to scroll to the tune "Welcome, Christmas" River scanned the floor for survivors. The eyes of every child had yielded to sleep, including the smallest who had cuddled up to the Doctor. River smiled as she noticed him absentmindedly running his fingers through the child's hair.

River stood and gently shook the children awake amidst moans and groans. They reluctantly left the comfort of their bean bag chairs and headed in the direction of the stairs, some slower than others. River walked back to the couch and held out her arms to get Gus from the Doctor's lap.

"I'll take him," the Doctor said quietly.

"You have no idea which room is his. I'll do it."

Before the Doctor could hand him over, Melody approached them sleepily. "I can show him where Gus sleeps."

Without waiting for an answer, the Doctor stood carefully and positioned the sleeping child onto his chest, his head resting on his shoulder. He followed Melody to the stairs and waited as the child ran back in to the living room.

Melody threw her arms around River's waist and hugged her tightly. "Thank you, Mimi."

Momentarily gripped by shock, River's delayed reaction went unnoticed by the girl. She wrapped one arm around the child and held her head close to her with the other. "You're welcome," she managed to say as emotion began to build in her chest. "You run on up to bed, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am." Melody released River from her embrace and walked clumsily by the Doctor and up the stairs. River gingerly sat on the couch and blinked back the tears that she had been fighting since she found Melody sleeping in a railcar at the South Philadelphia Railyard.

Letting time have its way suddenly became harder than she could have imagined.

* * *

The Doctor gathered the cups that littered the floor onto the tray and carried them into the kitchen. When he had returned to the living room, River was nowhere to be found. Assuming she had also retired to bed, he began to clean up the mess left after the cookie extravaganza. Standing over the sink and washing the few cups, he heard a door open and close down the hall. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw River walk by the kitchen and then slowly back up to the doorway.

Before she could open her mouth to spoil the evening with sarcasm, he gave her orders to keeping marching towards the living room and rest on the couch. "I'll join you after I finish these."

Afraid that any remark would dissuade him, she did as she was told and waited on the couch. The light that shone down the hall from the kitchen disappeared, and the Doctor joined her after a brief trip to the bathroom.

"Well, those are rather smart," she teased as he rounded the corner of the couch in his pajamas.

"A bit more appropriate for sleeping in an orphanage than my usual sleepytime attire," he reasoned coyly, sitting down as closely to her as possible.

She giggled softly and stretched her legs out on the couch, laying her head in his lap. "Yes, I suppose that would be rather frightening to come upon in the dead of night," she agreed with a yawn.

"River?"

"Hmm?"

The Doctor ran his fingers through her hair, careful not to tug on the tangles. "I don't want to snoop in your house. Can you just tell me where it is?"

Little moans of delight escaped her with the sensual movements of his hands through her hair. She pointed lazily behind her. "The locked closet next to the one where the kids keep their bean chairs. How did you know it was here?"

"It's the only way the two of you can exist together at the same time and the universe not cave in on itself…although the last time I saw one used, it was a near catastrophe."

"Well, it's just holding together the small world of two people. Not being used in some sinister plan to takeover all planets and crown myself Queen," she replied and snuggled closer to him.

"Am I allowed to ask how you built it? That's almost impossible technology," he wondered, adding quickly, "even for someone as brilliant as you."

River's laugh was low and guttural and stirred the Doctor in pleasant and inappropriate ways. "It's technology that has been associated with the TARDIS. I know what she knows. The difference between my machine and the Master's is that mine was not purposed for destruction or ill-intent."

"How do you know what she knows? Not everything, I hope," he said with a question in the tone.

"I know enough." She thought it best to keep her answers as vague as possible, but gave up one small hint. "I'm the child of the TARDIS, after all."

"Child of the TARDIS? Says who?"

She rolled over and looked up at him with a smile. "Spoilers."

"Oh, dammit."

"Doctor, swearing is so unattractive," she scoffed, rolling her eyes playfully as her lips curved into a perfect smirk.

"How is it that you are so incredibly beautiful, even when you're a smart ass?" The Doctor trailed a fingertip slowly down her forehead and her nose, coming to rest on her parted lips.

River kissed his finger sweetly and answered, "Practice."

The tormenting grin on her face caused him to bite down on his bottom lip. The gesture was all River could stand. She sat up and swung a leg over his, straddling his lap. She took his face in her hands and stroked his cheeks with her thumbs. "I hate you so much sometimes it hurts."

He gently ran his hands up the bare skin of her back. "And right now?"

She placed a kiss at the corner of each eye. "I love you so much I could kill you."

The Doctor withdrew his hands from under her shirt and gently pulled her face to his, entangling his hands in her hair. Their kiss was chaste, a light pressing together of affection. As she moved hers under his, it became desperately urgent. Her knees tightened at his hips as she rolled into him, eliciting a groan. Their lips fought for control of the kiss as their tongues licked at each other violently.

River broke from him and began unbuttoning his shirt, lightly scratching his skin with her nails as she worked her way down his chest. His teeth were biting along the length of her neck, and his hands gripped her rear and pulled her closer into him. She rocked her hips back and forth slowly as he drug his nails down her back.

"Doctor, what are we doing? This can't happen here," she forced herself to admit between pants.

"I know…" He buried his face into the crook of her neck and tried to steady his breathing. River shifted her weight to move from his lap, and he stopped her. "You better wait it out where you are."

Chuckling, River leaned against him and rested her head on his shoulder, in much the same way he had carried Gus to bed. The Doctor stroked her hair and listened to the calm labor of her breathing, both of them eventually lulled to sleep by the rhythms of the other's rising and falling chests.

* * *

The emotional and physical drains of the day held the Doctor and River captive under a heavy sleep. They had situated themselves into comfortable positions as the Doctor wrapped an arm protectively around River, her body molded into his.

So under the spell of sleep were they that they didn't hear the air snap, crackle and pop with electricity. Nor were they woken by the flashing light of the transport. Both the Doctor and River knew instinctively when they were being watched, even in sleep.

Yet, neither stirred as Amos sat on the nearby coffee table and lowered his head into his hands.


	13. Chapter 13

The Doctor could feel eyes on him. He tried to ignore it, but the temptation to meet the stare was too strong. He raised his eyes from his book and caught the culprit in the act.

Janie quickly averted her eyes and a flush rose in her cheeks. She adjusted her legs in the rocker and poured herself back into her own book. When the Doctor turned his focus back his reading material, Janie cast a sneaky glance his way and smiled.

The front door swung open, and Sophia leaned around the screen. "Hey, Doctor!"

He looked over at the ginger girl and grinned. "Yes? That's me."

"Some of us are gonna play Twister. You wanna give it a try?"

"What's Twister?"

The girl struggled for a way to describe the game. "Remember last week when Mimi was hanging laundry on you before taking it to the line?"

"I don't like where this is going. I don't want to play a laundry game. I don't like chores. Making laundry into a game is trickery. I'll have no part of it," he announced, leaving no room for compromise.

Sophia laughed and tried to smooth over his anxiety. "No, silly. It's a like a board game for your body. You have to twist and turn your arms and legs…you'll just have to see it. Are you in?"

"Nah. I think it would be poor judgment to let these wobbly things loose on innocent children," he replied with a smile, flailing his arms around his head.

"Okay. Suit yourself." The screen door slammed on the girl's yelling down the hall.

Janie had watched the scene with curiosity, and the Doctor gave her a small smile before he went back to his reading. The brisk wind moved the swing back and forth randomly, and the squeaking noise was rather distracting. His reading partner would cut her eyes to him occasionally as if he were causing the irritation himself. The Doctor dropped the book below eye level and returned her glare. "Well, if I wasn't in it, it would be all over the place…making it worse. I'm doing you a favor…"

She rolled her eyes and looked away from him once more. The Doctor raised the book to cover his face and smiled a beaming grin that spread from ear-to-ear.

There was a rustling in the leaves from behind him, and he swung himself backwards in order to peek around over his shoulder. He couldn't see who was coming, but they were making quite a production of it. A burst of laughter caused both he and Janie to be startled, despite foreknowledge that the crowd was descending upon them.

"There you are! We've been looking all over for you – "

"I appreciate the offer, ladies, but I'm staying put. There happens to be a swing versus wind situation that could get out of control."

The girls all laughed in an off-putting creepy harmony. Melody spoke up for the group. "Not you, lanky man. Jane."

"Me?"

"Sure! We are going to O'Malley's to get some candy. Mimi's got your allowance inside. Go get it and come with us," she pleaded. Since the night of the tree decorating, Janie was more likely to participate with encouragement from Melody.

"I can't. I'm reading with the Doctor."

"Oh, go on with you. Besides, I'm freezing out here. We can pick it up again tomorrow," the Doctor said, shutting his book and standing from the swing. He stretched out his limbs under false pretenses and made a noise that usually accompanied such elderly doings.

Melody jumped from foot to foot to keep the blood pumping in the cold wind. "See, you can read tomorrow. Pretty sure he's not going anywhere."

"Hey…I might. I'm just waiting on my ride." His argument lacked conviction, and the girls had yet to buy that excuse. Gus had informed him that the word around the girldom was that he was marrying Mimi and moving in after the state swept the house clean of children.

Marianne broke away from the group and began walking down the driveway. "Same story, Doctor…different day. If you're coming Janie, hop to it. It will be dark before long. Mimi will turn twelve shades of red if we aren't back by 5. I'll lend you some money until you get yours from Mimi."

Janie stood from the rocker and held her book out to him. "Could you please take this in for me?" She hopped down the porch steps and fell in line with the rest of the girls. The Doctor would even have sworn that he saw a smile creep across the girl's face.

Inside the foyer he dropped his coat on a hook and searched the house for River. He could hear giggling and shouting being unsuccessfully contained in an upstairs bedroom. Noticing the time of day on the clock in the hall, he followed his gut and went into the kitchen. Standing over the sink and muttering harshly was the woman with whom he had become accustomed to playing house over the last couple of weeks.

He snuck quietly across the room, his insides giddy from the excitement of knowing she was so close. It was a feeling that he thought would have certainly passed after two weeks, but it seemed to flourish instead. He didn't know quite what to think about it, actually.

River had set him up in the attic bedroom, and he had to admit that it was cozy enough. But he spent most of the night lying in bed convincing himself to stay in the attic and not seek her out. He reasoned that it wouldn't be at all appropriate in any room of the house while the children were there…but…it would make more sense for River to come to him. Which she hadn't. Therefore, he spent his time bemoaning how much he liked her, dreading having to leave her, and fighting the instinct to love her.

There was something about her in a pair of jeans that caused him to mentally come unglued.

"Thank you, Sweetie…"

"Oh, damn. Did I say that out loud?"

"You swore out loud, too."

The Doctor spun around on a heel to meet to disapproving gaze of the potty mouth police. "Look, there you are. Sitting in that chair. You won't tell…" The Doctor pointed up and whispered, "…you-know-who, will you?"

Gus beckoned him with a finger, and the Doctor leaned forward for the child to speak quietly in his ear – or so he thought. In a voice that was perfect for playground banter, Gus said, "He already heard you, Doctor. I can't help you."

The Doctor rose from his kneeling position and vigorously rubbed his ear to soothe the ringing. He thumped the child softly on the nose and walked to the far side of the kitchen. Leaning against the counter near River, he offered his help. Learning from several kitchen mishaps that had occurred during his prolonged stay, River demanded that he step as far away from the food as possible.

"In fact, go sit at the table and color with Gus."

The Doctor moped to the table and plopped into the chair like a chastised child. Gus looked up at him with compassion and slid him some drawing paper.

"Here you go. I know you like to start with the blue one," he said with his best empathizing face.

"Thanks, tiny person."

"You're welcome, Doctor person."

The Doctor crooked his neck to look at Gus' drawings. "That's quite magnificent. I don't think the TARDIS has ever looked so bright and shiny."

Gus held it up for further scrutiny. "Do you really think so?"

"Oh, absolutely. And did you know," he leaned over and said in a hushed tone, "that Mimi can fly her almost as well as I can?"

Gus' mouth gaped open in shock, and his eyes were glued to the back of River. The Doctor sat back in chair, terrified that he spilled some explosive beans and a bit smug that suddenly River was in a tight spot.

"You have certainly have gotten quiet over…" River turned around to see a gloating Doctor and an astonished boy, both watching her with glee. "What?"

"Mimi!" He leapt to his feet and looked as if he would burst.

"What! Doctor…"

"Me?"

"What did you do? Gus, what did he tell you?"

The little boy immediately wiped the amazement from his face and settled back into his chair. "Nothing."

"Gus!"

"Ma'am?"

"What was that look for?" She had crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back against the sink.

Gus calmly gathered up his papers and crayons and walked over to River. He pulled her arm so that she would lean down for a secret. The little boy gave her quick peck on the cheek and turned to hurry from the room, yelling as he went, "Spoilers!"

"What did you say to him?"

"Hey, you heard the kid…I am bound by the scared laws of the spoiler." He waved his hand to clear the matter from conversation.

"I hate you."

The Doctor rose from the chair and sauntered over to River. "Is that so?"

She held her arm out to yield him. "Yes. Yes, it is. Stop right there." She reached behind her and quickly grabbed the nearest weapon. "I'm warning you...I will beat you senseless with this…chicken leg…"

"Really? A chicken leg?" He grabbed her wrist and wrapped her arm and foodstuff behind her back. "Is that the best you can do?"

She tried to wiggle away from him and only succeeded in creating more friction between their bodies. "I was going for the knife." She put her other hand on his chest to hold him as much at bay as possible.

"Well, aren't I a lucky boy, then?" He slid his hand just inside the waistband of her jeans at her lower back, touching nothing and everything at once.

River leaned in and left a lingering kiss at the base of his neck, catching him off guard. While he fought for control of his senses, she ducked quickly and broke away from his grip. "Lucky and a bit easy, Sweetie."

"Who hates who, now?" He asked with a pout and sulked back over to the table.

"Take a number and get in line behind everybody else who has taken issue with me, honey." River turned her attention back to dinner and wrestled with how to best explain her plans for the next day. "I will be gone for most of the day tomorrow, so you'll have the house to yourself. Try not to burn it down."

"Oh? I'd rather be wherever you are, honestly. I have enough time to myself," he said nonchalantly as he continued doodling.

"I have to take Gus into the city for his checkup, and it will take quite some time. You have a tendency to make life a bit more complicated than is necessary, and this is one thing that needs to go as smoothly as possible," River explained as gently as she could without having to give up the actual reason.

"River, I can be exposed to social situations without causing riptides and pandemonium. It has been known to happen," the Doctor stared at the back of her while she diligently worked over the sink.

She could hear the incredulity in his voice and struggled with an excuse that would pass muster. The delicate and tumultuous nature of their relationship had to exist within a fair amount of half-truths and smoke-and-mirror realities. She abhorred having to lie to him more than was required to keep time from collapsing.

"Amos is going with us."

He stood from the table. "Amos?"

"Yes."

"Going with you? And Gus? To his doctor's appointment?"

"Yes, in Philadelphia. What other clarifications do you need?"

"Amos? The unusually large man that once lived in your bathroom?" He crossed his arms over his chest and stood rigidly behind her.

River whirled around to face him, as strong in her stance as he was angry is his. "No. The Amos that helped raise the child and knows as much, if not more, about his condition than the other doctors.  _That_  Amos."

"Because he's the boy's father? Yeah? And he couldn't be bothered to raise him alone when his mother died? So he conveniently dropped him with you?" he spat, closing the space dividing them.

The skin of her hands stretched white over the knuckles and her nails dug into her palms. It would be so easy to lie and confirm his suspicions, and the words were on the tip of her tongue. Though she could just as easily confess the truth and rip his hearts from his chest. River had never had such a strong desire to intentionally hurt someone as she did in that moment. It was only the face of the little boy flashing across her synapses that reeled in her rage. She neither denied nor substantiated his claim, deciding instead to give him the smallest of glimpses into their lives.

"He's Gus' doctor, you ass. That's all I'm telling you, and you don't deserve to know that much." She stormed by him and was stopped as he grabbed her arm.

"What aren't you telling me, River?" He pushed the words through clenched teeth.

River snatched her arm away from him and followed with a slap across his face. The sound of the smack bounced off the walls of the kitchen. Putting her face close enough to his to nearly touch, she answered his question as honestly and pointedly as she could. "Everything."

She marched out of the kitchen before he could see the tears spill down her cheeks, and the Doctor fell into a chair at the table and dropped his head into his hands.


	14. Chapter 14

His gut instinct told him to leave – to fall humbly to his knees and plead for the TARDIS' return. He had found her out of context – without even looking. The Doctor wasn't supposed to be there – he had gone backwards in their timestream. But at the same time, why was she living a life from which he felt the need to run? This life that she would risk losing him in order to protect…

The Doctor stared at the ceiling and watched shadows dance as clouds passed over the moon and the lights twinkled on the tree. The evening had been torturous and seemed to have gone on for days. Somehow the children had sensed it and tried to compensate for the feuding adults with nervous chatter over dinner. Gus, however, was eerily quiet. He rolled his green beans around on the plate and buried kernels of corn in his mashed potatoes. His breathing was shallow and labored, and he seemed barely able to keep his eyes open.

"Mimi, I'm not really hungry. May I be excused?"

River pushed her chair back from the table and dropped her napkin on her plate. Walking over to Gus and avoiding any eye contact with the Doctor, she took him by the hand and led him upstairs. "Maybe I just need to lay down for a minute…" he heard the child say over the sound of their feet on the stairs.

The banter at the table died down to a creepy silence as the girls finished up their dinner. A sad look passed between Sophia and Olivia, sisters whose parents had been killed in a car accident three years before. Almost as if synchronized, the children left their seats and began clearing the table.

"Doctor, are you finished?" Becky timidly reached for his plate when he smiled weakly and nodded. "But perhaps you should leave Ri…Mimi's plate. It doesn't appear that she ate very much."

"Oh, she doesn't eat much when Gus is sick," Susannah explained quietly. "She'll make herself a sandwich before bed."

"Does this happen frequently?"

"Recently, yeah," she said before moving to the sink to wash up the dishes.

The Doctor watched the girls maneuver smoothly around the kitchen to get the chores completed. Over the course of the last two weeks, he had seen and heard the gamut of female emotions. They had brawled, laughed, cried and yelled. On Monday, two of the gigglies were best friends, and by Thursday they were at each other's throats. It was unlike anything he had ever seen. Which made their teamwork in the kitchen rather remarkable. The unspoken understanding they all seemed to possess was frightening, especially since the Doctor seemed to be the odd man out. There was a loop that he hadn't been able to run in.

He rose from the table to make himself useful but was halted by Janie. "We've got this. You're kinda klutzy."

"I'm sure there's something I can do…"

"Doctor, you are organization's worst nightmare," Katie said, gently patting his shoulder and returning to her sweeping.

"Well, I suppose I'll just go…in there…or somewhere…" He backed out of the kitchen seemingly unnoticed and stumbled his way up the hall into the living room. After plugging in the tree and dimming the overhead lights, he lay down on the couch and watched the twinkles bounce off of the glass ornaments.

Although his stomach churned when he thought on the madness with River, he couldn't remember a time when he had felt more at ease with life, almost as if the universe was telling him that he belonged on that couch in front of that tree…with that woman upstairs and those children mucking about. His life as a Time Lord fought hard to be remembered as the priority, and his insides rolled each time he thought about leaving for the TARDIS.

An army of bare feet padded down the hall and up the stairs. One stray set of footprints could be heard approaching the couch. Samantha stood over him, and he looked up at her as she teetered over him upside-down. "We're going to play a game of Monopoly before bed. You're welcomed to join us."

"Thanks, but I think I'll lazy around down here for the evening. Perhaps some other time. Tell the girls goodnight for me."

"Sure. Goodnight, Doctor."

Shortly after the girls had settled in a bedroom with their game, he could hear the heavy footsteps of River shuffle down the stairs and into the kitchen. He sat up and leaned into a corner of the couch, feeling it was best to make himself known and not be a surprise, considering the degree of bodily harm of which River was capable. After a few minutes of rummaging around in the kitchen, she crossed in front of him and sat on the other end of the couch, plate in one hand and a glass of milk in the other.

The Doctor shifted his gaze downwards as River had seated herself within his line of view and occasionally lifted his eyes to cast a glance in her direction. The blinking lights sprinkled color throughout her hair and gave her skin a warm glow. She looked a bit younger than the she did at Demon's Run, and he wondered if this life was better suited to her, more so than a life of chasing him through galaxies and catastrophes. He had always viewed River as a warrior of sorts – a partner in the defense of the nasties that threatened this or that planet or species. It hadn't occurred to him that perhaps she was what he had made her into. That if left to choose her own course, she would have become someone different. And if that was the case, did he really even know her at all?

River placed the empty plate and glass on the coffee table and, without a word passing between them, crawled over the Doctor and snuggled up to him, wrapping an arm around his middle and tucking the other between them. He encircled her with his arms and pulled her tightly against him, her head resting underneath his chin.

"I'm not sorry I slapped you." Her voice was quiet, yet still very River-ish.

"I'm not sorry I got angry."

Several more moments of silence filled the air before River spoke again. "We are horrible at apologies, I fear."

"I don't understand why you feel the need to hide your life from me. Amos…Gus…Melody… Granted, I've only been here two weeks, but our lives together are like infinitely massive files that have been compressed into almost nothing when you consider how long I have been and will continue to be knocking about the universe," he reasoned.

"But you aren't entitled to know everything, Doctor. Perhaps having to save the helpless universe time and time again has given you that impression, and I can say that, in regards to your superhero responsibilities, being somewhat omniscient is beneficial…"

He held his breath and waited for the but.

"…but I'm not someone to save. I'm not endangered by anything other than my own questionable decisions. Please understand that this is not a statement meant to blame, but you have no idea how much of my life has been sacrificed to keep planets spinning and suns burning for you. And yet, races and species still war; it's a neverending battle between evil and lesser evil. I'm doing what I need to do, where and when it has to be done."

"River, I'm not asking as your savior, as a superhero or even as the Doctor. I'm asking as your friend. I'm asking as…" The words were trapped behind hesitancy and knowing that there was no turning back once they were spoken.

She sat up and took him by the hand. The Doctor avoided her eyes and focused his attention on a crayon mark left on his jeans by Gus. River had scrubbed until curses exploded from her, but the mark refused to be silenced.

River waited for him to finish his thought without encouraging. He had to take sole ownership of the words. His hands traced a stain on the leg of his jeans that she had been unable to remove; it had been the bane of her existence for what seemed like hours until she finally gave it up and admitted defeat to a crayon.

Her hand looked tiny in his. Hands so small seemed too fragile to take on the world with any confidence. But her hands…well, her hands had accomplished more than most twice their size. They had fought in battle and comforted through storms, and usually while bound. Whether wrapped around a weapon or holding a heart, there was safety to be found in them. He felt safe in them.

"…as a man who loves you, River."

They both sat quietly while the words hung in the air, neither looking at the other. River knew it too early for him to make such a declaration, yet the timing didn't take away from the sincerity. She unfolded his hand from hers and began tracing invisible lines from the tips of his fingers to the heel, smiling when the hair on his arm stood on end.

She inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. "You know, before we found ourselves chasing down aliens and spacesuits in Florida, I didn't remember being that Melody. It came as quite a shock to me when I realized that the little girl was some long forgotten version of River Song. And I think the only reason I figured it out is because of the photo of Amy and baby Melody at the Florida orphanage."

Her abrupt explanation was only adding to his confusion, but no power under the sun could have persuaded him to stop her.

"And the more I thought about the little girl, the more I became her. I started remembering little things and then the bigger things until I had a timeline that made my life a bit easier for me to understand. The stormcage is quiet, and it seems like you have nothing but time to reflect and reconsider. And from the time we returned from the moon landing until I was released after the Byzantium, one of my purposes in life became finding Melody…"

For the first time since she had sat down, the Doctor looked River in the eyes and saw them welling with tears. He instinctively pulled her to him, and she cuddled against him like a child.

"So, when I was pardoned, I took care of some business and came back here to find her. I remembered hopping freight trains up the East Coast, and then I remembered being found at the South Philadelphia Railyard, though the memory blurred a bit from then on. I suppose it's because I'm the one who found her, except I didn't find her, really. I knew exactly where she was. It's all so complicated…" River breathed out another sigh and pulled away from him, leaning back against the couch to sit shoulder-to-shoulder. "I didn't seek her out to change her past and certainly not her future…for what happens to her leads to being me. That's why I built the paradox machine. And I wouldn't risk the chance of becoming River Song for all the stars in the sky. I can't tell you much more than what I have because our story has to be lived. But if you could feel in your hearts how lonely I was in those railcars…moving from city to city with no place to go and nobody to care…I couldn't just leave her, Doctor."

She laid her head on his shoulder, emotionally exhausted from confessing one piece of the puzzle. He leaned his head atop hers and asked, "Do you absolutely know that by being here you haven't altered the course of your life?"

"I guess we can never be certain of anything, but I know how this ends now. I remembered. Otherwise, I would have had no choice but to leave her sleeping in that car," she said sadly. "I have to let her go again, and I know her fate. But I think that these six months of stability and comfort taught me how to love. One of these days, Doctor – in fact, sooner than you realize – you will understand how important this seed I've planted in Melody will be in our lives."

The Doctor grinned and asked a question that was sure to be answered in one of only two ways River knew how to answer a question. "How soon?"

She lifted her head and kissed him on the shoulder. "Must I say it?"

"I'd be disappointed if you didn't."

River stood and offered a hand to help him from the couch. "Well, I'm not going to say it."

The Doctor rose and waited while she unplugged the tree before following her up the stairs. "But why not? Come on…now it's just hanging out there. Known but not verbalized. I need to hear it."

"I imagine that you'll survive it, Doctor. You've got surviving down to an art," she teased as she cracked opened the door to her bedroom. "Now, you just keep on climbing up to the attic. This is my stop."

"Guess I'm not invited in for tea and biscuits?"

"You would be correct, sir. And Gus and I will be gone before the kids get up for school, but don't worry. Mrs. O'Malley will be here at six o'clock to help with the morning routine. We should be back by dinner time." River slid a hand up to his face and brought him to her for a gentle kiss before walking through her bedroom door.

The Doctor was nearly to attic door when he heard her whisper it from the bottom of the stairs, and he smiled as he shut the door behind him. Yes, everything about River Song was a spoiler.


	15. Chapter 15

The nervous tapping of River's feet echoed in the small waiting area, and she flipped the pages of the paperback as if she were watching a clever animated scene play out…on repeat.

The symphony of noises was becoming too much for Amos. He reached over and placed a hand over hers. "It's just a routine procedure, River. If you keep up your tapping and flicking, I will have no choice but to kill you."

River smiled, and he saw her exhale some of the tension she had been holding hostage for the last couple of hours. "I'm sorry. I just hate all of this futile testing." She rolled her neck to distribute the tightness.

Amos slipped a hand under the wall of hair and gently massaged the obstinate muscles in her neck. "Hals, the diagnosis is correct, even if we know it's a symptom of the larger problem. They have to do these tests to see how extensive the damage is and to make sure there's no infection. It's nothing new."

"You did it again."

"What?"

"Called me Hals."

"Well, yours is not the only brain firing on all cylinders. At least I didn't call you Debbie or Bruhanna," he said playfully in his defense.

"Oh, is there a Bruhanna somewhere?" River looked at him out of the corner of her eye and smiled. "Not that there shouldn't be, but…Bruhanna?"

"She's delightful, Bruhanna. All seven heads of her," he teased before reaching up and softly pulling on a curl, watching it bounce back into place. "There's no one else, River," he confessed quietly.

River sighed faintly and took him by the hand, giving it a squeeze. "I know…"

He stood, freeing himself from her grasp, and walked over to the door of the small room. A woman who looked none too pleased with her job shuffled papers at the nurse's desk. Amos was not a timid man, but something about the woman's face warned him against asking if Gus had yet been taken to a recovery room. After quick glances down both ends of the hall, he abandoned his search for an update. Deciding to stay within view of any and all personnel, he turned his attention back to River and leaned against the doorjamb with arms crossed over his chest. "So, how many are we up to, now? Seven?"

"Eight, I think."

Amos' eyes widen in surprise and concern. "Eight? But that's two more than…"

River quickly cut him off with a voice raised in growing frustration. "I know, Amos! You're not helping."

"But – "

"Amos, we're not talking about it right now."

She had that look on her face. The one that indicated he was tap dancing on rather thin ice. River never ceased to amaze him at how easily she could go from tender to homicidal…and he had seen her at her most hormonal. He shivered to look back on those days when he realized how close he had come to losing his life on more than one occasion. Though he had to admit in hindsight, those days were more humorous than they were dangerous.

"What's so amusing over there? I need to find the funny," she said, noticing the grin on his face.

"Do you remember the time that we walked down to O'Malley's, and Tommy Walker's dog came charging down the road after us?" His grin had turned into a chuckle.

Against her will, River giggled at the memory. "Well, I told Tommy that he needed to keep that hateful beast on a leash."

"I don't think a dog has ever flown that far before. Lucky for him, he landed in the ditch rather than atop the fence." Amos had given over to a fit of laughter and wiped the tears gathering in his eyes.

"He stopped chasing after us, didn't he?" River reminded him between her own giggles.

"Stopped chasing us? To my knowledge, he never even left the yard again.  _And_  he whimpered every time he saw you thereafter."

"Well, pregnant women must not be trifled with whilst on a mission for chocolate. I'd say it was a lesson learned," she reasoned matter-of-factly.

"Yeah…by the dog and me both."

"You got your fair share of kicks as well, if I remember correctly." She smiled up at him and winked.

"And my knee still pops when I squat."

"Did you learn your lesson?"

"I don't remember."

"Well, there's always next time." The words were out of her mouth before she could reel them back in, and their laughter was quickly overpowered by the reality of what she'd said. "Or not…"

Amos pushed himself off of the doorjamb with his shoulder, but before he could walk over to comfort River, she rose to greet the doctor as he stepped into the room. River walked over and stood next to Amos while the doctor explained to them the extent of the damage that was found.

"The good news is that there is no infection that we could see. Of course, the tissue samples will be sent to the lab to make sure that there are no other underlying problems working against the myopathy."

River had yet to exhale the breath that caught in her chest when the doctor had said "the good news is…" Because where there was good news, around the corner the bad news was lurking. Amos wrapped a supportive arm around her waist and held her close as they waited patiently for the doctor to finish spinning the good news.

"However, as both you and I suspected, the muscles appear to have thickened since the catherization we performed last year. As you know, this is what is causing the congestive heart failure." The doctor was telling them nothing that they had not anticipated, and though the news wasn't great, it was manageable.

"So, we increase his dosage of diuretic and keep him as inactively active as is possible for a five year-old..." Amos said as he soothingly stroked River's side with his thumb.

"I wouldn't be providing the best care possible if I didn't, once again, urge you to consider transplantation. The team at Stanford University is having positive results..."

"No, the risk is still too great. This technology is still too new for you –"

"- to consider for our child," Amos said, finishing River's sentence quite differently than he was sure she had intended it, giving her a knowing glance out of the corner of his eye. "We certainly appreciate your thoroughness, Dr. Hawkins, but we will simply have to manage his condition as it is."

"I understand. And I'm afraid to say that at this stage of the disease, we don't know how much longer his heart will hold out, considering the increasing thickening of the muscles. After the fluid is cleared from his lungs, he will feel much better, but always keep in mind the danger," he explained to the nodding parents. "I would like to keep him overnight to monitor the CHF, but there's no reason why he can't go home in the morning. If you don't have any other questions, I'll go check to see if he's ready to be moved into pediatrics."

Amos extended a hand to the doctor who shook it and smiled enough to show compassion but not so much to seem indifferent to their worries. "No questions, thank you. We understand and appreciate your time. I'll be staying with him tonight, so I will see you in the morning, I guess."

"Okay then. Just have the nurses call my service if there is problem before then." He turned and left the room quickly, more to run from the cloud of despair than to oversee the transfer of the child from the recovery room.

They both stood in their same positions, looking out into the hall through the void left by the doctor. "Are you sure it's no problem for you to be gone so long?" River asked.

"I don't return to duty for another couple of days. Wouldn't it be easier for you if I stayed behind this go-round? We're not exactly under the same circumstances as times before." He raised an eyebrow, and River saw the slightest of smirks flicker across his face. "It's the same amount of time, River. We're just swapping places. I can't very well run the house with the Doctor around."

"I know…"

"Besides, the little man and I have some catching up to do – "

"Do not bring those video games inside this hospital. All we need is for a nurse to see you two with that technology," she warned hastily. "I know what 'catching up' means. He's going to beat you every time. Accept it and move on," she added with a smile.

A nurse popped her head around the door and gave them the room number to where Gus had been transferred. Amos grabbed their coats and followed River to the elevator. "Not every time. I could probably beat him today. Anesthesia clouds the brain," he joked.

The doors opened and people rushed by them as they exited. River stepped over the elevator threshold and pushed the button for the correct floor. "You wouldn't stand a chance even in his medicated stupor."

"You're right," he conceded reluctantly. "Dammit."

River smiled and playfully bumped his hip with hers as the doors closed.

* * *

Night had already fallen around the small town of Delaware City, and River hated to drive over Reedy Point Bridge in the dark. It wasn't old enough to have been proven effective, and this woman who was frightened of very little was terrified of careening over the side into the Canal. Nighttime and snow were the two things that kept her on her side of the Chesapeake and the Delaware. She blew out a heavy breath when land began to appear on both sides of her again.

The "company" tree, as Gus called it, was shining through the front bay window of her home, welcoming in anyone who dared enter. Though they had several visitors around the holidays, for the most part, the community regarded them as any other home overrun with children – amusingly unfortunate. River could remember the looks on the faces of people in the streets when she was at Graystark Hall. Pity and fear, as if being an orphan was contagious. Here, however, the kids lived a relatively normal life, aside from their own individual battles. River was dreading the day it all came crashing down for them.

She put the car in park and dragged her weary feet up the back porch steps. The door creaked its usual creak, alerting anyone downstairs of an intruder. "I'm home," she called when no one came running immediately. After a stop in the bathroom, River began searching the downstairs rooms for occupants. Finding no one, she began to question her decision to let the Doctor take charge of the kids for the few hours after school. Before her good sense could take over, she rifled through her mental files of baddies that could have chased him down and taken the children along with him. Just as a proper panic started to set in, she heard heavy footsteps bound down the stairs, and the Doctor nearly ran her over in his haste.

"Oh, there you are!" He threw his body to the side to keep from colliding into her. "I was starting to get worried that some inter-galactical nasties had stolen you away."

"That was my concern as well. Where is everyone?" River listened closely to the silence upstairs that mirrored the creepy quiet downstairs.

The Doctor smiled proudly and rubbed his hands together, which was a certain indicator that he'd had an idea and that there were absolutely kinks that needed working out. He leaned in and whispered, "They are writing out letters to Santa."

"The girls are?"

"Yes." He giggled and stepped around her in the direction of the kitchen. "I saved you some dinner."

She followed him into the kitchen and stared at him while he washed his hands. "The cynical and humbugging girl children are making out lists for the "fat dumbass" Santa, as Janie so lovingly referred to him…"

"Her list is rather short, I admit. I still don't think she is entirely on board, but she caved with peer pressure. Look, I made lemonade that you don't have to chew." He held out a plate and a glass for her and disappeared through the kitchen door. Seconds later he returned with a less than excited look on his face. "Where's Gus?"

River sat at the table and stared down at the pizza on her plate while she explained her day to the Doctor. Finally taking a bite, the taste of it wrapped around and hugged her tongue. She hadn't realized how hungry she had been.

"But he's going to be okay?"

"His current condition will improve, but he's not getting any better. The myopathy will only increase with age. We just have to deal with it as it progresses," she said as she took a sip of his tart beverage. "Better than last time, but a bit more sugar on your next try, yeah?"

"River, why aren't you getting him treatment in a more technologically advanced century. Surely the doctors in the 52nd have the capabilities to repair or reverse the damage," he reasoned.

"And explain his recovery how? God? That's Gus' spiel."

"Explain to whom? Random nobodies who couldn't care less anyway? Come on, River. You've got to do better than that," the Doctor insisted, realizing that he may be pushing her further than what she was prepared to consider and not caring whatsoever that she may lash out.

"Doctor, his heart wouldn't survive the transport. We've considered all our options." She had acknowledged Amos in the equation before she had the good sense to stop herself. River lifted her tired eyes to his and pleaded, "Look, I know you mean well, but I am too exhausted to talk it about it tonight, yeah? What about these letters?"

The Doctor let it go with the intent to revisit sooner rather than later. "Well, I have a plan…"

"Oh, dear. You and your plans…"

"Pardon you, but this is brilliant. Just you wait and see, Dr. Song," he said smugly.

"Wait? Why must I wait?"

"Because it isn't Christmas just yet," he explained and then walked out of the kitchen, whistling a holiday jingle as he went.


	16. Chapter 16

"Okay. The church bus will be by here in thirty minutes to get the under 13s. That leaves you with four kids. Can you handle four kids until we get home?" River was fighting with her boots and was flushed and a bit breathless from the struggle. "It's not too late to call Mrs. O'Malley."

"River, it's four little girls. If I can blink, I can manage," he said sarcastically.

She continued trying to push her feet inside the boots to no avail. "Dammit!"

"Calm down. It is only a hiking shoe." The Doctor walked over to her, lifted the tongue of the boot and placed her foot on his thigh. He pushed and pulled at the shoe until he himself was a bit red in the cheeks. "Are you certain that these aren't Gus'?"

"Shit fire and save matches! I don't have time for this!" River yelled, throwing the boot across the room. She stood and marched into the hall, and he heard her stomp up the stairs.

The Doctor walked over to the front door and peeked through the curtains, mumbling, "Now, that sounds like a most unfortunate ailment. Doesn't really seem like an effective way to be resourceful. How wasteful are matches, actually?"

"Who are you talking to?"

He spun around and saw Janie staring back at him with suspicious eyes. "No one. Just myself. Sometimes I talk to myself. It's a thing I do."

"Do you answer back?"

"Usually. But in all fairness, I also ask other people questions and answer without giving them the opportunity to be right. Sometimes it's simply easier than waiting to correct those who are wrong."

"Mimi would say that you just like the sound of your own voice." Janie raised an eyebrow and dared him to one-up her.

"Well, I do quite like this voice. Especially when I laugh," he said with a smile.

"No offense, but you kinda laugh like a girl. And talking to oneself is a sign of dementia," Janie explained before turning to go up the stairs.

"Are you this unpleasant by nature or do you have to practice?" he called after her, receiving no response. "I do not laugh like a girl…"

Hurried footsteps on the stairs drew his attention, and River raced by him, having traded in her boots for trainers. Snatching her bag from the kitchen table, she yelled instructions to him from various rooms before stopping near him to put on her jacket.

"If something happens and you have to go to the hospital, just sign the kids in as their guardian. If you sign as a parent, it's hell to get the paperwork corrected with the State. The girls have all the necessary information and …" She spun in circles as she unsuccessfully chased down the other arm of her jacket.

"You are making me dizzy," he complained, grabbing the sleeve and holding it steady for her.

"…the keys to the truck are in the middle desk drawer in my office. Don't lose the children, don't show them anything cool, don't tell them any stories and don't fall for their tricks." She searched madly through her bag for her keys. "And don't use any of  _your_ tricks on  _them_. Are we clear?"

The Doctor glared at her with eyebrows turned inward and remained silent. "What exactly can we do?"

"Umm…you can stay alive and out of jail." River hurried out of the door and rushed back, stopping in front of him abruptly. "I feel like I'm forgetting something…"

"Don't feed them after midnight, don't get them wet and no bright lights. I got it."

"What in the hell are you talking about?"

" _Bright light! Bright light!_ " He screeched in his best Mogwai voice, seeing no light bulb of recognition flash in her eyes "River, come on! Gremlins?"

"The man whose life is a horror film in itself watches Gremlins?" She fought to hide the smile provoked by his damnable childish charm.

"I like Gizmo. I want a Mogwai. I just haven't found their planet yet. It's a perfectly reasonable goal."

River grinned at him and rolled her eyes playfully. "I don't have time for your nonsense. See you later."

River had the car in gear and was easing down the driveway when she saw him run down the steps, waving his arms like a madman. Rolling down her window, she waited for him to catch up to her.

"Hey! Wait! You forgot something!" He called as he ran towards the car.

"What?"

Without another word, he leaned inside the car and grabbed the side of her face, pulling her into an unexpected kiss. His lips moved across hers with a passionate affection that she had grown to cherish over the years. If the universe were ever to have a last kiss, this would be the kiss to end it all. And almost as soon as it began, he pulled away with a one last soft caress, a quick taste of her bottom lip. "How silly and irresponsible of you to leave home without it…" And as quickly as he had appeared, he was gone.

River stared after him for several seconds, trying to reconcile her sometimes life with her actual life. Understanding the impossibility of such a task, she sped down the driveway, watching him get smaller and smaller in the mirror before turning the car onto the road and towards the city.

* * *

"I'm not going."

"Yes, you are."

"You can't make me go!"

"I can make you horridly miserable!"

"Not anymore than I already am!"

"Janie, get your coat!"

Five little girls watched the battle play out in the sitting room as they waited on the church bus, and not one of them figured the Doctor would be victorious. Janie stood uncompromising in front of the Doctor, who was nearly twice her height. Her arms gripped her sides with clenched fists, and she yelled through pursed lips. "I. Am. Not. Going!"

"Have it your way." The Doctor began flailing his arms over his head and danced in circles around her singing loudly, "Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, j-j-j-j-j-jingle b-b-b-bells. Jingling, jingling, jingling, jingling jingle bells…"

Janie stormed up the stairs, and he was on her heels continuing his song…the same few words in variation. She slammed her bedroom door, and the Doctor sat in front it, happily singing, "Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, j-j-j-j-j-jingle b-b-b-bells. Jingling, jingling, jingling, jingling jingle bells…

"Just hear those sleigh bells jingling…Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, j-j-j-j-j-jingle b-b-b-bells. Jingling, jingling, jingling, jingling jingle bells…"

"Shut up!"

The crowd of children had followed them up the stairs and snickered as the man fought childish behavior with even more childish behavior. Melody broke away from the group and joined the Doctor in his serenade, and soon all the girls backed him up in a choral performance that would have certainly raised the dead.

He stood and yelled over the girls' voices, "If you don't go, no one goes, and we all sit out here and sing, Janie! You can step over us, but we will follow you, Janie! Books are not your friends today, are they, Janie? Janie...can you concentrate? " A couple of the girls began shout singing an equally repetitive version of Frosty the Snowman. The Doctor was a bit ashamed to know that he was enjoying himself immensely. They had all joined together to fight the big bad.

It felt like home.

* * *

Janie scowled at him with vengeful eyes through the window of the bus as it left the yard, and he gave her a triumphant wave. He was a bit nervous for her return, but he had time to plan a counter-attack before night fell.

"That was rather impressive," Samantha said with a giggle.

"You just have to know your enemy, young one," the Doctor replied, adding in his best Yoda voice, "Much to learn, you still have…"

"You are a little bit creepy and a whole lotta weird." Samantha walked back into the house. "But we like you just the same, Doctor..."

"That will be humorous in a few years." He smiled and followed her into the kitchen. "Where are your cellmates?"

"In the twins' room, I think," she answered as she made herself a sandwich. "So, what's the plan?"

"For what?"

"Entertaining us. Don't you know some tricks or something?"

"Well, we have been left with a strict set of don't-you-dares. I can't lose you, tell you stories or try to trick you. Also, no jail and you must stay alive. She pretty much took the fun out of the day," he explained.

"Can you drive?"

"Quite possibly better than I can fly. Why?"

Samantha put her plate on counter and shoved her hands in her pockets. "Look, the girls are upstairs scheming up a way to convince you to take us to the Fort."

"The Fort? Sounds too much like jail. Out of the question."

"Fort Delaware in New Castle. Olivia is really into this guy who has a job as a sentry…"

"A pretend sentry, I hope…"

"Of course. Why are you so awkward?"

"Hell if I know," he said before turning his back to her to get a soda from the refrigerator.

"Anyway, there's a Christmas thing going on this weekend, and we'd really like to go. Did Mimi say we could go do something?"

"She didn't say we couldn't," the Doctor answered with a sly smile.

"So…"

"So…I'll get the keys, you get the girls and let's book it, as you would say."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth than the girl had darted across the kitchen and up the stairs. The Doctor followed her out of the kitchen and around the corner to River's office. He sat at the desk and opened the drawer for the key. Not seeing it, he rummaged gently through papers, hoping to draw it out of hiding. When the key was not to be found, he opened another drawer, thinking that he hadn't heard River correctly. After a fruitless search, he opened yet another and saw a set a keys atop a stack of papers. He grabbed them and was pushing the door back into the desk when something caught his eye…an envelope addressed to Mr. Amos Humphreys.

Against his better judgment, he opened the envelope and took out the folded letter inside. It was a deed. The Doctor recognized the address as belonging to the big blue house on the hill with the cornfield in the backyard…the house in which he'd been living for over two weeks. A house that apparently belonged to Amos Humphreys.

A sudden knot pulled tight in his belly. He put the letter back in the envelope and returned it the drawer. Amos owned the house? That made no sense. He was an intelligent man...brilliant, he didn't mind saying. But this new information made no sense. It was nonsensical. The Doctor closed the office door behind him and waited at the bottom of the stairs.

Eventually, four blurs of giddiness hurried past him and through the front door. After reaching for his coat, he grabbed a piece of paper from the hall table. In case River beat them back to the house, he left a note reassuring her that they had not be abducted or gone to war. Well, not an actual war. A pretend war with pretend pimply-faced sentries, perhaps...

His brain continued to be overpowered by the discovery. Suddenly, River's own words beat in his ears like drums.  _I actually own the house..._

Had it actually said  _Mrs._  Amos Humphreys?

In other words, Mrs. Humphreys, wife of Amos?

The Doctor evicted the thought before it even had the chance to make itself at home. That made even less sense. River did not kiss him as would a married woman.

Did she kiss him like an unhappily married woman? How did miserably married women kiss? He hadn't really kissed River often enough to be able to say that she kissed any certain way...except in way that it made him want to wrap himself around her and be embarrasingly naked and vile.

"Come on, Doctor!"

He was yanked from his panic by the pleadings of four bored teenage girls, at least one of whom was in a hurry to flirt with a pseudo-soldier. Pouncing down the steps, he slid into the seat of the truck. He had no choice but to put the puzzle aside and concentrate on the problem at hand.

"Okay. One question...which one is the gas and which is the brake. Hey...wait a minute...why are there three pedals...Is it a backup?"


	17. Chapter 17

"You are really rather excellent at this," the Doctor praised as he marveled at Samantha's handling of the truck.

The girl beamed at the compliment. "Well, as the oldest, I help Mimi out with the errands quite a bit, especially when Gus isn't feeling well. Somebody always needs to be somewhere."

They hadn't driven more than two miles when it became apparent that the Doctor could not, in fact, drive the truck. Shifting the gears while pushing the clutch required a certain amount of hand-foot coordination, and coordination was not in his wheelhouse of strengths. It was a good day when putting one foot in front of another didn't end in embarrassment.

"It's very impressive. Now, if there were knobs and levers and dials that required no bilateral usage, I'd have been all over it. These legs are too long for information to travel from my brain to my feet in time to do what is required," he added in defense of his inability to perform a task as simple as driving.

"Of course. It goes without saying, Doctor," she answered with a smile.

"Yeah…I don't believe it either," he admitted reluctantly. "But I must be given points in rationale creativity."

Samantha giggled and nodded. "Oh, you're definitely creative. No argument there, good Doctor."

He smiled proudly and returned his attention to the landscape as it rushed by. No matter where he had traveled since arriving, he was basically looking at either water or cornfields. A bridge had to be crossed to get anywhere that was somewhere, and there was sure to be cornfields both before and after crossing the bridge. As far as the scenery went, he couldn't think of a more tiresome place to be spending Christmas.

But then again, chances of being killed in Forty Five Minutes from Somewhere were slim to none during the never ending Battle of Christmas.

"Samantha, do you kids already know where you are going when they move you?" In light of his personal dramas, the Doctor had not had time to question River about the scattering of the children. Now that he had become acquainted with most and friends with some of them, he was curious how they felt about the move.

"The kids who are leaving have had a couple of home visits, so they are a bit more comfortable. But no one wants to leave Mimi, of course. Most of us have never had other placements. I've been with her for almost five years." Samantha occasionally glanced and smiled at the Doctor while she spoke. With long fiery red hair and bright green eyes, she reminded him of Amy.

"Will you all be nearby?"

"Most of them will. I think the twins are being moved to Baltimore. They have family there. Hey, it looks like Mimi made it back earlier than planned," Samantha said as she turned the truck into the driveway.

"What about you?"

"Oh, I'm staying here. I'm an adult now…at least, by law. But Mimi said that I can stay with her as long as I am in school. I graduate this year, and I've been accepted to UDel. So, it works out, I guess." The truck rolled quietly into the backyard, and she parked it in its regular spot. The girls riding in the back leapt to the ground and ran inside to escape the cold.

"She did mention that a couple of you will be staying behind," he said as he gathered his souvenirs from their day of Christmas fun times.

Samantha reached for a handmade ornament that had rolled under the seat and handed it to him. "Just Gus and I. Everyone else will be gone by the 27th. Here's your ornament. Thanks for tagging along…we just couldn't spend all day cooped up in that house," she said, hugging him and sliding from the seat.

"Hey! Wait!" The Doctor stepped out of the truck and caught her attention before she made it into the house. "Why Gus? And what about Melody? Where is she going?"

A puzzled look ran across the girl's face. "Gus has been with her since he was born, so I guess they just thought it best to leave him put. And Melody…you know, I don't really know. I always forget about her. I don't think she's been on any visits. She has a story that doesn't make much sense, though. You'll have to ask Mimi." Having answered his question, she climbed the porch steps and disappeared inside.

The Doctor closed the door behind them and climbed the stairs towards the attic. As they had approached the house, he noticed that only two lights, Gus' and River's, shone through the many windows in the front, and the back was eerily dark, as well. He thought it best to wait and check on Gus until after he had spoken to River, and he wanted to shower and change before seeing her.

Yet he couldn't put a finger on why he felt it necessary to be freshly clean. He wasn't covered in goo or sick. There wasn't any blood or mud or slime that would dirty up the house. The day's activities had basically consisted of walking about the fort and keeping an eye on the hormonal girls. Though even that had been stressful and dirty work in itself. After what he had witnessed, the Doctor thoroughly believed that there should have existed a planet on which to grow teenage girls and a different one to hold teenage boys. And only until they had control of themselves should they be allowed to coexist on Earth. Someone needed to make that happen. Timey wimey consequences be damned.

The hot water sprayed over him and warmed up the chilled bits and pieces of his body. He hadn't realized how cold he had been until the heat of the water felt like nails raining upon his feet. The water pressure was weak, which meant that River was showering as well, since the other kids on that side of the house were still on their overnight trip.

The thought of River showering made his body shiver and flush simultaneously. It was all he could do to focus on…

They were both in the shower. Both of them were naked and wet at the same time. On the same planet. In the same house. Soapy and wet and naked.

Nude.

"Naked." Spoken aloud, the word was even more powerful. Suddenly, the Doctor was painfully and uncomfortably human. The thoughts and stirrings that ravaged his body and mind at that moment would have earned him a place on that planet of holding cells for teenage boys.

The Doctor tried to think of the unsexiest or most terrifying things - to hopefully cure his present condition. Weeping angels…rather frightening at every turn…River in red high heels crashing into him from space…. He shook his head free of the angels. The Silence were beastly creatures, stealing the memories from mankind…certainly unnerving…kissing and friendly fondling. The Doctor squinched his eyes shut tighter and pounded a fist against the shower wall. Bloody hell, why were his fears now equated with sex? How had this horrible thing happened?

He was barely resisting the temptation to do what needed to be done…to give in to the physical solution to the problem since he was, apparently, mentally incapacitated. One more try…

What had been scary? When had he been more afraid than what was customary for a normal day-in-the-life? Surely, there was a terrifying moment…

Midnight. Train. Being thrown out into the unknown of the sapphire waterfalls…waterfalls…water falling…shower…naked…River…

It was no use. He was going have to do the vile thing. With children in the house.

And that was his saving grace.

The Doctor collapsed onto the floor of the tub and let the water fall around him. Now that his body was clean, how could he flip open his skull and wash out his brain? Because, even though the painful torture had eased from his body, in his brilliant and powerful mind lurked thoughts that could easily control his every function.

He was exhausted…from showering. Water falling upon him had drained him of his will to move. Just reaching forward to turn off the water made him want to weep and call out for help. Getting on his knees, he rotated the knobs to their off positions and bent over the side of the tub for his towel. He had already begun to get cold without the warmth of the water, so he wrapped the towel around himself and laid back in the tub to rest. From the debilitation of bathing himself…which should not have brought a grown man to his knees.

He just needed a moment to rest; he reasoned as his curled into himself and rested his head against the back of the tub, pulling the towel over his shivering body.

* * *

River heard the shower fall silent and hurriedly finished changing her clothes. She thought it best to remove as much temptation as possible considering their circumstances. Even though she had made it clear to him, sometimes River thought he still hadn't wrapped his brain around it…which saddened and frustrated her. There were only so many ways to tell him – without actually telling him – that she loved someone else in a way that she had never and could never love him.

The door to her bedroom opened just as she pulled the pajama top over her head, and Amos stepped out, still damp with a towel wrapped around his waist. "Thanks for letting me shower here. That damn hospital smell just clings to you, doesn't it?"

She tried averting her eyes from the glistening skin of the man who had shared her bed for quite some time, but despite her best efforts, her body responded to him. River had loved him…still loved him. They shared a child together, and that would never change. But there was no power in her universe greater than the love she had for the Doctor, and she knew in her heart that she couldn't keep Amos on a leash, no matter how unintentional.

And even though she belonged heart and soul to the Doctor, her body could still come unglued at the sight of Amos. Didn't mean she loved the Doctor any less, just meant her body ached to be touched.

By the Doctor…oddly enough.

River smiled and turned her head while Amos dressed in a fresh set of fatigues. She shivered a bit to think that she would have a semi-private night with the gangly man once he returned from his outing with the girls. The last couple of days had been a bit strained between them. As terribly naïve as he was, the Doctor was no stranger to a riddle. The smile on his face was only covering up the amount of work that his brain was doing to expose the lies that would only break his hearts to know. What the smile represented for him was equal to the snappy retorts she used to conceal the truth she was hiding. Between the smiling and the snapping, they had been co-existing within a web of half-truths and unspokens.

She felt arms encircle her waist, and she was brought back to the reality of her current predicament. River didn't want to pull away quickly and hurt him, yet to allow the affectionate embrace to continue would just be leading him on, she feared. She had to acknowledge that, if the Doctor had been spinning about in space, she would most likely have given into the temptation of the comforting arms of the man behind her. It had happened on more than one occasion since she had ended their romantic relationship two years before.

Taking one of his hands in hers, she broke the free of his hug and turned to face him. She placed a soft kiss to the back of his fingers and smiled up at him. "Amos, thank you for staying with Gus last night. We're both very lucky to have you in our lives."

Amos brushed his thumb back and forth across the palm of her hand. "I wouldn't have been anywhere else. He's as much my responsibility as he is yours, remember?"

Tears welled in her eyes at the sincerity in his voice. "He didn't have to be. You didn't have to stay around, and I'll always be grateful to you, Amos Humphreys…always."

"Well, Mimi Humphreys, we are a family. Regardless of the fuckery that it is, we've been a family for the last ten years and nothing…" Amos gave her a look that was filled with the unspoken name, "…is going to change that."

River nodded as the tears streaked down her cheeks. "Amos, I can't keep lying to him. I love him," she paused as the words caught in her throat while she tried to continue, "and it's killing me to keep this from him. How can I not tell him? What kind of person does that make me?"

The man who had held and comforted her through so many of her heartaches pulled her to him once again as quiet sobs shook her body.


	18. Chapter 18

River followed Amos down the stairs and walked him to the back door. "You know you don't have to walk outside to leave."

"I know. Force of habit," he said, turning around and embracing her once more before going. "If you need me, I'll be here before you even finish sending the message, okay?"

She melted into the comfort and nodded, replying with a giggle, "I am River Fucking Song. There's nothing I can't handle with a gun and a kiss."

Amos laughed loudly and pulled away from her. "Hey, that's my pep talk! You can't be giving yourself my pep talk. Me and that liner go back to your unfortunate incarceration. It's too late in the game to come up with something different now."

"I just thought the mood necessitated a mention," she answered with a wink.

"Just don't shoot him. If it's absolutely needed, let me do it…please." Without forethought, Amos moved in for a goodbye kiss and stopped short of her lips, remembering the newly-enforced old rules. He was surprised when River closed the gap and brushed the faintest of kisses across his lips. Amos looked at her with confusion in his eyes.

"Gratitude, Amos. Don't read anything more into it," she whispered.

He nodded and smiled half-heartedly before closing the door behind him. River stared at it momentarily until a voice in the hall startled her.

"I saw that."

River spun around quickly, nearly losing her balance. "Samantha! I didn't realize you were home already."

"We've been back for ages. Didn't the Doctor find you?" she asked.

"No, but I…"

"So…uh…" Samantha waved her finger in the direction of the back door and spoke around a mouth full of banana. "…what was all that lovey dovey silliness all about, huh?"

"What?"

"Mimi, really?"

"Sam, it's none of your concern," River said as she lowered her eyes and walked by the girl.

Samantha followed River into the kitchen. "Maybe not, but seems to me that you are digging yourself into quite a hole."

River peered over the refrigerator door and gave Samantha her best  _that's-enough_  stare.

The girl ignored the warning and continued with her observations. "Hey, I'm eighteen now, and I'll be here for a while longer. I feel like I should be able to point out some behaviors that may affect my development as a responsible adult." Though she had tried her best, Samantha couldn't keep a straight face through the bullshit.

"You might not be here for as long as you think if you don't quit while you're ahead."

"Well, I tried," Samantha giggled and hopped onto the kitchen counter, swinging her legs and banging the cabinets with her feet. "Seriously though, Mimi. I know I'm still just a kid, but you and Amos are pretty much the closest I've ever had to parents. It's obvious that the man is still in-love with you…and even a blind man could see that you are in love too…"

River was hidden behind the door of the refrigerator, and she moved its contents around randomly, creating a reason to hide from the girl's truths.

"…with the Doctor."

She stopped rearranging the food and stood. Closing the door empty-handed, River leaned against the appliance and crossed her arms over her chest. "When the hell did you grow up?"

"When you weren't looking, I guess. Am I wrong?"

River brought a hand to her face and began chewing on the nail of her pinkie finger.

"Ha! I am so right!" Samantha exclaimed before River had a chance to confirm or deny the girl's suspicions. "Classic Mimi tell…biting your nail."

"So, wise one, what do you suggest I do?" River asked as she reopened the fridge and grabbed the milk and jelly.

"Well, stop the affectionate kissy-facing with Amos, for one thing. He's probably at his house right now with a handful of she-loves-me-she-loves-me-not daisies," she answered, adding under her breath, "Might even be a good idea to stop the slumber parties too..."

"Samantha!" River jerked her head around to face the girl.

"What! My bedroom faces the backyard, Mimi. I've seen him leave in the mornings," Samantha confessed with wide eyes that dared River to negate the admission.

A red-faced River turned her attention back to her sandwich-making. "Well, sometimes adults don't always make the decision that is best in the overall scheme of things. Sometimes it comes down to the best choice for right now."

"Well, right now, you need to put down your sandwich and go talk to that gawky man upstairs. He is stupid crazy about you, too…but you know that already, don't you?" Samantha tossed the banana peel across the room and silently prayed that it cleared the wastebasket.

River heard a jostling in the trash beside her and cut her eyes to the girl. "I will take your concerns under advisement," she said with a grin. "Where are the rest of the girls?"

"Upstairs, drooling over that tiny little thing of a boy that Olivia is mad for. I got a little nauseated from the swooning. They are in for the night, I'm sure…"

River detected some undercurrent in the Samantha's statement. She smiled felt her cheeks flush as she followed the girl's thought process. "What about dinner?"

"The Doctor treated us to Chinese after we left the island." She jumped to the floor and walked over to the fridge, grabbing a soda from the haphazardly strew contents. "I'm calling it a night. You want me to check on Gus on my way up?"

"He's sleeping right now, so it's not necessary…but thanks, honey." River was grateful for the end of the inquisition; however, she was a bit disappointed for Samantha to leave. The girl talk had been refreshing. River had never had any contemporaries with whom to share the ups and downs of life, and although this was child whom she had raised, Samantha had become someone with whom River could befriend.

Samantha walked into the hall and then returned to the kitchen. She wrapped an arm around River's shoulders and gave her a kiss on the cheek before whispering in her ear. "He wouldn't make such a bad dad for Gus, you know…" Then she was gone as fast as she had returned.

" _Well, right now, you need to put down your sandwich and go talk to that gawky man upstairs. He is stupid crazy about you, too…they are in for the night, I'm sure…_

Her words bounced around River's brain and traveled to every nerve ending. She shook her body to distribute the tingling that traveled down her spine.

Could she go to him? Was it that simple? She had to tell him, but the need to feel him was greater. And when he finally knew the truth, he may never want to touch her again.

River suddenly felt sick. She dropped her newly made sandwich into the trash and left the kitchen. She locked both doors and turned on the table lamp in the foyer in case one of the kids needed to go downstairs in the night.

Climbing the stairs wearily, River decided that a warm bath would ease some of the tension building in her body. Perhaps then she could work on the tension that had started bubbling in her soul.

* * *

The Doctor opened his eyes to a white wall of porcelain. It took him a moment to realize that he was curled up in a tub…which was much better than beside a toilet, he had to admit. That had been known happen frequently in his early days.

Judging by the stiffness in his limbs, he figured that he had been asleep for at least an hour – most likely longer, considering he couldn't feel his toes. He stretched out his arms and slid into a sitting position. A chill ran through him as his naked skin touched the cold porcelain. The Doctor turned on the hot water and stood, letting the heat rain down on his skin for a moment. The soreness began to subside, and he felt like a person again.

He shut off the water and dried himself with the towel before tying it around his waist. Stepping over the side of the tall claw foot tub, he staggered to the sink and wiped the fog from the mirror. He ran a hand along his stubbly jawline and turned his nose up at how unkempt he appeared. Seemed silly to shave before bed, so he chose to simply brush his teeth and walked into the bedroom.

"Oh, blimey…"

He had been asleep in the tub for nearly two hours. It was close to nine o'clock, and no one had come upstairs to check on him? What if he had died whilst bathing? Water was dangerous. Of course, he wouldn't  _really_  be dead. He'd just become a newer version of himself. But they didn't know that! Well, River did.

Where the hell was River? What if she had died during  _her_  shower?

The thought caused his hearts to begin pounding rapidly. The sound drummed in his ears, and he could feel the beating in his neck. The Doctor stepped quickly into a pair of jeans and pulled a t-shirt over his head. His wet hair flopped across his face as his bare feet struck the stairs heavily. The hall of the third floor was silent as all of the younger children were gone, and the second floor was as eerily quiet.

The Doctor walked hurriedly down the hall, passing the darkened bedrooms of River and Gus. He knocked quietly on the twin's room without an answer and then moved swiftly to Samantha's room.

"Come in…"

The Doctor poked his head through a crack. "Have you seen the lady of the house? There's no light in her bedroom."

"I left her in the kitchen over an hour ago. You might want to check downstairs if she's not in her room," Samantha answered quietly. "But be quiet. I think the day must have kicked everybody's butts. Looks like we're the only two awake in the house if you can't find Mimi downstairs."

The Doctor smiled faintly and nodded. "I'll check. Thanks."

"No problem. Good night, Doctor," she said with a broad grin as the door closed behind him.

The Doctor quiet walked down the stairs. The only sign on life on the floor level was the dim light of the foyer table lamp. He had lived in the house long enough to know that if a person was in one room downstairs, every light in every room would shine in anticipation of need.

Walking back up the stairs, he became more concerned with each step he climbed. He was a man without a companion or a TARDIS, not to mention he'd put his sonic and the psychic paper in a drawer days before. There was really very little he could do about a drowning situation, but with the proper tools he could fight off a giant spider or a robot Santa easy peasy. By the time he reached the top of the stairs, he had convinced himself that River was being held hostage by a giant robot Christmas caroler in a secret room stashed in the chimney.

But to be on safe side, he decided to check the two bedrooms he had walked past earlier. The Doctor gently opened the door to Gus' room. A nightlight lit the room with a blue glow, and Gus was nestled under the covers with this back to the hall. The Doctor walked around the bed and sat near the child.

His dark brown hair had fallen over his eyes, and his tiny hands clutched the covers tightly under his chin. There were red and swollen puncture marks on one of his hands where the intravenous lines had been inserted. The Doctor sighed to keep from tearing up, and he brushed his thumb over the marks. Gus moved to lie on his back and the quilt shifted to reveal a rather comical and tender sight. Around the little boy's neck was the blue paid bowtie given to him by his newest oddball friend.

The Doctor stood and smiled down at the boy. For hundreds of years, the Doctor had traveled with companions and assistants. He had fallen into like with innumerable people and beings and had even loved a few. But he had no name for what he felt in his hearts as he watched the little boy sleep. This small child who lived so brightly and so fully, all the while knowing that he had less days than was acceptable and never complaining or feeling cheated. And still believing whole-heartedly in a God that would cut such a brilliant life short.

If only the will of God could be fought with a sonic…though if the prayers of a little boy could not sway this God, what chance did a lowly Time Lord stand? For certainly the whispers of a child were mightier than the pleadings of a man.

The Doctor walked around the bed and through the door, watching Gus until the gap closed. He shuffled down the hall and approached River's bedroom with caution. The anxiety he felt before checking Gus' room bubbled in his gut again. He knew that his fears were ridiculous, but he had learned that the ridiculous oftentimes snuck up and bit him on his going-away end.

No light shone from underneath the door. His rational mind told him the she was probably asleep, while experience led him to panic that the robot carolers had already sang her to death. He knocked softly and opened the door slowly when he heard no answer from the other side. He immediately saw the glow of the bathroom light through the crack left by the nearly closed door.

Having decided that she was no longer in danger of the hypothetical murderous singers, he knew that she had most definitely drowned. No way did she leave him alone for two hours. River believed that more than half an hour was enough time to get himself and all around him into trouble. Even in the middle of nowhere.

The bathroom was frighteningly quiet as he snuck up to the door. Just like he'd spent his evening doing thus far, he knocked on the door…without an answer. He tapped his knuckle against the heavy wood a bit harder…still no answer. Careful not to peek in too far, he called out to her. His hearts sank when he again was met with silence.

He didn't know if he was prepared to see a dead naked River. Suddenly naked River was appalling to him. He wanted her to be fully clothed, maybe even a parka and snow boots. Wearing just anything if it meant she would be standing in front of him.

"River?" He raised his voice a bit, then wondered why he was being so quiet. There was merit behind the phrase "loud enough to wake the dead." He repeated himself, even louder with more panic, "River? Please answer me. Don't be dead. I shall find it most unpleasing…River!"

"Sweetie, calm down. I'm not dead."

The Doctor yelped and closed his head between the door and the doorjamb when he turned too quickly. "Oh, dammit!"

River giggled from behind him. "Are you okay?"

"Of course, I am," he lied, rubbing the fast-forming knot on his forehead. "Where the hell were you? And who stole your clothes?"

"I was behind the bedroom door in the closet. I answered you when you knocked the first time," she said, trying to suppress a fit of laughter that was rising to the surface. "Then I just decided to watch it play out."

"Well, I thought you were dead."

"Dead how? Danger is not at every turn, Sweetie. Let me see your head." She reached up but was stopped when he slapped at her hand.

"No. Don't touch me."

"Stop pouting. It's not cute."

"Not even a little?" He smiled a little wicked grin before reaching out for her hand. Wet curls hung over her shoulders and her skin was still pink from the heat of the water. Though the towel wrapped around her covered up her naughty bits, he had never seen a more gorgeous or sexier sight in all of his 900-plus years. "River, you're going to have to put on some clothes. My wholesomeness is offended by what my me-ness is imagining."

She took a step closer to him. "Is that so?"

"Yes, uh…that is so…so" he stammered as she closed the gap between their bodies.

River reached around him and put her hands in his back pockets, pulling him into her. She leaned in and left a biting kiss on his neck before stepping away and withdrawing her hands from his jeans. "As you wish…"

He watched her walk across the bedroom and search through her closet. Finding what she needed, she looked over her shoulder. "Do you mind turning around so I can change?"

The Doctor took in the sight of her greedily. Wet hair, sweet smelling and still dampened skin, playful grin and twinkling eyes…and all this he saw in just the dim light shining from the bathroom.

He took the length of the room in fewer strides than seemed possible and had her backed up against the closet door before she even had a chance to play her role in the flirt they so eloquently danced.

Oh, this was an entirely new Doctor altogether…


	19. Chapter 19

The length of him held her captive against the closet door. Neither of them spoke, and each panted heavily against the breaths of the other. The Doctor braced his arms against the surface behind her, the tension in them visible as the veins bulged slightly.

River's eyes shone with triumph and desire, yet he had not fully recovered from his fear that something happened to her. Regardless of the inane circumstances that raced through his mind, those he loved were always in danger. If River knew him as well as she claimed, certainly she knew how he struggled with the burden of keeping them safe. And yet, she stood by and watched as he had needlessly panicked. For amusement's sake.

River ran her hands up his bare arms until she reached the sleeve of his t-shirt, then she gripped the skin of his back through the fabric and drug her nails slowly down his spine. He reached behind him quickly, grabbing both of her hands, and forced them behind her. His forehead rested on hers as he tried to mentally slow down the blood as it rushed feverishly through his veins.

"That's quite some grip you've got there," she half-grunted, half-whispered as he tightened his hold of her.

His breathing was heavy and forced through gritted teeth. He clenched his jaw as the sensation of her hips rolling into him shot through is body. "Yeah? Well, I'm as angry as I am turned on…"

River smiled wickedly and licked at his mouth, just barely brushing his top lip with her tongue. "And what has the good Doctor worked up into such a bother?" Her voice was a lilt that fondled his ears. Everything about her was throwing his body and mind into a state of chaos.

The Doctor lifted his forehead from hers and hovered his mouth just over her lips. River parted her lips to accept his kiss, but he hesitated, speaking into her open mouth. "You, Dr. Song. Always you. You speak to me in riddles and half-truths. You're playing games. And you're hiding something, River. Something other than that troglodyte everyone is so fond of…"

She leaned in and he pulled away. A guttural laugh escaped from deep within her when she realized that she was simply a player in his show. "He's actually very smart…"

"I don't give a goddamn about Amos," the Doctor interrupted her, pressing harder against her body with his own and gripping her wrists tighter. He leaned in closer and smiled sinfully against her lips. "And I'm sure that neither do you, right now." He captured her bottom lip between his teeth and pulled it through slowly.

"Perhaps you don't know me as well as you like to think you..." The Doctor violently covered her mouth with his own. There was nothing tender or sweet about the kiss. All of the feelings that he had fought over the weeks were expelled – anger, frustration, betrayal, regret, hurt, and fear. And River gave as good as she got, both fighting for control of the other. Teeth clashed and tongues swirled. There was a metallic taste of blood in their mouths, and the brutal passion only created a more urgent desire in them both – a need that went far beyond what could be satisfied with a kiss.

She groaned as he forced a knee between her legs and applied pressure. The Doctor released her wrists and grabbed her hips, lifting her to his waist. River wrapped her legs around him and slid her hands into his hair, tugging with both tightly balled fists. Pulling his head backwards, their kiss was broken and she looked into his eyes. He was unrecognizable. River saw none of the tenderness of his passion that she craved. She no longer felt like playing their flirtatious games.

As much as River wanted…needed…him, not like this. Not spurned from anger and desperation. Every time could be the last time, and this was not how she wanted to remember it.

She tried to wiggle free of him, but he gripped her tighter. She could feel his arousal under her towel, and her body continued to respond despite the battle her heart fought against it. The Doctor walked them over to her bed while River twisted in his grasp.

"Doctor, please let me go," she pleaded quietly.

He stopped short of the bed and took his hands from her. River slid down him, and the towel caught between their bodies leaving the back of her exposed. They both stood against each other, and his hot and quick breaths blew through the curls around her face. She reached for the towel as he turned and walked towards her bedroom door.

"Don't go."

The Doctor paused and crossed the floor to stand in front of her. He ran his hands frantically through his hair before shoving them in the front pockets of his jeans. He leaned in and spoke to her in a voice that was struggling to contain the explosion within him. "I cannot do this, River. I cannot feel you under me without wondering what it is that you are hiding. It's not right…this is not right. I don't even like you right now."

She was stunned speechless at the venom of his tone and the truth in his words, and she did nothing to stop him when he turned his back to her and hurried through the door.

* * *

The Doctor paced the length of the attic as he tried to calm the rampant beating of his hearts. His body was on fire, and he tossed his shirt onto the floor, kicking it with great force and sending it sailing across the room. He stared down at his bare feet as they carried him with great purpose to nowhere, over and over again. Arms folded over his head, he had never felt so in-command of his body…almost as if his physical inner workings were terrified of the explosive turmoil in his mind.

What was he doing? What was she doing? What in the hell were  _they_  doing? Did she actually intend to carry on life as usual as if he hadn't turned up on her doorstep? Was it unreasonable and terribly unfair to expect her explain this life when he had dropped in unannounced and uninvited? Absolutely – and he didn't care one damn iota. If he was not directly involved in whatever had driven her to this place, there would have been no need for secrecy. The Doctor had already seen for himself the intimacy of her relationship with Amos, and there was no doubt in his mind that it either had been or was still romantic in nature. But her secrets had a depth far beyond Amos.

And he felt sick down to his last and smallest bone. What could be so devastatingly dire? She had tiptoed around his questions and danced around her lies for two weeks. Fourteen days of not looking him in the eyes…of instantaneously drawing back from his touch. It was an unintentional cruelty, and tonight he had been pushed too far.

The Doctor staggered to the oversized chair near his bed and eased into its comfort. He rubbed his temples gently, trying to squeeze the threatening headache into submission. He knew that he had bombarded in on this domesticated life of hers, and he had tried to be patient. But he could see her daily trying to balance what he had no choice but to see and what she attempted to hide with a quiet panic.

He was an intelligent man, but had she not reacted to his arrival like she had, he most likely would never have known to be disturbed. If the TARDIS had not dropped him off outside of context – once again, she could have lived out this part of her life without any interference from him whatsoever.

The Doctor was not a man who scared easily…and it frightened him that her guarded knowledge would shake him to his very core.

He sat in the chair for what seemed like hours, running the events of the last several days in his head. His breathing had returned to normal and his nerves had stopped trying to force their way through his skin. He was able to take a deep breath and exhale slowly without the sensation of suffocation. Suddenly rather sleepy, he dropped his head against the back of the plush chair and shut his eyes for just a moment.

* * *

River knocked lightly on the wall leading up the attic. Getting no answer, she climbed the stairs with trepidation. She couldn't close her eyes on the day without giving him the answers he sought. Having tried to explain her life away in surface truths and lies, she had sparked the small fire that had finally engulfed him.

If only he knew the jeopardy in which his truth-seeking could result. As he was barely half-way through their timestream, her confession could cause their entire life together to be nonexistent. But not telling him could drive him away, as well. She had little choice but to tell him.

River carefully peered around the corner as she topped the stairs and saw him draped over the large chair near the window. She stood over him and softly swept his long hair from covering his eyes. After leaning over and placing a tender kiss to his forehead, River stretched out her tired body on his bed, too exhausted to make the trip back to her room, and snuggled in under the heavy covers, quickly slipping into sleep.

Though very comfortable in which to sit and have a think, the chair was not exactly conducive to slumber. After a few hours of sleep, the Doctor rose and took a step towards the bed. His hearts melted at the sight of her tucked underneath the warmth of the linens, and he slipped gently alongside her…cuddling up and wrapping an arm protectively around her waist.

He buried his face in her hair and whispered before giving in to tears and sleep, "I do love you, River."

* * *

No sooner had the Doctor closed his eyes than River's secret revealed itself as a blinding glow burst through the window of a downstairs bedroom and lit up the night…a little boy fighting for life while his parents slept in the comfort of each other's arms.

Ten.


	20. Chapter 20

  


The only sound that could be heard was of little socked feet shuffling across the hardwood floors. He slowly opened the door to River's bedroom but didn't bother to walk in when he realized she wasn't in bed. Gus walked clumsily down the stairs, holding onto the banister with one hand and rubbing the sleep from his eyes with the other. He searched in room after room of the downstairs, finding it as quiet as the hall above.

Staggering into the kitchen, still not fully awake but unwilling to lie in bed and wait for a wake-up call, Gus dragged a table chair over to the pantry. He stood on the edge and reached as high as he could for the prize on the top shelf, coming up short by several inches. The little boy climbed down and returned to the table. One by one, he untied the cushions from the chairs and toted them to his makeshift ladder in the pantry. Scooting the chair closer to the shelves, he tried again, and a smile spread from ear to ear as his hand found the treasure.

Gus replaced and retied the cushions before pouring himself a glass of milk and returned to the table to eat his stash of oatmeal cookies. Some of the other kids made fun of him a bit, because he preferred oatmeal cookies to chocolate chip, saying that oatmeal cookies were for old people or people allergic to fun, but he didn't care. Anybody could like chocolate chip cookies, Mimi said. But it took a special kind of person to appreciate an oatmeal cookie. And Gus knew he was special. So, he had found just the right kind of cookie for him.

Pulling a chair out and settling in for a secret breakfast treat, Gus swung his legs and ate his cookies by himself. Gus did a lot of things by himself, so he didn't mind it so much when other people weren't around. Sometimes he got lonely and a little bit scared, but not very often. Mimi worried herself silly when he was sick, so he had been creeped on quite a lot over the last several weeks.

Why was that when he wanted to be alone, there was always some girl around to mess up his day? And when he was frightened, nobody was ever around? Sometimes the world just didn't make any sense…and not just because he was only five.

Gus liked to watch people, and it seemed that everyone had trouble with different things. Samantha was really afraid of old people; that didn't make much sense, but sense didn't seem to matter. Becky would stand in a chair all day if she saw a bug crawl across the floor. It seemed to Gus that standing in a chair for hours would get rather boring, but it worked for Becky. Tommy Walker had been afraid of his own dog, but he moped for days when the hateful old thing had been hit by a car. Just a whole bunch of stuff not making any sense but happening just the same. Maybe when he got older he would understand why big kids and grown-ups couldn't just say, "Look at that tiny bug and look at how big I am. I will crush you like the tiny bug you are!" And then just go on their happy way.

Licking his finger and scooping up the last of the crumbs from the table, Gus slid out of his chair and walked over to the sink, washing out his glass and returning it to the drainer. Sunlight streamed in through the kitchen window, intentionally mocking him since he couldn't go outside until Mimi said so and she was nowhere to be found. He stuck his tongue out in defiance and paddled towards the hall, reaching up to turn off the light.

"Why do you keep doing that, you dumb dummy?" he chastised himself as he, once again, tried for the switch on the wrong side of the doorway.

Unable to figure out where she could possibly be, he gave his head his best thinking scratch as he walked back upstairs, singing quietly to keep himself company. "Frosty the Snowman is a robot underneath. And his eyes won't blink and his nose's not real and he's got too many teeth…Frosty the Snowman is a monster you might say…he is made of steel but of course he's real…and he always wants to play…"

He checked Mimi's room again and found it as empty as before. Maybe she'd gone to the store early, so she wouldn't have to drag a lot kids along. Which meant she had probably told the Doctor that she was leaving. That made him the adult in charge. Gus grinned widely when he realized that not only would the Doctor let him go outside and play, he might even tag along. He walked up the second flight of stairs and knocked quietly on the door to the attic. The door creaked at the offense of having to move, and he shushed it, putting a finger to his lips and giggling. Creeping up the steps on all fours, he tried not to make a sound. He wondered how far the Doctor would jump if startled.

At the stop of the stairs, the little boy peeked around the wall and heard no stirring of the clumsy man. No humming and no whistling. He hadn't known the Doctor for long, but he knew that his friend was incapable of being quiet. Gus eased to his feet to check the bed for a sleeping man and suddenly felt the need to scratch his figuring-out place again.

The Doctor was certainly still asleep.

And so was Mimi.

There things went again…making absolutely no sense.

* * *

The Doctor swatted a hand at the hair tickling his ear and nuzzled in closer to River. He smiled when she returned the cuddle and a soft sigh escaped from her while she slept. He hadn't woken up to very many bed fellows, but he could definitely see the appeal. There was a comfort unlike any other that came from his arm draped over her soft curves and the movement of her breathing against him. He trailed his hand lightly along the bare skin of her leg and wished that he had wiggled out of his jeans before climbing in next to her the night before. His hearts were so full of the nearness of her that it was almost as if the terrible storm just hours before had never happened.

He turned his eyebrows inward and slapped at his ear again, tucking his hair behind it. Though his procrastination at getting it cut had found a home amongst the current style, he himself did not aspire to hippie-ness. A faint giggle from behind him put him on alert. His eyes opened wide and quickly, and he cautiously turned his head to the side. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a small hand wave. Which remedied a situation that had arisen under the covers.

"Hi," came a whisper.

"Hello," the Doctor whispered back. He flipped over towards the child, careful not to disturb River. If she woke to the knowledge that her youngest resident had found them - more or less- in flagrante, it would somehow be his fault. And he preferred his coffee in his belly rather than dripping from his hair, especially first thing in the morning.

"Mimi's right there."

"Yes…yes, she is."

"On purpose?"

"Well…" How did he answer that? "I don't think it was an accident."

"Doctor?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you have on any clothes under there?"

"What in the…how do you…"

"Sometimes grown-ups don't sleep in their clothes. It's a fact. I can see Mimi's shirt but not yours. Your shoulders are naked."

The Doctor choked on a breath that went awry and pulled the duvet to his chin. "Of course I do!"

"Dontcha think it's too cold not to wear all of your clothes? Even if it is just your pajamas," Gus reasoned. He pointed to his feet, "Look, I have on my socks, too. Because it's cold. Aren't you cold?" Gus reached out a touched his shoulder. "Why are you so warm? Are you sick? Please don't be sick. I want to go outside…"

The Doctor rubbed his forehead and let the babbling sink in and process. "Okay…wait. There's socks and you want to play?"

"Huh?"

"I don't know what the hell is happening," the Doctor whined quietly and rubbed his eyes.

"You swore again."

"I know. I'm sorry. Force of habit when words hide in my brain," he admitted.

"It's not nice."

"Will you still be my friend?"

Gus chuckled and spun around on his heel. "Of course, silly man. And do you know what friends do?"

"Let their friends sleep?"

"Well, sure…if they're sick. But you're not sick, are you? So, that means you have to come outside and play with me. It's the rule," he advised.

"Who's rule?" The Doctor bit back a smile.

"My rule. And I'm the man of the house. You're just visiting. Come on…" Gus grabbed the Doctor's hand away from the covers and pulled at him. The boy tried to drag the man from the bed, but his socked feet refused to grip the wood floor. The child seemed to moonwalk in place despite his best efforts. He finally gave up and dropped the Doctor's hand thoughtlessly on the bed. "Now, I'm tired."

"But you appear to have recovered quite well," the Doctor answered.

"I guess I got enough sleep and medicine. Why is Mimi in here? Is she sick too?" Gus snuck around the other side of the bed and whispered, "She doesn't look sick. Aww…she's so cute. Isn't she cute?"

"I can't really see her, kiddo."

"Well, she is. She's always cute, but don't tell her I said so," he asked, returning to the Doctor's side of the bed.

"Of course not."

"But  _you_  should tell her that she's cute."

"You think so, huh?"

"Oh yeah. Girls like that kinda stuff. But maybe you should say 'pretty'. Don't you think she's pretty?" Gus picked up one of the Doctor's discarded socks and tried to fit it over his head.

The Doctor smiled and glanced over his shoulder at the mess of curly hair fanning the pillow. "I think she's absolutely beautiful."

Gus grinned and nodded in frantic agreement. "Oh, even better. She might not whack you so much if you said that."

"Do you actually think that would help?"

"Well, I'll tell you another secret. Mimi's not so tough," he confessed, almost inaudibly.

"No? I think she's a remarkably tough."

Gus crawled up in the big chair and folded his legs under him. "Sometimes I can hear her crying in her bedroom at night."

The child's words sliced through him, causing him more harm than any weapon could inflict. "That must make you rather sad, yeah?"

Tracing the outline of the cowboys on his pajamas, he nodded and looked up at the Doctor. "Do you think it's my fault?"

The Doctor eased his legs out from under the covers and swung them over the side of the bed, sitting up and leaning towards Gus. "Why would it be your fault?"

"'Cause I'm so sick," he answered, scrunching his nose up and trying to watch it move. The amusement in his face as his eyes crossed was a contradiction to the sadness in his voice.

"Well, that's not something that you can help, Gus. Besides, grown-ups cry for all sorts of reasons, really. We cry when we're sad and when we're happy. And we cry when we're scared, just like kids do."

"Mimi's not scared of anything," he stated, leaving no room for argument. "Except butterflies. She hates butterflies."

The Doctor chuckled. "Well, maybe that's it. Perhaps there was a frighteningly large butterfly flittering about her room last night."

Gus stood in the chair and started jumping. "Maybe. Or maybe she was just lonely."

He sighed and watched the astute child bounce up and down. "Maybe…"

"Have you ever been married?" Up, down, up, down.

"I don't rightly know. I suppose I could be right now…" The Doctor looked upward, as if the answer to the question could be seen just outside of his periphery.

"Why are you so smart on some days and not so much on others?"

The Doctor couldn't help but laugh at the question. "How do you mean?"

Up, down, up, down. "Well, I guess most men know if they are married. Mr. Robards certainly does, and he doesn't like it very much. He says he wishes it were Christmas all year long so he'd have a reason to stay in the fields with his trees." Down. "My friend's dad at church fell off a tractor one time and hurt his head real bad when Billy was a baby, and now his dad has a…uh…"

"Scar?"

"No…"

"Limp?"

"No…what is it when you hurt your head and you can't think like you're supposed to think?"

"Brain injury?"

"Yeah! Brain injury. Has your brain been injuried?" Up, down, up, down…

The Doctor looked at him defensively and answered him as such. "Absolutely not! This brain is one of the best. It works marvelously. Ask me another question."

"Do you have any kids?"

"Don't you know any easy questions?"

"Do you have a job?"

"I save the world."

"No, like a real job...like selling vacuum cleaners or something?"

"How is protecting the whole universe not a real job?"

"Do you get paid?"

"Well...not exactly..." The Doctor heard a faint noise from behind him that sounded more like laughter than sleepy breathing.

"Can you put on some clothes and come outside and play, please?" He pleaded as his hair flopped around his eyes while he jumped.

The Doctor stood and stretched out his arms and legs. "Tell you what…how about you go downstairs and eat some breakfast. Then we'll go outside for a few minutes before Mimi wakes up."

"I might have had breakfast already."

"That doesn't sound entirely on the up-and-up, as Mrs. O'Malley would say," the Doctor said, looking at Gus inquisitively.

"I'm not saying that I did, exactly. Just that maybe I had some cookies…but don't tell Mimi!" He explained between pants.

"You know, Mimi must think you and I have very little to say to each other for all the things that I can't tell her."

The child smiled brightly and spun his body in circles in-between bounces. "Are you coming?"

"You are making me so nervous. Please don't fall and break yourself." The Doctor reached out but couldn't get a grasp on the boy.

"Oh, I'll be alright. I heal really fast. That's my superpower."

"Is that so?" Finally nabbing the boy, the Doctor tucked him sideways under his arm and carried him across the room like a large sack of wiggling, giggling something. He set him down near the stairs and turned him around. "Now, go put on something warm, and I'll be down in a few minutes. I need to shower and change." He had started to sound like a regular person and less like an awkward social experiment.

"Don't take one of those long girly showers," he commanded as he jumped down the stairs, one at a time, until he landed in the hall and closed the door behind him.

The Doctor sighed and walked back to the bed. He slipped out of his jeans and under the sheets, molding his body alongside River's. "So, how much of that did you hear?"

"Pretty much from 'Hi'."

"Uh huh."

"So, what else can't you tell me? You know, besides how cute I am." River wiggled her hips against him and reawakened his below-the-belt fun feelings.

"Just stuff. Stuff that is exactly none of your business." He clenched his teeth as her playful movements caused waves of desire to travel from head to toe.

"Did he wrestle you out of your jeans before he left?"

The Doctor chuckled into her neck and left a quick kiss under her ear. "I'm going to shower, remember?"

"And your brain injury made you forget where the bathroom is?" Her voice dripped with sarcasm wrapped in a smile.

His body shook against hers as he laughed. "What is that kid? I mean, besides amazing."

River turned over to look at him with her serious face on. "Doctor, I think…"

"Look, River…about last night. I'm sorry. I meant what I said, but I shouldn't have…well, I'm just sorry…" His voice trailed off to a whisper, and he kissed her sweetly on the forehead.

River nodded and exhaled heavily. "We need to talk sooner rather later, okay?"

"Perhaps it can wait until Christmas, yeah? Let's just enjoy the next few days. Of course, provided that no anomalous creatures or holiday fairies show up to wreak havoc on Dela-where," he offered with a smile.

She stared into his eyes and saw that  _her_  Doctor looked back at her…with the same wonderment and love for which she so desperately yearned. River reached up and brushed the back of her hand along his jawline as he leaned in and brushed a feathered kiss across her lips.

As the kiss deepened, they explored each other tenderly. Hands gingerly caressed and lips urgently tasted. Their desire was everything that it hadn't been the night before. But like the night before, he cut it short and was treated to moans of disappointment.

"There's a tiny person waiting downstairs, Dr. Song. All things in due time…"

River tucked the covers tightly around her when he left her embrace and walked towards the bathroom. "Sweetie?"

He turned and watched her with fragile eyes and a gentle smile, lifting an eyebrow.

The words caught in her throat for a moment, but they fought to be said. "You would have made a magnificent dad."

With a bright smile and a nod of gratitude, the Doctor closed the door behind him and turned on the shower.

River allowed herself only a few tears before throwing back the covers and leaving the comfort of his bed to face her waiting world.

  



	21. Chapter 21

 

"Katie, make sure that you have your inhaler!" River yelled over the hustle and bustle of the children scurrying here and there. The back pocket of her jeans had been tugged relentlessly throughout the chaos, though River had swatted at him twice warning him to wait.

"Gus!" she exclaimed in frustration and knelt quickly to his level. "Is someone bleeding from her eyes?"

"No, ma'am."

"Lost an arm or a leg?"

"I don't think so."

"Is there a gun involved?"

"Probably not."

"Then I don't really have time for it, right now. Let me get the girls on their ways, and you can have me all to yourself, ok?" River did not wait for an answer before hurrying up the stairs.

Gus maneuvered around the suitcases and bags littering the foyer and hallway. With everyone preoccupied with packing for their holiday visits, he would go unnoticed in the kitchen. Sneaking up to the refrigerator, he opened the door and searched the shelves for the chocolate pie that Mrs. O'Malley had left the night before. He moved container after container of leftovers around in circles but found no pie.

"Oh, man. I want some that pie," the child grumbled behind the door, hoping that he had overlooked it.

"Psst…"

Gus stood and peered cautiously around the refrigerator. Waving to him from the back of the kitchen nook was the Doctor – with a fork and a pie plate in his hands. The Doctor motioned for him to get his own eating tool and join him. The boy smiled, grabbed a utensil from the dish drainer, and walked nonchalantly across the kitchen towards the end of the table. The Doctor scooted his chair back a bit and lifted Gus onto his lap.

"Shouldn't we get plates?" Gus asked before digging his fork into the mangled dessert.

"What for, tiny person? We plan on eating it all, don't we?"

"Oh. Well, okay." The child scooped up a large bite and emptied it into his mouth, whispering around it. "This saves us from having to wash a plate. You're having a smart day, Doctor."

"All my days are smart. Sometimes I'm just misunderstood," the Doctor answered, his own mouth full of the delightful yumminess.

"Are you hiding from the crazy girls or are you hiding to eat pie?"

"I'm taking advantage of the situation, my friend. It's all about this pie. Girls don't scare me. I'm the Doctor."

"What about Mimi?" Gus raised an eyebrow and stared at him skeptically.

The Doctor smiled at the child before realizing that Gus had a point. He was a bit afraid of River. She had a gun and a temper…and a secret. And he was terrified of her secret. "Mimi doesn't count. She's like a mum, and sometimes mums have to be scary."

"Mimi's like a flower?" Gus filled his mouth with another eager bite, one so large that his teeth could barely meet to chew.

"What?"

"You said Mimi is like a mum. I guess her hair might be big like a mum, but she's probably more like a cactus."

The information rambled about in the Doctor's brain for a few seconds before stumbling upon the miscommunication. "No, not a mum. A mother."

"Oh. Well, you said mum."

"Well, yes. But I meant mother."

"Are you sure you're on top of it today?" Gus asked, scooping up half of the last little bit of pie with his fork.

The Doctor gently massaged his temples and took a deep breath. "Yeah, I thought I was, but I am occasionally mistaken."

Gus reached out and patted the man's shoulder. "It's okay, Doctor. Even tall people are wrong sometimes. It's a fact." The boy slid out of his chair and walked over to sink, hurriedly washing his fork and returning it to the drainer. He looked around him and snuck back over to the Doctor, whispering in his ear, "We were never here, and we don't know what happened to that pie."

"What pie?" The Doctor grinned approvingly at the boy's perfect mischief.

"Not that pie."

"We have no knowledge of this pie of which you speak…"

"And your TARDIS is back."

"Shhh. I know."

"I ran into it with my bike yesterday. How does it make itself invisible?"

"Special TARDIS hocus-pocus."

The boy leaned in closer. "Does Mimi know?"

"What TARDIS?" The Doctor answered with a wink.

Gus put a hand over his mouth to stifle a chuckle and turned to sneak out of the kitchen but was stopped by the Doctor mid-stride.

"Come here. You've got evidence on your face." The Doctor reached out for the child's face and dabbed the corners of his mouth with a napkin. After he was cleaned up, the Doctor squeezed his nose affectionately between the knuckles of two fingers and ushered him on his way.

Just as Gus turned the corner of the doorway into the hall, River stuck her head around the other doorway, catching the Doctor in the act. Luckily, she was so busy trying to ready the girls for their extended visits that she either didn't care that he was eating the pie as a meal or just didn't notice the scene of the crime.

"Have you seen Gus?"

"Ummm…nope. Not since breakfast," he lied.

River studied him for a moment. He was most certainly up to something, but she hadn't the time to suss it out. "Okay. Listen carefully. I need a favor."

"Will it hurt?"

"What?"

"Does it require backup?"

River exhaled heavily and turned her eyebrows inward. "Here are the keys to the office. On the desk are Gus' afternoon meds. Please find him and make sure that he takes them. I need to finish getting the younger girls ready."

"I'm on it," he said with a silly salute before reaching out for the keys.

"Doctor…." River gave him that look that let him know she had very little confidence in his ability to complete a simple task without mucking it up…while also warning him that mucking it up was not an option. "Just pills on a desk. There's a desk…with pills on it. In a little cup labeled 'P.M.'"

"Really, River…easy peasy. Pills in a cup on a desk…by the way, I think the mini-person and I will take a walk through the corn today. Is that okay?"

"Just don't have him out long. It's cold, and he's only a few days well," she said as she pushed herself off the doorframe and headed back towards the chaos, calling behind her, "Now, Doctor! Cup of pills on the desk!"

The Doctor rolled his eyes and mocked her command, but he rose from the chair nonetheless and put his dishes in the sink. Spinning the keys around a finger, he left the kitchen and crossed the hall for the office. The Doctor fumbled with the key, unable to unlock the door. He cursed himself for becoming unaccustomed to whipping out his sonic, as well as for being completely inept without it. After threatening the lock with a few words that Gus would have found rather offensive and unholy, he heard a click and felt the clasp give way.

The room was a scattered mess of disorganized sense. Each time he had been sent into the room to retrieve something, it had, apparently, taken him an unacceptable amount of time to return. Because it never failed that River was shortly behind him to "do what I should have just done myself…how hard is it to find…"

In all fairness, she did usually give him only half of the information he needed to know. Once she sent him to get a calculator "…in the drawer closest to the wall." Well, there were four drawers equidistant from the wall. It wasn't actually his fault that he had chosen incorrectly the first three times.

He weaved through the obstacle course of miscellaneous items thrown about and hovered over the desk, searching for the medication. And of course, there was no little cup labeled  _P.M._  that he could see. The Doctor walked behind the desk and rummaged under the random papers and nonsensical items that cluttered it. How was it that medication dispensed only a few hours before had become lost under a blanket of disorder?

Obviously he had interrupted an office party on the desk. If he hadn't been so clumsy with the key, he might have caught the stapler and the tape dispenser doing a wild jig. The image caused him to smile and play out the rest of the shenanigans in his mind as he continued to dig under the mess.

It occurred to him briefly that perhaps the domestic life had killed his edge. Well, as much of an edge as he was capable….though River still seemed to be all sorts of badass while making macaroni and cheese. He knew there was very little logic to be found in it.

The Doctor eventually picked up enough papers to reveal the pills. He had grabbed the cup and dropped the handful of craziness he was holding when one of the papers caught his attention.

Augustus Smythe Williams.

That was the name written at the top. It appeared to be admission paperwork from Gus' latest hospital stay. He said the name aloud, and something about it struck a chord in the Doctor's brain, though which chord he wasn't altogether sure.

 _Augustus Smythe Williams_.

 _Gus._

 _Gus Williams._

The Doctor shook the information around in his head, but it failed to collide with the right synapse to make sense of the familiarity. He studied the paper further. Just the basic demographic information…age, address, person-to-notify…

Amos Humphreys.

The Doctor summoned all of his infantile tendencies and stuck his tongue out in contempt of the information. Just because he accepted that the man was a great help to River and the kids, he didn't have to like it or feign an adult understanding of the hateful truth. Person to notify…

What about River? Seemed like she would be the person to notify. He skimmed the paper, and his eyes darted over  _Next of Kin_. Well, that made more…

Oh.

The Doctor's hearts skipped a beat and the breath he pushed from his lungs was weak. He sat heavily in the chair behind him as his despair traveled throughout his body.

 _Next of Kin._

 _Ameila Humphreys._

 _Mimi._

 _Mimi Humphreys._

 _Relationship to patient: Mother._

Mother? Why was "mother" circled when "guardian" was an option? River's own words echoed in his ears.

"… _sign the kids in as their guardian. If you sign as a parent, it's hell to get the paperwork corrected with the State…"_

The Doctor reluctantly returned his attention to next-of-kin.

 _Amos Humphreys._

 _Relationship to patient: Father._

Father.

"… _sign the kids in as their guardian. If you sign as a parent, it's hell to get the paperwork corrected with the State…."_

Maybe it was a mistake. Perhaps that had been the assumption by the admission staff. The Doctor pushed the chair back and rose to his feet, walking frantically across the room to the filing cabinets. He pulled open a drawer to search for the children's files. Finding only supplies in the first one, he opened the next…and the next…and the next. After searching through six drawers and two cabinets, he came across the files labeled with the children's names.

The files were organized in stark contrast to the chaotic state of the office. The names of the children, their birthdates and the dates they arrived were written neatly at the top of each one and were filed alphabetically. Inside were birth certificates, vaccination records, and school and State records. He carefully flipped through them twice without finding a file for Gus.

 _Watson, Sophia._

 _Watson, Olivia._

 _Wyche, Rebecca._

No Williams.

He shuffled back over to the desk to retrieve the medication before she came in hot pursuit of him. There was no other option other than to ask her. Perhaps she had tried to tell him the morning she woke in his bed, but he had put her off.  _He_  had asked that they simply enjoy the holiday without the pressure of confessions or explanations, and he knew that he needed to abide by that plan.

Picking up the medication in one hand, he reached for the keys with the other, swinging them around a finger once again, and walked towards the door. And, as frequently happened with his awkward clumsiness, he flung the keys across the floor as he lost control of his fidget. He bent down to pick them up and noticed a tiny key. Too small to fit a door.

But the perfect size for a drawer.

He went back to the desk and saw a keyhole on the largest bottom drawer. Ignoring his gut feeling to walk away and indulging his instinct to know all things, he inserted the key and turned. Without any hesitation, the lock clicked and released, allowing him to pull the drawer open easily.

There were folders labeled for various things: taxes, insurance, inspections…a collection of paperwork that one might expect to find in an actual adult's desk. He continued to dig until he found one labeled  _Gus: Medical_  and another labeled  _Gus: School_. The file for his medical history contained a handwritten list of hospitalizations and procedures performed. There was also a list of numbers and dates without any written context. However, there was nothing that was relevant to his search.

Not really expecting to find anything in his educational record, he skimmed through the scant information. He did find the answer to a question that he could never remember to ask in regards to why Gus was attending school at such a young age. Because of his advanced skills in reading and language and his ability to grasp mathematical concepts, he had begun school a year ahead of schedule, and it appeared that he was doing rather well. As the Doctor closed the file and lowered it to its place in the drawer, a smaller piece of paper slipped to the floor. He picked it up and studied it.

 _A certificate of live birth for Augustus Smythe Williams, born April 28, 1964._

 _Mother's Maiden Name: Williams._

 _Amelia Williams._

Melody Pond Williams.

River Song.

 _Father's Name_.

Blank.

The sound of his rapidly beating hearts pounded in his ears. His breathing was fast and shallow. Disbelief made him dizzy, and a rising anger was making him hot.

The hospital admission form was an unintentional admission of guilt. Not only were they involved, but they were married…and with this remarkable child.

Who believed his mother had died and his father didn't want him. Because he was an accident.

The Doctor kicked the drawer shut, and the sides of it splintered on impact. He crossed the room to leave in fewer steps than he took to enter and forged down the hall in the direction of her voice.

The Doctor had been lied to more times than he had been told the truth. He had even lied to himself as much as he had lied to others.

But this was personal. He knew in his soul that he and River had been written in the stars. She looked at him as if he put those same stars in the heavens. Even when she hated him, she loved him. This he knew as truth. He was woven throughout her life – having been there for her birth and at her death. The woman who knew him in way that frightened and exhilarated him was a stranger to him, he realized.

This amazingly strong and resourceful woman had given birth to an even more astoundingly brilliant little human being.

And made his life a lie.

 _"I think I was an accident...It makes me feel better about when I leave…that if my mama loved Jesus like I do, then I'll get to meet her... I don't want to be by myself for always..."_ Gus' words from only a few weeks earlier repeated in his mind on a loop.

He saw her ahead in the foyer, kneeling and buttoning up the coats of two younger girls, and he clenched his teeth to assuage the boiling anger coursing through his body.

River saw the cup of pills in his hand and met him with a smile of relief. "Oh good. Thanks. He's upstairs in his room drawing. He'll need a glass of water, too." She turned her attention back to the children who waited anxiously for their holiday visits to begin.

The Doctor towered over her for a moment, unable to calm himself or find any words. River looked up at him when he had failed to take the medication up the stairs to Gus. "Did you need something else? I'm really too busy…"

Bending over to meet her height, he grabbed her hand and shoved the cup of pills into it. He spoke slowly into her ear, and his voice dripped with a controlled rage. " _You_  take them upstairs, Mrs. Humphreys. He's not  _my_  responsibility. He's your  _son_ , after all. You do it."

Without giving her the opportunity to respond or react, the Doctor swung open the front door and marched through it, letting the screen door slam loudly behind him.

* * *

Gus had been sitting near the window and waiting for the cars to start arriving when he saw the TARDIS gradually materialize. He also saw the Doctor hurrying across the yard towards the ship. Throwing his colored pencils on the bed, he barreled down the stairs, past River and out the front door.

River rose quickly to her feet and ran after him, calling his name from the porch.

"I'm just going to see the Doctor for a minute. I'll be right back!"

"Gus! Get back in the house right now! Do not go into that TARDIS!"

However, River's demands fell on deaf ears as the child ran towards the fading ship with all his might and disappeared through its door just as it vanished into somewhere, everywhere and nowhere in particular…with the love of her life and the man in her heart on board.

River slid down the porch column and sat on the floorboards, staring at the empty space left by the TARDIS…and waited.

  



	22. Chapter 22

"Quit looking at the clock."

"I can't help it," Rive snapped.

"How long have they been gone?"

"I don't know, Amos! Two hours…two weeks…two years…" River dropped her head into her hands, her elbows propped on knees that bounced as a result of her nervous fidgeting.

Amos looked out the front window again, just in case they had appeared since the last time he had checked…three minutes before. "Did you send him a message on the psychic paper? He always responds to your calls."

"He doesn't have it. Nor does he have his sonic. They are in a drawer upstairs," River answered him, speaking into void leading to the floor.

"What in the hell are they doing stuck in a drawer?" Amos' voice grew louder as his frustration and fear intensified.

River stood to her feet in one quick fluid motion and paced the floor of the living room impatiently. "Well, what does he need them for here? Turning on the blender from across the room?"

"Just seems a bit irresponsible to go off in that TARDIS of his and not have the essentials. That's all I'm saying, Hals." He peeked through the curtains once more. Nothing.

"The Doctor deserves to feel normal. Putting away those things freed him up to breathe a little. The TARDIS left him here for a reason. He needed to breathe."

"You're defending him now? River, he has our son in that fuckstorm of a box…flying around or to God only knows where! And just days after the boy had surgery!" Amos pointed out the window and looked at her as if she had delivered the fatal blow herself.

"My son, Amos!  _His_  son…" River reminded him, her tone a bit harsher than she intended.

"Are fucking kidding me, River? I am that boy's father. I raised him for seven years…alone, need I remind you?" Amos walked over to her and stood within inches of the calmly panicked woman. "I stood over his crib and watched him regenerate without having a fucking clue what was happening. I took him to the local doctors, only to be given a handful of information about a disease that is simply a symptom of his larger problem. I saw his first steps…I heard his first words…I saw him off to his first day of school. While you served your sentence, River, I raised your child. And I gave him back…" Amos' voice trailed off and caught in his throat at the remembrance of the heartache of losing his child, "…just like I promised. I kept him safe, and I gave him back to you. I love that boy, River. We were a family…"

Tears streaked down her cheeks as she saw the anguish and hurt play across the man's face. She reached out and took him by the hand. "I know, Amos. I'm sorry…I'm just worried."

Amos raised his eyes to hers. "He's my son too, and he doesn't even remember. Don't you forget it, River. Whatever happens, don't forget that he's my son too…"

* * *

The Doctor peered around the console when he heard the door open and slam. The boy stood in awe of his surroundings while he tried to catch his breath.

"Gus…"

"Hi."

He walked over to the top of the steps and stared down at the boy with a disapproving look in his eyes. "Gus, what are you doing here?"

"It was an accident."

"You accidentally opened the door and ran inside?" The Doctor crossed his arms and looked at the child skeptically.

"Umm…yes. That's exactly what happened." Gus could see the flaw in his argument, but he held fast to his decision to fib a little.

"I was told you were upstairs."

"Oh…well, I was…but I, uh…"

"Yes?"

The boy exhaled loudly. "I saw you walking towards the TARDIS and ran after you. I didn't know you were leaving, but I couldn't slow down. My little legs run pretty fast, don't they?" He smiled up at the Doctor proudly and pointed to his feet.

The Doctor grinned at Gus, in spite his brokenness. "They must, because I wasn't wasting any time to leave for a mo'."

"We might be in a bit of trouble when we get back. Well…I might be in trouble…" Gus admitted.

"Oh, really?"

"Mimi may have been telling me not to come in here."

"She might have, huh?"

"Maybe."

"I see."

Gus looked around the control room with wide eyes. "But you aren't gonna take me back yet, are you?"

The Doctor turned and walked back to the console, making room for Gus to climb the stairs. "Of course not. Don't worry. I'll deal with that Mimi of yours, yeah? Besides, I was going to take you on a secret ride today, anyway."

"Not a secret now," Gus giggled and circled around the console. "I think I have to tell you I really want to touch something. I'm just five. It's what I do…touch stuff I'm not supposed to."

The words on the birth certificate scrolled continuously across his eyes, and he struggled to keep a light tone with the child. He had escaped to his TARDIS to yell and throw things. Like any self-respecting person did when life gave him lemons without the sugar and water. Now the Doctor had no choice but to breathe deeply and remind himself that life with a child was unpredictable.

"You know, Gus, it's my turn to tell you a secret."

Gus' attention jerked away from the controls on the console and towards the Doctor. "Really?"

"Really."

"I promise I won't tell Mimi," he vowed.

"Well, it's a secret that she probably already knows. But I try to keep it hidden from everyone else," he explained in a whisper and leaned closer to the boy. "I don't really know what the controls do."

Gus looked at him with a troubled expression. "But you know how to fly her?"

"Not really," the Doctor admitted playfully. "She pretty much flies herself. I just run around and turn some dials."

"That makes me feel not so safe," Gus said timidly. "What if she takes us somewhere weird…like a planet made out of blackeyed peas or drops us off under the feet of a dinosaur. I really hate peas, Doctor. Please don't make me walk in peas."

The Doctor couldn't suppress the laugh, and he shook his head at Gus' innocent fears. "She would never put you in danger, and she always knows where I need to go. Even if I don't."

Gus scratched his head and reached out to touch one of the glowing knobs. "So, you don't even know where we are going now?"

"Oh, I have a good idea. I told her what I needed to do and off we flew." The Doctor checked his scanner to make sure that he and the TARDIS were, in fact, on the same page.

"So, where are we going? And I really want to turn that," he said pointing to a large red dial.

"Go ahead…and you'll just have to wait until we get there."

Gus turned the knob slowly, and the lights around the console periphery glowed brighter. Looking up at the Doctor with sparkling eyes and a wide smile, he returned them to their dim setting. "What else can I play with?"

For the next several minutes, the Doctor walked with Gus around the TARDIS console and pointed out what this knob and that dial did, letting him maneuver the more benign of the controls. And as children tend to do, he soon lost interest and talked the Doctor into giving him a tour.

Gus took hold of the Doctor's hand as they walked up and down the many halls, his eyes growing wider with each door that he opened. He was eerily quiet as he took in the magnitude of the ship.

"..and this is my bedroom," the Doctor announced as he opened the door slightly.

"Your mirror is broken."

"Yep."

"You should clean that up. It's very dangerous, Doctor."

"Rightly so, wise tiny one."

"How did it break?"

"It was an accident."

Not believing him, Gus looked up at him and asked, "Like me running into the TARDIS."

"Um, yes. Like that, I suppose," the Doctor reasoned reluctantly.

"But I didn't run in here by accident," Gus confessed.

"I know."

"Oh, okay…you must have been awful mad."

"I was."

"Are you still?"

The Doctor looked down at the little boy's hand in his own and the peculiar way his ears stuck out under his hair. "No, actually. I feel much better now."

Gus smiled and winked, much like his mother had been known to do from time to time. "It's the Christmas spirit, Doctor. You just can't be cross at Christmas. It's a fact."

Closing the door and walking back towards the control room, the Doctor swung their arms between them. "A fact, huh? You have quite a few facts for such a new and tiny brain."

The little boy waked over and sat in a chair near the railing while the Doctor checked their position and prepared for the landing. "I don't think my brain is so new."

The Doctor looked at him in confusion. "What do you mean, not new?"

"Sometimes, I think I remember stuff that isn't mine to remember. And when I tell Mimi about it, she just looks at me like I'm a silly kid making up stories. But I'm really not, Doctor."

The man studied Gus' face and knew that the child absolutely believed what he was saying. "Such as?"

"Well, I can remember going to a park with rides and games with Mimi and Amos," he replied as something in the cushion of the chair caught his attention. "But I've never been to that place, Doctor. I know, because I asked Samantha and she said we've never been to any place like that before…hey, what's this?"

Gus held up Amy's iPod, and the Doctor stumbled over a kid-friendly explanation. "Oh, it's a little music player that you can carry around with you? Neato. Can I listen to it?"

"Sure…if you can figure it out…"

Music blared through the speaker before the Doctor had time to finish his sentence. Something about the randomness of the conversation sat awkwardly in the Doctor's brain. Why would Gus have memories that others had confirmed weren't his? Was it as simple as dream remnants or the inability of the child's brain to distinguish between fact and fiction?

 _It's a fact…_

The Doctor was almost positive that Gus knew the difference between a fact and an inkling.

"I like this song. What's a coldplay? Eww, what's that noise?"

The Doctor was snatched from his thoughts by the sound of the TARDIS' screeching brakes. "It's a fantastic noise, yeah?"

"It makes my ears want to cry," he complained, placing his hands over the little speakers in his ears. "I think it might be the brake. That is not the sound of a happy TARDIS, Doctor person."

The Doctor returned his attention to console, muttering under his breath, "Oh yeah. Just like his mother."

When the squealing faded and the gentle rocking of the ship stopped, Gus jumped from the chair and shoved the music player in his pocket. "Where are we? Where are we?"

"Are you sure you want to go outside? Maybe we should just go back home…" the Doctor teased.

"That is the worst idea I have ever heard. And I live with a bunch of stupid girls. I know what a bad idea sounds like," he said with an upturned nose. "Come on!"

He ran over and grabbed the belt loop of the Doctor's jeans, pulling him towards the door. Stumbling down the steps from the platform, the Doctor followed Gus and took a hold of the doorknob. "Are you ready?"

"Yes! Don't be so slow!"

The Doctor chuckled and opened the door, motioning for Gus to take the first steps across the threshold.

"Oh my gosh!" The child's voice was hushed and rippled with wonder and excitement. He took a few more steps, and the Doctor heard him ask before closing the TARDIS door behind them, "Is this heaven?"

* * *

There was but a single light glowing inside. The Doctor carried a sleeping Gus in his arms as he climbed the porch steps and quietly opened the front door. He crept across the floor of the foyer and peeked into the living room. On the couch, River and Amos slept cuddled against each other. The warm feelings that had filled his hearts during his day with Gus were replaced with the chill of the realities of his situation.

Just as he turned to walk up the stairs, he heard River whisper his name. Twisting around to face her, he saw that she tried to untangle herself quickly from the other man's embrace, causing him to wake up as well.

Seeing the Doctor there holding Gus, Amos stood to his feet, his body rigid with anger. River rose from the couch and placed a hand on Amos' arm. The small gesture of comfort caused the Doctor's stomach to turn flips.

River walked over and tenderly took the child from the Doctor. "I'll only be a moment." She turned around and gave Amos a warning glare before heading up the stairs.

The Doctor shoved his hands in his front pockets and waited for River to return. His breathing had become shallow, and his hidden hands were balled into fists. "That's quite some nerve you have, Andy. Playing house with  _Hals_. Surely by now, you know who I am."

Amos crossed his large arms over his chest and held tight his unrelenting posture. "And you have no fucking clue who I am, Doctor."

"Really, Andy. Watch the language. It's not particularly gentlemanly."

"Well, I'm not feeling exactly genteel," Amos growled, trying unsuccessfully to keep his voice nonthreatening.

"Yeah, I can see that you draw all of your emotions from the same pool of unpleasantness. How refreshingly manlike," the Doctor goaded. While he and Gus worked on his Christmas plan, in the back of his mind the Doctor had practiced his returning conversation with River. However, the presence of Amos had thrown those plans awry.

Amos took a step closer to the Doctor and tightened the grip he had on his own arms. "You know, I had hoped that if this day ever came, we would be able to work through it like three reasonable adults and find a workable solution. But I can see that we are missing one important element."

The Doctor looked at him with amusement and waited for him to finish.

"A third reasonable adult."

"I can understand how you would fail to recognize a responsible adult when such a person is standing before you. Having turned your back on your responsibilities, you see." The Doctor spoke with a light tone, and the raging amusement in his tone was causing indignation to bubble in Amos' gut.

"What exactly is that supposed to mean?" Amos' had given up trying to keep the anger from his voice. At that point, he knew there was no turning back from the confrontation.

The Doctor raised his volume to match Amos'. "You must agree that your son is pretty spectacular, considering your complete failure to parent him."

"Excuse me?"

"I've been here over three weeks, and I've seen you three times. Is that how parenting works, Andy? Come and go as you please, popping in to drop off a toy and get a snog?"

"A what?"

The Doctor moved towards the man, anger coursing with a dangerous heat through his body and words. "All the while, that little boy thinks his father abandoned his mother and disappeared, leaving him an orphan. However, that's not the case, is it…Andy? Gus has a mother, alive and well. And a father, pretty much the same."

Amos clenched his teeth tight enough to cause them to shatter and listened to the Doctor unfairly berate him. In hindsight, Amos would regret letting his fury get the better of him. He would remember the look on River's face as she staggered down the few remaining stairs, his words ringing through her ears. He would think back on that moment as the weakness that brought their worlds crashing down upon them.

"Yes, Doctor. He certainly does have a father who is alive and well. Except I'm not that man. I delivered him, and I raised him. Hell, I've raised him twice. But he's not my child."

Bitterness and hate dripped off his words and puddled at the Doctor's feet. Suddenly, the secrets of the last few weeks descended upon him at once. Bits and pieces of the scattered puzzle began to make devastating sense. The timeline and the context were a jumbled mess of cruel insanity, but the raw center of the truth ripped through him.

Amos saw the realization pillage the man before him. The small twinge of guilt he felt did not stop him from ripping the lid off of Pandora's box and releasing the truth in all its ugliness and despair.

"He's not my child, Doctor. You are no longer the last Time Lord. That little boy upstairs is your legacy…your son."

A sharp intake of breath interrupted the men, and Amos looked up to see River standing on the bottom stair with her hand over her mouth while the Doctor's legs gave way and brought him to his knees before the man who had managed to kill him in a way that no regeneration could renew.


	23. Chapter 23

He had never noticed how loudly the pendulum swung in the longcase clock in the hall. The sound ricocheted off the walls and pounded in his ears…so much so that it very nearly drowned out the sound of his own erratically pounding hearts. He didn't know how long he had been sitting in the floor. His psyche had blocked out all interference from world around him, save for the monotonous swinging of the pendulum…back and forth, back and forth.

The Doctor was vaguely aware of the arguing in the background – the raised voices of a man and woman. He saw a flash of bright light and then felt the touch of a hand in his hair. A light splash drew his attention to his arm. It was wet. How was his arm wet? He felt it again. There were hands cupping the sides of his face and brushing more wetness across his cheeks. It was tears. Someone was crying. Was he crying? A hand in his lap reached up and swept across his eye. Rubbing the fingers together, he discovered that the tears were his. Why was he crying?

Her voice was very soothing, and her touch felt warm on his skin. It had been too long since someone had touched him with kindness. Just a simple touch for no reason. Not out of gratitude or relief or manipulation. She had been the last to touch him, and he had felt her hands on his skin for weeks afterward. Whenever the universe failed to call out to him for a moment and silence fell around him, he could still feel her – the tenderness and the urgency. Sometimes his breath would be stolen upon the memory of how softly her fingertips had glided over his skin. Other times a chill raced down his body when he thought about the desperation of the nails that had dug into his back.

He hadn't meant to go back to the stormcage. The TARDIS had gotten it all wonky again. He was chasing a different River, but he had been thrown – literally – into her cell by his ship and abandoned there. There were tears…but not his. She was crying, and she was exhausted. And weary.

He'd gotten it wrong again. She had kissed him, and he had fidgeted and flailed and looked horrified and confused.

And then he'd left. With a "very nice" and a "good."

As if kissing her had not shaken him to the core. As if it was just another day, just another kiss.

But it wasn't. Nothing with her was ever just another…

He had mucked about the universe for a bit…got into some nastiness with a pirate ship. The Ponds had been a bit distant after the Silence and announced that they needed some "time for marriage stuff" – which he found unusual and irritating. Companions didn't ordinarily decide to take a vacation from him. He was the vacation. Nevertheless, he'd been left alone in his sadness and solitude until the TARDIS had recruited help to ease his melancholy. Thus began the chase.

When he allowed his memory to revisit the night, he saw flashes of her skin…a torch song…pink lace…wild eyes that matched the wildness of her hair…a red tulip…legs around his waist…

And then he had left. Once again. While she slept, her body curved around the pleasure of her last night with him. He had watched her for a moment before retreating to the TARDIS. Throughout their adventures together, he had begun to see her as an equal, someone on whom he could rely and trust to help fight the battle and vanquish the horror. But lying on that bed was the most delicate creature he had ever seen. She was capable of unimaginable tenderness, passion and love…

And he had left without a word. But what words could he have said? There was nothing left to confess. He had reasoned that he was doing her a kindness, leaving no opportunity for awkward goodbyes…knowing that it would be the last goodbye spoken in bed. He truly thought that he had spared her the pain.

Though if he was truthful with himself, he would have admitted that he left as much – possibly more – to spare himself. He didn't know that he would be able to leave her if he woke up to the sound of her voice or the softness of her body molded against his.

But then again, truthfulness was not his calling card. Rule number one. The problem was that he often lied to himself. It made him feel more like the hero he portrayed if he believed he had left for her sake…and not to save himself from wrestling with his loneliness and his need for her. He was the Doctor, after all.

He was above needing her. Needing River made him commonplace with the rest of the universe. He wouldn't deny that he enjoyed companionship, but need? No, that was for the vulnerable, and there was no place in his life for vulnerability. Any weakness on his part put the worlds in danger. And he had made the protection of worlds, all of them, his sole responsibility. Being a savior  _and_  a lover were not possible. One would certainly be the fall of the other. He was the chooser of difficult choices. Others could rest peacefully, because he was the bearer of burdens. He couldn't shoulder the weight of the world and have love at the same time.

Could he?

His head was spinning. Nothing made any sense. Could he unknow what he knew? Could he go back an hour? He would still know, but he couldn't be held responsible for knowing. He could walk out the door after passing the child to River and resume life as usual. She could pick up her family again and carry on as before. Could the paradox machine hold their world together long enough to keep it from falling apart?

Perhaps, he could go back three weeks. And if the TARDIS insisted on bringing him back time after time, he could live out his life in the ship. There were rooms he had never seen, doors he walked by day after day without a second thought. Some rooms had rooms of their own. He could fill his days exploring his truest friend and his most loyal betrayer. He would never have opened the door on a boy sitting in a road, waiting on his superhero.

But he would still see those brightly curious eyes when he closed his own for sleep. Would he be able to sleep pretending not to know what he knew? Of course, he could. He forgot to know more pain that most people hid in a lifetime.

There was Jenny, after all. He forgot to remember her more and more. How was Gus any different? He could pretend there was no Gus.

 _Mimi says that a baby comes from a lady and a man who really love each other. And when they make a baby, it's a whole new person that no one has ever seen before. And sometimes even a whole new kind of person…_

 _Augustus Smythe Williams._

 _Father: blank._

The Doctor squeezed his eyes shut tighter as gentle caresses continued on his face, followed by the quiet pleadings of his name.

 _Cause if a man and a lady really loved each other, wouldn't they both want to see their new baby grow up together? And I only ever had a mommy…_

A sharp pain tore through his insides and wrapped around his lungs. His emotional anguish had manifested into an excruciating physical ache, and breathing was becoming torturous. He doubled over and was caught as his knees unfolded from under him.

He wanted to fight against her. He wanted to hate her for keeping the secret. He wanted to hate her for allowing it to be told. He wanted to hate her for making him beautiful and brilliant. Their child was the very best of her. He was smart and sassy and strong and loving. He was River.

He wanted to hate her.

But he couldn't.

He loved her.

He loved the child.

And he wanted to forget all of it. He wanted to run.

 _I think I was an accident…_

He was an accident. And the Doctor was contemplating treated him as such.

He felt sick.

He wanted to sob…to cry out. But what good would it do? He was the Doctor. The Doctor cried out warnings or anger or jovial greetings. He didn't cry out sorrow or pain or loss. He frowned and tucked them away in his forgetting place - moving along a bit slower, but moving along, just the same.

 _I just have a sick heart…_

A heart…one heart…

The child of both a Time Lord and a child of the TARDIS, as River had explained…

How could one tiny heart survive the magnificence created from a union of extraordinary circumstances?

It couldn't.

 _If I didn't love God, when they put me in the ground, I'll just have to stay there. And that's the saddest part of all…I'm not really scared because my heart has been real sick since I was a baby, but I don't want to be by myself for always. Nobody likes being alone_ …

Not only was he going to run from having a son, he had to flee from knowing that he had been the cause of his son's death. By doing nothing more than creating him.

Some knowledge couldn't be unknown or forgotten. Some knowledge was meant to cripple and humble and devastate.

It was time to stop running.

The Doctor wrapped his arms tightly around the woman holding him and cried silent sobs of shame and guilt.

* * *

Gus had been stirred from sleep by loud voices. The yelling had frightened him, because Mimi and Amos never screamed at each other. Something bad had happened.

What if they were mad at him? Mimi had told him to stop, but he hadn't. He just wanted to see inside the TARDIS…just for a little minute. But they had been gone longer than just a minute, he supposed. And Mimi was probably scared. Mimi was always scared. She said that he was special, and if he got sick without her around, other people wouldn't know what to do.

But Gus knew he was special.

Mimi had said that sometimes a whole new kind of person could be born. He thought he was one of those people. He was pretty sure that other people didn't glow when they stopped breathing for a long time. He had lots of comic books, and the light didn't bring breaths back to regular people.

He was different. He had a secret superpower, and he was afraid that they would take it from him if he told. And he needed all the breaths God would give back to him.

So, he kept it a secret…along with all his other secrets. He wanted to tell the Doctor, because Mimi said he could explode with life. That's what she said – when the Doctor got hurt real bad, he would just explode with new life and get all better. But he was afraid that the Doctor would tell Mimi, because it was probably a big deal. He had decided to keep it to himself. It was safer that way.

The yelling had stopped almost as soon as it had begun. Gus wanted to go downstairs and apologize, but he was afraid of getting into trouble. Maybe if he pretended he hadn't heard them and went back to sleep, they might forget that he had misbehaved. Grownups forgot a lot of stuff. Sometimes even on purpose, he thought.

He fidgeted with his covers, trying to fight the urge to get out of bed. But there was something to be known that he didn't know. And he liked to know everything. Knowing stuff made him smart.

And Gus liked to be smart.

Pulling back the covers and swinging his legs over the side, he slid his feet into his slippers and quietly left his bedroom. Gus tiptoed down the hall and peeked through the spindles of the upstairs banister. On the floor near the stairs, Mimi sat and held the Doctor in her lap, rocking him like she sometimes did when Gus was really sick. They both looked really sad.

Gus felt weird about what he was watching, so he softly shuffled back to bed, reaching for the tiny magical music player before he slipped between the sheets.

Amos had said something he wasn't supposed to say. Mimi had asked him twice why he had told the Doctor. Told him what, Gus didn't know. Mimi had lots of secrets.

Well, Gus had his own secrets, but he had someone else's, too…floating around his brain, making friends with his own memories. Sometimes Gus couldn't figure out which ones were his and which ones were make believe.

But he knew, for certain, one thing wasn't his to remember.

The Doctor was a good man, and Gus knew, more than anything, that the Doctor would never leave his little baby.

That memory was definitely not his.

* * *

 **For those of you who can't function without the details of the conception :)**  I can finally attach **A Companion in Solitude**  to this story. I just wanted to keep this one rated T in case I have readers who began reading it and prefer less smut.


	24. Chapter 24

River raked her fingers through the hair of the quiet man whose head rested against her chest. His sobs had subsided long ago, but he still remained silent as she held him. Their heartbeats and breaths had fallen into synchronized rhythms, their chests rising and falling together. A strange peacefulness settled around them. However, even though the blitzkrieg had passed over, River knew that the battle was far from won or lost. Never had she contemplated having to reveal this part of her life to the man who had unknowingly helped create it…not even in the three weeks that he had searched out her face for answers to questions he didn't know to ask.

How had he not known? How could he look into the little boy's eyes every day and not see a reflection of himself staring back? The Doctor was all River could see in Gus' face. His curious hazel eyes and mischievous grin were perpetual reminders of the man that had left her this gift. The way Gus' hair would fall into his eyes when he was concentrating on some monumental task or the way his ears jutted out just so…his clumsiness, his fidgets, his words, and his gestures…all of it. Yet, nothing was more telling than the quiet strength the boy possessed, as well as his peaceful loneliness. If the Doctor had recognized nothing else familiar about the child, these traits should have told the tale.

"What did he mean when he said that he has raised him twice?"

His voice called her back to their small world. He was asking her to start in the middle.

But the middle was no place to start.

River inhaled deeply and held onto the breath as long as she could before slowly letting it escape. The Doctor made no move to change his position, so she continued to stroke his hair as she spoke.

"I was so angry with you for leaving me that night. I woke up and saw the TARDIS fade away, and I wanted to yell for you…at you…I needed to tell you goodbye. I never know if the last time I see you will be the last time I'll ever see you. It's a dreadfully painful life to live, Sweetie. No fault of our own…just how the universe has aligned for us.

"I certainly hadn't expected to get pregnant…and, well, neither had the guards at the containment facility. That was quite an awkward conversation, actually…" River paused to allow for commentary but was met with silence.

"Knowing what they knew of my story, they saw the need to hide me and my child in an unremarkable time and place. So, the clerics decided to arrange for outside housing and care throughout the pregnancy. With the help of the Time Agency, Father Octavian found this little world and sent me here along with one of their doctors. Of course the morals of the Order made it necessary for Amos and me to pose as husband and wife. And it helped with the locals too, I suppose."

River's voice became hushed as she thought back on those days. She had been afraid…a different fear. Not a fear for herself, but afraid for the child growing inside her. She knew what happened to children like the one she was carrying. River knew all too well what others would do to have that kind of power in their possession and knew how they would use it.

"So, for eight months, Amos and I lived here in our little house in this little town in a timeline not our own. The closer the time came, the more I feared what would happen to us – both me and the baby. And as we grew closer, Amos admitted that the child would be taken into the custody of the clerics and raised as an orphan. We argued about it for weeks, but there was nothing to be done. Running would only have curtailed any chance I had for pardon, and I knew that I would have been located eventually anyway. Over time I accepted that perhaps the best thing for the child would be to be brought up in obscurity amongst my jailers. And regardless of my disdain for them, the Order does truly work for the good of humanity. And if our child couldn't be raised by parents who fought on the side of right, the clerics were an acceptable alternative.

"A couple of weeks before my due date, Amos and I drove into the city for dinner, and he stopped at a baby store…which confused me since we had already purchased everything we would need for the few weeks he would be in our care after his birth. He parked the truck and explained that he had spoken at length with Father Octavian and had been given permission to take leave of the Order to raise the baby in our home in the alternate timeline – "

"Why an alternate timeline?"

River had been a bit startled by his voice, yet surprised that he had listened for so long without questioning. "It was just another precaution the Order took to hide the pregnancy from whoever might seek to take our baby for purposes not exactly beneficial to the human race. You and I are rather remarkable people in our own right. They were afraid that any child of ours would pose a certain threat to the unstable order of things.

"See, they knew my story…well, parts of it, at least. And I had filled in Amos with the rest of it as we waited out our time. I think he saw that the River Song of legend was not entirely what she had been portrayed to be, and he felt that the world owed me one helluva favor," River chuckled at the truth in her words and moved on quickly to eliminate any room for questioning. "He reasoned that if he raised the child in the alternate timeline, if I were to ever be pardoned, I could return and take the baby back to my time and place…return him to you."

"That's not what happened," he interrupted, his voice sad and quiet.

"No, it's not," River agreed as he sat up and crossed his legs under him, watching his hands fidget with his sock. "The hardest thing I've ever had to do – and I have made some difficult choices in my life, mind you – was leaving our child behind when I went back to the containment facility. But I knew Amos would take care of him. I had watched him with Gus for weeks, and it is amazing what a baby will do to a grown man."

River reached out and steadied his fidgeting hand and searched out his eyes with her own. "Doctor, if you never trust in another thing I ever say to you, know that that man you have decided to hate protected your child. He left his world behind…everything he had ever known and believed in…and cared for our baby. And he did it alone," she explained, her voice becoming unsteady with emotion. "And he did it knowing that one day I would be coming back for Gus and leaving with this child that he had adored and loved as his own."

The Doctor pulled his hand from under hers and folded it together with its partner in his lap. "But you didn't, River. You didn't leave. You didn't look for me."

The devastation that choked his words caused her gut to twist into a knot. She stood to her feet and staggered to the nearest steady surface, sitting down and resting her elbows on her knees as she bent towards him. "What have you done since the Byzantium?"

"What do you mean?" He looked up at her for the first time since Amos had crippled him with the truth.

"Exactly what I said, Doctor. What have you done?"

"Since the Byzantium?"

"Since the Byzantium."

"Well, we lost Rory a couple of times…but we found him, of course. Or rather, he found us, I suppose. That was a nasty business, those Silurians. And...umm…we – Amy and I, because Rory was still lost – "

"Dead, you mean. Rory was dead."

"Tomato, tomahto. Regardless, Amy and I met Vincent van Gough…brilliant man. It's a shame, really. And we saved Venice from a family of faux vampires. You know, I get a bit disgusted with myself when I realize how long it takes me to flesh out a perception filter. I mean, how many times will that get by me?" The distraction of her question had returned the Doctor to himself a bit. He had found his voice again, and he felt the despair began to fade and be replaced with a bubbling anger. He rose and began pacing in short strides, up and down the foyer hallway.

"And where does a child fit into all that saving and knocking about? Not to mention having to be careful to avoid running into myself, because…just in case you've forgotten…I would be going backward to take him forward. What then, yeah?"

"We could have made it work, River. Like you have apparently done for years. You could have made it work." His tone was stern and louder, and he was visibly angered.

"Made it work how? 'Oh, sorry, Sweetie. We must be leaving now. The world is about the fade under the stress of disappearing time…and oh yeah, the TARDIS explodes. Be back for dinner.' Is that how it works, Doctor?"

He took a step in her direction with an outstretched arm, pointing at her in frustration. "Do not put this on me! I am who I am, River. And if I were not, none of this would even be here now! None of us would exist. I cannot stop doing what is my responsibility alone to do."

"Exactly, Sweetie." Her voice was soft and meant to calm.

"What? That's it? I can't know my child for the simple fact of being who I am? That's bullshit, River, and you know it."

"I'm not saying that I made the best choice for you…or for me, actually…but I made the choice that was best for Gus. You haven't let me finish, Doctor."

He walked over to a wall and leaned against it, waiting for her to continue.

"When they finally released me after the Byzantium, Gus had been with Amos for seven years. And he was brilliant and funny and charming…all the things I love about you, he was threefold. I was granted occasional visits for two or three weeks at a time, and I couldn't get enough of how you he was," River smiled at the memory and sighed before continuing. "And until Gus, I thought it impossible for anyone to love you more than me, but that little boy talked about you from the time he woke until he closed his tired little eyes at night. Got a bit irritating at times."

"So, you told him stories about me then, as well. Did you tell them as incorrectly as you do now?" River could see him fighting a smile.

"Actually, Amos told him many of the stories," she confessed quietly.

"Amos?"

"Doctor, he never claimed to be anything other than his caregiver. Of course, he loved him like any father does, but even when he could have pretended to be that, he didn't. Amos has never denied or tried to take away from the fact that Gus is completely ours."

"But why go to the trouble of telling him about me if you were going to come back for him?"

"Because he is a good man, Doctor. There was always the possibility that I wouldn't return for him. I had no guarantee of being pardoned. The Order could have easily used me covertly for the rest of my life, for all we knew. Amos didn't just sacrifice a few years – he was prepared to care for Gus for the rest of his life. It was his choice to tell Gus about his superhero father who lived in a place that he couldn't leave easily. Amos tried in every way possible to make Gus understand that if we could be with him, both of us, we would have moved the heavens and every planet to make it happen. And when I was with them, I told him the same thing."

Twinges of guilt caused him to look away from her. He had taken every opportunity to goad Amos and to remind him that River belonged only with him. He felt a bit nauseous remembering how he had accused him of being a neglectful parent. However, the story was still incomplete. "Not to repeat myself, but you didn't return with him, River."

She twisted her hands together and spoke to the floor. "I had a long time to think in that cell. I thought about what it means to travel with you and the danger that is seemingly unavoidable. I know what is ahead for you, and it is equal parts amazing and terrifying. In some ways, you are only beginning to live your life in this incarnation, Sweetie. Even if I could tell you, I wouldn't know where to start.

"But most importantly, it just wasn't safe for Gus. Though you will soon know, you have no idea of the resourcefulness of your enemies and how they use the people you love to get to you. Nobody knows this better than me. Gus was actually raised in the 1950s by Amos, but we came to this time so that I could help Melody. Doctor, the Silence will do whatever is necessary to see you destroyed. They stole me right out from under you. And I couldn't take the chance that they would come after our child."

"But we took care of the Silence."

River had realized her mistake after letting the words slip, and she hated nothing more than what she had no choice but to say in that moment. "Spoilers, Sweetie."

He breathed out a sarcastic laugh and shook his head in disbelief. "Of course…"

"So, when I was released, I told Amos that I planned to return to my timeline and raise Gus as he had done…just a few years later. And when he questioned me about it, I told him what I needed and wanted to do. Amos and I had become very close, and I relied on him more than I should have, I suppose. Perhaps that's why he chose to follow us and help as much as he could – dividing his time between his duties as a cleric and his obligations here, which is why he's not here regularly. Becoming a group home happened accidentally, and it necessitated another story to explain Amos. So, he became my husband, once again, who was away for work most of the time. And to protect Gus, we made the choice to raise him as a foster child alongside the other children. Doctor, I cannot tell you how painful it is to have a son whom you love more than anything in this world and not hear him call you 'Mum'. This hasn't been easy for anyone."

"Probably as painful as finding out you have a son and never having heard him call you 'Dad'." The Doctor resumed pacing and nervously stroked his chin while he walked. "I don't think I want to hear anymore just now, River."

"I'm sorry, but you wanted to know the truth, Doctor. You can't choose how much of it you get."

"Why not? Shouldn't I have some choice in this? None of the other decisions have been mine thus far," he snapped.

"He's sick."

The Doctor stopped and cast his gaze downward. "I know he's sick, River."

"But you don't know how – "

"It's because of me. Gus is dying because of me." He turned away from her and blinked back threatening tears.

River stood and walked towards him, gently placing a hand on his back. "No, not just you, Sweetie. You aren't the only one with the Time Lord genes, remember?"

He spun around to face her, eyes still welled. One blink sent a single trail of tears down his cheeks. "So, what does it mean, exactly?"

River reached up and brushed away the dampness from his face. Grabbing his hand, she walked them both over to the couch and sat down. "As Gus got a bit older and his heart settled into a regular human rhythm, Amos began to notice some signs of distress. After some testing, the doctors decided that he has something called cardiomyopathy. The muscles of his heart are getting thicker. It's not common in children, and of course, Gus doesn't have just any form of it."

"So, he does have only one heart?"

"Yes. And that's the problem."

"But you have only one heart, right?"

"Right, but I have two human parents. My time lord DNA is quite by accident and doesn't contain the same purity as does yours. But see, Gus is a remarkable creation of the both of us. And as far as Amos can tell, his anatomy is a fated gift from his grandparents. Gus is, by what we can tell, physically human with the blood of Time Lords coursing through his little veins."

"That makes none of the sense and all of the sense at the same time. Which in itself makes no sense." The Doctor exhaled loudly and ran a hand through his hair, scratching as he went, as if to dig up some answers.

"Gus regenerates when his body senses fatal endangerment just as you. Except, being human, he doesn't regenerate a new body. He more or less reboots, if that makes any sense. And each time, his heart becomes a bit more damaged…the walls get more vulnerable to collapse. His little heart can't hold up against the power of his DNA and of the regenerations. Maybe one without the other, but definitely not both," she explained sadly.

"So, what is to be done? Surely, there is a cure or a procedure or something that could save him," he said, the pleading in his voice heartbreaking.

"His doctors in the city keep pushing for a heart transplant, but it's out of the question."

"Why? Seems to me that he needs a new heart. Let's get him one. What's the problem?"

"Doctor, you know that's impossible. They open him up and remove his heart, he explodes. And what are the doctors going to think, much less do, after that? Having the surgery is simply planning for a more specific time of de…" River couldn't say it. To say the word aloud meant to acknowledge its inevitability. And like any mother, she had yet to accept that her son would die.

The Doctor knew she was right.

About everything.

He was still angry and hurt, as well as emotions he couldn't even name. But River had truly done what was in the best interest of their son.

But River wasn't making the decisions alone anymore.

"He's coming with me."

"Excuse me?"

"We're taking him to the Sisters of the Infinite Schism. If there is something to be done, they'll know," he explained frantically. "You can come with us or you can stay here – it makes no difference to me - but we're going."

"Sweetie, there's nothing – "

"He's my son too, and we're going! No discussion!" He yelled before snatching open the front door and letting it slam behind him.

River didn't follow him. She knew him well enough to know that he needed to talk it out, though she also knew that no amount of reasoning and talking would remedy the despair and anguish over the unavoidable loss of a child. She wanted to contact Amos and apologize for being so harsh with him. In telling their story, her frustration had melted into gratitude once again. But climbing the stairs made her realize how exhausted she was and how badly she needed to sleep. Apologies would keep until tomorrow, she decided.

River walked quietly towards Gus' room to tuck him in when she heard soft humming. As she got nearer, she heard a little voice singing in his bedroom.

When you try your best but you don't succeed…To get what you want not but what you need…

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep...

Stuck in reverse…

When the tears come streaming down your face…

When you lose something you can't replace…

When you love someone but it goes to waste…

Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home…

And ignite your bones…

And I will try…

To fix you.

River leaned back against the wall outside his bedroom, and her legs gave way, causing her to slide to the floor. And for one brief and rare moment, she allowed herself to cry…for what she had already lost and what she had left to lose.

Song is Fix You by Coldplay


	25. Chapter 25

Amos carefully peeked around the corners of the rooms downstairs, finding no one. The house was usually quiet late at night but not with the eerie kind of silence with which he met. The walls always hummed with the vibes of female energy; however, with all the girls gone for the holidays, the life seemed to have been drained from the house. When River had stumbled across Samantha five years before, Amos had encouraged her to take in the girl. But then came Becky and Janie and Katie and Alice. Before long, their cozy little home had become Grand Central Station for girls with no home to call their own…a place to which they were not afraid to speak their their minds or turn a corner. River had fashioned for them a family of sorts. And Amos supposed a family for herself, as well. Sometimes he wondered who benefited more from the comfort of the home, the children or River.

Or even himself.

There had been an embarrassing and undignified amount of pleading when he had been given the assignment. Amos had not joined the Order only to be given a job as a glorified babysitter, and he had definitely not spent so many years studying medicine in order to be an obstetrician. Most importantly, he had not taken up the service to protect a woman whose hands were bloodied by the murder of a great man.

"There will be times, Brother Amos, when you will be assigned duties that seem to negate the very beliefs on which we stand. You must trust that we have thought upon this situation very carefully, and you are the most qualified to carry out the mission," Father Octavian explained, in a tone that left no room for negotiation. "Whatever we may think of Dr. Song, she is carrying a remarkable child, and this child must be protected at all costs. Very few assignments in your career will stand up to the importance of the one you are now being handed."

"Yes, Father."

"And Brother Amos, even if this was as simple as a routine exercise, you must always remember that our work is for the preservation and well-being of humanity and should be regarded with sanctity and respect," the Bishop added before putting an end to the conversation.

"Yes, Father."

Amos often wondered if Father Octavian had ever regretted his decision to send him with River. The Order had other physicians, many with more experience in both medicine and faith…and humility. Amos had never lacked for pride in his abilities as a doctor or a soldier, and such a trait was not desirable amongst the clerics in the Order. Though it wasn't only his pride that Father Octavian sought to remedy. He often isolated and distanced himself from the bonds of his brothers, and this emotional ineptitude was feared to be a weakness in the battle of evil versus lesser evil. Because, over the millennia, mankind had discovered that there was no good.

Good had been sacrificed in vain.

And he had been assigned to protect its murderer.

Amos had certainly not intended to like her.

And he had fought desperately against loving her.

It had happened so quietly. He couldn't pinpoint the moment he lost his heart to her…not a look, a sigh, a word…nothing. For the first several weeks, only the necessary conversations had passed between them. Words bare of any real meaning, just enough to get across an idea or thought. Sometimes they would greet each other in the morning, other times not. Many times one would leave a room soon after the other entered. It was an unspoken blind distaste for each other.

Neither knowing that the other had been irrevocably wounded by love and loss. Neither realizing that there was solace to be found in each other.

That was until she felt the baby kick. One simple hello from the feisty infant caused them both to smile at the same time and at each other. Amos began to look at River as a mother above all other labels. Dinners became less lonely, and evenings were spent together watching television or playing cards. They took early morning walks and rocked in the porch swing at night, watching the lightening bugs and talking about the senses and nonsenses of their lives and life in general.

One evening as they were eating ice cream outside the neighborhood malt shop, Amos asked the question the universe had begged for years.

He was staring down his empty ice cream glass. "River…"

"Hmm?" She happily stabbed the chocolate blob in her second float of the evening.

"Why…Was it…" Amos was not a man who made it habit of having to search for the right words. For the most part, he said what needed saying in any way the words came out, giving very little thought to tact or appropriateness – which was probably why he found himself struggling.

"You've got to do better than that, Dr. Humphreys," she said with a wink.

River could easily guess the nature of his question. It was the same question that shone in the eyes of everyone who dared to speak to her. She had become someone to fear…someone of whom others steered clear. Life was lonely in the cell after the journal pages were closed, and ss much as her life was centered around the Doctor, her times with him were but moments in an existence that were exactly that – existing.

"Why have you never admitted or denied guilt for his murder?"

River smiled a half-smile around the spoon in her mouth. "Is that your way of asking if I am guilty?

Amos looked up at her and grinned. "The prisons are full of innocent people, Dr. Song. Just ask them."

"Aren't they all?" she replied with a chuckle.

"But are you?"

River watched the cherry dangle between her fingers and delayed the pleasure in eating it. She raised her eyes to his. "I shot him."

"Intentionally?"

"I had no choice, but it was not accidental. I raised my arm to fire, and he turned his head and waited." She liked the way the juices from cherries exploded in her mouth with no rhyme or reason of direction.

"Am I allowed to ask why?" He didn't know how far she was prepared to confess, nor did he know why it was suddenly so important to him to have an explanation.

"Oh, you can ask…" Why had the maraschino cherry faded into history? One day they were floating in drinks that made people giddy and then…no more maraschino. The wibbliness of time had not been kind to the cherry.

"River…"

She stuck out her tongue and dropped the tiny fruit into her mouth, savoring its artificially sweetened yumminess. Standing slowly, she wobbled away from the table and turned to face him. "Come on, dear. Let's get moving before the night beats us home."

The moon had risen before the sun had disappeared behind the horizon, reminding River of the day in question. She cast a sideways glance in Amos' direction and saw him shuffling beside her with his hands buried in the pockets of his trousers, staring down at the dirt as it scattered from underneath his feet as he walked.

River had never lived a significant amount of time with any one person in her entire life. Oh, she had been with Kovarian for years, but it could hardly be counted as quality time. And she had been woven in and out of the Doctor's life for as long as she could remember, but those moments were always fleeting. She trusted the Doctor, because she knew no other way. Trusting him was instinctual.

Trusting Amos had taken her by surprise.

"Amos, are you familiar with the Teselecta?" The words seemed to escape from her without any forethought whatsoever.

"Isn't that a project of the Justice Department? Some sort of compressed vehicle? Or am I just pulling this information from my ass?"

River broke out into a laugh and stopped to steady her unbalanced body from the pleasant disturbance. Amos placed a supportive hand on her lower back and laughed along with her.

"Well, you never really know, do you? Our days are no longer malt shops and dime stores. Since we've been here, I sometimes wonder if I really know what I know," he tried to explain. "Is this really a tiny time machine or am I just a man wearing a bracelet in 1956?"

She smiled and began walking once more. "Yes, the Teselecta is just that. A nearly indestructible vehicle capable of transporting miniaturized people."

"Okay…"

"Life-sized robotic replica of an actual person that can transport that person as a passenger?"

"Uh huh."

River stopped and turned to look at him. "Really? The Order sent me with the very best they had? Did you lose a bet?"

"What?" Amos' brain was misfiring on all cylinders.

"Should I be concerned about the well-being of this child during birth? Are you going to catch it in a fishing net?"

"What in the hell are you talking about? My damn head hurts now," he complained, getting as close to whining as a man his size and demeanor was capable.

River leaned in and confessed in a hushed tone. "Amos, I shot a Teselecta. I could never...would never... have killed him."

Amos knew that look in her eyes. It had been many years, but he remembered it well. "You loved him."

"I still do," she whispered into the night air. The moon lit up the road just enough to reveal their driveway, and she began walking towards it with Amos following behind her.

Later that night, Amos stood nervously outside River's bedroom. He looked down at the photograph in his hand and swallowed the lump that insisted on rising in his throat. It had been weeks since he looked at it last…possibly the longest he had ever gone without a quiet reflection. He knocked hesitantly on the door, light enough to go unnoticed. But River wasn't one to miss much.

"Come in…"

Amos poked his head in through the door. "Just saying goodnight."

"Oh. Well then, goodnight," she answered as she struggled to remake the bed with fresh linens.

Thankful to have a reason to intrude, Amos hurried over to the bed and finished tucking the sheets around corners and spreading the duvet across the mattress. River had noticed the man place the photograph on the nightstand before helping her, and she inquired about it when they had finished.

"May I?" she asked before picking it up. After receiving a shy nod, River studied the picture of a rather happy-looking family, perhaps on a holiday. Amos was kneeling beside a beautiful young woman, and each of them was embracing a smiling child. River glanced up at Amos with a look of surprise. "You have a gorgeous family, Brother Amos."

He smiled weakly and gazed down at the photo she held gingerly. "Thanks."

"So, how does Mrs. Brother Amos feel about you playing husband to a prisoner for so many months?" she asked him with a wink.

"I don't know," he answered quietly. "She died."

The teasing grin faded quickly from her face, and she raised shocked and shameful eyes to meet his. "Oh my god, Amos. I am so sorry…." River didn't know what else to say. Months and months of playing house must have been more burdensome than she could ever have imagined.

"Yeah…me too…"

River reached out and took the man's hand in hers and squeezed it gently. "She's amazingly beautiful. I like her smile…warm with an inkling of playfulness. What was her name?"

"Meredith, but we called her Mere. Like Mary…just not spelled the same," he said in an almost childlike whisper and then chuckled. "She was so angry with me when we took that picture."

"Really? Well, she hid it well. Your children are also beautiful. The little boy has your dimples."

"Isaiah… always getting into something. And Sarah looks just like her mother there, doesn't she?"

River nodded and marveled at the secretive man beside her. How does a father not go crazy, being unable to see his children for such a long period of time? "Who is taking care of them while you are here?"

When he failed to answer after several seconds, River was afraid that his silence was all the answer she needed. After a heavy sigh, Amos spoke the heartbreaking truth. "Their mother."

The two of them sat together on the bed, leaning back against the headboard with their shoulders touching and without saying a word for quite some time. River gently rested her head on his shoulder, his thumb tracing small circles on the hand still clasped in his.

Amos spoke first, and River could hear the acceptance and sadness in his voice. "I was a Time Agent before they died…well, before they were killed."

"Wait…killed?" River lifted her head and watched his face and eyes as he continued.

His nod was barely noticeable, and his voice hushed and defeated. "Some missions are not without their dangers. And some dangers are too horrible to imagine even possible."

Amos had revealed this devastating part of his life without any prompting, and River did not prod for more answers. Those would eventually follow. She had learned that life happened in the waiting, and she had a respect for this man that she did not easily afford to many.

For Amos to have shared his burden with her meant that he trusted her in a way that few ever had. Knowing this made River want to confide in him the other pieces to her puzzle. "Amos, what have you been told about the child I'm carrying?"

"I believe Father Octavian's word was 'remarkable.' And I know that the Order went to great lengths to hide the pregnancy. Other than that, I have no details to speak of, really," he answered as he tucked the photograph into his shirt pocket. "Why?"

River inhaled deeply and let the breath out as slowly as possible as the baby kicked her bladder. "I have never admitted as much to them or to the administration of the facility, but they have their suspicions as to the father of this baby…which would explain why we are stuck in the middle of nowhere and no time."

Amos turned his head to look at her. "The Doctor."

"Yes," she replied quietly.

"So, what does that mean? Does he know?"

A heavy sigh spoke volumes of guilt and uncertainty. "No, he doesn't."

Amos let the information wrap around his brain and melt in with what he knew already. "Will you tell him? I mean, it's obvious that you love him."

"Apparently not obvious enough. He certainly has no idea. Then again, for all his saving and giving, he has somewhat of a selfish streak, that man. I like to try to convince myself that he's simply oblivious…which he is as well…but his world revolves around his world," River said with a touch of snark.

"So, you're not telling him?" One thing Amos didn't miss about female companionship was the trickery and methodology necessary to arrive at an answer.

"He wouldn't believe it if I did. Would he?"

"Are you asking me? 'Cause hell if I know!"

"Can I really expect him to suddenly become a family man and give up his random travelling? Him and me and baby makes three? I hardly doubt it…"

Amos realized that River wasn't actually seeking his answers. He was simply a sounding board…without sound, which was perfectly okay with him. She continued to talk herself into or out of something – he wasn't sure what the something was or in which direction she was leaning. She was very good at proposing and answering the hypothetical.

"What do you think?"

"Huh?"

"Amos! I can't repeat that again!"

"I didn't think you really wanted an answer. Sorry," he said sheepishly. "But…"

River waited for him to finish, fidgeting with the sleeve of his denim shirt. "Yes?"

"I may not have been paying the closest of attention, but I know this, River. A man deserves to know that a little person exists who has his eyes or his ears or his tendency to get into trouble. And a child deserves to look into the eyes of the man who helped give him life. At the end of the day, all that is important is family," he answered with a hushed tone. "I may not be the most sensitive or the kindest of men, but I know what it is important in life."

Tears fell and slipped down her cheeks as she stared into her lap. River knew he was right, but she did not have a reputation for always making the soundest of decisions. She didn't know if she would be capable of doing what was best for all of them, because the Doctor wasn't the only one with a touch of selfishness in the pair of them. How would she know if she was making the choice that was best for her, for him, or for the baby? Because no one decision existed that would be best for them all.

Without a careful thought, Amos reached up and brushed away the tears from her face. His touch was gentle and warm, and a peacefulness radiated through River as she realized that this man cared for her – and she for him – without any of the complications she was accustomed to battling. It was a necessary comfort for them both, each having lost the greatest love either would ever know.

When River looked up at him and brought her lips softly to his, they both understood that the kiss was not a promise of anything more than comfort in turmoil. And though over the years, they would progress from friends to lovers and back to a more complicated friendship, there was always the unspoken understanding that her life and her love belonged to only two.

The Doctor and the son she had reluctantly chosen to deny.

Finding the downstairs dark and empty, Amos crept up the steps to the second floor. Nearer to the top he caught a glimpse of River through the banister. She had tucked herself into an awkward position and fallen asleep against the wall outside of Gus' bedroom. Amos walked quietly towards her and knelt down, stroking her hair and face in an attempt to rouse her from sleep. His only success was a few moans of the usual protest, and he chuckled softly.

"Even in your sleep, you are driven by stubbornness, honey," he said as he scooped her up and cradled her against his chest, grunting, "Damn, I'm getting too old for this shit."

"You said that last time," came the voice of the woman nestled against him.

Amos kissed the top of her head and carried her towards her "Yeah...well, I meant it then, too."

The Doctor regretted walking by River as he entered Gus' room. The little boy had fallen asleep with the tiny earphones in his ears, and the Doctor could hear the music as it continued to play. He wished he had woken River so that they could both sit with their son and watch him as he slept. But he had selfishly stepped around the sleeping mother and sat down on the bed near the faintly snoring child.

His son.

As he concentrated on those words and what they meant, Gus flopped over and draped an arm across the Doctor's lap. He felt a wave of something roll through him from head to toe. Though the Doctor was no expert on the relationship between a parent and a child, he would have to acknowledge the feeling as love. The growing love he had for his child.

He would have most certainly stayed with the boy if he hadn't heard a voice outside the bedroom door. The Doctor had seen love and heard love enough in his life to recognize it in the voice of Amos as he tenderly tried to convince River to go to bed. He also heard and was pained by the playful familiarity with which she responded to Amos as their voices faded down the hall.

Thoughts too numerous to count or carefully consider coursed through his mind, and before he had time to decide whether he planned to apologize or stake a claim, the Doctor was knocking on the door of River's bedroom.

The barrier separating the two men slowly opened and brought them eye-to-eye while they both waited for their moment of truth.


	26. Chapter 26

For the first time Amos' stance was nonthreatening. In fact, the man looked wearisome and defeated. He stood with a hand on his hip - more to hold himself together than to make himself appear larger and more aggressive, the Doctor thought – while he held the door open with the other. Amos looked down at the Doctor's feet and rocked back and forth from heel to toe on one of his own.

He was nervous. The man who could break other men in half was fidgeting and nervous. And if the Doctor had said that he didn't take some pride in that truth, he would have been lying. But that was what he did. Even silently and often to himself. Habits were nasty business, they were. And the unpleasant habits were always the hardest to break.

So, he pretended not to be slightly amused by Amos' uneasiness.

The more time that passed in silence between the two men, the more awkward it became to make the first sound. With the rocking of Amos and the head-scratching of the Doctor, even the surrounding furniture appeared uncomfortable to witness the blundering lack-of-confrontation.

Amos raised his eyes and accidentally made direct contact with the Doctor's, causing him to hastily look away again.

"Look, I don't know what River said to you, but –"

"I'm sorry."

Amos looked up at the slight and gangly man before him. "You're sorry?"

The Doctor swallowed the lump of hesitancy that was stuck in his throat and spoke the words again. "Yes. I shouldn't have said what I did to you about being a neglectful parent, whether or not it was truthful…which I don't believe it was…truthful, I mean…apparently you were a magnificent parent…are a magnificent parent…to Gus…and the girls as well, I suppose…" The Doctor fanned the collar of his shirt and looked around for the fire. "Is it a bit hot in here?"

"Nah, not really. Maybe apologies just make you sick," Amos offered. "I know that I had rather jump into a fire myself than have to apologize to anyone."

"Yes, perhaps that's it. I've never been one for admitting to being wrong. Although I'm not wrong all that often. So, I'm also not very good at them," he said as he crossed his arms over his chest and mimicked Amos' rocking motions.

"Well, it worked for me. So, are we good?" Amos held out a hand for shaking.

The Doctor looked down at the outstretched arm. "At what? I supposed we're good at many things, you and me. Me with the thinking of things and you with the crushing of things."

Amos breathed out a heavy chuckle, keeping his arm extended. "Doctor, I meant can we call it even? Can we do the man thing and shake on it? End the awkwardness with a good old fashioned handshake and move on?"

"Oh, certainly. Right then." The Doctor gripped the man's hand and turned in an eyebrow as he saw his hand seemingly disappear. He sensed an uneasy truce pass through the handshake but was it supposed to make him feel inferior, as well? At least he wouldn't lose all feeling in his muscles as he did after their first meeting so many weeks before.

Amos released the Doctor's hand and shoved his own into his pocket. "Well, if there's nothing else, I think I'll be heading out now. She seems to be resting okay. I'll be checking back in a few days."

"Yes, that…umm…would be great…anytime..."

"Doctor, I wasn't asking permission."

"No, of course not. This is your house, too. Not to mean 'too' as if it were mine in any way. No, not that…just that I'm sure River would appreciate you stopping by…no, appreciate is such a formal word...perhaps, delighted...what adult man says delighted..."

Amos took a step through the door and closed it gently behind him. "Doctor, why don't you have a seat there," he said, pointing to the stairs. Noticing the panicked look in the man's face, Amos gave him a little push to motivate his movement. "Don't worry. I'm not going to shove you down them. Just sit down...like that…there you go."

"What about River?" the Doctor asked.

"Oh, she's sleeping. Nothing short of a child's cry will wake up her until morning."

The Doctor walked down a couple of steps and sat cautiously. He hadn't intended to have an actual conversation with the man. Weren't men supposed to just make an apology and spit on it or something? Or maybe that was how one purchased livestock…

"How much of the story did you get from River?" Amos sat on the top step with his elbows resting on his knees and his large hands clasped closely to the Doctor's face.

"The basics, most likely. I never really get the full story from River…any story. It's what she does. Tells me what I need to know in order to live and lets the rest out a little at a time," he explained. "That's how she, umm…how do you say it…rolls…"

"That's not how I say it."

"Well, some do."

"Not men."

"Well, I'm not a man, exactly. I'm…well, I'm sort of …"

"Alien."

The Doctor shook his head. "Now, see, you just can't say alien anymore. Because you lot think of aliens as tiny green bulbous-headed creatures and that's just not the case. Some of us have magnificently proportioned head pieces - "

Amos sighed loudly to regain control of the conversation. "Okay, I got it. Nonetheless, I feel like I should explain some things."

"No…that's really not necessary. I think I have a superb understanding of the situation," the Doctor said as he stood and reached up to straighten an invisible bowtie.

"Sit. Please," Amos commanded graciously.

The Doctor reluctantly followed orders and took his place on the stairs, nervously folding and unfolding his fingers together. He had heard more than enough about Amos in River's telling of events. He was grateful to the man, but was still not willing to accept Amos' place as Gus' father, much less as River's husband.

Amos watched his own hands as he spoke, unable to watch the Doctor's facial expressions as the nervous man heard what he had to say. "I'm sure River told you how she came to be here and how I came to be with her, and there's probably no need to give you my side of the story. Which this isn't, mind you…but I do feel that you should know a couple of things."

The Doctor watched the man avoid eye contact and decided to stay silent until he had said what he needed to say.

"I, uh…sometimes when…even though I tried…" Amos gave it several attempts before realizing he just had to say it. He looked up at the Doctor and gave it to him as straight and as quietly as was possible. "I love her."

The Doctor looked away quickly so that Amos wouldn't see the anger in his eyes. He didn't know if he was justified in feeling angry, but it didn't seem to matter to the emotion – which simply intensified as Amos spoke further.

"I didn't mean to, and I swear to God, I fought against it. But I couldn't help it. I still can't. I love them both. And even though you don't want to hear this, they are my family. This didn't just happen to you, Doctor. For years I've had to live with the fear that you could waltz in and steal my family away…and now that's happened, and I don't know what to do about it. I mean, is it even right for me to fight for it?

"What you may not know is that I had a family before all this. I had a wife and two kids, a boy and a girl. And they were perfect. Even when my wife complained about me drinking from the milk carton…even when Isaiah and Sarah fought over the rules of a silly game…they were perfect. I, however, was a son-of-a-bitch, like most men are sometimes. I worked too much and then stayed gone too long when I wasn't working. I don't know if River told you, but I was a Time Agent. Well, actually I was the physician for the active Agents. But I loved my job, and I was good at it."

Amos paused and stared at nothing. The Doctor waited for him to finish, hating the possibility that whatever the man had to say might cause him to feel even more guilt for previously wanting Amos to spontaneously burst into flames.

" Perhaps too good at it, I guess. Word got out that I was a man who knew how to use my actual hands to heal the human body, and…well…let's just say that I refused the wrong person. And the cost for refusing was the life of my family." Amos' voice had become soft and saddened.

The Doctor understood without any further explanation how Amos could have brought about the death of his family. There would come a time in human history when doctors were simply agents of the advancements of medical technology. In the future, most injuries and ailments could be healed with a pill or a procedure that did not necessitate the use of an actual physician. Medical students were taught how to utilize equipment, not how to heal the sick. However, in some cases, such as those that arose in the line of duty, it was necessary to employ a doctor of the traditional sort. And the good guys weren't the only side to suffer casualties.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is…I've lost one family, Doctor. I don't want to lose another. I'm not asking that you give up your claim as his dad. I would never ask that. But I would like to be able to continue my relationship with him. I know that I have to give up River. She never loved me like I loved her. She has only ever loved you. But I know in my heart that Gus loves me like a father." Amos stood and walked down the stairs past the Doctor, stopping and speaking into the dark air. "Please don't keep him from me. That is all I ask."

Without waiting for an answer, Amos disappeared into the darkness of the downstairs and finally into the flashing electricity left by the vortex manipulator strapped to his wrist.

No sooner had the residual crackles faded into the dark did River open the door of her bedroom and join the Doctor on the stairs. They both sat without speaking for quite some time, each listening to the rhythmic breathing of the other.

He reached out and took her by the hand, tracing the outline of her fingers softly with his own. Her breathing quickened as he turned it over and began to sketch imaginary lines on her palm. Lifting it slowly to his lips, he placed there a kiss and closed her fingers around it for safe keeping. River stood and walked down the few steps to where he was seated. She sat in front of him and scooted back until she rested against him, her head on his chest. The Doctor propped an elbow atop his leg and twisted curls of her hair around a finger.

"I thought you were asleep."

"Who could sleep with all the commotion?" River teased quietly. More silence.

"He's a good man, River."

"A very good man."

Her words rang familiar in his head. "The very good man?"

She hummed a slight giggle. "Spoilers, Sweetie." Her eyelids were getting heavy from the comfort of his hands in her hair.

"Yeah, I didn't think it would be so easy."

"Of course not." She sighed as contentment settled within her, a feeling that she wouldn't have imagined possible again after her confession. However, his capacity to forgive never failed to amaze her.

"He loves you."

"Yes, he does."

Silence.

Sigh.

"Do you?"

"What? Love me? Oh sure. I'm rather fantastic, I think," she said playfully, trying to avoid answering the question in a way that she was sure would hurt him. "How could I not love me?"

"River…"

She sighed and turned to face him. "Yes, Doctor, I do. As a man who protected me and my…our…child. As a man who loved me when I felt alone and forgotten. I love him for what he means to me as those things."

The Doctor was not able to look at her as she admitted to loving a man who was not him. He refused to allow her to see his hearts break for the second time that evening. Raising a hand over his head, he nervously rubbed his fingers through his hair and blew out the breath he'd been holding. The Doctor had let go of many loves in his life, but never had the loss left him feeling as devastated as he felt in that moment.

"But as the man who fills me with love? No. My heart has only room for two people, Doctor." River stood and took the Doctor's hand, bringing him to his feet and leading him down the hallway. She stopped outside of Gus' bedroom and nodded towards the sleeping child. "Look at him."

Standing behind her, a smile eased across his face at seeing the small boy's body spread haphazardly on the bed. The Doctor himself often woke with his head in the exact opposite direction from where he had fallen asleep.

River leaned back against him, and he wrapped his arms around her middle. "Sometimes he'll say something in that same smart-arse tone you use, and I just want to kick him in the rear. Or when he's concentrating deeply and his forehead crinkles like yours. He's you even down to the way he scratches his head when the world fails to make any sense. How could there possibly be room left for someone else? It's you, Doctor. It's always been you. And now him. You and him. The two of you are my life. Yes, I am badass, and I am stronger than any other woman you'll ever meet. But I do love, Doctor."

She spun around and kissed his lips chastely. "Even when you are not here, I love you. When you're with Amy and Rory in God-only-knows-where-and-when, I love you. When you make me so mad I could hit you, I love you."

"So, why do you still hit me?" he asked teasingly.

"For emphasis."

"That you love me?"

"Uh…sure."

They both chuckled softly before he brought his lips down to hers. River snaked her arms around his back and gripped him tightly as the intensity of their kiss deepened. He walked her awkwardly down the hallway in the direction her bedroom while their tongues battled for control over the other. A moan escaped from her as she realized how badly she needed and wanted him. Pulling away from his kiss, she lifted his shirt over his head as the bedroom door closed behind them and sealed them off from the tumultuous world outside.

River drug her nails lightly down his chest and followed them with kisses, occasionally licking at his skin with her tongue. The Doctor hissed an intake of breath, and his body went rigid from the chills that raced up and down his arms and legs. When he felt her tongue glide along the skin at the waistband of his jeans, he thought that his legs would surely collapse. He pulled her up to him and captured her mouth greedily with his own while unbuttoning and sliding her blouse down her arms.

The bare skin of her chest melted into the bare skin of his as he reached around her and pulled her tightly against him. He slid his hands underneath the fabric of her jeans and tickled the sensitive skin of her lower back. Her guttural laugh sent waves of pleasure rolling through him, and he timidly unbuttoned her jeans. He pulled away from her and searched out her face for permission to take her when he needed for them to go. River answered him by sliding her fingers between the catch on his trousers and releasing them, sliding them slowly down his legs. After repeating the same motion, he lifted River, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, gripping him tightly to feel the friction as her body grinded against his.

The Doctor sat them down on the bed, and River pushed him backwards, straddling his lap as she hovered over him. "Doctor, I need to know…"

"Don't you know already, River?"

"Do I?"

He sat up and encircled her, softly tracing his fingertips down the skin of her back and gently unhooking the last piece of fabric that separated her skin from his. "With everything that I have and all that I am, River. It's and completely, you." He slid the straps down her arms and dropped the lacy garment to the floor.

Before the tears had time to fall down her cheeks, the Doctor lifted River and laid her down, covering her mouth and her body with his own.

After what seemed like hours of glistening skin and muffled moans, they both cuddled against each other and caught their breaths. The Doctor nuzzled into the crook of her neck and kissed along her ear, causing her to giggle and swat at him.

"Quit it, now. I'm sleepy."

"After all that, you want to sleep?" His voice rose in pitch as he squeaked out his surprise.

River sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed, leaving him protesting and whining from the loneliness without her.

"Come back. I'm cold. There's coldness where you were and aren't anymore. It's unpleasant and must be corrected immediately." He was silenced by the landing of garments across his face.

"Put these back on if you plan to stay the night," she instructed as she stepped into her knickers and pulled a long shirt over her head. "Nobody sleeps nude in a house full of kids…or kid."

He reluctantly pulled on his boxers and tee before sliding back under the covers and holding them out for River. She held up a hand and disappeared into the hallway, returning moments later. With a shiver and a smile, she eased back into bed and into his waiting arms. "Maternal OCD…"

"Ahh…everything okay?" he asked as he molded his body alongside hers and pulled her tightly against him.

"Umm hmm," she answered sleepily and slipped quietly into slumber only moments before the satisfied man behind her succumbed as well.

The door creaked as it was slowly opened. The light of the moon shone in through the window and revealed that Mimi was not alone in bed…again. Gus rubbed his eyes and considered returning to his own room. But it was cold and lonely in there, knowing that he was the only kid in the house.

Mimi was nestled against the Doctor's back, so Gus walked over to the other side of the bed and crawled underneath the sheets. He laid his head on the pillow just under the Doctor's chin and settled himself before quickly drifting off.

The sudden movement of an arm around his neck had woken the Doctor, and he begrudgingly opened his eyes to see the moonlight shining on the boy's dark hair. He wiggled out from under Gus and wrapped his own arm protectively around his son while River snuggled closer behind him. Almost as soon as he had opened his eyes, he closed them and, for the first time in years too numerous to count, the Doctor felt warm inside. He had a family, and they were his home.


	27. Chapter 27

The Doctor stared down at the floor of the TARDIS below the console platform. After living a domesticated life for nearly a month, he had a new perspective that was seeping into his timey-wimey journeys. For instance, there were essentially three juvenile adults running in and out of the TARDIS relentlessly. Who swept the floor? He certainly did not, and he wasn't entirely sure Amy would recognize a broom if it were chasing her.

Yet, the floor was remarkably sparkly, even more so than those ridiculous vampires that Amy insisted on fangirling…whatever the hell that meant. Why didn't he have fangirls or fanboys? He was the ultimate good guy and possessed a fair amount of swooning appeal. And if a fangirl fangirled, did a fanboy fanboy? Were those new euphemisms for stalkers and creepers? Because no matter what you called it, groupies had been around for ages. He needed groupies, though he supposed it would be difficult to follow him around. Perhaps if he –

"Hey, what's going on in there?" River asked as she knocked her fist lightly upon the top of his head. Poking her legs through the railing and having a seat next to him, she folded her arms across the top rail and rested her head, her hair swinging freely and her eyes watching him.

He turned his head to the side so that his eyes were level with hers, both of them resting their heads on their arms lazily. "Dirt and vampires."

"You could easily have said nothing. For a career liar, you aren't very good at it," River said, raising an eyebrow to emphasize her skepticism.

"No, I was honestly thinking about dirt and sparkly vampires. Not very manly, I suppose. Maybe I shouldn't have admitted to such unsexy thoughts. I should have said beer and lacy knickers." He swung his legs out, kicking the platform as they fell back.

"You did the right thing by going with your gut. Lacy knickers do vile things to you, dear," she teased.

The Doctor giggled the high pitch childlike laugh that she found so irresistibly charming. "They really do. I don't understand their purpose exactly, but I am ever so thankful that they exist."

River teased him with a wink. "That giggle is their purpose for existing, Sweetie."

The Doctor smiled and took in the sight of her for a quiet moment. River had closed her eyes, and the Doctor could almost see her thoughts tick across her eyelids as her mind spun in circles.

He often thought of the inside of the brain as a great circus – each part hosting its own magical show of wonders. The language of poets, movements of dancers, ingenuities of inventors, proficiencies of scientists, and the wisdoms of philosophers were all such variant gifts, yet they all stemmed from the same workings of one relatively tiny brain. And all of this in conjunction with the ebb and flow of the science of the body itself. Writing while breathing, singing while blinking, building while beating…magnificence like no other.

That was, of course, when it all worked properly.

The Doctor rested his chin on his hands and stared beyond the TARDIS door in front of him. River sensed his movement and opened her eyes. Running her fingers soothingly through his hair, she could see the worry and disappointment in his profile.

"Why didn't you tell me you'd been there already?" he asked quietly.

"Honey, you needed to hear it for yourself," River said as began lightly scratching his back in wide and random circles. He blew out a heavy sigh and tucked his face into the crook of his elbow, replaying the day's events in his jumbled and bumbled mind.

The Doctor sneakily lifted the lid of the jar and took out a tongue depressor. "You know, we could stick this in a banana and freeze it for a fun little treat. I saw it one of those parenting magazines."

"Oh, for goodness sake, for the last time, come over here and sit down, Doctor," she demanded, not at all amused by his usual curiosity. He had opened every drawer and every cabinet door while they waited for the doctor.

He stuck the small wooden stick in the inside pocket of his jacket and moped across the room, plopping down into the chair beside River. "Waiting is boring. A terrible waste of time, it is…waiting…"

"As if you don't have all the time in the world," she said with a roll of her eyes.

"Well, I definitely won't get these twenty minutes back. Do you have any idea of what I am capable in twenty minutes?" He had crossed his legs and began kicking one irritatingly high.

"If nothing else, you are doing a marvelous job of tap dancing on every one of my nerves." River lifted her own leg and brought it down on his offending one, denying him the ability to kick, swing, shake or even wiggle. She saw his fingers fidgeting in his lap and followed his gaze to the counter behind the desk. "No."

"But Rory showed me how to fit a glove over my head and blow it up so that the fingers look like a rooster's comb," he whined.

"If you take a glove from that box and stretch it over your face, I will tie it down and lock the door while you regenerate," she warned. "I'm not kidding. I killed a man, remember?"

The Doctor chuckled until he saw the flash of not-kidding in her hazel eyes. Slumping down in the seat, he began humming a holiday tune and snapping his braces in rhythm. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw River drop her head into her hands and rub at her temples gently. She peeked at him over her hand, and he smiled innocently, kissing the pad of his finger and brushing it quickly across the tip of her nose.

She bit back a grin. "I hate you."

"You so emphatically do not…yet."

Just as she opened her mouth to retort, the door behind them swung open and a mutant of a man hurried into the room. "I am so sorry to have kept you waiting, River and Am - Oh, pardon me," said the unimaginably tall man as he sat down behind the desk and held out a hand towards the Doctor. "I don't believe we've met."

River kicked the Doctor and brought him out of wide-eyed wonder. He hesitantly shook the man's hand and stared at him with brows turned inward. "No, we uh…haven't…met…how tall are you, exactly?"

The doctor momentarily studied the Doctor's face with squinted eyes and looked at River curiously. "This is him, isn't it?"

The Doctor turned his gaze to River. "I'm a him? There's a him, and I'm it?"

"Is it that obvious?" River stared back at him intently.

"Absolutely. Look at the ears, the shape of face, and his hands. Only a fool could look at them both and not see it."

The Doctor felt like a mime in a box – everyone staring and waiting for him to do a little dance. And he was nearly positive that River had laughed because the doctor had indirectly called him a fool.

"I'm sorry. How rude of us. I'm Dr. Flanagan," the giant said, seemingly unable to stop looking at the Doctor. "I'm just a bit taken back at the similarities between you and Gus. It's astounding. How is Gus, by the way?" He turned his attention from the Doctor.

The Doctor leaned in close to River. "You've been here before?"

River ignored his question and answered. "Well, he had another catheterization. The thickening has progressed, it seems." She swallowed hard and shifted her weight in the chair. "But he is as precocious as ever. Especially now that he has a kindred spirit underfoot."

"Oh, you are staying nearby then?" Dr. Flanagan asked the Doctor.

"Actually, I'm just a couple of doors down and a few feet up."

River saw the confusion in the older man's face. "The Doctor has been calling our attic home for a few weeks during the holidays," she explained.

"How cozy…so, what can I do for you today, Dr. Song?" he asked, getting to the point of the visit.

"The Doctor thought it would be best to speak to someone here regarding Gus' condition and what, if any, options are available to correct the problem." River's voice had an unusual, almost patronizing, tone.

"Ahh…I see."

The Doctor looked back and forth from River to Dr. Flanagan. "I wish I could say the same. What is going on exactly?"

River sighed and opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by the doctor. "When Gus was nearly three years old, I believe, Amos and River came here to discuss a diagnosis that they had been given by the doctors at home, and they explained to me the truth of the …erm, situation, I guess. After examining him myself and conferring with Amos over the years, we have worked out the realities of his condition as best as it can be understood."

The Doctor leaned forward and propped his elbows on the desk, hands clasped and fingers fidgety. "Okay…"

"It's not good news, Sweetie," River said, her voice almost a whisper. The Doctor looked at her for reassurance but found her eyes downcast and her expression disheartening.

"Has River explained the unprecedented uniqueness that is your son?"

Hearing someone acknowledge Gus as his son caused his stomach to flip-flop. "Somewhat. I guess the timing didn't really allow for much exposition."

Dr. Flanagan cleared his throat and began the Doctor's education on the workings of Gus' human heart and how it seemed to be affected by his Time Lord DNA. As he processed the information he was being given, he would occasionally glance at River – whose facial expressions reflected the emotions of a mother hearing a truth that is most feared. The Doctor started to realize the hopelessness of their circumstances. Mothers only accepted these truths when there were no others to be found. Never was River - as a woman, a fighter or a mother – prepared to give in without a fight. And something about the look on her face sent his hearts to pounding. He leaned back in his chair and inhaled deeply.

"So, wait a moment, Dr. Flanagan. Heart transplants are an option in our time, but River said that it is impossible. I understand the dangers and the obvious concern, but why is it out of the question?" The Doctor was taken a bit by surprise of a hand slide gently into his. River intertwined their fingers and gave him a comforting squeeze. He found this tenderness the exact opposite of comforting. It was preparation.

A look passed between the doctor and River, almost as if he were asking permission to answer the question.

Dr. Flanagan stood and walked around to the front of the desk, leaning against it and crossed his feet. It was the relaxed stance of a man who needed to break bad news gently.

The Doctor waited.

"Correct me if I misunderstand this, but your body regenerates before you do, in fact, die. And if you are threatened again during this process, your body will not complete regeneration..."

Turning his head quickly in River's direction, "One thing: why is it okay that he knows this? And how exactly do you know this?"

"Just answer and listen, Sweetie."

The Doctor shook his head and then nodded. "Yes, when my body senses severe trauma, regeneration is triggered. Time Lords regenerate differently, but this has been my experience."

"And traditionally, your physical and mental attributes change altogether, while maintaining the same memories and general knowledge..."

The Doctor raised his eyebrows. "Well, I'd say 'general knowledge' is a bit understated, but that is, generally speaking, how it works."

The doctor grinned at the unintentional slight and continued. "And it's safe to assume that Gus would inherit the same methods of regeneration?"

"Yes, most likely." The Doctor noticed another nonverbal exchange between River and the doctor.

"So, with that understanding, let me explain very basically how we would reasonably expect Gus' body to respond to a transplant. Before his heart is removed, he is connected to a machine which circulates his blood as well as keeping it oxygen-rich. His heart is then removed and replaced with the donor heart. After the transplantation, he is weaned from the bypass machine, and his chest is closed. That is the long and short of it, as far as the general surgery is performed.

"First, let's just make the ridiculous assumption that the doctors are aware of his extraordinary condition. Now, the first problem we would expect is that the incision and opening of his chest cavity could be considered fatally threatening…regeneration. Should he make it past that trauma and a significant amount of time passes in-between, there is the running of the bypass machine. Will that also be considered threatening? If the machine is okay, certainly the removal of his heart could trigger a regeneration. A donor heart is foreign to the body…threat. If by some miracle, these procedures go smoothly, there is no doubt in our minds that the disconnecting of the bypass machine would cause him to regenerate. And the energy that is created by this remarkable process will be too much for a newly transplanted heart to endure. Under these collective circumstances, I am so sorry to say that it is just not reasonable to think that a transplant would be an option."

River could feel the Doctor's hand shake slightly in hers. It broke her heart to see him pale and staring beyond anything in front of him.

"I think it is safe to say that, at some point, he would regenerate. And if his regeneration protected him throughout the surgery…"

"I never said that a regeneration was protective. What gives you that impression?" The Doctor looked at River and saw her avoid eye contact. He gave her hand a squeeze to get her attention, but she kept her gaze cast downward.

"Oh, well, that must be my misunderstanding," the doctor stammered.

The Doctor withdrew his hand from River's and stood, walking over to the window overlooking an expansive lawn. "Let's say for the sake of believing that would happen…finish what you were saying…please."

He didn't see Dr. Flanagan raise a confused eyebrow in River's direction, nor did he see River wave it away. "There's one rather obvious glitch."

"The donor heart…"

"Yes. Not only that, but while his anatomy may be entirely human, his blood is not – "

"Is that possible?" The Doctor turned and faced the doctor.

"Oh, it is. We've run every test that could be performed on the child. And we think that the human anatomy combined with the alie…time lord DNA…is the root cause of his peculiar way of regenerating - as he doesn't physically change – and makes it nearly impossible to know for sure how his body would react to the stress of major surgery."

The Doctor inhaled deeply and held the breath as long as his lungs would allow. He suddenly felt small and insignificant and sensed millions of tiny fingers pointing at him in blame. Once again looking out at the open space beyond the window, the Doctor watched a young child and a nurse walk across the grass. Apparently having caught the attention of the little girl, she turned and waved to him enthusiastically. The Doctor smiled and returned the gesture before she passed by, shoving his hands back into his trouser pockets as she disappeared.

"I wish I had better news, Doctor. I can promise you that I have reexamined this case time and time again over the years, but there's nothing that can be done as far as we can tell. I truly am very sorry," Dr. Flanagan said, placing an apologetic hand on the Doctor's shoulder.

The Doctor could respond in no other way but to nod. He felt River's hand on the back of his neck, caressing his hair. "Sweetie, let's go home, yeah?"

He spun on his heel and took her by the hand, reaching out with the other in gratitude to the doctor. "I appreciate your time, Dr. Flanagan. Thanks again."

The larger man's hand engulfed the Doctor's as he shook it. "Of course. If you have any other questions, do not hesitate to come back. River, give my regards to Amos. Tell him that he owes me a lunch."

River returned the man's kind smile and nodded. "I certainly will. I imagine you'll hear from him soon. Take care, John."

The sound of the office door closing behind them was the loneliest sound the Doctor had ever heard.

"I thought you said it was too dangerous to transport Gus with the manipulator," he said as the TARDIS swayed in the direction of Forty Five Minutes from Somewhere.

"Did I? Well, yes, it is. Dr. Flanagan traveled backward," River explained.

"You mean, John," his voice lilted as he said the name.

River rolled her eyes and untangled herself from the railing to check the scanner coordinates. "He was a colleague of Amos' for several years before he joined the Agency. He made a couple of house calls. You should be thankful."

"A colleague? Amos the Great was a physician at the Sisters of the Infinite Schism?"

"Yes." River peered around the console and stared at the back of the Doctor's head. "He's a wonderful doctor. Again, you should work on your gracious face."

The Doctor swung his long legs around and walked over to join her at the console. He kissed the top of her head and wrapped his arms around her waist. "I truly am grateful to him, River. But give me some time to stop hating him for loving you, okay? While I may be rather spectacular, I do have somewhat of a selfish streak. It will take some time to accept having to share my family."

River leaned back against him and sighed. "You should put a rush on it," she said quietly.

The Doctor rested his chin on her shoulder. "What do we do know now?"

Her shoulders shrugged under him. "We wait, Sweetie. We get through Christmas. Then we make it through New Years and hope for a happy April birthday…we simply wait."

He pulled her tighter to him and buried his face in the hair that fell over the crook of her neck and held her until she moved to release the brake for landing. "Aww…come on! I like the noise."

"You should be nicer to her."

The Doctor would have sworn he heard the TARDIS purr under River's direction. "Traitor," he spat before following River down the steps and through the door.

He nearly ran her over when she stopped abruptly while climbing the porch steps. "Now, play nice, Doctor," she warned.

"Hey, I'm the one who asked him to babysit while we were gone," he reminded her and pointed to the ground. "Look at that water flowing under the bridge we just crossed."

"Smart ass."

"And I caught you looking at it in those jeans this morning, Dr. Song…"

"Oh, shut up."

"Make me."

River turned around before opening the front door. "Seriously, shut up. I don't want to hurt Amos' feelings."

"Oh, Amos…"

"Water under the bridge, huh?"

"Rule number one…" he whispered as they walked into the foyer.

"We're home!" River called from the kitchen.

Hurried footsteps could be heard pounding down the upstairs hall and then stomping down the stairs. The Doctor looked up to see Gus' animated face covered in war paint.

"I thought you'd never get home!" he yelled as he leapt from the stairs and into the Doctor's surprised grasp.

"Hey! What if I hadn't caught you, Superman?" The Doctor leaned back and studied the colorful designs that had been painted on his little face. "Did you learn to fly while we were gone?"

"You're the Doctor. You'll always catch me!" Gus exclaimed as he wrapped his arms around the Doctor's neck.

He swallowed down the threat of tears and returned the boy's hug, watching Amos slowly descend the stairs. He nodded to the man and mouthed the words that were hardest to come by. "Thank you."

Amos smiled weakly and gave his goodbyes before slipping through the front door. The Doctor watched him leave and was suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude for what he meant in their lives. Though, of course, he didn't have much time to dwell due to the chatter of the child in his arms.

"Why don't you run and give Mimi a proper hug, yeah?" the Doctor said as he attempted to lower the child to the ground. Gus, however, continued to keep his hands clasped around the Doctor's neck and hung like a monkey while the Doctor walked them both down the hall towards the kitchen.

"…and then Amos shot me with an arrow…make-believe, of course...and I fell over and pretended to be dead and when he walked over to me I grabbed him by the ankles and tied his feet together with an imaginary rope and…"

River could hear the nonstop babbling as the two turned the corner into the kitchen. She turned to greet the boy and laughed to see him hanging from the Doctor, looking up at him and talking through borrowed breaths.

And her heart swelled to see that, even in such a ridiculous moment, the Doctor had found and wore his gracious face unabashedly.


	28. Chapter 28

The Doctor stood at the top of the stairs and considered the odds of not knocking himself unconscious – even more importantly, of not getting caught. He hadn't seen River in quite some time, so he had no idea of where she might be in the house. His leg twitched as if to hurry him in making his decision and to sway him in the wisest choice, the choice that was less likely to cause it concern…although the argument could be made that simply putting one foot in front of the other was taking his life into his own hands. So, it only made sense that walking down the stairs was just as dangerous as the alternative.

Smiling, he swung a leg over the banister and balanced his lankiness as best he could. The Doctor looked down at the front door and grinned widely. With a thrust of his hips, he propelled himself forward. Nearly halfway down and picking up speed, he realized the flaw in his strategy. Facing forward, he was unable to slow himself, whereas if he had descended arse first he could have, at least, grabbed the banister.

He knew that he really should put more forethought into his wackier schemes.

Traveling faster than he had anticipated and at an angle he had not pondered, the fully grown adult-child flew off the banister - not towards the front door, which would have provided plenty of room in which to tuck and roll. Instead, he veered to the left and thwapped into the wall of the foyer with his shoulder and head. He lay there for a few seconds wondering where it all had gone wrong.

"And how did that work out for you?"

The Doctor craned his neck and looked up at the disapproving and amused smirk of the lady of the house. He smiled out of the side of his face that he could still feel. "Not quite as I had hoped, actually."

River pursed her lips and held out a hand to help him to his feet. "Yeah, it never does. That would usually be two weeks grounding, by the way."

He unfolded his legs from against the wall and sat up, accepting her offer and sliding his hand into hers. River pulled him forward, not realizing her strength or his lightness, and unintentionally threw him into the facing wall.

"Dammit!" He cried as he hit it with the other shoulder and slid to the floor once again.

"I heard that! Swearing's inappropriate!" came an admonition from nowhere and everywhere. Like Santa Clause.

River braced herself against the banister laughing at the jumbled mess of Doctor crumpled on the floor. "I…am…so…" Silent hysterics shook her body as tears streamed down her face. She fell to her knees and rocked back and forth at the defeated sight of him.

"So what? Heinous? Despicable? Sorry, maybe?" He closed his eyes and waited for the tiny pink elephants to stop dancing across his eyelids.

"Strong…" River said, finally capturing enough breath to speak. She crawled over towards him, collapsing midway through her journey in more laughter.

"You're not so strong, Mimi," the Doctor growled, extending his legs and resting on his back. "I'm just – "

"Skinny?" She answered him with a wink as she raised a leg over his body to hover atop him.

"I was going to say slight." His body betrayed his mind and began to tingle with want as her hair swung over his face. He giggled and nearly blacked out when River dipped her head and trailed feathered kisses on his neck, squirming between the cage of her limbs. "Holy hormones, Batgirl!"

He watched his hands reach up and slide up and down her arms, not remembering having told them to do so. What in the hell was happening to him? Not only did he flail at will, but now he stroked willy nilly, as well? Not that it was unpleasant or tedious…quite the opposite. But he would, at least, prefer to be in control of it. He grabbed a handful of her hair as he felt her breath whisper in his ear.

"Oh, I can stop right now, Doctor. It makes no difference to me."

"Liar."

River chuckled and slid a hand into his front pocket. "Always."

He was beginning to feel less awkward and more in control, which meant only one thing. "River, you've got to get up. Gus is somewhere close waiting for an apology, and the adult in me is fighting to be set loose."

"Oh, I know, Sweetie. This is just a reminder of what you're missing since you insist on sleeping upstairs," she said between quick kisses along his jawline. "And he's content in his musings for quite a while, I'd wager. Though I do suppose this is neither the time nor the place."

The Doctor twisted his neck and glanced behind him towards the front door. "You think?"

He could feel her smile against his skin before she nipped at his chin with her teeth. River opened her eyes and looked into his, the desire swimming and dancing like fire on fuel. Brushing his hair gently across his forehead, she brought her lips down to his and kissed him with a feral need that consumed any remnants of propriety that he had managed to maintain.

But before he could succumb to her wanton kisses and touches, she stopped as quickly as she had started. He peeked through one eye to assess the situation as she seemingly levitated into a standing position. He almost expected to look behind him into the traumatized face of his son.

Sensing his battling thoughts, River smiled and reassured him. "No, he's still gazing and musing, dear. But you're right…" she admitted, extended another hand of help to him. "…all good things…"

"You're bananas if you think I'm grabbing hold of you again," the Doctor said as he rolled to his side and struggled for steady footing. Finally standing to look her eye-to-eye, he smiled when he noticed the flush in her cheeks and the obvious battle she was fighting to regain control of herself. He walked behind her and swept the hair away from her neck, bending over and kissing her behind the ear. "At least, in the foyer in the broad of day," he whispered before biting playfully at her earlobe and walking off.

"You bastard," she growled through a smile and watched him saunter into the living room.

"Mimi!"

"Sorry!"

He peeked over a shoulder and winked at her before enjoying the sight of her walking down the hall towards the kitchen. The Doctor's smile danced from ear-to-ear as he all but skipped around the corner of the sofa, nearly tripping over the tiny feet pointing towards the ceiling.

"Well, hello there," the Doctor said, finding Gus under the Christmas tree.

"Hiya."

"It appears that you may be stuck under the tree."

"Nope. Just thinking."

"Under the Christmas tree?"

"Sure."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

The Doctor scratched his head and looked around as if the explanation were sitting in a chair waiting to be acknowledged. It wasn't. "But under the tree?"

"Yep."

"Just lying there?"

"Under the tree." His little feet clapped together, and his clapsed hands rested on his belly. "The Christmas tree," he added with a hushed giggle.

The Doctor smiled as he realized that not only had Gus inherited brilliance, strength and courage from his parents, he had also been blessed with a double dose of smart ass. Which he actually found appealing and lovable in this child…perhaps not so much in others.

"Uh huh."

Gus peeked out from under his hiding place and looked up at the Doctor. "Why don't you come down here with me? Mimi can help you up if you are too old to do it by yourself."

"Absolutely not! She'll throw me through that window. Your Mimi is a monster in disguise, I fear," he moaned as he gently reorganized the gifts to accommodate his body.

"Oh, she definitely is if you eat the last oatmeal cookie or walk on her mopped floor. Like, big teeth and claws. It's scary," Gus answered with as much seriousness as he could muster, then whispered, "You don't have to be so careful. It's just trash in the boxes."

The Doctor shook a couple of them and looked at the fidgeting hands of the little boy. "Really? How can you be certain?"

"I'm a good kid, but I'm still a kid."

"Ahh…is that why you're under the tree?"

"Nope. Are you having another one of those days?"

Rolling onto his back and sliding under the tree, the Doctor understood immediately why the child's imagination could be entertained for so long under a simple Christmas tree. "You are a very smart little boy," he said, his voice full of wonder.

"Just wait until they blink."

Almost as if the tree was under his command, the tiny lights started to blink like thousands of little stars. Gus tapped the Doctor on his leg excitedly. "Pretty nifty, isn't it?"

"It most definitely is nifty."

They were both quiet for a while, content to watch the lights twinkle inside the darkened tree. The sun's light had completely disappeared, leaving the room dark except for the glow of Gus' mighty tree.

"They look like stars, don't they?" Gus pondered, his voice soft, as if the sound of it would disturb the magic above them.

"They really do."

"For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream…"

The Doctor turned his head and looked at his son curiously. "Those are big words for such a little brain."

"Well, Amos says it a lot. It's how he ends nighttime prayers. He says that a painter said it a long time ago," Gus explained.

"Amos says it, huh?" The Doctor sighed and fought the twinges of jealousy that were creeping up his spine. Knowing what he knew and learning new things all along, he felt justified and mortified at how easily he gave into the raw emotion.

"Yeah…well, Amos only repeats it. Somebody named Vincent the Goat said it first."

"Vincent van Gogh?"

"Yeah, yeah…him."

The Doctor grinned at the thought of Vincent the Goat. "I met him once, you know." Who's the cool one now?

There was a small intake of breath. "Really?"

"Yep."

"I bet he's really smart and nice. And probably very happy to be saying such sweet things about the stars. I bet he was in love," the child said with all the surety in his world.

The Doctor kept the truth to himself. "What do you know about being in love, tiny person?"

"I know it makes teenagers do some really dumb stuff. And look at each other weird. Grownups too, I think."

Turning his head to look at Gus, his hearts swelled at the sight of the small boy staring up at the twinkling lights of his Christmas tree. "You think so, huh?"

"Oh, yeah. I know so," he said. "Not only that, I think Mimi might have it."

The Doctor chuckled to hear it described like one would an illness. "What makes you say that?"

"Well, I can smell her cherry lip gloss on your face, and unless she let you borrow it, I think she probably kissed you. And that's what lovey people do…kiss each other." The simple wisdom of a child could not be argued.

"She might have. Is that okay with you?" The Doctor licked his lips and his belly flopped as the taste of River wrapped around his tongue.

"Oh, sure. I knew it already, though. You guys looked awfully cuddly sleeping together the other night. I don't cuddle with people I don't love. That's just inappropriate. Like swearing…I haven't forgot that you swore earlier," he said, tagging on the last bit to let the Doctor know he was still in trouble. "But we'll talk about that later."

The Doctor was unsure how to respond. He had carried Gus back to his bed long before either River or the child had woken, hoping to avoid any awkwardness. He hadn't expected the boy to remember. "Yes…about that…"

"It's okay. Mimi gets lonely. And I bet you do too, sometimes…in that big ole TARDIS. Do you love Mimi?"

"Well, I uh…"

"You should. She sure does love you an awful lot. If you don't, you should probably tell her before she gets her hopes up. That's just the right thing to do," Gus pointed out.

Being at a total loss for words, the Doctor searched frantically for the right thing to say before realizing there was only one thing to say: the truth.

"Yes, I do, Gus. Very much."

"Well, then, I guess you should tell her, so she'll quit smacking you around so much. I'm afraid you might get hurt."

They both giggled, and the Doctor wondered if his laughter had sounded as sweet to his own parents.

Neither of them saw River walk into the living room and watch the fidgeting feet of the loves of her life as they stuck out from under a sparkling tree. Nor did they see her blink back tears of happiness and love as she sent up a prayer of thanks to a god that she wasn't convinced - yet hoped with all her might - even existed.


	29. Chapter 29

River stood on the bottom stair and yelled. "Gus! He's here! Get a move on!"

She took a deep breath and opened the front door. "Hey."

"Hey."

"You look nice," River said rather timidly.

Even the smallest of exchanges were awkward and difficult since the truth had been spilled. She kicked at the door frame nervously as she took in the sight of him. River had always been a sucker for Amos in a suit and tie. Throughout most of their time together, he had been in fatigues or piddle-around-the-house clothing. But there were those times when he would emerge from the bedroom clad in a suit cut just so, and she would momentarily forget to be heartbroken. Those were the memories that made her smile.

"Um, thanks. Do you think I could come inside? It's cold as hell out here, Hals," he said through chattering teeth.

"Oh, yeah..sure…I don't know what I'm doing these days," she said apologetically, stepping aside and watching him walk by her. She smiled to herself in admittance that she would never not want to see him walk in front of her. River was still grinning when Amos turned around and spoke.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Something."

"Nope not a thing."

"Stop looking at my ass."

"I was doing no such thing, Amos Humphreys." River feigned shock and winked at him playfully.

"You forget that I know you, River Song. Your imagination would make a madam blush," he teased in return.

River laughed and nodded. "You're probably right about that…Hey, thanks for taking him tonight. He's been looking forward to it all week. I hope it didn't cause any problems with the Order."

"Oh, of course. No problem at all. I actually enjoy it as much as he does. So, thanks for asking me," Amos said, his voice softer than usual.

"Amos, you've been taking him every year since he was born. You're still his father too. That's not going to change," River reassured him as she took him the hand. "Okay?"

Amos looked somberly down at their clasped hands and nodded. "Speaking of which, where is the Doctor tonight?" He reclaimed possession of his hand and buried deep inside his trouser pocket.

"Oh, he's somewhere…into something, I'm sure. Though I haven't seen or heard him in while…which is unusual…" River's voice faded to a whisper as her mind wondered into what kinds of trouble he had fallen. "I hope he's in the TARDIS. Blimey, I hate it when I lose track of that man! I'll probably spend all night - "

"Do you want me to keep Gus overnight? It will be late when we finish up," he interrupted quietly. "I finally got my own place in town."

A lump rose in River's throat as she considered how difficult those words must have been for Amos. Truthfully, they were almost as painful to hear. Her life as she had planned it was over. And though the past few weeks with the Doctor had been the happiest she had known in years, Amos meant a great deal to her. The finality of it all was incredibly sad.

"Oh, really? Well, that's good, Amos. I'm glad you'll be close by…you know, for Gus' sake."

"Yeah. For Gus…"

The lightheartedness had passed, and both knew that their lives had become a my-weekend-your-weekend situation…unintentionally and completely unexpected. There had been no time to prepare. The knowledge wrapped around River's heart and squeezed it tight. Nothing was working out as they had planned.

And it was only going to get harder for all of them.

"Have you talked to him yet?"

River sighed heavily and shook her head. "No…you wanna do it? I'll give you a thousand dollars if you do it," she joked before yelling once again for Gus.

"Oh, no. I'd get shot. That's your beast to tackle, I'm happy to say. Well…maybe not happy…but I'm sure as hell glad it's not my job. So, I take it that part of the plan hasn't changed?" Amos was a bit surprised that River had not second-guessed herself into a disastrous change of heart, although he knew that she would always put Gus' well-being before her own happiness.

River dug her toes into the carpet and turned his question over in her mind a few times. It was on her conscious every morning when she woke and every evening as she drifted off to sleep. She just wanted to make it through the holiday. She shook her head and raised her eyes to him, tears welling despite her best efforts to hold them at bay. "Ugh! I am so tired of crying. Dammit."

Amos reached up to wipe dry her cheeks when he heard the stomping of feet down the stairs. He paused midway and smiled, the only comfort he was now allowed to give. Turning towards the stairs, he grabbed Gus under his arms and swung him upwards, catching him against his chest. "You look like quite the gentleman, Mr. Williams. "

Gus smiled and straightened his bow tie. "So do you, Mr. Humphwies."

River quickly brushed the tears from her eyes."You two will be fighting off the little old ladies with sticks. You better not let my little guy be taken off by some sweet-talking girl, Amos," she jested as she ran her fingers through Gus' hair. "We need to have something done about that mess on your head."

Gus wiggled out of Amos' arms and looked around the foyer and down the hall. "Where's the Doctor? I wanted him to see me all dressed up. I think I'm kinda cute in these spenders, don't you think?" He spun around and held open his jacket to model his mini-Doctor look.

River giggled with a warm heart at the sight of the littlest Doctor and gave him a thumbs up. "I'm not sure where he is, honey. But he'd only try to put a hat on you, I promise."

"He's really not here?" The disappointed look on Gus' face made River want to kick the Doctor's legs out from under him.

"I think he had some important pre-Christmas business to wrap up," she lied.

Gus smiled from ear-to-ear. "Oh yeah…I forgot about that." He looked ready to burst.

River looked at her son curiously as he took her lie and mysteriously spun it into truth. And since she had already acknowledged it as truth, she couldn't pry him for details. She had lied herself into a corner. "He can see you next time, okay? Give me a hug. You have a good time."

She knelt down and held him tightly, breathing in the clean little-boy scent of him.

"So, tonight?" Amos reminded her.

"Um…sure. If you have time, though, you might want to take him by there beforehand, so he'll know where he is when he wakes up in the morning," River answered and turned to Gus. "Hey, kid. You are going to have a sleepover at Amos' new house. How's that for nifty?"

"I'd say right up there with macaroni and cheese," Gus said excitedly. "Time to go. There's a donkey."

Amos held out a hand towards Gus, and the little boy took hold happily. "Well, it's a plan. Don't worry about clothes. I have it covered. I'll drop him back by around lunchtime tomorrow. That work?"

"Sounds great. Thanks again for taking him," River said with a smile.

"Wouldn't be anywhere else," he said in a hushed voice as he was pulled towards the door by the anxious boy.

"Come on! The baby Jesus isn't getting any younger. He's gonna be born any minute, and we're gonna miss it. Then that manger and goat will look really silly up there."

Amos stumbled behind him, trying not to run him over with his large feet. "Oh, no. That would ruin everything," he said playfully, shutting the door behind them.

River chuckled and stared at the closed door for a moment before heading up the stairs to begin her search for the Doctor.

Although a night alone with him was suddenly making her rather nervous.

__________________________________________________________

River towel-dried her hair and stepped into a pair of flannel pajama bottoms. After not finding the Doctor in his room, she gave in to the temptation of a hot bubble bath. With an army of children in and out of here and there, a relaxing bath was as elusive as the Holy Grail. She had even taken the opportunity to light a few candles and be calmed by the flickering of candlelight through her closed eyelids. She had felt less like Mimi and more like River. And although she couldn't now imagine a life without Gus and the girls, she still missed the click of a trigger and the violent discarding of clothes afterward.

But that was another Doctor altogether, as well.

An oversized sweatshirt was tugged over her face to reveal a smile.

The Doctor.

She was now at the other end of his tenderness. Her first time with him had been tender and slow – he had mistakenly assumed that he had been the first, and she had not corrected him. Though he was her first love, Mels had taken her own liberties with men. Yet his was the only love that mattered…then and now.

And she wanted to cherish it for the dwindling amount of time that she had it within reach.

Before the impending stand-off.

River held back her hair and blew out the candles in the bathroom. Grabbing a blanket from the chair, she left the bedroom and skipped down the stairs to wait for the Doctor amidst the quiet glow of the Christmas tree.

_______________________________________________________________

The Doctor wondered if he was as nifty as macaroni and cheese, because, as he had recently learned, the cheesy pasta was quite spectacular. He and Gus often high-fived at the aroma of it wafting down the hall from the kitchen. Apparently, an overnight with Amos was macaroni-and-cheesy. It was obvious that the boy missed Amos, regardless of how cool he and his TARDIS were.

The Doctor feared that he was like the cool uncle that visited and brought gifts and fun times…The fantastically cool friend who gave rides in his magical flying box to wonderlands of merriment and wackiness. Yet, when the shite hit the fan, the child would run to the only father he had ever known. And he didn't even know who his father was.

You're still his father too…that's not going to change…

Those had been River's words. He hadn't meant to eavesdrop. He had fallen asleep under the tree. He slept more now than before. Almost as if his body were slowing down and acclimating to this new life.

The thought both pleased and terrified him. He was the Doctor – which wasn't just who he was but also what he did. He Doctored. And though most of his doctoring, more or less, fell into his lap, he was still the one to make the universe better. He put bandages on wounds and stitches in the cuts of the worlds. In order to do that, he would have to leave Forty Five Minutes from Somewhere in 1969. He supposed that he could do it in chronological order, but really….how very human…

And he missed the Ponds.

Uh oh…

The Ponds…who were expecting a baby daughter…

"The Ponds! How very wonderful for you to see me! Did you miss me? Pardon? Melody? Did I find your baby? Well, no…not exactly. But here's your twelve year-old five year-old grandson! Don't you see the resemblance? Look at the bow ties…and oh, yeah...I might have shagged your daughter…at least once. No harm, no foul, yeah?"

No way the next him could be as cool as the now him. He could play that card to keep from being shot, cut, stomped or strangled. And that was just Amy.

He definitely needed to concoct a plan. No, concoct was a sinister word. What would work…

"I'm going to die…an actual death because she is going to keep killing me until she is done."

The lights began their blinking cycle and pulled him from his thoughts of certain death.

They really did look like stars.

He missed the stars.

The question was…did River miss them enough to join him when the time came…

He smiled and shook away the doubt. Of course, she did. And she loved him. They were a family…a collection of Doctors.

Of course, they would pack their bags and say their goodbyes to hippies and war and amateur space travel.

He was the Doctor. With a temperamental time machine, a beautiful woman and their son jumping from time to time and space to space.

What was more important than that?


	30. Chapter 30

Not once had he mentioned the Doctor.

They had been in the truck for almost an hour and had talked about everything that had happened to him all week…down to the number of cookies he had sneaked from the closet that morning.

Yet not a single word in regards to the Doctor.

Amos could already see the influence of the Doctor in the boy – the way he spoke, the sometimes spastic movements of his hands while he talked…pointing, to be exact - there was so much more pointing.

However, the sum of those did not compare to the remarkable similarities of the physical likenesses. Amos found it truly amazing that the Doctor had not noticed it on his own. Though he supposed one might forget his childhood appearance as he turned over the 900 year mark. It was only a matter of time before someone made the connection. The eyes, the ears, the legs, the smile…pretty much all of it. He now understood why Gus had never been mistaken for River's child, although he could see River flowing through his veins, as well. They both had a peaceful soul with the emotional strength of a thousand angels, despite the horrors and desperations in their lives.

For years, River had started each day separated from the one thing she needed fiercely and couldn't have…only to be reminded, from the bedside of a slumbering boy, that she would outlive her child. There had always been an unspoken and undrawn barrier between the two of them. Never had she said, "I will only love you this much. I can only give you this much." Amos simply understood that, at the end of the day, his wasn't the name whispered across her subconscious mind as she slept. And he had no right to expect anything more than what she could give. She and the Doctor had been ripped away from each other to live in opposing timestreams. How could he fight that?

And did he even have claim to fight it? The answers were simple and heartbreaking and staring him in the face as a relentless reminder that he had gone wrong. Something about him had upset the universe, and his life was not meant to be cherished or enjoyed. This was a truth he had come to accept since the return of the Doctor. Perhaps it was his turn to be alone. Maybe the powers-that-be needed for him to give up his hopes for family in exchange for the Doctor's chance to have what he had been trying to manufacture for so many years…

Home.

A high pitched sneeze dragged Amos back to his more pleasant reality. He smiled and turned his attention to Gus. He sat with this legs crossed under him and his hands folded in his lap. He looked at Amos out of the corner of his eye and grinned.

"I think that the baby Jesus would be my friend."

Amos chuckled. "You think so?"

"Sure. Well, you know, after he growed up a little. He had to be tough, that baby Jesus."

Amos cast a sideways glance at the boy. "Why do you say that?"

"Being born outside in the cold and having to sleep there all night. Samantha says that being born is hard work. So, I guess you gotta work at being born and then somebody puts you in a manger? Mimi said a manger is like one of those things that pigs eat out of. Then they swaddle you up and stick you in some hay on a pigs plate. You being Jesus and all…doesn't seem fair, does it?" he reasoned.

"No, I suppose not. But it wouldn't make as a great a story if he'd been born in a Holiday Inn, right?" Amos smiled as they drove along the dark highway into the city.

Gus giggled. "Then we'd have to go to the Holiday Inn to see the play. That is kinda ridicalus, huh? What's swaddling mean?"

"Back in the day mamas wrapped their babies up really tight so that they could barely move their arms and legs…maybe they still do…"

"So, he's born outside in the cold…they wrap him up so he can't hardly move…and then they leave him in some hay?" Gus' eyes got wide with the clarification as his brain understood it.

"Well, I suppose that is the long and the short of it, yeah."

"I guess maybe I'm not supposed to make sense of that either. I'll have to remember to ask God about that crazy idea…wrapping up the baby Jesus like a mummy and stuffing him in a dirty old manger. Boy, those church people sure do make it look like sweet, though, don't they?" Gus said skeptically. "I bet He didn't think it was so much fun. Janie is egle…alen…what do you call it when you eat something and it makes you sick?"

"Food poisoning?"

"Umm…no, I don't think so…"

"Choking?"

"No, Amos. Aren't you a doctor? Do it better."

Amos snapped his head to look at Gus. "Where did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"That I'm a doctor."

"Oh, I don't know. I'm a kid. People forget I'm around and say stuff. You know, my ears still work so much closer to the ground. I know lotsa stuff I really shouldn't…now, what is it called when you eat something or touch something that makes just you sick?"

"Uh…"

"You must not have been a very good doctor. Did they make you quit and be a handyman instead? 'Cause I don't think that was right, either."

"Wait, what was the question again?" Amos exhaled heavily and gripped the steering wheel tight.

"I don't wanna talk about it anymore if you can't keep up, Amos," Gus whined.

The child's apparent irritation drew him from his bubbling panic and made him laugh. "Do you mean allergic?"

"Yeah, yeah! Allergit!"

"No, aller-gic," Amos clarified.

"Oh, okay. I forgot why I needed to know…" Gus scratched his head to try to stimulate his problem solvers. "Oh, yeah! So, Janie is allergic to hay. She's just sick all the time when it floats down the road after Mr. Walker cuts it down. Did anybody think about if baby Jesus was allergic to the hay before they dropped him in it?"

Amos laughed aloud and veered the truck onto the off-ramp. "Now they are dropping the baby Jesus?"

"Well, they might have. We don't really know, do we? The Bible doesn't say they dropped him in the manger, but I don't think everything happens just exactly like it says it does. And if I were trying to write a story about how great it was when baby Jesus was born, I probably wouldn't tell it that he was rolled up like a worm and dropped in the manger, while those walking guys stood around holding their frankensteins and murts…what's so funny? I'm serious! That poor baby…I think I might run up to that nasty wood box and rescue that fake baby Jesus." Gus had worked himself up into a tiny-sized righteous anger.

Fighting the urge to continue laughing and fearing he'd lose the battle, Amos chose not to look at Gus. He knew that with one look at the child's face, he would loop his truck back onto the highway and keep driving. How was he supposed to give up moments like this?

"You mean, frankincense and myrrh?"

"Yeah! What is that?"

"Well, they were oils…a bit like perfumes," Amos explained.

"Perfumes? They brought smelly oils to Jesus on his very first birthday? What did he need with that old stuff, except that he probably stunk from laying in that hay on a pig's plate…" Gus crossed his arms over his chest and stared out the window, thinking and muttering quietly. The lights of the traffic signal shone across this face. "I think I liked this story better when I didn't know what was going on."

"Hey, if you're thinking about stealing the baby Jesus and running off, we'll have to come up with another game plan for the evening, little man…" Amos warned. Gus had always had a "free the people" streak in him…whether it was the infant Messiah or the neighbor's dog on a leash. Only months before, he had cornered said neighbor after church and asked him how he would feel on a leash and tied to an old tree. "Married" had been the response.

"I really really should, but Mimi always says not to make a spectacle of myself. I don't know what it means, but I probably shouldn't do it 'cause she sounds a little mean when she says it. You know, I bet Mimi would have made those innkeeping people give her a room. If she was having a baby, no way would she let it be born in the hay with the goats and pigs. Mary should have been a little bit more like Mimi," he said with a nod of his head.

Amos coughed as his saliva invaded his windpipe at the mention of Mother Mimi. There weren't enough hours in the day to formulate a kid-appropriate response to his comparison. "Look! There's the auditorium."

"Yep. Same place as last year," Gus answered with a sly grin as they pulled into the parking lot of the large structure.

Amos parked the truck and got out, leaving room for Gus to slide towards him and jump to the ground. "Alright, smart a…..aleck. Let's hurry it up."

"I wanna walk, okay?" After a nod from Amos, Gus took him by the hand, and the pair walked hastily to get out of the cold. "You almost said a swear word."

"Almost doesn't count."

"I'm very proud of you. You just shouldn't swear when you're walking towards the baby Jesus. It's the rule. Even if he is fake and wrapped up so tight he can't hear you or smell you for all that frankenpence and murms they make him wear." Gus explained matter-of-factly.

"Hey, how about we keep your version of the Christmas story just between us…like a secret. You like secrets." Amos did not want to have to endure a lecture from River after the littlest prophet set the Sunday School ablaze with the Gospel According to Gus.

Raising his knees high to climb the steep steps leading to the entryway, Gus began to breathe heavily and struggled to speak. "Well, little kids need to know the truth."

Amos stopped and let the boy catch his breath. They had learned that sometimes it was better for Gus to grow in his independence, even if it meant that life went a bit slower. "Even still, some parents aren't as nifty as me and Mimi. They might get upset with the new telling of it, okay?"

Gus shrugged and nodded. "I guess you and Mimi are kinda special. If I couldn't have my real mama, God found me the greatest one to put in her place. And you're not so bad either," he added with a smile before continuing his climb. "Yep. You and Mimi are real good parents."

Amos inhaled sharply to curb his emotions and gripped the boy's hand a bit tighter.

"…and the Doctor."

And there it was.

*********************************************************************************

The Doctor watched her for quite some time as she cuddled against the couch cushions, drinking a glass of wine and humming along with the holiday tunes that played through the large antique console radio. The glow from the Christmas tree lit her face in a way that made him ache to reach out to her. How was it that in such a short amount of time he had begun to need her…a physical need to be near her…so much so that he spent his nights alone, waiting in dreams to wake up and seek her out.

He didn't know how he could return to his life as he had known it – or even if he could return.

"Let me know when it's a good time to disturb you, yeah?" she whispered to no one.

The Doctor lifted his head, expecting to find a child who had popped out from some corner or shadow. He knew that it was too good to be true that they should have an evening to themselves.

"I'm talking to you, Doctor."

"Oh. Yeah...I'm under the tree," he answered.

"So I noticed."

"I like it down here. It's all blinky, winky and shiny. I most especially like the shiny. Shiny has me written all over it," he said around a smile.

"And so does Christmas tree fire." She had yet to look at him as she nursed the glass of red wine. "And carbon monoxide poisoning from a clogged chimney flue when you get stuck inside in an attempt to be charming and irresistible as a skinny Santa."

"I'm slight, not skinny, and there's a chance I won't muck up Christmas, actually. I'm almost positive it can be done," the Doctor said, as much to convince himself as it was to counter her claim of inevitable disaster. "And that chimney lore is total rubbish. It's obvious that Santa had a TARDIS."

River chuckled around a swallow of wine. "Santa is a Time Lord? Says the self-proclaimed 'last of his kind'."

The Doctor wasn't entirely pleased with the incredulity in her voice. She might as well have sung liar-liar-pants-on-fire. "Well, of course he's not a Time Lord. Don't be daft, River. Apparently, he must have stolen a TARDIS at some point in his jolly life. How else do you explain all that giving out of gifts to every child in just one night?"

"Oh, I see…Santa stole his TARDIS. He's a thief…" She could not keep from smiling at the parallels. "Wait…I think I may be having an epiphany…"

The Doctor rolled his eyes and drummed his fingers on his chest. "Well, does it require some time alone?"

River brought her hand to her chest and inhaled sharply. "Does this mean…have I been shagging…Santa Clause?"

"There is so much that is horribly wrong with what you just suggested. In fact, I may never recover."

"Am I Mrs. Clause?" she asked in an exaggerated high-pitched voice.

The Doctor lifted an eyebrow and turned his head to face her. "That does seem to be the question now, does it not?"

River glanced in his direction and winked. "Spoilers..."

"I don't want to talk about Santa any longer. You made Santa naughty. It's just not proper…"

Unfolding her legs from underneath her and rising from the couch, River walked over and knelt beside the tree. "Are you going to crawl out from under there and enjoy our night alone? Or must I make other arrangements?"

He peeked out from under his hiding place. "What sort of arrangements?"

"Wrong answer, Sweetie," she said before attempting to stand and walk away.

The Doctor grabbed her hand and pulled her towards him. His voice was tender and pleading. "Come here, River."

Unable to ever resist a sincere Doctor, River placed her glass on the side table and slid alongside him beneath the twinkling of the lights. She snuggled up to him, resting her head on his chest and laying a bent leg over his.

"Why do you smell so delicious? Is that even possible…to smell delicious? Should I want to bite you?"

She grinned and moved against him, needing to feel more of him. "I'm not sure you're ready for the biting just yet, love."

He craned his neck to look down at her. "Biting? There's biting? That doesn't sound safe…or enjoyable."

"No?" River rolled over and pulled herself forward with her elbow. She kissed him softly at the base of his neck and scraped her teeth across his skin. His groan escaped with a heavy breath, and his hand slid underneath her top, scratching lightly at her lower back. River tugged on his earlobe and released it quickly to glide her tongue along his ear.

The Doctor rolled his hips in a slow hula to force River's leg to fall across his lap. He wanted to pull her atop him, but the room under tree was limited. His discomfort was compounded when she began to unbutton his shirt and trail her nails along the bare skin of his chest.

"River…I think we need to take this somewhere that is…" He inhaled sharply as he felt her teeth grip at the skin below his ribcage.

"Yes?"

"Um…else…"

She laughed a laugh that reminded him he had no control over anything in his world. "But I just got down here, Sweetie. I haven't had time to see what all the fuss is about." Her tongue was warm against his exposed and chilled skin.

"This. This…this is the fuss. So much fuss it happening. Do have any idea of the fuss?" He babbled, his mind split between the innocence of a Christmas tree and the carnality that burned underneath his skin. He could feel her smile against him, and he buried a hand in her damp hair, tugging at it lightly as she continued her nibbles. "It's maddening, this fuss…"

"You don't say?" River had slinked her way down and was tugging at the button of his jeans with her teeth. His laugh was desperate and a bit uncomfortable – and music to her ears.

Regaining a bit of his sanity, the Doctor quickly slid from under the tree, bringing River along for the ride. Before she had a chance to react, he had her on her back and hovered over her hungrily. "You've been a very naughty girl, Dr. Song. Santa may have to skip your tree altogether…"

River lifted her hips to meet him and winked. "I don't think it's the tree skirt that he wants to get under, anyway…"

Watching the desire play across her face, he bit at his lower lip. "I may never look at Santa the same way again."

She giggled and kissed his chin softly. "I really don't know if I can go back to my life without you…"

He lowered his body and lips to hers, consumed with the need to possess every bit of her. So much so that his mind ignored what she had quietly confessed to him in a moment of pure truth.


	31. Chapter 31

"I like this curl. It bounces a funny bounce."

River laughed softly and swatted at his hand. "Is that why you keep tugging at it?"

"I'm thinking that its bouncy dynamics could be useful. Think of it as an experiment, of sorts," the Doctor explained with a smile as he pulled at the curl once more.

She flipped over to lie across his chest, resting her chin on folded hands in order to peek up at him. "Sweetie, don't you think we've been each other's experiments for long enough?"

The Doctor looked down at her and smiled. "What kinds of experiments and for how long, exactly?"

River's lips brushed at the skin over one of his hearts. "Well, I could tell you…"

"But then you'd have to kill me?" he teased.

She bit on the inside of lip and pondered his jest. There was a right and a wrong way to answer, though she wasn't which would be the lie. So, she chose not to answer at all and nipped him on the shoulder playfully.

"Do you really think I am so easily distracted, Dr. Song?" He heard the words leave his mouth, but he was puzzled as to why he had spoken them…unless it was simply the habitual untruth-telling. Because, truthfully, her tongue…whether in her mouth or on his skin…was a constant distraction for him. How had the universe not collapsed in on itself because a fatal distraction by her lips? Had he just not been looking? And if so, why the hell had he not been looking?

Was the universe doomed now that his body seemed to be unable to function properly without some part of her body nearby?

He drew small circles along her arms and back as his mind tried to sort through what had happened and what he willed to happen.

"Do you? Really?" River's eyes asked the question even more quietly than had her voice.

"I'm sorry…what?"

"Are you ready to love me, Doctor? It's not as easy as writing it." She saw the confusion in his eyes, and she sat up, smiling down at him sweetly. With her forefinger, River began to trace out words in symbols that were recognizable to only two in the known universe. As her finger moved, the outline of the words seemed to glow with a gleaming trail of golden dust…the language was coming alive as it was exchanged between the two of them. River's hair fell across his chest as she leaned down and placed a kiss over her writing, as if to seal it upon his skin. He blinked rapidly, and when he returned a steady gaze to his chest, the glow was gone. The meaning, however, was not lost.

"River…" His skin tingled and flamed as she kissed her way from heart to heart.

"Hmm?"

"Are you my wife?"

She looked up at him through a veil of curls and with eyes on fire. "Do you want me to be?"

"I have the strangest feeling that I haven't a choice in the matter," he replied with a grin.

River fought back a smile and winked. "Spoilers…"

The Doctor rolled her over quickly and positioned himself along the length of her. "Aren't we a little far along in the game for secrets now, River?" he asked before he took her by the wrists and held them tightly over her head.

"Oh, there's always a secret, Sweetie, whether it's being kept from you or by you. There's never a perfect moment when we each know exactly what the other knows. One of us will always be holding something back…mmm…"

He began kissing down her arm, allowing his teeth to scrape her skin occasionally. His need for her intensified with her moans of approval, and he struggled to keep his emotions and desires from making him appear needy and weak.

Because that is exactly how she made him feel in moments when they were alone and their skin melted into each other in a way that made it difficult to tell where he began and she ended. He needed her in way that he had never needed another, and he was frightened that such a weakness held dangers for them all. Sometimes he had to make the hard decisions…would he be able to make a choice between his head and his heart if the universe aligned in such a way. Could he do what had to be done, as what had been necessary for Donna and Rose – both of whom he loved dearly. Rory had proven time and time again that love conquered all, but he and River were a different sort of all. Their all had a name…and floppy hair and overworked logic.

What if the choice was the universe or Gus?

Then, there really was no choice, was there?

River moaned in protest as the Doctor fell alongside her and stared up at the ceiling, his randy mood having suddenly fled. Rolling over to face him, she propped herself up on her elbows and dropped her chin into her folded hands.

"Performance anxiety?"

He snapped his head in her direction and was met with twinkling eyes. "What? Are you saying…what? No! Of course not! I…what! No. That's…just absolutely not…absurd. You're talking nonsense, Dr. Song. Sense that is non, that is what you are talking…"

"So, that would be a no?"

"That would be a hell no," he answered with a bite in his tone.

Unwilling to let it go, River sighed and stroked his arm reassuringly. "It's okay, Sweetie. It happens to all men sooner or later. You are over 900 years old. It's nothing to be – "

"River! I AM NOT ANXIOUS ABOUT PER…HAVING…AND I AM NOT A MAN! Not exactly. I am a super man."

"You're Superman? So, you're Santa Clause and Superman? That makes sense, I suppose. Then you wouldn't need a TARDIS. You could fly around the globe lickety split…oh, sorry...didn't mean to bring it up again, Sweetie." River hid her smile behind her hands and waited for his frustrated bumbling.

"NOT THE SUPERMAN! A MAN WHO IS SUPER!"

"But I thought you aren't a man?"

"You need an off switch." The Doctor rubbed his temples and readjusted his position to face away from her.

River giggled and scooted up to him, leaving kisses across his shoulder blade. "Well…I do have an on button…"

"Stop trying to be cute. It won't work." He couldn't keep the smile from his voice.

"And how do you propose that I stop being cute? I promise you that the alternative is rather unpleasant. I do still have a gun, you know." She slid an arm under his and hugged him tightly, nuzzling her face into the back of his neck. He smelled like books and citrus and genius and heart.

"Oh, I don't doubt it for a moment, love." The Doctor took her hand and enclosed it in his. Her chest rose against his back as their breathing fell into synch. He listened to the rhythm of her breaths while his rapidly beating hearts calmed.

River, however, could feel the pounding under their clasped hands. The tell-tale sign of a worried Doctor. He could be tied to an explosive and maintain the widest of grins. His lips and tongue had told thousands of lies, but his hearts…not one.

She kissed him lightly behind the ear and whispered, "Hey, what's got you so quiet, huh?"

"Nothing. I can be quiet," he teased.

"Not a chance. What are you thinking about?"

Getting you killed, leaving our son an orphan, single-handedly destroying the world. Take your pick, he thought. "Cheese."

"What? Cheese?"

"Yes. I am a doctor of cheese. Even cheese needs careful thought."

River kneed him playfully in the rear. "A doctor of cheese. You can't be the doctor of everything because you might be the doctor of something. Cheese gets sick?"

"Oh, yeah. From the smell of some, cheese can die horrible deaths. It's a fact, you know. I can bring cheese into the world, and I can take cheese away. It's a vital role I play in the world of dairy," he explained with a false lightness in his tone.

Her voice was small and soothing when she next chose to speak. "Well, in case it happens to not be about cheese…I love you…so don't be afraid to be honest with me, okay?"

His only response was a simple nod and a squeeze of her hand.

She was rather quiet for a while, now worried about what worried him. For a moment, she forgot to agonize over her decision that would continue to keep them apart – even more painful, that would keep him separated from his son. She had almost drifted off to sleep when she heard his shaky voice.

"Will he ever call me 'Dad'?"

As she had no answer, she pretended to be asleep. One less lie to tell.

**************************************************************************************

"Ok, little man, almost done…"

Amos untied the bow tie and slid the shirt down the arms of the sleepy child. After securing his feet into the footie pajamas, he stood the boy up as best as he could and zipped him into the warmth of the thick fabric. "There you go. Alright, climb under the sheets."

Gus clumsily found his way under the covers and buried himself underneath their comfort. He folded his hand tightly into the duvet and tucked it under his chin. His chest rose and fell as he gave into the exhaustion from the night's events. Amos smiled at the memory of the number of nights he had watched that tiny chest to make sure that it did, indeed, rise and fall continuously. Those had been long and terrifying nights…and he wouldn't trade one of them. After placing a kiss on the boy's forehead, Amos crossed the room and had the door nearly closed when he heard a small voice call out to him.

"Yes, sir?"

"Can you find somebody for me?"

Amos walked back over to the bed and sat down. "I'm sorry, little man, but I didn't hear you."

Gus opened one of his eyes and looked at Amos. "I need you to find somebody for me."

He looked at the child inquisitively. "Okay…sure. We'll talk about it tomorrow."

"I need you to find the little boy without memories," Gus said before yawing deeply.

"I don't understand, son."

"There's a kid without his memories 'cause I have them. I need you to help me find him. It's real important, Amos."

Amos' heart skipped beats as he thought on Gus' request. "What do you mean, you have his memories?"

"There's a little boy…I think he's little…I know what he knows. And if I have his memories, he might be lost and probably really scared." His voice had hushed to a whisper as sleepiness got the better of him.

Amos stood and stared down at the boy, his hands shoved nervously into his pockets. "We'll talk about it later, okay?"

"Yes, sir…"

Amos left the door cracked and walked away before Gus had finished explaining.

"I think he belongs to the Doctor," he whispered into the darkness of his new home away from home.


	32. Chapter 32

"Doctor!"

She had been calling his name for quite some time and had zipped in and out of every room downstairs. Having no luck locating the unusually quiet man, River took the stairs two at a time and continued yelling for him.

Hearing her stomping footsteps headed back down the stairs a few minutes later, he peeked around the corner of the couch from where he sat on the living room floor. Despite his growing frustration, he smiled as she mumbled the despicable harms that would befall him once she had searched him out.

"I swear, Doctor, if you have spun off in the TARDIS again without telling me…" Her words faded as she caught a quick glimpse of the top of his head bobbing slightly from behind the couch. River turned on her heels and crept across the carpeted floor, trying to arrange the words in her head so that she could spit them out with the precise degree of harshness. However, the closer she got to him, the less angry and more entertained she became.

The Doctor sat in the middle of a ring of wrapping chaos. There were bits and pieces of wrapping paper strewn about the floor and the furniture. Large pieces, small bits…some were round, some square, some had shapes that could not be found even in science. And there was ribbon. And bows. And tinsel. It looked as if a Christmas goblin had snuck inside and left a massacre of gifts. Dozens of haphazardly disguised presents were stacked and set aside like a pile of forgotten mistakes.

And of course, right in the thick of it, was the Doctor.

And he looked as unhappy as an elf could look at Christmas.

He blew the veil of hair from before his eyes and looked up at her in obvious defeat. "I have been bested. The unthinkable has happened."

River walked around the couch and sat cattywampus on its arm, folding her arms across her chest and surveying the scene once more. "And what would that be, exactly?"

"I have killed innocents. Somewhere, the Christmas spirit has retreated to a corner and cried," he answered as his gaze followed hers.

She smiled and nodded in agreement. "Yes, this is quite the gruesome scene. Were there any survivors?"

The Doctor pointed to a bag stuffed to overflowing that sat against the far wall. "I do believe that that bag was closer to me before this began. It has been gradually fleeing the scene of the crime…cowards, the lot of them."

"Doctor, what is all of this?" River rose from the couch and walked over the bag, skimming its contents. "Wait…Harry Potter?"

"Now, see…"

"Are these gifts for our kids?"

The Doctor actually felt his hearts swell when she said "our kids," as he had begun to feel that way, as well. He dreaded the day that they started to trickle one by one to their new homes, leaving just Gus and Melody in the large house. How the halls would echo with silence.

River knelt down and emptied the bag one gift at a time, mumbling incredulously upon each discovery. When she had reached the bottom, she looked over at him. "It is no wonder that you were hiding. You know the kids can't have half of these presents, Sweetie."

He raised an eyebrow in defiance. "And why not? They are perfectly suited to them. Besides, not all of them are…well, in development, as it were…"

"In development?" she screeched, holding up a set of Harry Potter books. "Thirty years?"

"They're for Jane. She wanted something exciting to read. Santa can do anything."

"Santa?"

"Yes, Santa. They asked, and Santa has complied. Jolly sort of fella, he is," the Doctor replied with a smile. "Nice guess with the books, by the way."

"What?"

"The books…thirty years. You know your childhood literature, Dr. Song," he said with a question in his voice.

She tried to appear distracted as she rummaged her brain for an answer that he wouldn't see as total rubbish. "Well, that's why I am a damn fine archaeologist, Doctor."

"Of children's books?"

Her eyes found his as she answered him, leaving no room for further discussion. "Of everything."

The Doctor recognized that tone as her way of closing the subject, and he had no desire to ruffle the feathers of a hawk. "Right then….so, what do you propose we do about this? I'm afraid I have nothing more to give in way of help."

River crawled over the mess and reassessed the damage. "I'm not very good at this either, really. Though I suppose I couldn't do any worse than you."

"Not very good? Shouldn't you have this sort of thing down to an art, being all mum-like and girly?" The Doctor waved his hand erratically to free it from the clutches of a stubborn piece of tape.

She squinted her eyes and turned up her nose at his misguided assumption. "Until a few years ago, I was chasing you around the universe with a gun and a smile. I do well enough to keep the children alive. Santa's helper, I am not, honey."

"What do you do with all...this?" He pointed randomly at the gifts littering the floor.

"I stack them into individual piles for each child like the man himself would do. No fuss, no muss," she answered as she gathered up the scattered trimmings and crushed them into a ball of trash.

"Well…how very lazy of you. Where's the element of surprise? The joy of watching them open up each one and seeing their little greedy faces light up with yet more greed? Even more importantly, it takes away the opportunity to feel good about how wonderful you are," he grumbled, watching her clean up the mess he had made while he pouted.

River giggled at the petulant man-child sitting before her. "It's strange how my mumness has clouded my judgment. Of course, Christmas is all about making myself feel fantastic simply by being fantastic. Bah humbug with the joy of children, I say! Thanks for helping to me to the light."

The Doctor stuck out his tongue, and a smile began to creep out from one corner of his mouth. "Don't mention it. As always, I'm here to help. I'm the Doctor."

"In that case, how about you talk less and help more," River said with a wink in her smile. "It's ridiculous how much pleasure you take in announcing that, by the way."

"Announcing what?"

"I'm the Doctor," she replied in her best Doctory voice. "It's almost like a verbal punctuation….period."

"I most certainly do not exclamation point!"

River chuckled and scooped up the last of the trash within her reach. "Whatever you say, Sweetie."

The Doctor stood and hurriedly left the room, returning shortly with a bag for the trash. "Anyway, that's my name. I worked hard to be the Doctor. It bears mentioning from time to time."

"Alright then. From now on, when I am being particularly narcissistic or omnipotent, I shall announce that I am the River. In fact, it is now my answer for everything. Why? Because I am the River." She grinned up at him as they filled the bag with the mess he had created. "Besides, it's not your name now, is it?"

He raised his eyes to meet hers. "No, it's not. Shall we go into that again?"

"No, we shan't," she answered matter-of-factly. Having finished cleaning up the chaos, she flopped onto the sofa and motioned towards the pile of misfit gifts. "However, we must address a more pressing issue."

"What? I say we leave them as they are. They have character, don't you think?" His brow began to glisten at the thought of having to start over, his stomach rolling when he remembered the bag of gifts beckoning from across the room.

"You can't leave those under the tree, dear."

"Maybe they won't notice?"

"Are these from you or Santa?"

He fidgeted as he followed her trail of logic. "Santa…" came the mumbled answer.

"And Santa is visually impaired now? The elves have been maimed? Funny that the toy factory explosion didn't make the evening news."

"Fine! I see your hateful point," the Doctor growled, plopping down beside her on the couch and crossing his arms angrily across his chest in a proper pout.

River felt a twinge of guilt for inviting the rain to drench his Christmas parade. She sidled up next to him and snaked her hand through his armor of arms. "Well, I think…that we unwrap them and carry on with tradition, even though they won't wake up to them on Christmas morning. We'll have our own Christmas when they return."

The Doctor was unrelenting in his sulk, speaking in a voice that was rather familiar to Gus' mother's ears. "But I don't want you to see them."

"Why not?"

"Because you'll make me take them back."

"Back to where?" A small alarm sounded throughout her brain, alerting her judgment and reminding her of the nature of the gift giver.

"Not where…when."

"When…"

"Well, they aren't all time appropriate." He glanced at her out of the corners of his eyes. "Okay, none of them are time appropriate but I really want them to have them and Santa doesn't care about the wibbly-wobbliness of stupid ole time and the ones for the younger kids blink and wink and for the older ones crash and thrash and shine and shimmy and please don't make me take them back because the TARDIS really wants the children to be happy and it would be a grave error to upset her as she might deposit me to a certain death as you very well know and then my blood will be on your hands and how could you possibly live with yourself…" He took a breath while allowing the plea to sink into the brain of the smiling woman beside him and take effect.

River's smile hid the wrenching of her gut at the mention of his death on her hands. "I'm sure I'd find a way to muddle through. You don't bleed much anyway." She rose from the couch and walked over the mound of gifts. "So, what do you suggest we do?"

He stood and joined her, encircling her waist and resting his chin in the crook of her neck. "I suggest…" He kissed her lightly behind the ear. "…that we go upstairs…" He drew small circles across her abdomen and felt the intake of breath as her back moved against his chest.

River slid her hands under his and intertwined their fingers. "Sweetie, I meant about the gifts."

He smiled against her neck and left at trail of kisses along her hairline. "We can leave them down here. None of them would be very helpful."

Her laugh was guttural and blazed through him like fire. "Not to mention Gus is due back at any time."

"Gus!" The Doctor nearly knocked her over as he spun around and hurried from the room.

River looked curiously over her shoulder to see the back side of him race up the stairs. Shaking her head, she sat beside the gifts and began to release them from their wrapping prisons. As they were revealed one after another, River sighed at the Doctor's questionable enthusiasm for gift giving. Yet, after seeing the collection of presents and realizing the amount of thought he had put into each one, there was no way she could keep the gifts from the children.

She carried them over to the closet and locked them all away from the curious eyes of Gus. Taking a step backward, River nearly lost her balance and tripped over a book that had apparently toppled out of the bag as she had scooted it across the floor. She bent down and picked up the elaborate copy of some Harry Potter escapade, staring down at the cover and tracing the lettering with her finger. A warmth traveled through her veins and left tingles underneath her skin. The children were never at a loss for gifts on Christmas. The entire community always turned up with bountiful offerings of toys, clothes and knick-knacks, but they were generic – gifts to be divided up and spread around. Rarely ever did presents come into the house purchased for a specific child. But behind the closet door were gifts stacked high and bundled wide for which River would not even need tags to assign ownership. The Doctor had taken their Santa letters and did what only he could do. He had made Christmas bigger and brighter and more sparkly simply by listening to what they had to say and giving them all a tiny remembrance of a mad man with madder stories.

She dropped the book atop the stack and smiled as she closed and relocked the door. No matter the confusion and chaos some of the gifts might cause, no power above or below would keep them from the kids…or from her seeing his face as they opened them.

"Hey, where are my gifts?"

River turned and found him disheveled and clutching a cardboard box. "I hid them away until the kids come home. What is that?"

"Umm…just another gift. Nothing special," he said, fidgety and fumbly. "What about the wrapping?"

She walked over to him and leaned in, leaving the faintest of kisses on his lips. The Doctor smiled down at her with eyebrows turned inward to question the sudden gesture. "You are the greatest man I have ever known," she whispered into his ear before walking towards the couch and sitting down.

"Oh really? How many have you known? What was that for? It makes me nervous. I need more paper. And a bow. And a biscuit…not your kind of biscuit...a cookie. You have become quite Americanized, Dr. Song," he said as he squatted on the floor in front of her.

"Why are you bothering with this again? You're going to get hurt." River sighed loudly as his clumsy and impatient hands worked the scissors to cut a large and lopsided piece of wrapping paper.

"Because…" he began and stopped as he concentrated on covering the small box with the red and gold paper, his eyes squinted and his lips tight. Placing the last bit of tape and adding the bow, he smiled up at her and continued, "…this is to Gus from me. The fat old man couldn't pull this out of his tricky bags of tricks."

The smile spread across his face was irresistible, and even though her good sense and mother's intuition were clammering to be heard, River just laughed softly and returned his grin. The Doctor set the gift down on the side table and sat down behind her, pulling her closer to him. She relaxed against his chest, and he rested his chin atop her head, his hands gliding slowly along the skin of her bare arms. They sat quietly watching the twinkle of the tree lights until the sound of River's voice, unusually small, broke the silence.

"This will be Melody's first real Christmas," she said softly.

The Doctor kissed the curls that tickled his nose and hugged her tightly. "You mean, your first Christmas…"

River's gaze was focused on the blinking of one red bulb that seemed out of synch with the others. "I suppose. Actually, I've been a bit disappointed and sad that I haven't been able to connect with her in a way that makes me feel like I am…well, her. But I remember now how excited and overwhelmed and…loved…I felt this Christmas. I feel what it was like to be her. Doctor, her life is going to change so dramatically and take her places that she'll never be able to forget. But she will know that she was loved for one Christmas."

"That you were loved…" He felt her nod under the weight of his chin, and he ached to gather her into a ball and hold her close to him like a child. "And not just by me or the other kids or even Amos. More importantly, that little light of love she'll hold onto was a gift from you. You've taught her how to love herself…in an odd sort of way."

She giggled at the tone of his voice, able to see the timey-wimeyness weave around his brain as he tried to make sense of what he'd said. River sat up and turned around to face him, smiling at the confusion that set in his brow.

"Did that make any kind of sense worth making? I may have gotten a bit lost on what I was trying to say."

River took his face in her hands and brought him closer to her. Sweeping the hair across his forehead, she placed feathered kisses on his closed eyelids before brushing her lips quickly against his. "Perfect sense…and I love you for it," she whispered.

The Doctor caressed her back gently and studied her face. His hearts hurt to know how badly she had hurt as a child. His childhood hadn't known Christmas, but he had known love. For a child on Earth, love of and for family was no greater than at Christmastime. Christmas was magic, and Melody had not had much magic in her short life.

Magic…

River looked at him inquisitively as his eyes widened and shown with a mischievous and irregular twinkling of their own. "Doctor…."

A banging and clanging from the foyer distracted them both, and they turned their attention to the hallway. The front door opened noisily and was slammed shut.

"Mimi! Doctor! You would not believe what those Bethlehem people did to baby Jesus! Just makes no sense! I don't wanna be a Methopist anymore!" Gus shouted as he stomped down the hall and up the stairs. "Happy birthday, baby Jesus. Here's some perfume and don't let the goat bite you! Merry stinkin' Christmas Eve."

Slam.

They both stared at the trail of imaginary smoke left in the wake of the angry child.

"Well, then. Merry Christmas Eve indeed, son," the Doctor said quietly and nervously, as they waited for the other shoe to drop.


	33. Chapter 33

The Doctor and River looked at each and smiled in amused confusion. The door opened once again, and they heard slow footsteps approach. River sat back away from the Doctor and straightened her hair. "We're in the living room!" she called out.

Amos walked wearily into the room and plopped into a nearby chair. He looked exhausted and dumbfounded. Letting his head drop to the back of the chair and holding out two clenched fists, he said, "In the left, I have just-dammit bad news. In the right, I have what-the-fuck-are-we-going-to-do bad news. Any takers?" He shook his hands in an enticing dance.

"And Merry Stinkin' Christmas Eve to you, as well," the Doctor said with as much compassion as sarcasm. It was obvious that something had gone terribly awry.

Amos lifted his head just enough to cast a desperate glance towards the Doctor. "Yeah, well, hold the holiday cheer until you've heard my stories. Pick one." His left fist stood a little higher and waved a bit more enthusiastically than did the right, as if the news truly did threaten to burst from inside it.

River took a deep breath and pointed towards a fist. "We'll take the just-dammit news first. Be gentle."

"Somehow…and I swear this is not my fault because all I did was explain what was meant by swaddling and what frankincense and myrrh are… but now, to hear him to tell the Christmas story, Mary and Joseph should have been arrested for neglect and the baby Jesus placed into foster care. This will play out very well in Sunday School, let me tell you. And, of course, it will start with 'well, Amos said' and every little old gray-haired thumper will beat me senseless before I even get a chance to defend myself. He's five, for Christ's sake. How does a five year-old come about such righteous indignation and how do I get out of being held responsible? More importantly, how do I make it your fault?" Amos pointed at the Doctor without lifting his head from its resting place.

The Doctor rolled his eyes upward into their thinking position. "Well, technically, wasn't the baby Jesus already in foster care? With the immaculate this and the virgin that and the God-the-Father?"

River shook her head and looked from one man to the other, smiling at Amos. "I'm afraid it's probably already his fault. We've done the best with what genes we've been given, dear."

Rolling his head to the side to look at River, Amos sighed heavily. "So, we aren't really responsible for his weirdo tendencies? Neither one of us is to blame. I find this validating and comforting somehow."

"I think I find myself offended…"

Ignoring the Doctor, River closed one eye shut tightly and peeked at Amos cautiously with the other. "Is it even necessary to discuss the more critical of the two? It's Christmas, yeah? Can't it wait?"

Amos sat up and bent forward, resting his elbows on his knees in what River called his "getting down to business" pose. "Oh, it can wait, but I don't want to be the sole carrier of this cluster fuck. I want to spread the fuck around."

"That is truly disturbing to think upon…" the Doctor murmured.

There was a moment of silence, almost as if they expected Gus to call swear-warnings to them from upstairs. After studying Amos' face, River sat forward as well, realizing the seriousness of the problem. "Okay. We're listening. What's going on?"

Amos relayed to them the question that Gus had asked him the night before. Luckily, either Gus had forgotten to be concerned about the boy with no memories or he was more worried about the atrocities against the baby Jesus as he had not asked about it again. However, it was only a matter of time before his manger anger and his Christmas excitement would fade. His curiosity and unease would return sooner rather than later, and they had no choice but to consider telling him the truth.

"Well, we always knew that there was a likely possibility that he would have some vague memory of the alternate timeline," River said after Amos finished speaking.

Amos stared at the floor and shook his head. "But I think it goes deeper than simply being vague, Hals. He didn't say much, but something about the way he said it makes me very uneasy."

"Not that I am a supporter of lying to children, but could we not do just that? Explain to him déjà vu and let that be that? I know it's the coward's way out, but – "

"River, we can't lie to him," Amos replied sternly.

She cut her eyes at him and raised an eyebrow. "Well, what other choice have we, Amos? Telling him was never an option. I made that perfectly clear when I came back. You know how it…" River let her thought trail off into the space between them.

Amos knew where her thought was leading, and he picked it up. "I know, River, but –"

"No buts, Amos. We're not telling him. Find another solution."

The Doctor had risen from the couch and stood before the Christmas tree as River and Amos discussed their options. "Amos…"

The pair of feuding parents had nearly forgotten that they were not alone. Both Amos and River watched the back of the lanky man as he continued to concentrate on the blinking lights of the tree. "Yeah?" Amos answered.

"I don't suppose that Gus had a friend named Mary during his first go-round of living, did he?" The Doctor reached out and gently thumped an ornament, watching it swing back and forth.

"Actually, yes…a neighbor. She lived with her grandmother and spent a great deal of time here after the grandmother became ill. Why do you ask?" Amos and River exchanged confused glances.

"The lines are already blurred. Gus remembers the little girl, but his brain has woven together the details with threads from that timeline and this. The grandmother died, yes?"

"She did, yes. How do you know this? Did Gus tell you?"

River suddenly recalled a conversation she and the Doctor had had only weeks earlier. "Is that why you asked me about a girl named Mary?"

The Doctor nodded. "Gus confided in me a story about the grandmother's death. I didn't go any further in order to keep his secret, but now it makes considerably more sense…"

"What secret?" Amos asked.

"Actually, that's neither here nor there. What is important is that his worlds are already bleeding together. He will start to remember with more clarity, I'm afraid. Perhaps, if he were as simple as human, there would not have been more than a vague memory or two – no offense - but he's not. All of time is accessible to him. Mentally, he's a tiny Time Lord."

River stood and paced behind the couch, panic beginning to build at the Doctor's suggestion. "So, he will remember exactly what he knew before?"

"I don't rightly know. But it stands to reason that he will work it all out as his thought processes mature. I think that we are all just biding our time until the proverbial shit hits the fan, as it were," the Doctor hesitantly explained, using his newly discovered love of colorful language.

The information bounced around his Amos' head causing a deafening racket, a noise that screamed disaster. "Well…then…he knows already, right? First Gus knew that you guys are his parents. I made very sure of that. How does he not already know?"

River laughed softly and nervously at the mention of "first Gus", as if he were an experiment. "But he thinks that what he remembers is not his to know. Can we not just let him think he has someone else's memories?"

Amos walked over to the doorway and back to the couch, resting a hip against it and crossing his arms over his chest. "Absolutely not. You didn't hear the sadness in his voice for this child he thinks has no memories. Letting him continue to believe that is not even on the table. No way, River."

The Doctor slowly turned around to face them. "Can someone explain to me why he can't be told the truth? Why he can't know who his parents are?"

Neither River nor Amos could meet the Doctor's eyes. They both knew that Christmas was not the time to lower the truth upon the Doctor. River exhaled heavily and shoved her hands into the pockets of her jeans. "Look, it's Christmas Eve. We've a mess of chaos ahead of us already. Let's just get through the holidays. Chances are that Gus will be too preoccupied with gifts and Methodist wrong-doings to bring it up again soon. Okay? Can we just put on the shelf for a few more days?"

"That shelf is sure to buckle under the weight of all the unthinkables we continue to stack on it," Amos answered.

"No, River's right," the Doctor agreed with a sigh. "Besides, I'm always fighting on Christmas. Granted, we're not exactly an alien invasion – "

"Well, you are...kinda," Amos said with a laugh.

The Doctor stared at him briefly before continuing, "but there is no fighting on Christmas. New rule!" He clapped his hands together and pointed at Amos. "As for you, Mr. Killer of Miraculous Christmas Births…would you like to pick him up tomorrow? Better yet, would you like to eat here as a family before you take him for your own Christmasy-mismasy shenanigans?"

River interrupted quickly before Amos had a chance to answer. "Wait…what eat here? There is no here to eat."

"Oh, I'm sure we could find something for a brilliant Christmas lunch. I'm the Doct…"

"Yes?" River smiled as he cut himself off.

"Oh, shut up."

"Am I missing something?" Amos looked at them both with a tired confusion.

The Doctor ignored River's laughter and draped an arm over Amos' shoulder, leading him to the front door. "Go home, friend. Wrap a gift…no, that's horrible advice…drink a beer - or whatever you drinking men drink - and come back tomorrow for yummy goodies and holiday morsels."

Amos reached for the door knob and nodded. "Actually, I have a date tonight," he admitted quietly.

"With a woman?"

Amos smiled at the incredulity in the Doctor's voice. "That is usually how we do it here in dull ole Delaware, Doctor."

River walked into the foyer. "Did I hear you say you have a date?"

The Doctor nodded and slapped Amos on the back approvingly. "With a woman, even."

"I hate my life," Amos mumbled as he opened the door and walked onto the porch. "I will see you both around lunchtime tomorrow?"

"Absolutely! You should bring your woman person for eating on Christmas," the Doctor suggested.

Amos heard River giggle from behind the Doctor. "Umm…no…but I appreciate the offer. See you tomorrow." Bouncing down the porch steps, he left before the awkwardness became unbearable.

The Doctor closed the door and smiled at River. "He has a date."

"You should bring your woman person for eating? You made her sound like she's the meal," River said between giggles.

He skipped by her towards the stairs. "Oh, he's a big boy. He knew what I meant. I'm going to get Gus. We have a trip to take," he announced with a turn and a wink.

"What trip?"

The Doctor was already near the top of the stairs when he yelled down. "Never mind the details, River Song. Just get your coat!"


	34. Chapter 34

The Doctor tapped lightly on the bedroom door. When his knocks went unanswered, he slowly opened the door and peeked into the room. The child was not on the bed or in the rocking chair near the window. There was no tiny head poking out from a hiding place on the other side of the bed where he liked to sit on the floor and play.

There was no Gus.

The Doctor, as a hero of men and creature alike, did not panic...initially…while on the other side of the door. Now that he had proof that the boy was missing, the innumerable possible scenarios raced through his mind. As a fully-ripened terror set in, the Doctor leapt over the small bed to search out the yard for intruders. Finding none, he turned to run out of the bedroom door and urge River to grab her weaponry. His eyes wildly swept the length of the other side of room for clues and saw something that caused both of his hearts to plummet into his stomach.

A dim light shone from underneath the closet door.

His first instinct was to yank open the door and yell at the boy for hiding. However, having been yelled at by both hysterical women and men while he himself was trying to locate calm and quiet, the Doctor paused with his hand on the doorknob. Now that he was closer to Gus and his hearts had stopped pounding in his ears, he could hear his son's small voice humming from behind the door.

The Doctor knocked a bit louder, and the knob turned under his grip. The door creaked as it slowly opened to reveal the littlest Time Lord sitting on the floor with his back against the wall underneath the hanging clothes. Gus' legs were folded akimbo, and a book lay opened in his lap. Wires hung down his chest and led to the small digital music player he held in his hand. Staring up at the Doctor with wide eyes, he looked much like he did the first time the Doctor had seen him only a few weeks before…before the wandering mad man knew what those eyes would come to reflect. The Doctor knelt down and sat opposite Gus with his own legs crossed underneath each other, throwing up a shy wave.

Gus pulled the diminutive speakers from his ears and waved back. "Hi."

The Doctor smiled and glanced at the book in the boy's lap, recognizing it easily. "Hello there, tiny vicar."

"Who's Victor?" His voice was quiet and small.

Chuckling, the Doctor motioned towards the book. "No, silly kid. Vicar…a preacher."

"There's a preacher in the Bible named Victor?" Gus held his place and thumbed through the pages of his children's Bible. "Where? I've never heard of any Victor. You sure you don't mean Peter?"

The Doctor rubbed his forehead with significant pressure and sighed. "A vicar is just another name for a preacher…like reverend or pastor."

"Oh…yeah, Victor doesn't sound very Bible-y. Not like John or Paul," Gus explained.

"Or Jesus…"

Gus' eyebrows turned inward and his countenance became even more somber. "I don't want to talk about Jesus just now if that's okay."

The Doctor swerved his hips and rear around and scooted back against the doorframe, draping his arms casually over his bent knees. "Yes, I heard there was some misunderstanding about the tiny Jesus and his less-than glamorous birth."

"I don't think it is my mis…understanding. I understand it just fine. And it stinks. The whole thing just smells like a heap of lies," Gus said with a bit of fire in his tone.

"How so?"

"Well, the grownups always tell the Christmas story like it's the greatest story ever told. Their eyes get all big and their voices all quiet. And then they make riding on a donkey for millions of miles sound like fun and having your baby in a barn sound like an adventure. Then they use big words like swaddling and frankenspents and murm, and us little kids forget to ask what those words mean because of the star and the wisemen and the hay…"

"Frankincense and myrrh," the Doctor corrected gently with a smile hidden in his voice.

"Yeah, those words. And you know that song about the hay?" Gus' own voice got higher and higher as his brain further worked out the kinks of the story.

"Perhaps you need to refresh my memory…"

"You know the one," he replied before softly singing the simple Christmas carol. "…the stars in the sky looked down where he lay, the little Lord Jesus asleep on the hay…"

"Oh, yes…that one," the Doctor said with a nod.

"Well, even the Christmas songs make it sound sweet and cute. Even my little Bible here does the same thing!" Gus was nearly screeching as he waved the book in the air. "But the grownup Bible tells the story like it was a horrible thing that happened to Mary and Joseph and Jesus. Doesn't sound sweet or nice or like an adventure at all."

"No, I suppose it doesn't."

"So, do I feel good that the baby Jesus had friendly animals smiling at him with all those bright stars shining down on him or do I feel bad because nobody would let Mary have a room and her baby had to be born in a barn like an animal?" Gus looked at the Doctor for a definitive answer that he just knew his friend could supply.

The Doctor scratched his head as if to stimulate his answering place. "Well…"

"See, it just doesn't make any kind of sense," the boy said with a sigh, realizing that not even the hero of his mad stories had the answers to the mysteries of faith.

The space between them was quiet with reflection for some time. The Doctor stared at his folded hands hanging over his knees, searching his brain for the proper words of comfort. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Gus sitting with his chin stilted in a hand steadied on his leg, the fingers of his other hand drawing in the carpet. He looked as sad as little boy could look on Christmas Eve.

The Doctor spun around to face the child once again. "You know, Gus, my TARDIS will take me to anywhere and anywhen that ever existed."

"If she wants to…" Gus reminded him softly, still staring at the swirls he made in the carpet.

"Well, yes…but the point is that nowhere is too far away and everywhere is right around the corner," he continued.

"That's what Mimi says, too."

"But just because I can go anywhere, it doesn't necessarily mean I should go anywhere. And quite often when people learn that I can travel throughout space and time, they ask me the same questions. Hundreds of years traveling…thousands of new faces and voices…and always the same questions. And do you know what you humans ask the most?"

"Why a bowtie?" Gus smiled for the first time since arriving home.

The Doctor chuckled and gently thumped the child on the nose. "Well, after that…"

Gus shook his head and stopped fidgeting, folding his hands together and dropping them in his lap.

"All the things to know, past, present and future…millions upon millions of years before and ahead and the question is always the same. Is there a God…"

The Doctor and Gus looked at each other intently, neither acknowledging nor ignoring the question hanging in the air. After a few seconds of comfortable silence, Gus spoke first.

"Do you tell them?"

"You assume I know," the Doctor answered.

"You're the Doctor," Gus said definitively.

Hearing his own words repeated back to him in the manner in which he so frequently used them, the Doctor understood more than ever the magnitude of truth and responsibility that those three little words held.

"Like I said, just because I can go everywhere doesn't mean I have or should," he repeated. "Would you look for God if you could?"

Gus began to fidget in the carpet once more, and the Doctor could see the wheels of contemplation turning behind his eyes. The boy had not yet lost his willingness to lay open his emotions for examination, and his face reflected a palette of sentiments as he gathered his thoughts.

"Well…I think…that…believing in God is all about having faith that He exists, not proof. God could show up real easy if He wanted to, right? Jesus, too. But they don't. Cause if you could bump into Jesus at the Piggly Wiggly, then He'd be no more special than Mr. Walker or even Elvis," Gus explained, picking at the fibers in the carpet. "And then there would be no such thing as believing in God…cause you just stood behind him in line at the grocery store. And who wants to see God pushing a shopping cart filled with macaroni and cheese and bananas? Not me. The greatest thing about believing in God is knowing without seeing…having faith that He exists. Some things you just have to believe exist without ever seeing them, Doctor. It makes the heart beat sweeter. I bet plenty of people believe in you without ever meeting you."

The Doctor's hearts pounded as the child explained the mysteries of life better than he ever had or could. Unable to respond immediately, he watched Gus as he continued to pick a bare spot into the carpet.

"Besides, I don't have to travel in time to look for God. God is everywhere, isn't He? Yep…even in your TARDIS, I bet. Somebody has to tell her where to go if she doesn't fly to where you want her to, because you always end up where you need to be, right? That's what Mimi says," Gus pointed out. "So, I guess it's not really important how the baby Jesus got here – just that I believe He is here. And if it makes the grownups feel better to tell it their way, I guess it doesn't really hurt anybody if it sounds sweeter than it really was."

Gus looked up at the Doctor for the first time since he began his simple answer to the man's complicated question and smiled with his entire face. The Doctor knew that no other words on the matter were necessary since Gus had worked out his belief crisis with very little guidance from his knowledgeable friend…who suddenly felt rather inferior to this little person with an enormously powerful soul.

"Can I have a hug?" The Doctor asked quietly.

Gus smiled and crawled towards the man. "You don't have to always ask permission, Doctor. You're my friend. Hugs are a part of what's supposed to happen with friends," he said as he wrapped his arms around the Doctor's neck.

The Doctor squeezed his son's little body just tight enough to hold back his girly tears but not so much that he broke him in half. "Sometimes I can't tell who is teaching who. I find it a bit unnerving."

Gus patted him on the head in comfort and leaned back to look at the Doctor. "You should probably get a friend to travel with you, so you have somebody to hug as much as you need to," the boy advised as he fiddled with the pocket of the Doctor's shirt. "I kinda miss that ugly jacket and the bowtie you were wearing when you first got here. You should wear it more often."

The Doctor laughed out loud at the exact opposite of words he heard most often. "You know, girls tell me that I look a bit daft in my bowtie."

A confused look passed across Gus' face, followed by one of certainty. "I don't know what daft means, but I do know that girls are dumb."

"Your Mimi makes fun of my bowtie…"

Gus put a finger to his lips and thought on the revelation and how it contradicted his "girls are dumb" theory. "Well, I guess she can't know everything. But don't tell her I said that!"

"It'll be our secret…again," the Doctor said with a wink. "Now, up you go! I have a secret of my very own."

The Doctor crawled out of the closet, and Gus jumped onto his back and rode him across the bedroom. "A secret from me? No! What is it?"

"A secret from Mimi," the Doctor said before tilting Gus off his back and rising to his feet. "If I tell you, you must promise not to breathe a single solitary teensy little word."

Gus jumped from foot to foot in excitement. "Cross my heart!"

"Well," the Doctor began as if to tell a magnificent story, "you may not know this, but Mimi never had a spectacular Christmas as a little girl and – "

"That means super. I remembered." Gus interrupted, rather proud of himself and his growing vocabulary. "But it makes me sad for Mimi."

The Doctor picked the child up and swung him around so that he was nestled comfortably on his back. "That's why we are taking her somewhere that would make even the Grinch smile."

Gus' eyes lit up, and he inhaled sharply. "Are we going back?"

"Absolutely,"

Gus kicked the Doctor gently with his heels. "Well then, hurry up, Doctor Pony. We got ourselves a TARDIS to catch!"

Laughing, the pair of them hopped down the stairs, and Gus grabbed River's hand as they galloped towards the front door.

"Hold on there, Tonto. Your rider needs a coat."

Gus' impatience and excitement sparked from every nerve ending. "Forget about the coat, Mimi. We have a surprise for you! And you won't need a coat where we're going."

River struggled to get Gus' arms through the sleeves as the child wiggled with glee. "We're not leaving this house until you put this jacket on."

The boy giggled and rolled his eyes. "Yes, Mom…" The word drug out like an irritating nag.

River's breath caught in her throat, and the Doctor looked back at her with smiling eyes and whispered. "Let's go, dear. You have somewhere to be."

She had seen that mischievous look before, and mayhem nearly always followed. Yet, as always, she fell in line behind the pair of giggling boys and hoped for the best as she found herself reluctantly walking towards the hiding TARDIS.

"Umm, Doctor…I don't think this is such a good idea," she said nervously. "It's time for all little monsters to be in bed, waiting for Santa."

Gus leaned down and whispered into the Doctor's ear. "Shhh…don't tell her about Santa. She still believes."

The Doctor chuckled and called to River over his shoulder. "It's a time machine, remember. We will be back in plenty of time for Father Christmas. No worries!"

River was less concerned with Santa and more concerned with traveling with the Doctor at any time near Christmas. She did, however, trust him not to put them in danger – at least, not to put Gus in danger. Still, what she felt battled with what she knew, and the tug-of-war caused her stomach to flip-flop.

"Oh, this will not end well…" she mumbled into the chilled Christmas Eve wind. "Not well, at all..."


	35. Chapter 35

River sat in the chair near the railing and twirled a curl around a finger, both in anxiety and anger. Perhaps anger wasn't entirely correct. She was more curious than she was angry, though not by much. One thing she did know for sure – she absolutely hated not being the navigator. If she knew where she was being taken and could pilot them there herself, the trip would be more enjoyable for them all. Then again, if she knew where she was being taken, she wouldn't be taken anywhere. Which is exactly how she liked it.

And the rest of them seemed to be having a jolly enough time regardless of her dog-in-a-cage fidgeting. This made her even more on edge - that jolliness could exist around her when she was in an obvious state of not being jolly. She bit through the fingernail she had been gnawing.

"What about this one?"

"NO!" The Doctor reached out and blocked the little hand hovering over the console. "Not that one."

River was distracted from her loathsome thoughts by the frantic outburst of the pilot and couldn't help but giggle at the sight of them. Gus had wrapped himself around a leg of the Doctor and was being dragged around the TARDIS console on a limp. The Doctor's jeans were pulled down over one side of his hips, and River could see Santa-patterned boxers peeking over the top of the sagging denim. He hurried as quickly as he could, making large strides and dragging his passenger leg in circles around the console, periodically swiping an arm along the top to bat away the wandering hands of the child.

"Why not? What's it do?" Gus strained his neck to peek over the horizon of the controls.

"It…That one…well, I don't know, exactly," the Doctor mumbled, trying to keep his voice out of earshot. "Which is why we don't touch that one."

"But if you don't touch it, how will you ever know what it does?"

"Well, I've never needed to touch it, and I do just fine without knowing." Step, drag.

"But you almost never go where you are supposed to. What if it is the getting-you-to-where-you-need-to-be button?" Gus grabbed the inside of the Doctor's jeans to readjust his position.

"Hey! Whoa! Watch the grabbiness there, little friend," the Doctor warned, his eyes wide and a flush creeping across his cheeks.

"Well, you keep dragging me sideways. I gotta hold onto something. What if you sling me off and I roll over the side?" Gus continued to bounce and wiggle atop the Doctor's foot. "I might break when I hit the bottom. I'm just a little kid."

"Or…I have a cracking idea…how about if you stood up on your very own legs?" The Doctor's arms fell to his sides, and he peered down at the boy who continued to cling.

"Um…no, thank you. I like it here. It's like a ride. I don't get to ride many things. Do I, Mimi?"

River hid a smile behind her hand and giggled quietly when both sets of eyes fastened upon her quickly, commanding that she pick a side.

"No, you don't." She raised an eyebrow and met the Doctor's glare. The twinkle in her eyes certainly did not match the exasperation in his.

"You're not helping."

"And I'm not going to. Tag, you're it."

Gus curiously watched the back and forth between the two time travelers. Pleased that River had chosen his cause to champion, the boy playfully slapped at the Doctor's leg and yelled, "Hee-yah!"

"Why are you acting like such a child?" The Doctor screeched as Gus bounced on his foot as if riding a pony.

The small head stopped bobbing and turned upwards to look into the Doctor's face. "I'm just five. I am a child. It's my job. Why are you acting like a kid?"

"Gus…" The tone in River's voice had turned from playful vengeance to mild warning.

Not to be outdone or taken over by a child, the Doctor relaxed his legs and fell onto the platform floor, landing on his rear. Gus toppled over into his lap head-first, his arms still wrapped around the bent leg.

"Hey, you're playing dirty!" Gus stood up and grabbed by the Doctor by the nose.

Leaping to his feet, the Doctor bent forward to bring himself eye level with the child and snickered. "No, I'm just playing smarter."

Gus squealed as the Doctor grabbed him and fixed him under his arm like a large sack of child. The boy started laughing and crawled his way around the Doctor to grasp his arms around his neck, wrapping his legs around the Doctor's waist. Soon, Gus was peeking over the Doctor's shoulders while the goofy duo continued to teasingly squabble over the console…both seeming to have, once again, forgotten the amused woman watching from nearby.

The sounds of their voices faded as River's thoughts turned to what the future held for them, as how they were before the truth forced its way upon them and after. Her stomach rolled as giggling wove around the familiar noises of the flying TARDIS. No matter how sweet the sound of their two voices blending together or the smiles that each brought to the other, River knew the reality of life aboard the enormously tiny universe of the little blue box. And though there were more casual flying days than hazardous, the scary days were not simply run-of-the-mill scary. Driving away the monsters wasn't as easy as turning on a closet light or sweeping an arm under a bed. On the TARDIS, one never knew if the sweeping arm was truly in danger in being detached. No matter how fearless and remarkably brave their son was, the dangers of traveling with the Doctor were as great for him as they were for any companion. In fact, the tie that bound them made Gus even more vulnerable to the big bad.

So, where did that leave them as a family? River as the doting housewife and mother? The Doctor selling vacuum cleaners door-to-door? What was he qualified to do, a doctor of everything and nothing. River could easily teach at the university; she had the qualifications necessary for backstory. Did he stay at home while River trudged to the office day after day? Would the TARDIS sit in the backyard and be consumed by the cornfields, or did she fly off to pursue another life? Was there a life for a TARDIS without a pilot? And what about after…

Because there would be an after.

An after Gus.

What then? Continue living in a big blue house with white lattice trim and wrap-around porches, tire swing in the tree in the front yard? Sit on the porch swing and grieve together, neither knowing or caring about the next day, the next week…

Or do they brush the dead stalks away from the ship and fly off, return to business as usual. Maybe he would go one way and she go another. Perhaps they would bump into each other occasionally on their travels and greet each awkwardly. She might be having a drink…may have even momentarily forgotten about the life she led as a family - could even be smiling. And there he might be suddenly – bursting into the restaurant with this or that companion, barking out warnings and commands as he liked to do. Would he stop long enough to hold her hand or kiss her cheek? Or would they exchange a knowing nod before he ran after the danger, leggy brunette in tow?

Or worse yet, what if he never returned to life as the Doctor? What if he sat on that porch swing day after day, trying to figure out a way to make it different? Would he relive the same weeks, months or years over and over, every time attempting to trick time and hold on to his family?

River inhaled deeply as her insides churned. How was it possible to transition from being a family to being people? At Christmas they are watching Gus open gifts, and at Halloween they sit in a dark house while the neighborhood kids with eggs bypass their door….because they know why not to expect candy at the big blue house with white lattice trim and the tire swing in the tree of the front yard.

"Mimi!"

She knew the only way to avoid the loss of a family was to never be a family. She had never intended to have to make the choice between a mother and a wife. Now she had to do anything necessary to be a mother first.

"River!"

She blinked back the tears that threatened to fall and crawled back to her actual reality. River looked down at his hands as her fingers intertwined with his.

"Hey, you…"

River ran her free hand through her hair and smiled up at him faintly. His eyebrows turned inward to ask an unspoken question, and she shook her head as if to answer "no worries."

She was suddenly pounced upon, and Gus grabbed the sides of her face, squeezing and stretching the skin back and forth. "Big lips, little lips…big lips, little lips…"

"Gus..."

"…big lips, little lips…"

"Doctor…"

"…big lips, little lips…"

"Children!" River reached up and grabbed Gus by the wrists and blew a breath into the child's face to get his attention. She kissed the palms of his hands and clapped them together. "What are we doing?"

The Doctor once again picked up his sack of child and held out a hand to the hesitant River. "We are here, dear."

"Where is here?" She allowed him to pull her to her feet and followed him down the steps and towards the door.

The Doctor stopped short of the door to tie his shoe, and Gus took the opportunity to clamber atop his shoulders. Without batting a lash, the Doctor rose and both of them looked at River as if she was offering them the world's last cookie.

"What!"

"Mimi…"

"River…"

River blew out a frustrated sigh and shoved her hands deep into her jeans pockets. She closed her eyes and rocked from heel to toe, waiting as patiently as her impatience would allow.

The Doctor leaned forward and brushed the hair away from her neck. Gus began to pat her gently on the top of her head. River's breath caught in her throat as she felt his whispered words dance in her ear just before the TARDIS door opened to reveal the world outside.

"Merry Christmas, Melody."


	36. Chapter 36

River cautiously took a step out of the TARDIS. The red and green cobblestone road wasn't cobblestone at all, it seemed. Her foot settled onto the cushiony path while she braced her arms on the inside of the TARDIS doorway. She shifted her weight to dig the toes of her shoes into the stones. The sensation of bounce did not make sense with what her eyes were telling her. A smile threatened to expose itself. River returned both feet back to the ship and closed the door.

"I don't like it. It's a lie."

The Doctor smiled proudly. "It's our kind of world, yeah? Nothing is as it seems. Just fantastic."

Gus swung his legs around and wiggled to be lowered from his tower of Doctor. With a thud, his feet hit the ground running. He sprinted around River and launched himself from the TARDIS.

"Gus!" River reached out to grab him, but he was already out of reach and extended for flight. She spun around in a panic. "Doctor!"

With a giggle, the Doctor ran at her, and before she had time to react, he grabbed her by the waist and threw them across the threshold.

In the time it took from launch to land, River killed him a thousand times in equally horrific ways. And then they bounced.

No. They were caught and tossed.

Or did they bounce?

What the bloody hell was going on?

River rolled out from underneath the Doctor to see Gus body-slamming himself onto the road and laughing. She stood in preparation of steadying herself, but she found that her footing was as solid as anywhere else. In fact, it was almost as if she weren't standing at all. River bent forward to convince herself that she was standing. She stomped both her feet on the festive stones. Reaching out, she rubbed her fingers across the path. Stone. It looked like stone and felt like stone. Stood like stone.

But it bounced like jelly. She hopped from foot to foot, trying to make sense.

Her hands settled on her hips, and she stopped moving. Though she did keep a watchful eye on the ground.

"Don't waste your time, River," he whispered into her hair. "Don't look to analyze. Look to see."

The Doctor took her hand and led her down the cobblestone path. "Don't go too far ahead!" he called after Gus as the boy flipped his way along the road.

"Wait, Gus!" River called.

The Doctor squeezed her hand in reassurance. "He's fine, River. Let him go."

She looked up at him in confusion, still a bit disoriented. "But I don't know what's…"

"I do. And he does. Trust me," he said, cutting short her near-panic. "Come on." The man holding her hand all but skipped alongside her, while she remained cautious.

River allowed him to lead her forward as she took in her surroundings. The stone path stretched out and disappeared over a hill into nowhere. On each side of the walkway grew the most unusual flowers that River had ever seen. Rolling meadows chased the path and on every square inch grew a flower. Daisies, tulips, sunflowers, peonies, pansies, oleander, lilies…petals of various sizes in all shades of red and green sprouted from stems of the same red and green hues. And they seem to glisten under a light that shone from nowhere. She looked up and shielded her eyes in expectation of a bright light. What she found was not a sun…nor was there a moon. No ball of fiery light, no ball of cold light…no shape or temperature of any light whatsoever. Just the same, the flowers sparkled.

River stepped close to the edge of the pathway and gently kicked at one of the sparkly flowers. Some of the glimmer fell from the petals and covered River's shoe. The daisy almost seemed to glare up at her in disappointment.

"Well, that simply won't do," the Doctor said. "Look, it's all dull now. Poor dull thing." He bent forward and plucked it from the ground. "Well, waste not, want not…" he proclaimed before biting off the top of the flower and chewing with a smile.

"Doctor!" River squeaked with wide eyes and furrowed brow.

He stopped chewing and smiled wider, his teeth stained a shimmering green. He held out the stem to her. "Oh, pardon me. How thoughtless of me not to share…but I saved you the best part. Look when you squeeze it, the guts spill over the top and –"

"No."

"But it's the best –"

"I had daisies for breakfast, so I must decline," River snarked with an upturned lip before walking off. "I was hoping for a pine tree lunch."

The Doctor watched her walk ahead of him and blew a sigh through his nose. Not one for giving up easily, he jogged to catch up. Falling in step alongside her once again, he turned to face her, walking backwards.

River glanced down at his feet and back up to his face, skepticism and a touch of worry stared into his eyes. "Is this really how you want to die? Turn around and barely put one foot in front of the other as is customary, please."

"Come on, River. Just one bite. I can't eat the stem. It shouldn't – "

"Gus!"

The Doctor groaned as he spun around to face the sprinting child. Gus' lips were stained red and green, and he ran towards them with a hand full of sticks that matched the colors of his face and hands. River held out an arm to catch him as he sped by. He struggled to catch his breath as he stood before them. "Here," he said between gasps of air. "I saved them for you."

River looked at the stem that the Doctor still held out for her and then down at Gus' offering. More stems. "Gus, did you eat the flowers, too?" River's voice cracked as the pitch grew higher with each passing word.

The boy smiled to reveal stained teeth to match the Doctor's. "Yep. I like the way the petals crunch, but I can't eat the stem. See, look," he said as he waved the stems at River.

She reluctantly reached out and took them from Gus. Scrunching up her top lip, River made a little noise of disgust as the stems stuck to her fingers like wet licorice. "What the hel –"

"Squeeze 'em, Mimi!"

"No."

"Go on, River. Squeeze them like you..." His voiced trailed off and they both watched his eyes thinking. "Never mind. I lost train of my thought…" the Doctor said as the blush rose in his cheeks. "Just squeeze them and quit being so difficult."

With two sets of pleading eyes bearing down on her, River succumbed to the pressure and gave the stems a gentle squeeze. A purple jelly-like substance spilled over and ran down the side of her thumb and hand. She groaned a groan of disgust once again and turned her head to look away. Both the Doctor and Gus exploded into cheers of delight and high-fived each other triumphantly. River opened her hand to drop the stems, but they stuck to her skin as if by adhesive. Her companion travelers giggled as she tried to shake them off. Unsuccessfully.

"You're just gonna have to eat them, Mimi. It's a fact," Gus said matter-of-factly. "I would do it, but I can't. Wish I could, but I just can't help you, Mimi."

"Me neither." The Doctor shook his head while looking at his feet, a broad smile hiding behind a layer of hair.

"I am not eating this. See, this…" River waved her hands in a circle around Gus' face. "…is what happens when you…" She pointed an accusing finger at the Doctor. "…are left alone with children. They eat the flora." River moved her pointing finger from the Doctor to the stems in her hand.

"And the fauna," he mumbled.

"What! Did you say 'and the fauna'? Surely, that is not what I heard. I did not hear 'fauna'." The voice was almost a pitch heard only by fauna. She lifted Gus' chin so that his eyes met hers. "Have you eaten the wildlife?"

"What's wildlife?" Gus scrunched up his nose and thought about life that was wild. "Like tigers?"

"Yes…like tigers…maybe…"

"Oh, no. I haven't eaten any wildlife," Gus replied with a shake of his head.

River let out a sigh of relief. "Well, that's something, at least…"

"Does a rabbit count as wildlife?"

Large intake of breath. "Yes…" she said through gritted teeth.

"Oh."

River cut her eyes towards the Doctor who rocked on his feet from heel to toe, nervously whistling a quiet tune while trying to inch away from the boiling woman at his side. "Anything else?"

"Ummm…a chicken?"

"A chicken like a leg and a wing, a chicken? Or a chicken, a chicken?" River gripped the stems hard enough that the purple goo dripped from her fingers onto the stone path.

"A chicken, a chicken."

The Doctor watched the goo seep between the cracks in the walkway and tried to stifle the giggle that threatened to bubble up from his feet.

River spun around and turned her back to them, taking a few steps away before sighing heavily once again. When she returned, she smiled sweetly at the child. "Gus, honey. Why don't you run up ahead and give me a minute alone with the Doctor, yeah?"

"Don't do it," whispered the Doctor. He looked at Gus and shook his head slightly.

"Gus…" River waited with the same smile plastered across her face.

"She'll shoot me," came the whisper again.

The boy looked from one to the other, trying to assess the situation as best as his little mind could manage.

"Why? A while ago you told me not to run ahead. Now you're telling to run ahead," he answered suspiciously. "It's very confusing, Mimi. Are you gonna kill him? I'll probably notice if we leave in the TARDIS without him, you know."

"Probably?" The Doctor stood at attention and raised an eyebrow at Gus.

"Well, I'll definitely notice. Yeah, the TARDIS might not, but I promise I would. I'm a smart kid. You tell me that all the time, and smart kids notice things…especially a big old missing man," Gus explained, standing a bit taller and squaring his shoulders. "You're gonna shoot him, aren't you? I just know you are. I feel it in my little kid guts."

"Gus!" River stomped her foot but did not get the same feeling of release as when her foot usually came down on something hard. The ground seemed to hug and cuddle her shoe, and this made her even angrier. She took a deep breath and bent down to meet the boy's eyes. With a simple and aggressive point beyond them, she said not another word to the boy.

Gus nodded in defeat and raised his eyes towards the Doctor. He held out his hand, and the man accepted the gentlemanly gesture, shaking it gently. "Good luck. It was a pleasure to meet you," he whispered before running down the path and disappearing over the hill.

The Doctor could feel her eyes on him while he watched the boy run off. He looked at her out of the corners of his eyes for a fraction of a second before slowly backing away. "Now, River…"

"If you say another word, I will stab your face with these flower stems," she growled as she matched him step for step.

"Please, don't. I'm allergic."

"Liar. "

He stumbled as the heel of one foot clipped under the toe of the other. "No, really. Not allergic in the sense that you might be allergic, but Time Lordy allergic. You said you wouldn't kill me!"

"I said no such thing."

More awkward steps away from the frightful woman. "No? I swear I thought I heard –"

"No." River stalked him much more gracefully than he fled. The look on her face left no option for explanation.

He knew that he had only one course of action. Running his free hand swiftly through his hair, the Doctor whimpered nervously and brought his own flower stem to his lips. After coating them generously with the purple liquid, he stopped abruptly and reached around River, pulling her to him quickly. Caught off guard, she didn't have time to retaliate before he brought his lips to hers, kissing her more out of urgency than passion.

She wiggled and writhed to free herself from his sudden attack but not before he managed to force his tongue between her lips and seek out her own. River considered clamping down with a relentless bite…until the taste of him swam around her tongue and the smell wafted into her nose. She smiled and felt his grip on her lighten. Taking advantage of the opportunity, she broke away from him and took another look around. The Doctor grinned and hurriedly wiped the remainder of the nectar from his lips and face.

"See…" His eyes were wide with "I told you so" and his grin had never looked goofier. "I was right, wasn't I? I'm always right, River. It's a truth you need to accept. A fact, if you will."

"Except when you're wrong," River said around licks of her hand.

"Except when I'm wrong," he repeated with a nod.

River spun around trying to make sense again of the flowers that glistened under an invisible lightsource, stones that hugged feet and purple goo in sticky stems that tasted as sweet as honeysuckle smelled.

She bounced a bit more from one foot to the other, and the Doctor giggled as only he could.

"Where the hell are we? And to where did I just banish our child?"


	37. Chapter 37

The Doctor and River sat outside an ice cream shoppe and watched Gus play in a pit filled with chocolate drops. There were several other children - some human-esque, some not so much – diving in and out of the candy, and Gus seemed to pay no mind to their differences. When it came to a chocolately play pit, kids were kids, regardless of species.

River stared into her bowl of ice cream and stabbed at the stacks of vanilla scoops. The corners of her mouth were pulled inward as she bit on the inside of her lips, appearing rather trancelike. So engrossed in her thoughts was she that she didn't seem to notice that the scoops of ice cream were dodging her spoon.

"How do they expect me to eat this ice cream snowman when it waves and smiles at me?" The Doctor was also staring into his bowl, but more in disbelief and frustration rather than preoccupation. "I'm going to eat you now, Creepy Edible Snowman. It's only a matter of time. And all of time belongs to me, so make a wish…"

Brought out of her trance by his mumbling, River looked over to find him snarling at his bowl. His brow was furrowed and his lips puckered. He wiggled the spoon between his fingers, and his right leg bounced anxiously. A curtain of hair fell over his eyes, and he repeatedly blew at it and shook his head to the side, expecting different results each time and neglecting to recognize defeat. Between puffs, it flew out in waves as breaths of frustration erupted through his nose before landing across his brow once again…leading to another blow of breath through his puckered lips and a waggle of his head to trick it into place.

"Oh for Christ's sake!" River stood as if launched from her chair and took a step towards him. Reaching out and raking her hands roughly through his hair, she pulled the offending locks back from his face. The Doctor whined and slapped at her hands as she continued to tug and rake without taking care not to pull out a strand here and there. "Quit your whinging," she warned flatly. Satisfied that she had tamed his hair even if only for a short while, she pulled a hairpin from her own and fastened his behind his ear. Pleased with herself, she slapped him gently on the back of his head and returned to her seat.

"What is this sorcery! Be still, alive ice cream. You are living cream of ice! You make no sense. Why do you mock me! Stop looking at me like that!" His head fell to the table, and he turned to face her.

The Doctor looked at her through amused eyes. "I was thinking about getting my hair cut. What do you think? Will it make my b-u-t-t look fat? I just don't think I can grow out these bangs. It's too hard!" He sat up and looked at her with a pout.

"I hate you."

He hung his head and sighed playfully. "Me too. I say we kill me with kisses." He peeked up and found a reluctant smile creep across her face. River scooped up a spoonful of ice cream and catapulted it towards his face. The cold blob smacked his forehead and slid between his eyes and down his nose.

"You killed him! He was just a wee little snowman," he yelped. "A gun, a spoon? Woman, know you any limits?"

She giggled and felt the tension finally ease from her shoulders and neck. An element of preparedness and fear was always necessary when traveling with the Doctor, even on pleasure trips. Trouble was the Doctor's groupie. Though when considered from the perspective of a companion, of sorts, the Doctor could only go where the TARDIS agreed to take him, and it stood to reason that she would drop him off where he could do more good than harm. And it was certainly not out of the question for him to take a perfectly peaceful place and cause a warlike commotion. Despite his noninterfering mission statement, he never failed to find a way to be rather bothersome for the locals.

Today, however, it seemed that he had brought them to a place that didn't mind their intrusion. It was a child's wonderland. Everything, down to the chairs in which they were seated, were whimsically designed and could be licked or bitten, if one took a notion to do so. Which the Doctor did quite often…without consideration to whomever may have licked them before. "It's applely delicious!" he had exclaimed after running his tongue and his body around one of the many lamp posts lining the pathway.

As they had walked the path into the village, he would randomly reach up or out and break off a chocolate branch of this cherry sour tree or that orange gummy tree. By the time they reached the shoppes, both he and Gus were sticky brown messes and happier for it. Catching a glimpse of themselves as they passed by the window of the ice cream parlor, the Doctor chuckled and pointed to their reflection in the glass, casting a proud smile over his shoulder towards River. As per usual, she simply rolled her eyes and herded them both into the shoppe, hoping to find a restroom where they could be either wiped or hosed down. After cleaning them both vigorously with towels that felt as if they were woven with candy floss, River and the Doctor ordered ice cream sundaes while Gus opted to play in the park across the street, his belly full from the swiping of goodies as they had walked the bouncy pathway.

Turning her attention away from the Doctor, who continued his battle of wills with the ice cream snowman, River watched passersby as they strolled unhurriedly through the village. The cobblestone-ish path ran between rows of quaint shoppes that seemed to cater soley to the delights of children. Their brightly covered awnings all sparkled with the same dusting that gleamed atop the flowers in the meadow, and various smells wafted through the doors of each one. There wasn't simply a toy store; there was a doll shoppe, a magic shoppe, a car shoppe, a remote-controlled helicopter shoppe, a build-your-own-shoppe shoppe. The shoppes that attracted little girls smelled of strawberry and honeysuckle, while those of little boy dreams vibrated with the sounds of revving motors and disgusting bodily functions…the bodily functions of many species apparently.

Connecting the shoppes was a tubal transport system that jutted in and out of walls in a pattern similar to sound waves and seemed to vacuum visitors from one place to the next. Though Gus had pleaded to be allowed to be sucked from room to room, River had shut him down instantly, taking into consideration the ridiculous amount of confections churning in the boy's belly and his tendency to explode with motion sickness. In her mind she had begun building a case against the distant rollercoaster that could be heard faintly as the cars raced along the tracks. She had already bathed them both once, and she had no intention of having to clean sick from Gus when his indulgence turned against him. Sometimes it seemed that mothering consisted mostly of "no, dear" with the occasional hug thrown in for reassurance.

After reluctantly giving up on his sundae and convincing River that Gus would be safe to play in the park under the supervision of the caretakers, they strolled down the path hand-in-hand, blending in with countless other parents. There was so much to see with so few eyes to take it all in. River found herself constantly looking over her shoulder to make sure that she had not missed anything, despite the slow pace of their walk. Squeezing the Doctor's hand in delight, she giggled and squealed as she was taken by surprise time and time again by her charming surroundings.

While the toy shoppes lined one side of the street, dozens of storefronts on the other side displayed every candy, type and flavor, in the known universe…and considering some of their customers, perhaps even some unknown universes. As they passed them, River saw familiar names written fancifully along awnings or windows…Wonka, Hershey, Cadbury, Jelly Belly…and cast a curious glance towards the Doctor.

"You don't really believe that those were human geniuses, do you?" He winked at her and tossed a Jelly Belly into his mouth as they left the shoppe. Reaching into the bag of gummies, he offered River a sample. She nodded and held out her hand, only to have him lift it to her lips and slide into her mouth. River smiled, and the Doctor clipped her nose playfully between two fingers before leaving a sugar-coated kiss at the corner of her mouth. She licked at the crunchy crystals, and an overpowering swell of love for the goofy man beside her caused her breath to catch in her throat as she swallowed the sugar.

The Doctor patted her back gently as she coughed and choked on the candy residue. Smiling down at her, he said, "I have just the cure for that."

Pulling her through one the few alleyways, they rounded the back corner of a building to find an expansive park behind the row of shoppes. The lawn was the greenest green River had ever seen. There were actual trees with real-tree foliage and flowers that smelled of flower instead of tasty fruits. Actual tulips, roses and daisies of all colors were planted around the base of the trees. Blooming cherry blossoms and dogwoods scattered the lawn and shaded ornate benches painted in pastel hues. There were a few couples resting on the benches, and they seemed to take no notice of them as they passed. Soon enough, River saw where she was being taken.

As they made their way through a grove of fruit trees, the sky in front of them was blocked by a towering hot air balloon in the shape of a giant Santa hat. River gasped and beamed at the sight of the monstrous and beautiful balloon that seemed to appear from nowhere, hidden inconspicuously in plain sight. The balloon itself was the richest shade of red imaginable and was trimmed in bright white along the bottom, finished of with the traditional ball of white fluff at the top. Letting go of his hand, she hurried towards the swaying ride. The large green rattan basket hovered inches above the ground and was padded in a soft cream-colored fleece. River moaned as her hand brushed over the fabric and then yelped as a figure popped up on the other side of the basket. Falling backwards, she heard a deep and melodic laugh as she landed heavily on her rear.

"Well, Doctor, I see you've brought another visitor, and I might have scared her just a bit," came a warm and welcoming voice over the top of the basket. "Is this the River Song I've heard so much about?"

The Doctor offered a hand to River and pulled her to her feet, reaching up and securing a few wayward locks of hair behind her ear. "Yes, Sir, it most definitely is," he answered, a glimmer of excitement in his eyes and a proud smile stretching across his face.

Another hearty laugh. "Well, I am honored, River Song. Though I must admit that I thought you would be a bit more fearless," he joked. "The last time I saw you, you were a different person altogether, young lady. You're not planning on stealing my ride, are you?"

River turned to face the Doctor's friend and stumbled back a bit as the man held out his arms to her. Before her stood a rather recognizable figure clad in deep red trousers, a crisp white shirt and the shiniest of black boots. His beard was full and white, looking much like a cloud. A face cloud. He peeked at her over sunglasses and winked, snapping his braces for effect.

She turned back to the Doctor with a gaping mouth and questioning eyes. "Tell me that's not…"

The Doctor leaned in and whispered in her ear. "Now do you understand why I asked you not to make him naughty? I had a helluva time looking him in the eye last time."

"Well, are you going to give Santa a hug or not?" the man boomed, still holding outstretched arms in her direction. River spun back around and walked tentatively into the awaiting hug of the large man before her.

It was like being hugged by happiness.

River smiled and returned the man's affectionate squeeze. Santa wrapped one arm protectively around River and gently held her head to his shoulder with the hand of the other. He placed a fatherly kiss to her temple and whispered into her ear, "I never forgot you, and I always knew where you were, Melody."

River fought back tears while the Doctor looked on with wet eyes of his own. She nodded against him and gave him a final squeeze. Santa held her by the shoulders at arm's length and studied the woman who had captured the uncapturable. He smiled and winked at her. "That's quite some head of hair you have there, Dr. Song. The secrets it must hold…"

She returned his wink and leaned in to whisper, "Oh, Santa. If you only knew…"

He laughed his trademark jolly rumble and stepped around her to greet the Doctor.

"So, my friend. Are you here to borrow my baby once again?" He grasped the Doctor's outstretched hand and tugged him in for a hug. "I may have to start charging you a fee."

The Doctor patted the man on the back and laughed. "What does Santa need with money?"

"There's a lovely timeshare in a galaxy far, far away that I've had my eye on," he answered, releasing the Doctor from his embrace.

"Is the force included with the package?"

"Oh, you know those blasted Jedis. Everybody is evil and must be destroyed," he mumbled as he walked back to the balloon. "It's ready to go when you are, Doctor. But I have an appointment in a couple of hours, so don't be gone for too long."

River looked nervously at the Doctor. "What? You expect me get in that thing with you? Just you?"

"Smart lady," Santa laughed.

"I drive a Santa hat now. Santa hats are cool."

"No way."

"But –"

"Nope."

"I've flown it loads –"

"Don't care."

"Santa!" he whined, throwing up his hands in exasperation.

"Don't expect me to argue with the lady. Word travels, son," he answered quickly over a blast of the burner.

"Come on, Nick. Help me out…"

The man sighed and took River by the hand. "I know he's a bumbling mess of awkward clumsiness, dear, but I promise that he is a fine balloon pilot."

River looked skeptically at Santa. " 'Fine' like when someone asks you how you are, or 'fine' as in 'fine young man' ?"

"Gee, umm…"

"Really?" The Doctor looked from one to the other as they assessed his skills.

Santa nodded and gave River's hand a gentle squeeze of reassurance. "You are perfectly safe. I taught him myself."

"Don't you normally drive a sleigh?" she asked.

"Santa has hobbies too, dear. Just humour him or else he'll whine for days," Santa answered.

River giggled and let go of his hand. "Well, then, you are well acquainted. I'll take your word for it." She turned back to a sulking Doctor. "Are you ready?"

"I guess so," he pouted, kicking at the grass.

She walked behind him and started pushing him towards the basket. "Oh, stop your moping and climb in."

The Doctor put a foot in one of the holes in the side of the basket and swung a leg over the top. Unable to remove his foot from the hole, he dangled while River and Santa watched him try to free himself. "A little help would be most welcomed," he called from inside the basket.

River glanced anxiously at Santa for some affirmation of confidence in the Doctor's piloting ability, but the man just shrugged at her and pulled the Doctor's foot from the hole. He crumpled to the bottom of the basket and popped up with a smile. "Ready?"

Santa walked by her and gave her an encouraging pat on her back. "It'll be fine. Really."

Though River thought she detected a note of uncertainty in his voice. She blew out a deep breath and swung her legs over the side of the basket and stood beside him.

Santa waved to them and nodded his head as the basket began to rise. "Fine…it'll be fine. As in 'you probably won't die' fine!" he yelled.

The Doctor stared down at the waving man with furrowed brow. "Hmpf. Thanks, Santa," he mumbled under his breath. With a snap of his fingers, he spun on his heels to face River. "Alright then. Let's get on with it, shall we?"

The basket rose quickly and as she looked down on the tiny figures below, a realization suddenly hit her. "Oh my God! Gus! We've left Gus!"


	38. Chapter 38

Gus bent forward and braced his hands on his knees, pausing to take a few deep breaths behind a large and winding slide. He knew that he should be careful, but he was having too much fun to let a little windedness get the better of him. Besides, one had to be prepared to run in an intense game of hide-and-seek. He really had no choice. Hide-and-seek was serious business.

He watched the little boy peek in and around the equipment in search of victims, and Gus planned for his dash to home base. Well, actually to say that a little boy was searching was quite a stretch. Gus assumed it was male, because it was hard to picture a girl looking like a lizard. His name was Tonzy, and Gus had overheard him tell another child that he was a Silurian…whatever that was. He kinda looked like a big komodo dragon in clothes, but Gus didn't really care. As long as he didn't flick his tongue out and lick him across the face, Tonzy was just another little kid playing hide-and-seek. Except right now, Tonzy was the enemy.

Gus crept around the corner of the slide, waiting for just the right time to make a run for it. Tonzy saw a flash of white and spun his head around. Knowing that he'd been caught, Gus laughed and sprinted towards safety. He could hear the heavy pounding of his pursuer behind him, and he knew that it was only a matter of footsteps before he was caught. The lamp post of rescue was just ahead, and Gus was determined to win the footrace. Then, in a moment of a child genius, Gus stopped abruptly and spun away from Tonzy as he rushed by. Changing course, he ran around the confused little creature and slapped at the post as he flew by. Rather proud of himself, he did a victory dance and giggled as Tonzy growled and went off in search of another victim.

If you couldn't outrun them, outsmart them. Smarter was always better than faster. Well, most of the time. And sometimes all that mattered was who was bigger.

All of the other children were still breathing quietly in their hiding places, so Gus plopped to the ground and picked at the grass while he waited for someone to escape. Out of curiosity he put a blade in his mouth and chewed it up. Almost instantly he began sputtering and spitting. Real grass? That hardly seemed fair. He heard a small giggle behind him and turned around to see who had made it out unnoticed. What he saw was not one of his playmates. He stood and walked closer to her.

A small girl sat on the ground with her legs folded akimbo and her hands resting in her lap. Her pink hair was gathered into a ponytail and dangled from atop her head, swaying with every movement of her body. She had large grey eyes that peered over a tiny nose and red lips, and her cheeks flushed from the sudden attention. Her ears poked out and rose and fell with her smile. She wore a bright white dress trimmed in deep purple with pleats in the short skirt, and her feet were bare. Yet the most striking thing about the little girl was a silver band that encircled her head with a teardrop of tiny jewels cascading down the center of her forehead. Whenever her head moved, the unseen lightsource reflected off the gemstones and lit up her eyes. Gus couldn't make sense of that. It was marvelous.

As he got nearer he felt a change in the air, as if it were thinning and getting cooler. Suddenly he stepped through an invisible veil…almost like walking through a very quiet and very dry waterfall. The noise from the not-quite-hidden children faded and was replaced by a faint whirring, much like the sound a ceiling fan makes as it whirls air around a room. He felt very comforted by the noise. It was the kind of calming sound that you just wanted to reach out and hug. Or maybe it was the girl.

"Hi," he said quietly. "I'm Gus."

"Hello," she said, smiling.

Gus sat down in front of her and mimicked her way of sitting. He was only a bit taller than her, but she looked even smaller than she had from afar. He swept his hand through the grass and scrunched his nose up at the memory of the taste of it. "You can't eat the grass. The flowers, sure…but not the grass. Which is kinda funny since the flowers grow up through the grass. Maybe the flowers are so sweet cause they steal all the yummy goodness. What's your name?"

She watched his hand as it move back and forth on the ground. "I don't have a name."

"You don't have a name? Well, that's the silliest thing I ever heard. What do your parents call you when they need you?"

"I just hear them in my head. I don't need a name," she answered with a delicate voice to match her tininess.

"Oh. I would say that's weird, but Mimi would say I was being rude. And then I'd probably say that I wouldn't like that, and she would probably swat me on the back of my head. She does that sometimes. How old are you?"

"What do you mean?"

"What do you mean, what do I mean? I mean, how many years have you been alive? I don't think these are hard questions," he said trying not to get irritated. "And I would like to be able to call you something. Can I call you Amelia?"

"Amelia…"she whispered, mulling it over. "I like Amelia. Yes, you may call me that. And I don't know how long I've been alive. I just always have been. Yes, for as long as I can remember."

Gus thought about what she'd said. "Of course, for as long as you can remember. You wouldn't be able to remember when you weren't alive."

"Why not?"

"Cause you weren't there to remember it. You can't remember what isn't your stuff to remember if you weren't there. That makes no sense!" he exclaimed.

"It doesn't? Don't you?"

"No!"

Amelia studied his face. "How many years do you remember?"

"Only a couple, but I've been around longer than that. I'm five," he said.

"Five? Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure! They are my years. I think I would know, little girl," Gus answered, crossing his arms over his chest in frustration.

"I thought you were going to call me Amelia," she asked, her voice a bit higher.

"Well, that was before I knew you were going to cause so much trouble."

"I don't mean to cause trouble. I'm just trying to make sense of you."

Gus' mouth fell open and his eyes widened. "Me? You're the one who doesn't make any sense!"

"I understand me," she said with a smile.

"And I understand me!"

"So, we do have that in common," Amelia replied, still grinning.

Gus gave in and offered her a smile of her own. "I guess."

Amelia craned her neck and looked over his shoulder at the playing children. Her smile turned into a frown, and she cast her eyes downwards to her folded hands. Gus also looked behind him and saw that nearly all off the kids were now running around trying not to be caught by Tonzy. He laughed and pointed towards the tiny lizard boy. "I don't think he's ever played hide-and-seek before. He's not very good at it."

"I've never played it either," she admitted quietly.

Gus turned to face her and kicked his legs out straight in front of him, leaning back on braced arms. "Do you want to? You can. They are nice kids."

"I can't, but that's okay."

"Is it because you don't have a name? Because I gave you one, remember?"

"No, it's because they can't see me." Amelia picked at the grass, the smile gone from her eyes.

"But I can see you."

"Yes, and that's why you don't make any sense. No one has ever been able to see me," she answered.

Gus thought that was the most dreadful thing he had ever heard, and he told her as much. Amelia grinned and nodded, but her smile didn't have the same sweetness that it had before. Gus was starting to feel guilty for seeing her sitting all alone in the first place. At least she had seemed to be enjoying herself before he had shown up.

"So, do they think I'm over here talking to myself?"

She giggled, and the sound eased his guilt. "No, silly. You're in my bubble. Not even my people can see you in here."

"But I saw you in here," he said.

"You're only one who ever has." Amelia studied him once again. "But when my mother was young, she met a man once who saw into her bubble," she added quietly.

"So, no one can really see us?" Gus stood and faced the children. A girl named Ellian was looking their way, and Gus did a funny dance and stuck out his tongue. Nothing. "I like your bubble," he said as he sat back down. "I need a bubble like this at my house, even though they already act like I'm not around. What are your people?"

"Like their name?"

"Umm…yes. Like…I'm a human," Gus explained.

"We don't have a name. We just are," Amelia responded curiously. "You're not like any human I've ever seen."

"I am so! I'm just as human as…" Gus looked around to make his point and found that there was no comparison readily available. "Well, I am human. It just looks like I'm the only one."

"You're human plus."

"Plus what? I don't have any plus. I'm just plain ole human from Delaware!"

Amelia laughed again and readjusted the jewels on her head. "You're funny, Gus."

"Well…I'm human too. Human Gus," he mumbled, a bit transfixed by the shimmer of the jewels as she moved them. "What are those? Is it like a necklace for your head?"

"It keeps out the noise," she answered as she aligned them to drape just over her nose.

"What noise? Like the bubble does?"

"No, the noise of others. If I took it off, I could hear everything that you are thinking. But this lavalier keeps it all out."

"I like that word…lavalier. So, do all your people hear everybody's mind noise?" Gus asked.

"Yes, but as long as I'm wearing this, I can read like you hear…only what I am supposed to. When I become an elder, I won't need the lavalier any longer. This just helps me to learn how to read," she explained.

Gus stared even more intently at the droplets of gemstones. "Wow, I wish I had one of those. Except I guess I would have to be able to read people's minds. And I bet it's not as much fun as it sounds sometimes," he reasoned. "Do you talk? To your people?"

"No, not like you do. We don't have to."

"Then how come you can talk to me. If no one can see you and you don't talk to your family and friends, then how do you talk at all?"

Amelia motioned towards the children. "Just because they can't see me doesn't mean that I can't listen. I don't always sit in this bubble. Sometimes I like the sounds of visitors. It makes me happy," she said and laughed as the antics of the children got her attention once again.

"Visitors? Do you live here?" Gus had not seen anything that looked like homes, although it was silly to think that a whole planet existed just for the purpose of fun.

"Of course! This is my home," Amelia stood and straightened her skirt. "Let's walk around the park."

"I really shouldn't. I'm supposed to be playing with the other kids. Mimi will get me good if she comes back and I'm not here," he explained.

Amelia leaned close and whispered, "Well, she can't see you in here anyway, can she?"

"Oh. Yeah." He spun around and looked beyond the play area for a panicked Mimi. Not seeing her, he turned back to Amelia. "Just around the park?"

"Okay." Amelia clasped her hands behind her back, and they walked the perimeter of the playground. "I can't go far either. I have a job to do."

"But you're just a little kid…I think. You are a little kid, right?"

She nodded and reached up for a cherry sour dangling from a tree. "I suppose I am. But I still have a job to do. I keep out the bad things."

"The bad things?"

"I can tell who is bad and who is good, and only the good ones can come in. That's how it works," she said around the sticky goo in her mouth.

"Just you? All by yourself?" Gus thought that deciding the goodness of people was a big responsibility for such a little being.

"For this path. I let visitors through the gate, and I watch everything that happens along the path that brought you here. There are other paths to other stops, but this is my path," she said.

"So, there are other parts to your planet?" Gus couldn't imagine anything more wonderful than what he had seen already, and he wasn't even sure that he'd seen all there was to see. There was still that big rollercoaster that the Doctor refused him last time, and Mimi would almost certainly not let him near it this time either.

Amelia grabbed another handful of candy from a tree and dropped a share into Gus' hands. "Oh yes. There are many paths in our world."

Gus wiped a bit of dribble from the corner of his too-full mouth and looked at her wide-eyed. His words were thick as he spoke through the candy. "How do you get there?"

"I don't know how visitors find us or their paths. We just answer the knock at the gate. You go where you need to go, we let you in," she replied as she looked around him towards the playing children. She pointed over his shoulder. "There are your parents, now."

Gus turned around and waved, forgetting that they couldn't be seen. Though, to his and Amelia's surprise, the Doctor waved back. Amelia drew in a sharp intake of breath. "Your father can see us?"

"Oh, he's not my dad. He's a friend of Mimi. She takes care of me. I don't have any parents," Gus said.

"Gus, that's your father. And that woman is your mother. It's quite obvious," Amelia searched his face for a sign that he knew this information to be true. She could read many things on the boy's face, but his expression fell flat.

Gus studied Amelia as intently as she did him. For as smart as she was, Amelia hadn't seemed to pick up on exactly how humans worked or that families could be lots of different ways. He nodded his head slightly. "I guess they kinda are. They take care of me and love me, so they are like my parents."

He looked back at the Doctor and River, who were both now waving him forward. "I guess it's time for me to go. I'm really glad I saw you sitting in your bubble. We could probably be good friends, me and you," he said to Amelia with a big smile across his face. "I hope I get to come back soon, and maybe we can play for a little while."

Amelia returned his warm smile and reached out for his hand. She had never touched a human before. In fact, she had never touched any of her visitors, but she had seen their friendly gestures and wanted Gus to know how much she had enjoyed their talk. As she intertwined their fingers and gave his hand a squeeze, her mind filled with the life of this little boy. A rush of heat raced up her arms, shoulders and neck followed by a great chill. The jewels on her lavalier began to glow with an almost unbearable heat, and the band tightened around her head. Gus couldn't feel her physical reactions, but he could see the change in the gemstones and the anguish on her face. Amelia abruptly snatched her hand from his and was gone in a single blink of his eye. He looked all around, but she was nowhere to be found.

He began walking towards the playground, occasionally looking over his shoulder for one last glimpse. It was like she had been frightened away. But what could have scared her? Maybe someone was trying to get in who didn't belong. Yeah, that was probably it. Like she had said, she had a job to do.

Though deep inside, Gus knew that this was almost certainly not the case. Amelia had looked terrified.


	39. Chapter 39

"I must say, this beats dangling any day of the week," River said as she watched the surroundings below, leaning over the side of the basket to take in the fullness of the view - the Doctor holding fast to her with his finger through her belt loop.

Once, in a moment of weakness and exhaustion, the Doctor had allowed River to dangle by a rope from the TARDIS while it traveled over the Irish countryside. Perhaps allowed wasn't the right word. More appropriately, he had stopped ranting and reluctantly held onto the rope as she teetered on the edge of the doorway, lowering her carefully as he braced himself against the swaying brought about by the change in air pressure. Beads of sweat trickled from the hair at his temples as he held onto the braided cord, his hands burning from the swinging weight of her. He heard the as-ever dangerously adventuresome woman laughing from below and felt a tug on the rope.

"Doctor! You have to see this!" she called excitedly.

He lifted a shoulder up to meet his brow and dabbed at the sweat threatening to fall into his eye. "I'm quite busy at the moment! Perhaps some other time when you haven't stupidly jumped from the TARDIS!"

"Come on! I tied it well enough! I'm handy with ropes! You have to see this!"

He let go of the line with caution and glanced nervously to where it was secured along the console railing. He instinctively waved his sonic around the knot. Nothing. Did it also not do twine? "Are you sure, River? Are you really properly sure? Confident, even? With the tying?"

"Spoilers!" she yelled, followed by a giggle. A flush of unknowing embarrassment burned his cheeks at her implication, and he hesitated poking his head through the door to reveal the effect of her flirtatious teasing. "Doctor!

The Doctor stepped over the rope and looked out of the door. Below them stretched nothing but green. Green trees, green hills…even the water reflected green hues. The air that rushed by his face smelled fresh, and he reached out a hand and let the pressure roll over it in waves. Looking down, he watched River as she swung on the rope, her hair blowing around her face, bursts of giggling and small yelps at the erratic movements of the TARDIS. Finding it next to impossible not to smile, the Doctor decided that the moment was as close to perfect as perfection had ever dared to be.

But that had been a dream. A perfect dream dreamed in a cozy little dream world for two. Now there were three. And the knowingest part of him knew that the dream world for three would not be as tidy and cozy. He was the one dangling on the rope, and River controlled the tightness of the knot.

"Wait," he whispered under his breath. His almost-eyebrows looked at each other and his bottom lip protruded slightly as what she said sunk in. It had been a dream. "River?"

"Hmm?" she hummed softly.

"Have you dangled? Before? With me?"

"Is that a euphemism, Sweetie?" Though he couldn't see it, he could hear the smile in her voice.

"What? No! Actually dangling, from the TARDIS," his voice cracked a bit in response.

"Because I can explain again how a Gus is made if I need to."

"Oh God."

"That's what I said, if I remember correctly."

"River…"

She turned her head slightly to peek at him behind her. "Spoilers, honey."

The Doctor sighed and let it go…again. He slid his finger from her belt loop and leaned forward, bracing his elbows on the side of the basket alongside hers, molding his body to cover hers as they watched the scenery below. It was astounding how quiet it was between the earth and the heavens. No sounds of the locals, no whirring of the TARDIS. River intertwined their fingers and relaxed into him, enjoying the rare peace and waiting for him to interrupt it.

Except the Doctor was lost in the nearness and quiet of her. Nearly all of his time with them, his tag along travelers, consisted of exposition and witty responses, followed by more exposition and correction. Then more of the witty. Sometimes a pout – from either side. The quiet times consisted almost entirely of sleep, him or them. Though with Amy, a great deal of her time was spent with Rory, whether or not the Doctor was present. So, he had plenty of quiet time between adventures. Though if he was honest, he considered the time to be more on the side of lonely than it was quiet. It was rare that he and his friends could just be together silently, or more perhaps, rare that they took the opportunity. Sometimes the quiet was more comforting than the chatting. Nobody wanted to be quiet with him. Except River. River seemed to prefer him quiet. He liked to think that she enjoyed the hushed nearness of him, but he suspected that she simply waited for a break in the conversation to prove herself right. Which she was, usually. It was irritating.

The Doctor sighed and laid his chin on her shoulder, prompting River to nestle further into him.

The landscape was the most unusual that River had ever seen. As they had risen, the trees and foliage shimmered with the most remarkably bright coloring. Almost as if rainbows had actually rained down. The distinctive path that ran between the shops came to an abrupt stop at a dense forest. The multicolored trees eventually faded into a thicket of dark greens and browns, much like the forests of her home. Out of the thicket ran a road into another small town. Rows of red brick building with slate roofs lined both sides of the presumably cobblestone path. Whether they were shops like in the candy village or homes, River could not tell. There was, however, a brightly shining architectural structure holding court in the middle of the buildings. It appeared to be made of twisting copper pipes, and there was a clock crudely and crookedly fashioned at the top. An aviator-esque man waved to them from the winding staircase of the edifice, and River returned the gesture.

"What is that place?" she asked, motioning towards the village below. "It's a bit speampunk. I like it."

"Umm, yes," he answered.

River turned her head to look at him from the corner of an eye. "Do you even know what steampunk is?"

"Of course I do, you silly woman! It's steamish with bits of punk thrown about." He smiled his smile of irresistibility and kissed the side of her neck. River rolled her eyes and bumped him with her hip, sliding out from under him before he had a chance to stop her. The Doctor sighed a groan of protest and stood with a stretch before turning to face her.

River leaned carefully against the other side of the basket and watched him, her arms crossed over her chest and her left foot tucked behind her right ankle. It was her "we're about to have a serious conversation, dear" stance. The Doctor knew it well now, and he wished he had the appropriate body language to match hers. His body could only respond to situations spontaneously, and judging by the smile on her face, River knew that she was already ahead.

"I don't like this," he said. "It feels a bit 'yes, dear' to me. I don't like 'yes, dear'. I'm the dear. Let me be the dear."

"I am letting you be the dear."

He looked up at his hairline. "Wait, I think I got that backwards."

"You've been known to do so."

"You be the dear."

"I don't know even what the hell you are talking about," she said with an almost patronizing smile.

"Oh yes, you do. You're standing there like a mum, all mumlike. Like you know something or are about to ask something that is sure to make me uncomfortable, and you have settled in nicely for a bit of stammering. Well, I will not stammer," he answered defiantly, crossing his own arms over his chest. "Just so you know."

"You are stammering already."

He stared at her, opening his mouth in denial and then closing it in defeat. "Okay, you've got me up here, caged in the air. What is it?"

River giggled and unfolded her arms, sliding her hands into her front pockets. "You're the one who put me in this bloody thing and blew us up here, you silly bugger. I haven't gotten you anywhere. I am honestly just standing here. You pulled up your big-boy pants and jumped into panic mode."

The Doctor studied her face and saw a glimmer of amusement in her eyes. She smiled a half-smile and giggled once more, dropping her chin to her chest and digging the toe of her foot into the basket floor. Relief washed through him, and he smiled back at her. "I hate you," he whispered.

River looked up and winked at him. "I'm sure you wish you did."

He laughed and turned his attention to piloting the balloon. "Many times, Dr. Song. Many times, indeed."

While he concentrated on a moment of piloting, River watched the landscape below them change once again into another themed village, this one eerie and sad. The steampunk town faded into another wooded area and emerged as a hauntingly dark cemetery. Impossibly dark, actually, as they were floating in a brightly lit sky. She turned around quickly to find the Doctor also peering over the side of the rattan basket, a frown creasing his brow. When in a new place, especially a place he had taken her, she expected him to know exactly where they were…or at the very least, generally where they were. River glanced below them once again before returning her attention to the Doctor. "Ummm…Doctor?"

"Yes, dear?" He continued studying the creepy happening below them. The darkness hovered over the graveyard and the neighboring hamlet. Dark figures moved in and out of the shadows cast by street lamps along paths that led up to homes even creepier than the darkness. Suddenly there was a growl followed by several screams and eruptions of laughter. The Doctor squinted his eyes and looked closely at the fleeing figures. A group of children ran down the lane from one enormous home and up the path to another. Realizing what was occurring below, he grinned widely. "Well done, you beautiful universe, you…" he whispered.

River's eyes bulged as she took in the ghostly scene. She had heard the screams but could not locate the source. Had she paid closer attention to the details instead of being overwhelmed by the sinister, she would have easily made the connection. Instead, she panicked and immediately thought of Gus and re-evaluated her decision to leave him under watch of the Candyville caretakers. River spun around to find the Doctor sporting a smile that could only be described as nostalgic. She could feel her heart beating in her ears. Inhaling deeply and slowly, she asked him once more, "Doctor, where are we?"

His delightful grin vanished, the hostile tone in her voice taking him by surprise. He bit at the corner of his lip and pointed nervously at the madness below. "Look, it's tiny goblins. Aren't they spectacular?"

The look on River's face expressed anything but awe. She dug her hands further into her pockets and closed the space between them. "No. The scary creatures are scary. Where are we?"

Against his better judgment, he giggled and tugged playfully at her earlobe. "It's Halloween!" he exclaimed gleefully.

"Halloween?"

"Yes! Look at them running about. We have obviously discovered where Halloween lives!" He couldn't keep the childlike awe from his voice. His face seemed to grow wider just to accommodate the Cheshire-cat grin that danced up to the corners of his eyes. "Ha! I think that little thing is masquerading as a human!" He pointed to a rather normal looking little boy with a long purple scaly tail. "Ha! Brilliant!"

River exhaled the breath she had been holding and fought the urge to smack him. It was becoming more and more obvious that he no more knew where they were than did she, and when neither of them had the faintest of ideas as to their whereabouts…well, that was when the proverbial shit tended to hit the fan. River was not in the mood for a shit spray.

The Doctor looked at her with his ingenuous expression, ignoring the cautionary visage with which he was met. "It's little creature-people being other creature-peoples in the dark and chasing sweets. I want to live there in fancy dress and eat stuff."

"Fancy dress as what?" she asked. "A grown man? That would definitely be a stretch of the imagination."

He grinned at her warmly. "Oh, River. I could just lick your face."

She stared at him in bewilderment for a moment before remembering that his amused face was exactly what she loved about him. A corner of River's mouth turned up a playful smirk, and she kneed him teasingly in the rear. Sliding her hands into his back pockets and stretching her front along his back, she peered around him at the controlled chaos below. "And what would I dress as?"

He giggled nervously and rubbed his hands together. "I don't think it is very wise to even envision such a thing at this altitude." He felt her body dance under the deep laugh that escaped her. "Nope, not very wise at all."

"You're probably right, Sweetie." River walked around him and kissed his cheek before sitting down and leaning back against the side of the basket. "So, there's a candy village, a steampunk village, and Halloweentown. What planet is this?"

He gave the gas cord another tug and sat down beside her. "I'm not really sure."

"Is that possible?" she smiled and winked at him. "Seriously?"

"Seriously, I have no idea. I've been here several times, and I have no clue where 'here' is," he answered, staring at and fiddling with the hem of his trousers. "Look, I think these could be lowered."

"So, how do you get here if you don't know where you're going? I mean, she's good but…" River let her voice trail off in the offchance that the TARDIS could hear her even above the trees.

The Doctor stretched his legs out and wagged his feet together, his hands clasped in his lap and twiddling his fingers. "I don't think she brings me here. I think here pulls us in somehow. I can't get here by asking or thinking. It's almost like this place knows who needs it and becomes what is needed. But I don't know what constitutes the needing – what it senses in beings that necessitates bringing them here."

"That must drive you to madness," she said, bumping his shoulder with hers.

"Of course, it does!" His exclamation betrayed his frustration, and he sighed defeatedly. "But…"

River waited patiently while he worked it out. They were a delicate balance of flirt, equality and patience.

"…with that said, I think Gus brought us here."

River looked at him, his hands still fiddling and his eyes staring beyond his fidgeting. "What makes you think that?"

"I don't know," he murmured. "Intuition…my excellent brainy skills…the fact that every time he's been in the TARDIS we've ended up here…" The Doctor looked at River with a blank expression.

"And how many times has that been?"

"Umm...maybe three." He waited for the number to sink into her brain and eject forcefully through her words.

But there was nothing. River wanted to wife him about absconding with their child at least once without her knowledge, but she had more iffy bits bouncing about in her head. "And you've been here before without him?"

"Yes," he said quietly.

"With other children?"

"No. Alone."

More silence. River wanted to inquire further, but his voice and the fallen look on his face stopped her. Instead she simply sat beside him and watched the clouds pass over.

He pulled his legs closer to his body and folded them in front of him. His head fell back against the basket wall, and he turned his face towards her. "After I lost Gallifrey…after my family was gone, I was brought here."

She lowered her eyes from his, unable to face the sorrow they held. River leaned towards him and laid her head on his shoulder, giving him the comfort of her presence and the reassurance of her tenderness. Reaching for him, she took his hand in hers and gave it a squeeze.

"I remember standing in front of the TARDIS door and staring at it for ages, wondering to where she could have possibly seen fit to bring me. My home was gone, my family…everything that mattered, I had destroyed." He rested his head upon hers. "Where does one go after that?

But there I was. Somewhere. I had to be somewhere, I guess. And when I stepped out of the door, I was almost angry. I wanted to be hurt. I wanted to stew in my rage and my hate, and yet there I was in a land of candy flowers and gumdrop trees. It was beyond ridiculous. But there I was, regardless. No home, no people and suddenly no TARDIS. So, I walked down that impossible path into that disgustingly sweet village." Looking down at their hands, he traced the bones of her fingers lightly.

"I sat at those tables we just left and stared into nowhere. There were random childy things playing, and there were giggles and screams and all these happy sounds flooding my ears, and I could feel the hate and the anger growing and bubbling and enclosing around my hearts, and all I wanted to do was reach out and take that happiness from those children. I wanted to run over and yell at them and tell them about a world that was gone so that they could throw sand and slide down slides and not die in front of their parents…not die…" His voice had grown louder and had cracked under the emotions he tried to hold at bay. He sighed and continued, whispering. "…not die in front of their parents like the others had. Like mine had.

But I just sat there. And watched them play carelessly. Except for one little girl. One girl sitting on the grass apart from the others, watching them as I did, alone. Something about her grabbed at me, so I crossed the path and the playground towards her. And I as I drew nearer, the overwhelming sounds of joyous living faded almost instantaneously. She smiled up at me, and I sat down across from her in her comforting silent bubble of solitude. And I sat there for the longest time with my eyes closed. Just sat there."

After several moments of reticence, River lifted their hands to her lips and kissed the knuckle of his thumb. He raised his head from atop hers, and River sat up to look at him. She needed to see into him. His eyes were heavy and barely peeked out from under his long hair. She asked him softly, "Who was she?"

The Doctor shrugged his shoulders slightly and looked up at the blueness of the up place, not certain that it could be called a sky. "I don't know. She never spoke. When I finally opened my eyes, she smiled at me again before standing and walking away. The further she walked, the louder the sounds of the children became. But it wasn't a hateful noise. It wasn't bearable, but it wasn't threatening.

I walked slowly back to where the TARDIS had deposited me, sat down on the path and waited for her. I waited not in anger or rancor but in grief. I began to grieve what the Time War had forced me to destroy. I grieved the family that I would never again have and the home that no one would remember. My anger was replaced with loneliness when I realized that I was truly alone. In that world and in any other world I would ever be in. With all those people, all those companions and tag-alongs…I am always and completely alone. There is no one who belongs to me, and I belong to no one."

A tear slid down River's cheek, and she wiped it away with her free hand. She reached up and swept the backs of her fingers along his jawline. He turned his face towards her and kissed her fingers. River's eyes met his, and she spoke quietly. "Not anymore, Doctor. You have a family now. You have a home."

His eyes pleaded with hers, revealing the unasked question that loomed over them constantly.

"Do I?"

River nodded and looked away quickly before he could see her own sadness and doubt. She stood and stared into the bowels of the balloon. "What do you say we get back to our son, yeah? There's Christmas waiting on the other side." Her smile hid the worry of the bothersome truth his story had inadvertently revealed.

Why was this place reaching out to their son?


	40. Chapter 40

"I'm sure we could find something for a brilliant Christmas lunch, he said," she grumbled to herself, one arm far enough inside a turkey that it felt obscene. River blew a wayward curl from her field of vision. "Come back tomorrow for yummy goodies and holiday morsels, he said."

She blew out again, the same curl bouncing out and falling back over her eyes. "Dammit, dammit, dammit!" River pulled her arm from the bird and slung open a kitchen drawer. Finding the solution to at least one of her problems, she bumped the drawer shut with her hip. In one hand she held a pair of scissors and in the other, slightly more slimy hand, the rebellious curl. With a maniacal smile, River snipped the hair and dropped it into the trash. "How's that for badassery?" she mumbled before returning her attention to the turkey.

After placing the last of the stuffing inside the turkey, River opened the oven door and shoved the bird inside. She sighed heavily and rested against the stove, scratching her nose with the back of her hand. Not one time in the many Christmases that she had spent in her domestic imprisonment had she prepared a proper holiday meal. Thankfully, there had always been an enthusiastic family to ask them along for grand lunches and dinners that had taken an army of women days to put together. River would show up with a pie of some sort, and the children would delight them with plates of cookies and candies that they had spent an afternoon making. It was a perfect arrangement of community fellowship and lazy parenting.

The Doctor had an uncanny ability of making perfect wish it had never been born.

When they had returned from their trip to wherever-the-hell-they-were, the Doctor had carried a sleeping Gus to his bedroom and tucked him in. After each of them had showered and readied themselves for bed, River and the Doctor spent most of the early morning hours readying the den for the moment when Gus would race down the stairs and confront the mountainous pile that Doctor Santa had left for him. Though what had actually happened was that River had arranged the gifts over and over as the Doctor kept playing with whatever he could get his hands on. It was almost as if she was being assisted by Gus himself. Just when she thought that her patience had been tested to its limit, the Doctor looked up at her like a puppy that had pooped in her shoe.

"What? What now?" Her arms hung at her side, her hands clenched and unclenched.

"I just realized that you don't have any gifts under the tree. It makes me sad," the Doctor said quietly.

River smiled and exhaled her frustrations with him in a single sigh. She knelt down in front of him and swiped his hair back from his eyes. "Just this once, I'm going to tell you a secret." He grinned and began fidgeting his hands anxiously. "Don't get excited. It's just this once."

He cleared his throat and sat on his hands. "No, of course. Limited time offer. I understand completely."

"The children give my gifts to Amos, and he keeps them until Christmas morning," she said reluctantly.

"What?"

River stood up and repeated herself. "I have a bit of a problem with Christmas gifts."

The Doctor looked towards the lit tree as if to find the confusion could be cleared in the pattern of the twinkling. "Nothing about that sentence makes any sense. You'll need to start over."

Wishing she had never brought it up, River unplugged the tree and began turning out the lights to signal that it was time to leave…the room and hopefully the discussion. "Come on. He'll be up in a few hours." She reached out her hand and pulled the Doctor to his feet.

Following River up the stairs, he watched her rear sway, nearly losing sight of the matter at hand. "I haven't forgotten."

"Hmmm?" she asked, adding a little more wiggle to her walk. Despite her I-am-woman-hear-me-roar inclinations, she had no problem letting her sex appeal do the work for her when necessary.

It didn't go unnoticed.

"What?" he squeaked out, following her to Gus' room.

"Shhh…" she whispered as she opened the door. A sliver of light from the hall fell across the boy's face. There was still chocolate at the corners of his mouth and what looked to be cupcake frosting in his hair. One of his arms hung over the side, and a foot was awkwardly tangled in the sheet. A breath caught in River's throat like it so often did when she was reminded how much like his father he was.

The Doctor kissed River softly on the neck and slid past her into the bedroom. He gently unwound the fabric from around Gus' foot and tucked it underneath the sheet. Pulling the covers snug to his face, the Doctor brushed his son's hair across his forehead and walked back towards River, whispering, "That would have kicked his tiny butt in the morning. I know that move too well."

River giggled quietly and closed the door, following the Doctor down the hall. When he walked past her bedroom door, she grabbed his hand and pulled him towards her. "Sweetie…"

He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in his hair. "Am I staying?"

"Are you not?"

"That's your decision, River."

River held him tighter. "Are we talking about tonight?"

"Tonight is where we are," he answered softly. "What about Gus?"

"Oh, finding us together again will be the last concern on his mind in the morning." River yawned, stepped out of his embrace and led him into her bedroom, closing the door behind him. Sitting down on the side of the bed, she slid the flannel bottoms over her legs and onto the floor before crawling wearily underneath the linens. "You have no idea what is in store," she said around another yawn. "Prepare to be amazed."

The Doctor pulled his shirt over his head and snuggled up to a nearly sleeping River. "Amazed? Me? Can't happen."

River molded herself further into him and smiled into her pillow. "I have a nasty habit of opening and rewrapping my gifts. That's why the children and Amos hide them. I'm a sneak."

He lifted his head and peered over her hair. "What? That's so childish, River. So unlike you. I'm disappointed."

She laughed and nodded. "Goodnight, sweetie."

That was several hours, eight piles of discarded wrapping paper, three side dishes and one poultry assault ago. He was cute then. Adorable even. Now she wanted to stuff and slide him in beside the turkey.

River checked the various simmering pots and pans on the stove, turned off the heat and left the kitchen. She needed some time to herself to recover from the Christmas morning chaos and prepare for a dinner starring the Doctor, Amos and his plus one. Peeking her head into the den, she got Gus' attention. "Make sure the Doctor helps with the cleanup, yeah? I'm going upstairs for a bit. Stay out of the kitchen." She winked at her son and headed up the stairs. "Gus?"

"Yes ma'am!"

"What if the turkey explodes from the oven?" the Doctor called after her. She heard them both giggle and couldn't suppress her own laugh.

"Especially if the turkey explodes from the oven!" she answered back before disappearing into her bedroom. She yelped a little dog yelp as her bare feet hit the cold tile floor of the bathroom. Steam rose from the hot water as it quickly filled the tub and the aroma of the honey-scented bath oil wrapped around her with a fog of woman-ness. River peeled off her clothing and released her hair from its ponytail. Just as she'd yelped from the cold floor, she yelped from the sensation of the heat as she slid slowly into the tub. Exhaling all the chaos of the morning, River closed her eyes and rested her head against the back of the tub. Her mouth had almost reached a full smile when a realization finally set in.

Amos had and was bringing a plus one.

She released the tension in her knees and let herself sink under.

******************************************************************

On hands and knees, the Doctor crept across the den and peeked around the corner, listening to River climb the stairs and close her bedroom door.

Just as quietly, Gus followed suit and snuck up behind the Doctor. "Whatcha doin?"

Startled, the Doctor hit his head on the corner of the wall. "Shhhh…we're listening," he whispered.

"Oh, okay."

They both held still for several seconds before Gus could keep quiet no longer. "I don't hear it."

"Hear what?"

"What we're listening for."

"I haven't told you what it is."

"But there's nothing to listen to. So we haven't heard it."

The Doctor turned his head to peer at Gus, who simply raised his eyebrows as if to challenge him to dispute his reasoning. Before the Doctor could answer him with an eyebrow of his own, he heard it. Water running in the bath guaranteed that River would be upstairs for a least half an hour.

Smiling he crawled quickly to the couch and swept a hand underneath it. A small gift shot out and moved across the floor towards Gus. The boy picked it up and turned it over a few times. "This is from you, isn't it?"

The Doctor scurried back to him on all fours and smiled. He spun around and sat with his legs folded under him. "Yeah, nifty hiding place, huh?"

Gus crinkled up his nose. "A lot neater than the wrapping."

"Well, yeah. I'm not so good at the wrapping thing," he answered, eyeing the tapey mess the child was holding. "But I'm an excellent giver. Open it, open it, open it…but quietly."

"Is this gonna get me in trouble?" Gus looked at the Doctor suspiciously.

"No, of course not. It's a Christmas present," he answered.

Still not convinced, Gus continued his stare. "Just because it's a gift doesn't mean it couldn't put my eye out."

"Well, it might get me in trouble. But I'm always in trouble with Mimi. So it's fine, really. You won't put an eye out. Well, I'll teach you how not to put your eye out. You're more likely to burn the house down. I'm just kidding. Open it."

Gus hesitated momentarily before slowly unwrapping the rectangular package. After he managed to remove the paper, he set about tearing the tape off of the plain white box. It didn't look like anything special, he thought. He shook it, and it made a dull thunking sound. Gus wasn't very impressed.

The Doctor watched his little hands working frantically to remove the tape. Perhaps he had been a bit overzealous with the wrapping, though a gift such as this certainly needed to be properly secured and concealed. He had agonized for days, trying to imagine the perfect gift to give his son for their first Christmas together. Truth be told, he wasn't always the most astute when it came to recognizing the desires of others, but he knew that he had gotten it right this time. Well, the TARDIS had helped a bit.

When the last bit of shiny tape broke free, Gus looked up at the Doctor. His worried gaze was met with a nod, and the boy slowly lifted the top. He studied the box before taking it into his hand. Gus flipped it over, top to bottom, unsure which was which. He lightly ran his fingers over the buttons, careful not to push them as he had no idea what he was holding. It was heavy, and the metal was cold in his hand. Whatever it was, it felt like it belonged to him. It felt like a friend. Gus smiled up at the Doctor.

"Come here and have a seat," the Doctor said, motioning towards his lap.

Gus hurried over and sat down. "What is it? I think you should know that I really want to shake it."

Laughing, the Doctor took it from him and gripped it. "It's a screwdriver."

Gus giggled. "No, it's not. A screwdriver is that thing you asked Mimi how to work last week."

The Doctor rolled the tool from one hand to the next, enjoying the feel of the metal as his fingers flexed around it. "Well, it's not exactly a screwdriver but it sounds better than saying it's a weapon. It's a multipurpose tool. How's that?"

"Nah, I like screwdriver," the boy said, antsy to get it back but anxious about the trouble that surely awaited him. "How does it work? What does it do? Do you have one? Can it really burn down the house? Does it fight evil? Will it make Janie disappear?"

The Doctor laughed and held it out to him. "Here, hold it like this." The Doctor placed it in the boy's hand and curled his fingers around it. He peeked over Gus' shoulder and moved his thumb to a button. "Now, don't press it yet. I think this is the right one."

"What if it's not?" Gus asked with obvious uncertainty.

"Well, I don't know, exactly," he answered honestly.

"I don't think we should push it."

"Oh, it'll be fine." The Doctor guided his arm so that he was pointing the screwdriver towards the Christmas tree. "Now, when I say so, push the button."

"I don't want to kill the tree."

"You won't kill the tree. Besides, it already been sacrificed to the cause."

"What if it explodes?"

"It won't."

"How do you know that? I don't think you know what this button does," Gus explained. "Mimi's gonna be real mad if she comes back and has to clean exploded Christmas tree from the ceiling. She's gonna send you to your TARDIS without dinner. Can you run faster than Mimi?"

"Probably not, but I can trip her and hope for the best," the Doctor mumbled, becoming worried himself that he and his trusty box had gotten it wrong. Again.

"Are you sure it won't explode the tree?" Gus' curiosity was getting the better of his intuition.

The Doctor inhaled deeply and blew out his breath. "Actually, I'm never truly sure about anything. But I fake it really well. See, the thing is that the TARDIS made this just for you, and she's loads smarter than I am. I'm absolutely sure that she wouldn't put an exploder button on here. Maybe an asparagus hider, but not a Christmas tree vaporizer."

"I hate asparagus. It's too green."

"I'm right there with you, kiddo. And skinny and long. I hate long, skinny food."

"What about candy canes? You ate seven candy canes yesterday," Gus reminded him with a knowing smile. "They're long and skinny."

"But they aren't really food, are they? They are treats. There's a difference."

"You speak the truth, sir. High five and amen."

The Doctor smacked Gus' outstretched hand and continued with his lesson. "So, just point this end towards the tree…no, don't close your eyes. Now, when I say go…"

Gus' excitement got the better of him, and he pushed the button. Suddenly the lights started blinking in a pattern that was new. He giggled and pushed the button again, and the strands of lights moved in a wave pattern in rhythm to the flashing. Another push and the whole dance stopped. He jumped to his feet and began screwdrivering everything in the room. The television and radio came alive, and the ceiling fan began whirling the winter chill around the room. He waved his new gadget at every appliance and piece of furniture, testing it out. Sometimes he got favorable results, sometimes the objects refused to play along. The Doctor watched in proud amusement while at the same time keeping watch on the stairs.

After a few minutes of letting Gus experiment, he reeled him back in and took the screwdriver into his possession once more. "That was just fantastic. You have great technique, kid. Just amazing, really. However, having one of these is a great responsibility. Do you know what it means to be responsible?"

"Sure. Mimi says that Amos is very responsible. He's very grown-up, you know," Gus answered as he tried to pry the screwdriver from the Doctor's hand.

"Well, yes. I suppose he is…in that large neck sort of way. But you have to be a very different kind of responsible and follow a couple of really important rules, okay?" The Doctor held tightly to the sonic until Gus agreed.

Nodding eagerly, the boy began to hop from foot to foot. "I can follow the rules, I promise. I'm really good at it. Are there a lot of rules? What if I can't remember them all?"

"You are going to cause me to have a seizure." The Doctor reached out and held his feet. Gus stopped bouncing and began paying close attention, hoping to get his hands on his gift sooner rather than later. "You ready?"

"Yes."

"Right then. Okay, there are only three rules. Number one: never use it with the intent to hurt someone else. Your screwdriver was made for little superheroes, but you can never be too careful. Number two: never leave it where someone else can get it. And most importantly, number three: never let anyone see what it can do. It's very important that you keep it to yourself. Do you understand?" The Doctor held the screwdriver out so that Gus could take it.

His little hand closed around the small sonic. "Because people wouldn't understand? Cause it's from the future?"

"Exactly, and those people who don't understand would take it away from you and maybe hurt other people. And that is never okay. As you get older, the screwdriver might change and do more things, and even things that are good could be used for bad by the not-so-nice," the Doctor explained, again questioning whether giving him the sonic was, in itself, a responsible choice.

"I understand," Gus said quietly, staring down at the powerful tool he held. "Can Mimi know?"

The Doctor knew that he would have to tell River. He had hoped to be able to keep it a secret, but Gus had shamed him into being that responsible person that he was expected to be as a father. It was just a matter of whether or not he could, in fact, run faster than Mimi.

"I'll tell her soon enough. But right now let's just keep this between us, and I'll hold onto it until you learn how to use it. How does that sound?"

Gus let out a breath of disappointment and held out the screwdriver for the Doctor to take. "It sounds just awful, but I guess it's okay."

The Doctor stood up and walked with the boy towards his piles of gifts. "Now, what I really, really want to know is how to use this."

With an authoritative voice, Gus began to explain the purpose of the toy, adding quickly, "…but you have to be careful, Doctor, because you are awfully clumsy. Your hands don't always work like your brain says to."

"Yeah, how do I fix that?"

"I don't know. I'm just a little kid. Mine don't work so great either, sometimes."

The two of them sat on the floor and dabbled in toys for as long as River sat on the top stair and listened to them. Not even the revelation of the Doctor's special gift could cool the warmth she felt rush through her at the sounds of father-son instruction and togetherness.

And for several minutes, she even let herself believe that it would last.


	41. Chapter 41

"I thought you said you've played this game before."

"Many, many times. I've had so many lives. I'm hundreds of years old. It's the color. It's all wrong. I travel in blue."

Gus stared at the pouting man who sat across the game board with legs folded under him and chin resting defeatingly in his hand. "Blue is my favorite color. And it's Christmas, and I'm a kid. This is my day, and I want the blue car. You're just mad that I'm winning."

"We're playing it wrong. And you're cheating! It's unacceptable, really. Didn't Mimi teach you better manners than to cheat?" The Doctor raised his eyes to Gus' and glared at him.

"I am not cheating! I'm playing by the rules of the game! You can't make up the rules for everything. Sometimes you just gotta do something by rules you don't make up, Doctor. That's what's called being a grown-up," Gus answered defiantly.

The Doctor clumsily jumped to his feet and stood with his hands on his hips. "I most absolutely can follow someone else's rules! When they aren't stupid! Why do I have to have all those kids? Maybe I didn't want little pink and blue peg kids. Did somebody else think of that before they made up these silly rules!"

River had been putting the final touches on dinner when she heard the raised voices and made her way to the den to put a lid on the boiling pots of her two children. She couldn't help but be amused by the scene, and she stood in the doorway, smiling and unnoticed, while they continued to argue.

Gus rose to his feet and stood on the coffee table in an effort to argue his point eye-to-eye. "That's why it is called 'Life'! Mimi says you just have to suck it up and deal with what you end up with. Sometimes life makes you have kids you don't want! You are living in a children's home! My dad left, remember? Not all parents want their kids but you're supposed to continue playing the game! So, sit down and spin the wheel!" Gus jumped down and resumed his place at the game, huffing and puffing stolen breaths. "You are making me so mad. Just sit down and play with your plastic babies."

River's smile faded as she watched the Doctor's face change from outraged to heartbroken. She crossed her arms over her chest and began rocking on her feet. Fighting the urge to shower him with comfort, she reluctantly stood still and waited.

The Doctor stared down at the child while Gus counted his money. The boy was still in his pajamas, and his hair stood randomly on end in a way that not even a hot washcloth could tame. He had somehow lost a sock in his race to the presents, so the Doctor could see the toes of one foot wiggle while the boy concentrated on organizing his bills. Gus hummed "Jingle Bells" quietly, periodically exclaiming "Hey!" and giggling to himself, having already moved past his anger with his taller friend. The Doctor felt shameful and cozy at the same time.

"I knew a kind of rubbery baby once. It melted. It was sad, really," the Doctor mumbled.

Gus reached across the game and grabbed the Doctor's red game piece. Taking out the blue and pink "children", he placed them in the blue car and returned the vehicle to its place on the board. The child looked up at the Doctor and smiled. "Okay. You can have the blue car, but you're keeping those hateful screaming babies. Hurry up and sit down before it's time to eat."

"Oh, fine," the Doctor replied, feigning defeat. He sat down and crossed his legs under him once more. "It's still my turn."

"Well, stop talking about it and spin," Gus said, his brow furrowed in impatience.

The Doctor smiled and spun the wheel, moving his car the appropriate number of spaces. He drew a deep breath and blew it out. "Gus, maybe he didn't know."

The boy took his turn and raced his tiny car along the game path. "Who didn't know what?"

"Your dad. Maybe your mum didn't get a chance to tell him about you. That could have happened," the Doctor reasoned. He was almost certain that River would bring down the hammer of Thor on the turn of conversation, but he decided to risk it. He couldn't bear the thought that Gus has vilified the father he'd never known.

Gus looked up at a solemn Doctor. "Don't you know how long babies take to make? And after a while, a girl kinda tells on herself when her belly keeps getting bigger and bigger. And it's a little town. One time I fell down the steps at the library, and the other kids knew about it before I got home. Somebody woulda told him cause Mimi said everybody liked him. He just didn't want me. But that's okay because I'm sure Mimi is better than some old dad, anyway."

Lumps rose in both River's and the Doctor's throats, though for completely different reasons. She blinked back tears and shifted her weight from foot to foot, while the Doctor stared into the boy's face and struggled for the words to continue. He didn't want to lie, but he couldn't tell the truth. For once, the truth was fighting to be heard, and he no choice but to apply rule number one. He picked up the blue game piece and stared at the little baby pegs. "Well, yeah…she's rather good, your Mimi," he said quietly.

"I know. Hey, are you gonna go or not?" Gus asked impatiently. "Cause Mimi's been standing right there, and she has that look on her face that says 'Wrap it up, boys. Time for dinner'."

The Doctor spun around to see River staring at the floor, her hands stuffed in her back pockets and wayward curls falling over her face. She slowly lifted her eyes to his, and her expression was one of gratitude and shame. He wished he could lash out at her for creating a situation where the phantom dad was the villain and the phantom mother the saint. But the deed was done, and he knew that the guilt she carried was her constant companion. He gave her a wink and smiled softly, welcoming her to join them.

River walked over and knelt down beside Gus. "So, it looks like you're showing the Doctor how Life is lived, yeah?"

Gus smiled and nodded. "For someone really old, he's not very good at it. I guess they do things differently in space families."

She laughed and glanced at the scowling Doctor. "How can you lose so badly at Life, sir?"

The Doctor thumped his game piece across the room. "The boy cheats."

"I do not!"

River held her hand playfully over the boy's mouth. "Don't shout at the Doctor. He's your elder, and we don't yell at grownups, do we?"

Gus blew a raspberry on River's palm, and she removed it. The Doctor stuck his tongue out at Gus, and he quickly reciprocated, adding, "He's everybody's elder, and somebody needs to yell at him more often. Maybe then he'll learn how to quit pouting."

River tussled Gus' hair before standing. "Oh, he gets yelled at often enough, I promise. But right now, you need to go upstairs and get ready for dinner. Amos will be here in a bit."

"Is he bringing that girl?" Gus asked as he began to put away the game. "That's weird, and I don't know if I like it."

She smiled down at him and nodded, whispering, "I don't think I like it either, but we still have to be nice. She might even play a proper game of Life with you."

Gus looked over at the Doctor. "Did you hear that? Amos has nicer friends than Mimi."

"Gus…" River warned.

"Well, it's true…maybe," he whined, putting the lid on the box and carrying it back to the tree.

"Go upstairs and get cleaned up. I've run a bath for you and laid your clothes out," she explained as he walked by.

"Yes ma'am."

River grabbed his hand and pulled him back to her. Wrapping her arms around him, she hugged him tightly and left a kiss atop his head. "And wear those clothes. Exactly those clothes. Please do not come out here in that dreadful jacket."

"Yes ma'am," he mumbled into her sweater before heading for the stairs. As he walked off, he called, "I hope you put his clothes out for him! He needs some help too. And he hates his little peg babies! He's the dreadful one!"

River giggled as the boy stomped up the stairs, mumbling what she sure were words of childlike disgust. She turned her attention to the sulking man on the floor and offered him a hand. "Another successful attempt at socializing, I see."

"He thinks he's so clever," the Doctor groaned, grabbing her by the hand and offering little help as she pulled him to his feet. "It's quite annoying."

She raised an eyebrow before herding him towards the stairs. "Well, that is most definitely genetic."

"But I am clever!"

"Of course you are, sweetie," she answered soothingly.

"Patronizing me. That's what you're doing." The Doctor plodded clumsily up the stairs. "Did you lay out my clothes as well?"

"No, of course not." She pushed him along in a failed attempt to hurry him.

"Will you?"

"What? No. Why are you going so slow?"

"Will you at least dress me?" he whined, although had she been in a position to see his face, he would have had a hard time hiding his smile.

River laughed and shoved him up the last two steps. "Shut up and go get dressed, you silly idiot."

He turned around and thumped the end of her nose before rushing towards the attic door. He had almost closed it behind him when he poked his head out. "Hey, River?"

She took a step out into the hall again. "Hmm?"

"Are you really bothered that Amos has a new lady person?" He seemed afraid to hear the truth yet unable to stop the question.

So River lied. "No, honey. I'm happy for him. I was only trying to put Gus at ease. Go get dressed." She winked and disappeared through her bedroom door.

The Doctor smiled and ran up the attic stairs, whistling.

He had forgotten that she knew the rules.


End file.
